AITJ to cancel my son’s bday party with one side of the family?
TL;DR MIL had a birthday celebration for my son without inviting me or his dad, I don’t want to host a party to include them in my sons birthday anymore.
My son’s birthday is coming up. We normally do one party with both sides of the family. Due to my MILs behaviour at birthday parties the last 3 years, I decided, and my husband agreed, that we wouldn’t invite her this year. I don’t want to feel like I have to manage an adult at a birthday party and I want my son to be able to experience his birthday without being hovered over by grandma. I didn’t want to exclude her completely, or single her out though, so I was planning on having a party with everyone from his side of the family one day, and another party with my side the next day. We told/invited everyone to the one party so they were aware it was happening.
My son and his younger brother slept over at MILs house last night so she could care for them while both my husband and I had to work very early morning shifts. This evening MIL sent a picture of our kids at a restaurant, which is when we found out that they had a birthday dinner for our son, not only with them but they invited other extended family members. Basically everyone who was invited to the party we were having. They never mentioned it beforehand or even invited *either* of us. Normally our work schedules don’t overlap like this, and we were both done work in the late afternoon so we would have been free to go to dinner. I was disappointed and hurt but honestly not surprised because MIL has tried to plan things for our kids and tell us we’re not included before. In the past we have said no outright, or said that we would join in the plans, but this time I guess she slipped it past us.
I ended up telling my husband that I don’t want to have a party for his side of the family anymore, but that I feel bad in case their feelings are hurt. He said he doesn’t really feel like it either, and that I shouldn’t feel bad. He also pointed out that my family would never do something like that, and couldn’t imagine throwing a party for a kid without including their parents. He’s just as upset as me.
My son doesn’t know there were two parties planned and will have a party with my side of the family this weekend anyways, so I’m not concerned about disappointing him by canceling this one. I guess I’m just worried that I will come across as being petty and I get really anxious about potential conflict, but in reality I don’t have any desire to spend my time and money to host a party for people who didn’t even consider including me in my own child’s birthday celebration. Kind of stuck on whether I should cancel or just power through.