35 and i’ve been single my entire life. i travel for work so im in a new area every 1-2 years. atp i’ve pretty much given up finding love 😭
In all honesty though, I worked on my trauma for years in therapy so I would be more “available” to partners but the truth is, I just don’t want to be with someone that makes me sacrifice the freedom and autonomy I crave. If that makes me avoidant, so be it!
And tbf, it’s not recognized by therapists anyway!
I’ve been wanting to get myself a ring for the longest time. I noticed that Zales had a summer sale going on and I found one that I fell in love with. It made me happy that I could get one without depending on someone else to buy one for me. I mostly bought it for when I solo travel and need an excuse that I’m not traveling alone as a woman. I wanted to post this as a reassurance that you don’t need to be in a relationship to receive nice things. You can get yourself nice things and make yourself happy.
I put my pinky toe back in the dating pool and met some people who were nice. I think to myself, maybe I could be open to the right person. Then on date 3 or 4 my interest evaporates and I realize I was happier alone. I hate when physical expectations enter the picture. I want to spend my time doing what I want. I hate that dating inevitably means spending more money in the end. I want to eat what I want and spend my time doing what I want. I’m also very serious about my art and it’s what gives me purpose and fulfillment. So when I’m spending time with these people and we end up watching a movie or whatever I’m just thinking…I’d rather be using this time to make art. I also just get bored of people eventually and crave being alone. I haven’t met anyone I don’t get sick of after a few hours. I can’t imagine shacking up with someone who bores me just to say I’m in a relationship. I’m my own best friend and enjoy my time alone more than with anyone else.
I used to be someone who thought they were missing something because they were single, and that love was outside of myself. Through a lot of self work and reflection I realized that I have all the love I need inside myself, and when that happened all my interest in “finding someone” vanished because I realized they would never fulfill me, only I can. Subsequently I don’t have any interest in getting married or children, it looks like entrapment to me. I don’t envy anyone’s relationship. I want all my time to myself. I think also because I already have an all consuming passion for art I’m not looking for something to distract me like other people seem to use dating for. Wondering if others have had similar experiences?
Hey! So I'm a 28 year old man and I've been single for most of my life. I've been physically involved with people but my last was in 2018. Many of my peers are getting married, having children and all of that, and they often tell me that I'm missing out. However, I like this phase of life. I live alone and do as I please. It really feels liberating.
So my question is to people who are above 40, and have been single for a significant period of time. Does this feeling remain the same when you're older? Do you feel like you missed out or do you find yourself thinking about what your life would look like if you chose to not stay single?
Whether or not you're a fan of Taylor or Travis, the media has been saturated with wedding news this week, and I've seen a million iterations of the same comments from women:
"She finally found love!"
"True love DOES exist!"
"There's still hope for me!"
It's 2026. The fact that we're still elevating being a bride as the pinnacle of female existence is just....sad. Taylor Swift, love her or hate her, has achieved a lot in her life, and yet it's this, this being "chosen," that's been hailed as her finally "making it."
I'm not even hating on marriage--there are lots of reasons a person might choose to do that, and no doubt there are plenty of marriages that are healthy and fulfilling. But thats not the conversation we're having. It's not about commitment, it's about being picked. Taylor's a princess in a tower who got saved from her singleness by a dashing football player. It's a fantasy based on capitalistic and misogynistic agendas, and I can't believe we're still buying it.
I just recently noticed that if I'm out of town, I still text my friends back within 24 hours or so, and when they're away, they don't text me or call me back at all. It's really nbd because they're on vacay so I get it.
But I do know that they'd be sure to text their bf back, so it's not a matter of being too busy or something.
Maybe this is a bad example, but the point is the same - I realized that I prioritize my friends and they prioritize their bf. I'm not sure what to do about that or even how I feel about it. Just something I didn't notice before.
I have been single for 4 years, living alone for 4 years and I have realized that my time and peace are precious commodities.
An old friend from college came to visit and it’s a long story but he expected to be driven around town, expected a grand tour of my city etc he was unemployed for a long time and finally got a new job and didn’t want to spend money on a hotel and a rental car
I wanted to spend this 4th of July weekend decorating my living room but he’s there sleeping in my living room and I said to myself okay I don’t mind playing hostess because he’s an old friend but I do feel that he intruded on what would’ve been a relaxing long weekend for me.
I thought he was leaving Sunday morning but turns out he’s leaving Sunday evening and he wants to go out and eat when I really wanted to just stay in bed and doom scroll because it’s back to work tomorrow Monday.
I promised myself apart from my parents, this is the last time I will allow anyone to stay at my place.
being fully selfish for the first time is new and fun. What are your favorite things?
After my last relationship of a decade ended, I’ve been single (by choice) for 7+ years. I don’t have a lot of friends - just a very a close circle - a few are not even in the same city. So I’m used to go places and do things solo.
I just found out there’s a show I’d like to go next Saturday - and was thinking a couple of my friends might enjoy it too, BUT - the thought of me going alone, choose whichever seat I want (it’s first come first seated), grabbing a bite to eat beforehand - *without* compromising where to eat or where to sit - is … SO liberating! So I decided I’m going solo.
