r/progressive_islam

I waited till I got married. But how I coped until then was by constant porn and masturbation.

Now when I got married and got ready to have sex, I can't even get hard for my partner, but only to porn.

I feel doomed and depressed now. I can't even get aroused for my partner.

What to do..

Salaam Alaikum. I want to speak about the place of Hadiths in Islam, especially as we grow more educated and learn about them. It's my opinion that Hadiths are generally the part of the religion that pushes away people from Islam, and that has led to many outright rejecting them. To those who do reject them, I want to say that I understand where you are coming from, and to not lose hope and succumb to what the "Salafis" say about following Hadiths word for word. However, I must say that Hadiths should not be completely disregarded as they are very important to the religion, and I believe that there is much, much nuance to the whole Hadith business than what either side says.

I was drawn to Islam first because of the simplicity and beauty of it, and how equality is radiated from the religion. That no one is worthy of worship but God, and that all are equal in the eyes of him. I loved that there was no caste coming from a Hindu background, and I loved the theology of it coming from the US because the Trinity to me makes less sense than Tawhid in Islam. I loved that it encourages kindness and feeding to animals. That even when slaughtering for meat you must ensure the animal had a nice life and give gratitude as humans cannot create life and we must show our thanks to the Creator for letting us end a creation of his for our sustenance. How it stopped wasting food and taking lives for no reason by sacrificing animals to gods that the meat wouldn't reach. Even as a male who witnessed mistreatment of women, after decades of being told that Islam hates women, I came to understand how the Prophet never hit any of his wives and discouraged it, how Islam had women's rights in inheritance and divorce woven into the religion before any other. How it ended the practice of burying female infants and how it elevated women to above their physical beauty. To anyone studying Islam or wanting to become Islam, I first want to encourage these themes to be explored before any rulings, especially from the Hadiths.

However, as time went on I was disillusioned by Salafis, those who said they were following the way of the Sahaba by following the Hadiths word for word. First, I disagreed with them. How can a religion such as Islam which encourages freedom of religion say that apostates and gays should be executed? How can a religion such as Islam that says women are equal to men have it so that men can have 4 wives and more women in Jannah while women don't have a prescribed reward? All these questions pushed me away from Islam as my mind swayed from the spirituality to the seeming unfairness of it all because of the rulings. I slipped away from Islam more and more, until my eyes were opened.

What I have realized is that it is impossible to be a salafi because you cannot recreate how Arabia was one thousand years ago. These people will say they are following the right way, the way of the sahaba. However, is it possible to live like people did thousands of years ago? No. Not even for these salafis, wahabbis, and dawah bros. My number one argument for their hypocrisy is their use of social media and photography in general. If they followed the way of the salaf that they espouse, following of the hadith word for word, then they should think about this hadith everytime they open social media like Instagram, watch TV, or click a photo:

Ibn Abbas reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Every maker of graven images will be in Hellfire. Every image he made will be given a soul to punish him in Hell.” Ibn Abbas said, “If you must do so, make images of trees or whatever does not have a soul within it.”

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2110

However, even people like Assim Al Hakeem(who's rulings are genuinely extreme btw) break this because they say that photography is capturing light, not creating images. Well, that sounds like a loophole, doesn't it? Either way, you are preserving a moment in time and creating an image of something. According to this hadith, we shouldn't have driving licenses or passports right? But these so-called "followers of the sahaba" will say that breaking this hadith comes out of necessity. What necessity is this, may I ask? Humans were fine for millions of years without passports. But modern governments need documentation for efficiency. So they can sponsor and support scholars who will say that photography is halal now. How is this not following one's nafs? Is this a medical emergency? A civilizational threatening ruling? NO. This hadith was revealed in a time when idolatry was common, and it should be reinterpreted to mean that it was only said because people would worship images. Now, why can't this type of rationality be applied to other hadiths?

My opinion is that they are not re-interpreted and close the door to re-interpretation because these extremists are the ones that benefit from the unfair implementation of  hadiths and will close all discussion to them. For example, misogynists who view women as lesser need to support infallibility and timelessness of hadiths to exist so that they can exert their views and will against sisters. Now, if that argument was made for photography, I have two other topics to talk about which push many people away from Islam.

