r/SingleAndHappy

This sub is titled "Single and Happy" but is it for people who are genuinely Single (by choice) and "Happy" about it or is it for people who happen to be Single (by choice or not) and are 'trying' to be Happy or both?

I see a lot of relationship centric posts and comments consisting of people expressing their desire to be in a relationship but are trying to be "Happy" in the meantime.

It is evident that many (or even most) are *not* truly "Happy" being Single and are only trying to Cope until they find the relationship they truly want and it is discouraging as it further perpetuates the (false) notion that Singleness is a state of Failure, Shame, Chronic Loneliness and/or just a 'Waiting Room' until the 'Right One' comes in an saves you from yourself.

It looks more like a Single but looking and in some cases a Dating Sub a lot of the times as the "Single is great, but I want someone I can trust and hold me night" the "I miss being in a relationship", "It can feel so lonely without having that one person there to..." or even "the thought of having a Casual partner is gross to me" etc gets a LOT of support which implies that either the people who are genuinely Single by Choice and Happy are infact a minority in this Sub or many remain silent which I understand to why to an extent, but it only allows relationship centric people to shift the direction and purpose of the Sub and conversations back to "relationship seeking advice/discussions" and it's exhausting to see it.

I joined this Sub to get AWAY from the "I really want a partner to love me, but I guess I'll try to be happy Single, for now" comments but it seems like there really is no Safe Space from it and when I call it out some either try to shame me into accepting this discouraging and tone deaf conversations or I get heavily downvoted 💁🏾‍♀️.

Even Childfree spaces are often invaded by countless comments shaming them for their choice or trying to compete with Single and Childfree people and many just allow it to happen.

So who exactly is this space for?

Finally, downvote me to the Abyss if you must, that will just further reveal what type of people dominate spaces like these.

I strongly believe most people even in subs like these are extremely attached to romance/relationships and are using these spaces as a temporary waiting room or recharge centre until they find someone because many still believe that a partner will be the cure to their needs, voids and/or "loneliness" (I see that word floating around a lot too).

But I won't let that intimidate me out of expressing myself.

I (36F) have been single most of my adult life. I've worked hard and live in a nice apartment (can't get approved for a house) drive a decent car, have taken some great vacations. Often I am a bit lonely but overall I'm really happy. I have a dog and foster, walk loads, participate in the local dog community and rescue world, joined a maker space, etc. I rarely date and don't want kids.

Throughout my life women have always challenged me. I am often singled out by office bullies, criticism from people about almost everything is frequent. Is it because I'm a spinster? Would I have been burned at the stake at the whim of these women? Why am I threatening to them?

I'm not perfect. Likely a little too blunt for some and a little rash at times but I believe myself to be kind and honest and generally good - is this our fate?

31F, I joined this sub after someone kinda just made me feel very unloved and unwanted. So I wanted to embrace just being single, and have been enjoying it! This sub helps alot and gives me good laughs and reminders.

But today I decided to confront my trigger that started me on this lifestyle, and it really hurt alot to the point I've been crying and just sad. I'm making plans to meet up with another single friend who I feel like can understand my hurt but that's not til tomorrow. And I also blocked the trigger so I'll never see it again.

So I'm asking for advice, what are some other things i can do to help me overcome this? Im taking some time away from people who are in relationships cause they encourage finding love and another person or just can't really relate cause they have people they picked/picked them yknow?

Wondering if I’m alone here. I haven’t had any sort of a serious relationship whatsoever in about almost 10 years.

I’ve had a lover here or there, but nothing at all that lasted past a few months because as many of us know, it started to be just stupid and ridiculous 😆

Fully enjoying my single life: I have my own business, my own house, I get to travel whenever I want, I have a dog and a cat and fish and a spider!!

The only thing that I find myself desiring every now and then: sex and snuggling. However, I have no interest in finding a casual partner because that just feels gross. It’s almost like… I want someone who I know and trust to come over once per week and then go home. Does this exist?!?
I’m female 44

I'm 23 and have always been single. No relationships, never kissed anyone, the works lol!

I have alot of solo hobbies that take up my time, so I'm honestly never really bored. Have my nerdy friends who I occasionally do nerdy stuff with. I'm also an only child so I've been used to having a good amount of alone time.

I find myself looking around and realizing that alot of people are never really alone for long stretches of time. They're jumping from relationship to relationship and have been doing that since their teens.

I think it's so important to be able to enjoy your own company and not constantly be tied to a partner...that's not to say that being in a relationship is bad, but some people really don't know themselves well because they don't spend enough time with themselves.

And at the end of the day, the only person who will NEVER leave your side is...you😆!

What was the situation, epiphany, or thing that lead you to choose being single? Or was there not anything in particular? Are you choosing singleness for life?

Just curious where others are. I’m happily single. For me it was relationships never working out and always draining me. I find that I’m my best self when solo. What about you?

I don’t know if this sounds contradictory because I’m not actually asexual or aromantic, but at the same time and I genuinely mean this- I don’t understand what the hell “needing” sex feels like. I understand wanting it, I understand feeling sexually attracted to someone. But I genuinely don’t understand the feeling of needing it and honestly, that gives me a lot of peace.

I don’t know if that could change someday? I’m 21 and I’ve never been in a relationship, even though people have liked me and I’ve had crushes before. But imagining myself in a relationship makes me feel kind of uncomfortable, and I’ve felt this way since I was a child. Nowadays, I think it’s because relationships give me this weird feeling of losing my individuality/identity lol. Also because I’ve simply always found the whole thing embarrassing. Like, I don’t know if this sounds childish or ridiculous, but I find sex extremely embarrassing. I cannot imagine being relaxed while naked and exposing my genitals to another person. I’d rather die. I also feel embarrassed watching the kind of affection couples give each other. I hope I don’t sound bitter because I’m actually a very affectionate person and I deeply love my close friends and family, but I just can’t imagine talking to someone in the overly sweet/corny way couples do 😭

Reading about other people actively choosing celibacy and being genuinely happy that way made me really happy, because even though I never liked the idea of being in a relationship or having sex for various reasons, I assumed it would eventually happen because society acts like it HAS to happen or else something is wrong with you. But that’s not true at all.