Am I enjoying being alone a bit too much?
I came from a broke, broken family. As much as I try to pretend that I am strong, deep inside I seek validation from different avenues just so I could tell myself that I am not the reason for all the shit that has been happening in my family.
I entered college. I dated men I could not even say I'm proud of dating because of naivety and needs emotionally and financially. I did things I could never be proud of.
Now, I could not say that I am now 100% financially stable but I am currently working while I am also taking my master's degree. I am now starting with humble savings and I am just proud that I am able to pay for my graduate studies' tuition on my own.
And so, I just realized today that maybe I wasn't really in love with those men. Maybe, I just love what they could provide for me. The all-paid expenses travels, the spontaneous expensive dates, the convenience of hatid-sundo, the gifts and letters, the provision of my wants and necessities, just all the things they do for me.
But don't get me wrong, I did not use those guys, I truly loved them back then; loved them deeply and sacrificially that I thought I could not live without them. I still do love them though, but not as deep as I thought it to be. I wished I was financially capable back then so I did not have to give away me easily nor had to force myself to be the person they want me to be.
When I try to picture a life where I am 100% fully capable of doing all those things for me and me alone, that's where it really hits me -- I actually didn't need them. I didn't have to go through those heartbreaks and unproud moments of my life. I could be happy with just me.
My twin sister and I are spending the 4th of July together. She just happily broke up with a clingy situation-ship and I’m still happily single and solo by choice. We made chocolate and vanilla pudding cups with crushed biscoff in the vanilla pudding cup and crushed Oreos in the chocolate pudding cup. We’re going to go to somewhere later but before we do we’re gonna barbecue hotdogs on the grill and enjoy them outside.
I am wondering whether having good friends helped you being happy single. Did meeting up regularly with friends help you fulfill your need for a romantic partner? (I.e need for sharing things and experiences, physical closeness etc)
From a purely biological standpoint, and considering only heterosexuality, what would be the drive for partnering up if none of the partners want children? The primary reason for the neurochemical process we call "romantic love" is really to generate offspring and guarantee the survival of our species. Thoughts?
truly. it’s gotten to the point that I now like people that I see are similar to me. A LOT. going from hating myself to loving myself is a journey I love for me
This is of those aphorisms that’s floating around the internet that I’ve adopted. Another is that if the thing you want more than anything doesn’t exist then do nothing. Me personally, my ideal relationship would be one where she and I are committed to each other but we live twenty minutes apart, never talk about marriage and never combine finances, and I learned that that’s my preference after decades of dating and relationship trial and error. But as it turns out, women who agree with me don’t live where I live, and since I like where I live and I know that compromising on my principles and dating someone who eventually expects me to move in with them would make me miserable, the only correct course of action is to be content in my current situation. It’s worked so far, I’m several years into this experiment and happier than I’ve ever been in my life. The only right thing to do here is to enjoy where I’ve gotten to in life and let the scenario play itself out, the wrong thing would be to choose from a panel of bad choices to try to force something to happen when things are already good.
I'm a 20 yo college sophomore who's not really interested in dating and have been really enjoying my peace. Overall my life has gotten much better since I stopped stressing over relationships and I'm happy about it. The only thing I'm worried about is about possibly regretting it when I'm older if I change my mind. My dad keeps telling me I'll be sad when my friends are all married and have kids and that I'll regret not putting effort into finding a relationship when I'm in my 30s and 40s. I'm honestly kind of worried I might feel that way when I'm older and that I'll have a change of heart when it's probably already too late. Does anyone else feel this way or is it something I should worry about?
It's not like I'm male centred but especially on birthdays when my sister's boyfriend and my bestfriends boyfriend constantly msg me to.ask me to choose which bag which heels and other gifts to give to them....i help them with my full heart but there's always a stinging feeling that I don't have someone who is looking forward for my bday like this...my parents don't believe in bdays thaat much so in school days it wasn't an issue but my sister used to feel sad but now since 2-3 years she is the happiest around her bday and I'm so happy for her that she got someone who.loves her like this same goes with my bsfrnd she toh never even wanted or imagined things like this...his boyfriend.. although being from a middle class family outs efforts saves pocket money and has literally bought disegner bags and gold jewellery for her ...and same i feel the happiest for her too ...and then there's me I mean I am gonna be 22 and i have been single like 95% of my life but idk I feel soooo lonely especially around my bday....I have had dated but it lasted 4 months and he never put that much effort so I like kinda distant myself more from dating because I have talked to like 2-3 guys till now and i could only and only sense lust from them after a period of time so it gave me a certain kind of ick from men...and to give you a context it's not like i am ugly ot something I am actually born pretty I have always had male attention that was the reason I decided to date only when I got to college but as I started interacting with the guy even though I didn't like him i always respected him but I was always taken for granted by then...so yaa i was feeling depressed so i expressed...kinda feels light
After all the experiences I’ve had up until now, my 30’s, I just don’t think being partnered up is worth it. The effort that is takes to try to find someone and then try to make it work. It’s all been so much more draining than just being single. Life is passing by and I don’t think was meant to be spent putting such a thing on a pedestal. I find myself thinking back on the past and being so grateful that I didn’t end up with people I thought I would.