If we changed that ruling, why can't rulings change on music and dogs? Why can't we say that music in the time of the Prophet was linked with dancing girls and alcohol, but now music that doesn't contain bad content is scientifically proven in some studies to help with mental health? Why are dogs still not allowed to be kept as pets when in our day and age, when given vaccines, they are proven to be safer especially to pregnant women than cats which Islam allows as pets? Why can people go back and retrospectively say that when the Prophet said to kill all dogs in Medina, it was because they had rabies and were dangerous (despite no historical account saying this) but can't apply that to the entire Hadith about dogs back then? It's so selective and hypocritical with what these Salafis say. People will then say science should be disregarded for religion, but why would Allah SWT give us a mind to think and learn if we did that? Why can some Hadiths be given retrospective context but others can't? It is because people want to use sayings of the Prophet, many which were linked to 7th century Arabia and its customs and environment, as rulings for eternity! Many hadiths should be seen in context with the times of 7th century Arabia.

However, I do want to say to the Hadith rejecting crowd that we cannot fully reject them and be Muslim. We cannot say that all of them are made up. Many great stories of the Prophet are from the Hadiths. For example, him being nice to an elderly woman that threw trash at his head everyday until she fell sick, was subsequently checked up by him, was overtaken by his kindness and accepted Islam. Even learning how to pray and making wudhu come from the Hadith. That is why at least in my opinion, they can't be completely rejected. For the Hadiths I talked about earlier:

• apostates were executed in the early Muslim state because apostasy was linked to political treason in the early, small, unstable Muslim state. The Ridda wars happened because of apostasy. However, "intelligent" extremist scholars have kept this ruling till even this day when our ummah is 2 billion big and are worried that one apostate will destabilize it.
• The law about homosexual intercourse is only applied if 4 people can see it, and this ties it to Zina because it encourages lawlessness and oversexualization. However, why should scholars get to decide what a gay man can and cannot do in private? That is between them and Allah. But these "intelligent" extremist scholars want to impose their religion onto others.
• Men are the caretakers of women, a privilege given to them by Allah SWT. Men are usually the breadwinners and are those who protected the family throughout history, and there was a common cultural understanding that a bigger family was ok. However, in the Quran it says that if you cannot do justice and keep one wife happy after marrying multiple, you cannot marry another one. In today's day and age, where women are finally able to participate in society more, there is less need for protection and breadwinning. Women can do that for themselves, and polygamy should only be done with their permission.
• If women have equal reward to men in the sight of Allah, there must be the equivalent of hoors for women in Jannah if so they desire. To people who say this sounds blasphemous, are you then accusing the Almighty of contradiction in his Holy Word? If women can't have male companions in Jannah, how will their reward be equal to men? This verse was given to men in that time because most proselytizing was done to men and it was an example of what some people could have if they wanted it in Paradise.

However, scholars HAVE to open rulings to reinterpretation as time goes on, otherwise human civilization cannot progress. Salafis cannot present their arguments as an end all be all while allowing some things which benefit them to slide. Hadiths are very important to the fold of Islam, but they should be open to reinterpretation lest hypocrisy take place. These extremists should be challenged to show them their own hypocrisy, but we can't do that by outright rejecting Hadiths because they are central to Islam. Islam will one day bring peace and ease again inshallah. Salaam Alaikum.

As-salāmu ʿalaykum wa raḥmatullāhi wa barakātuh!

Welcome to a community for Shi'a Muslims living in North America, as well as anyone interested in learning about Shi'a Islam in a North American context.

Whether you're a lifelong Shi'a, a convert, a student, or simply here to learn, we're glad you're here. Our goal is to build a respectful, knowledgeable, and welcoming community where members can discuss faith, fiqh, history, current events, community life, and the unique experiences of being Shi'a in America.

Please take a moment to read the community rules before posting. We ask everyone to engage with good character (akhlaq), treat one another with respect, and keep discussions civil and beneficial.

May Allah (SWT) bless this community, increase us in knowledge, unite our hearts upon truth, and make this a place of support and learning for all.

Welcome, and we're happy to have you with us!

Asalaam mu alaikum.

I am Shia and I would say that my Marja is Grand Ayatollah Hosseini Nassab, and yet every other Shia post I’ve seen mentioning him has been a criticism or just downright saying he isn’t a credible Marja.

Why?? Nothing I’ve seen from him/his fatwas has been incorrect, blasphemous, etc. He is respectful to women and non Muslims, prohibits the forcing of women wearing hijab, prohibits the mistreatment of non Muslims, so how can he be bad?

Why is it that Muslims are so happy with accepting Islamic leaders solely on the basis that they are super conservatives? When will the term “progressive” stop being a bad word?

Even by the term progressive, Grand Ayatollah Hosseini isn’t as progressive as I’d like, like Mullah Taha, but it’s a start.