Also, reading and observing other people’s experiences in relationships/marriages honestly makes me wonder why happily single people aren’t even more common. I’ve heard so many horrible stories about failed relationships and betrayal that I genuinely don’t see the appeal of that kind of bond. I know that sounds negative or hopeless, but I honestly don’t feel that way. I’m actually relieved that I don’t have to deal with that kind of stress.

About sex specifically, I’ve read sooo many people say (especially men :p) that not being horny often is a sign of depression, or that wanting fuck all the time means you’re healthy, and that it’s abnormal not to need sex. But honestly, I don’t understand how it gives someone more peace or happiness to feel a need to interact with other people’s bodily fluids or else their mental health deteriorates lol.

I want to clarify that I’m not saying this to insult people with high libidos or anything, but I do get annoyed by the weird habit some people have of projecting their own needs onto others. No dude, not all of us are going to collapse without someone else’s body on top of us 😭

Sorry if this is messy or badly written haha, English isn’t my first language and I’m not great at organizing my thoughts :p

Does anyone else feel similarly? Like, you’ve fallen in love and experienced sexual attraction, but at the same time you don’t feel any need to actually act on it?

Dating nowadays is way too much drama. So many people pick the wrong person, there can be money issues, abuse, and dating apps make it almost impossible for one to date. For these reasons, I am heavily enjoying the single life and became totally antagonistic toward the dating scene of today. I can keep my sanity in check and not have to worry about anything, and there is so much less stress.

I have been working on getting better at chess to pass the time, as well as prioritizing myself and my well-being. The other day, I went for a walk and felt great about it too! I am happy with the current way things are going, couldn't be happier actually!

I have always know that I wanted to be single and childfree forever. Even when I was in middle school and high school I had crushes sure but I never ever cared to date or have sex or anything. This has always been a part of who I was and am in a way if that makes sense. And it wasn't until recently being on reddit that I realized how different that path was. Being on here opened my eyes to how so many women especially are treated being single and childfree in their 30s. Being on here has made me become obsessed and overthink with how people think about me if they ask about if I am single or have kids. And how my life will be like being single and childfree when I am older. And I know I am just overthinking and I know I shouldn't care what people say or think. I guess it just makes me sad how a lot of women are especially and seen by the world and society who chose to be single and childfree in their 30s. Especially in other cultures and countries. I know I am lucky being in a city and having a family that doesn't care or question me. I guess I am just worried and scared about going throughout the world and society and interacting with other people and I don't want to deal with people's judgment or comments or anything. I know I am just rambling lol and I need to stop being on reddit for so long lol. Just wanted to say how I feel lol. I know I need to not care about what people say or think about me and I need to just live my best life and be free and my peace. My mind just has me overthink about everything lol. 😂

It's a rainy Sunday here so I spent the day relaxing, cleaning, reading, journaling. Getting ready for the work week.

I am feeling gratitude for this community r/SingleAndHappy because I feel like I do not know many people in my real life who are genuinely single and happy. I know a few, but not a lot.

I am also grateful that I've figured out how to happy and content on my own. I have a vibrant internal life that I like to nurture and thrive in. In fact, I need time on my own to live in this internal life. I get grumpy and unhappy if people crash on my solo time.

I noticed that there are a lot of people who have not figured it out. I recognize that there are some people who thrive being around a lot of other people. And I can tell they are genuinely happy around others and really all they are looking for is the company and merriment of other people. However, I also notice some people who I think are chronically unhappy. They spend money, buy things, go on travel, seek out experiences, seek out people whether romantic partners or friends. They are looking externally for something or someone that will give them internal fulfillment, and it seems to me that they are failing.

I recently read a piece on friendship (I can't remember the source right now) and the advice is to seek out friends that I do not need anything from them and they can't help me with anything tangible (like money, doing tasks for me, etc.) Those are the best friends to have, because I'm only friends with them because I genuinely enjoy their company and not because I need anything from them. There are a few people I like being around for that reason. I just like the conversation and enjoy their company. Mutually, it is a friendship that does not have these toxic elements: control, clingy, emotional vampire, expecting constant validation, time suck. I feel a pure enlightening joy when I'm with them.

To people here who identify as single and happy, did any of you arrive at this point after a very painful breakup with someone you thought you would spend your entire life with and had future plans with? What I mean is, did you find your happiness and autonomy after having a strong shock that pushed you to really work on yourself and learn to be single or were you always like this? I'm curious to know your experiences.

Thanks.

I am 36 male. Found out 5 months ago my gf of 15 years cheated on me with her friend, we split up, they're together. It's been traumatic but I've also found so much peace and freedom in my new single life.

My friends are all going on holiday next week and they've invited someone who I was told the other day they are trying to set me up with. I met her last week for the first time and she's great but I'm in 2 minds...

I don't feel ready to date yet. I enjoy being single. I actually think I'm incapable of sex right now following the recent trauma. So my initial thought is just say I'm not interested.

But then I know opportunities like this at my age are rare and she is the ideal girl for me (cute, smart, funny, kind, same interests) and I'm worried that if I say no now will I regret it down the line if I ever start wanting to be with someone again?

As single and happy people, do you ever get doubts about turning down opportunities for relationships with someone you like?