I’m about to be 24 (M), I feel like I’ve made lots of connections and acquaintances, I just graduated college and met a lot of people, none of whom I’m unfortunately close with or at least close enough with. The friendships I’ve made are very friendly, everyone’s super nice and enjoyable to interact with, it just seems like they are acquaintances or no more than causal friendships. I don’t have friends that I get to talk to on a daily basis or so, or ones to reliably hang out with.

But also in general, since I was young, any time I wanted to hang out I’ve always been the one having to make plans and ask, end up getting in a lose-lose situation because if I ask too much I’ll be annoying, if I don’t ask I’ll miss out a potential opportunity to hang out.

No one EVER hits me up to hang out and I tried to give benefit of the doubt, but it’s taken away because they seem to be interested in hanging out even when asking.

But it really seems like no one wants to hang out with me that much, I mean I’ll be honest I’ve always been kind of a loner my whole life, I had the lifestyle of a loser always being isolated, not good at anything, when I was younger I sucked school and was in lower classes. Now I started taking it more seriously 2 years ago almost when I transferred from my community college to my university.

After transferring, it took me a while to really grasp the situation but I started losing weight, dress better, get a better haircut, put myself out there more and socialize and it definitely worked a little bit at first. I socialized and made a lot of new acquaintances, however it really seemed like 95% of them were just situational friends.

It’s honestly very depressing for me, last 12 years of my life have been wasted, I have a void that needs to be filled. Aside from getting closer to Allah and learning more about Islam, I still have a very isolated lifestyle.

I don’t have a normal family, they’re very dysfunctional, drifted from Islam and careless in the way that being a family matters. Same with relatives unfortunately they’re fake and don’t care, they never contact me or anyone. I am only close with my sister and she lives a different state, I’m also close with my cousin too and he’s been like a brother to me, but I can’t just only interact with him it honestly gets depressing because it reminds me that I’m a loner.

Opportunities seem extremely limited and it’s really getting to me. I spent Eid’s alone for years, always spend holidays alone, I didn’t even get to celebrate my college graduation because I was completely alone, and it’s summer, I’ve done nothing but work and nothing enjoyable in my free time.

EDIT: in no way at all is this a defense of the hadith or its story, nor do I believe that she was 6 or 9; I use this as an example of the latest topic that made me confused.

First of all, let me express my respect for this subreddit and its members. I think you guys are truly respectable human beings who are actually seeking a more understanding and accepting version of Islam, not just people who want to follow their desires within a religious context, as a lot of outsiders view this subreddit

But I still sometimes feel we pick singular opinions that match our current views, which, as you can see in my user flair, led me to actually start doubting Islam

i'm going to use this case as an example, even though it's not my only concern: Aisha's age

The hadith in which her young age is mentioned is found in almost all of the hadith books, whether we like it or not, it's one of the most documented "facts" in the context of hadith

Yet still, I used to say that no, she was 18 due to this and that, with some points that I actually believed to be valid

But now i'm just not sure do i beleive they're actually valid points? or did i want to believe that, so I just accepted the very first "proof" that i found to match my feelings

which makes me feel like any research i do has confirmation bias. Confirmation bias is when you claim to be "researching" something or looking for the truth in a certain topic, when in fact you already have a certain belief that you're looking for evidence to back it up, not searching for the abstract truth

I feel that's how I dealt with cases like hijab, prayer, music, and everything that i thought I believed or reached a comfortable outcome towards

And all this confusion is not leading me towards radical Islam, I feel it's taking me back to being agnostic again

Currently, I'm very confused, I feel like i'm losing my faith day by day, I've stopped praying for a while now

so i wanted to be Christian since ever, but i don't agree with a lot of their beliefs, like Jesus being son of god, and the trinity (some of my Christian friends explained that they don't have 3 gods but 1 god or essence and have 3 forms so i was considering it lol), i really love reading the bible and devine secptures in genearl as i feel like they have much wisdom, but in my case i HAVE to be a Muslim since i live in an arab country and im arab myself, i do think quran is the unchanging word of god, but i hate the ahaith so much they dont make sense like at all, and i want to practice as a normal muslim but i love how Christians pray, i even used to pray with them sometimes and it makes feel at peace, i love the hand gester they do while praying more then the islamic one we do while making dua for some reason lol, and i love the concept of god being our father and creator and us being his children (not as slaves), andb how they study the bible, some of my old friends would tell me that they read the bible and ask god to help them understand whats goin on and they say they feel close to god an that god reveal to them alot of things... and i love that, i love the connection they feel to thier god, tbh i still have my own issues with the quran like verses talking abt how the muslims can do sex in postions they like [quran 2:223] and the whole thing of children marriage being fine [quran 65:4] like?? sometimes i wonder god could've gave us other verses that actually could've been more useful.. why reveal this? i still have some issues but I'm still trying to come back, I've been trying to look into sects as well, and currently I'm interested in ibadi sect the most so if anyone here is ibadi i hope we can teach me a bit, also I'm interested in Sufism as my grandfather from my mother side was a big sufi shiehk in our home country so yeah i know how messy my post is, I'm tackling alot of topics but please forgive me lol

They believe they are superior because they believe and that everyone in the world deserves punishment because of their disbelief.

Im a convert.

When I wasn’t Muslim, that wasn’t a choice

I now disbelieve in almost every mainstream interpretation of Islam. I never chose this. It was actually painful for me and I feel like I wasted years of my life and formal study. Why the hell would anybody choose this?

Why would anybody, let alone the most merciful punish me - or anybody - for this?

When I think of Muslims I honestly think of a regressive man in culturally inappropriate dress (“ghuruba bro. Glad tidings to the strangers!”) with an unkempt beard and disproportionately short moustache that looks down on everyone in the world and believes unmarried sex is worse than married sex with a child.

It’s hard hearing what the far right have to say about Islam. Not believing it to be true, but knowing that it’s an accurate representation of what the average Muslim believes.

I genuinely don’t want more conservative Muslims around me or for conservative Islam to be allowed to spread more than it already has. I actually don’t want to call myself Muslim because Muslim means to hold these beliefs in common usage.

This is extremely conflicting.

Salam alaikum, recently I saw an argument regarding about how all muslim leaders today since they dont rule by Sharia and implement "man made laws" are actually taghuts, however, if they're muslims do they actually fall in kufr? and if so, would loving your country make you a taghut too because the country is ruled by a taghut government that doesn't implement sharia? Please explain this to me, i really don't understand it

so like i have been having doubts alot especially in prayer like mistakes and stuff and i ask ai for it and listen to it is it fine for getting advice from ai?

Going through a rough time right now and all the sheikhs near me are very conservative so I wanted to ask if anyone knows any progressive sheikhs and where to contact them.

What are some misconceptions about Islam that you think are common among Muslims themselves? I'm not talking about differences between sects or schools of thought, but ideas or practices that many Muslims believe are part of Islam even when they may not be. For example, confusing cultural traditions with religious obligations. What are some other examples, why do you think these misunderstandings persist, and what do you think more Muslims should know or discuss?What are some misconceptions about Islam that you think are common among Muslims themselves? I'm not talking about differences between sects or schools of thought, but ideas or practices that many Muslims believe are part of Islam even when they may not be. For example, confusing cultural traditions with religious obligations. What are some other examples, why do you think these misunderstandings persist, and what do you think more Muslims should know or discuss?

Asking this as a general question but also as a bridge to talk about a specific sub which you might guess refers to the religion discussed.

First of all, I want to say that some of the loudest and most sincere pro-palestinian voices have been Jews and I have immense respect for these people because I cannot imagine how hard it must be to go against something they were most likely raised to support

That being said, it seems Israel still has an uncomfortable global hold on Judaism with Jewish associations pretty everywhere needing to have ties to it

I wanted also to talk about the sub Judaism (phrasing it this way to respect the rules).

Not a sub I go to, but I got a post from there on my feed and made the mistake to read it. It was basically a long sarcastic rant mocking people who separate anti-zionism from anti-Semitism.

Obviously it was annoying to read but I also got mad at them saying that Jews were banned from multiple countries including my country Morocco and using to justify their ethnic cleansing

I know it's dumb but I got mad but I've heard them use that excuse because it's not even true. Not saying that Jews were living perfectly here, but we were literally one of the safest countries in the world for them, they left because Israel bought them, first with secret deals with Europe then when it got revealed after an entire ship sinker, they made a deal directly with the government. To this day people can come back find their businesses, synagogues doing fine. 10 of thousands of them come from Israel and we even have one of the only Jewish museum in the Muslim world

Not that any of this matter, I got mad because this narrative is used by them all the time, they don't care about that stuff because it's easier to say that Muslims were all horrible to them so they have every rights to oppress Palestinians

I made a comment where I swore and got banned for it. Don't really care, but unsurprisingly the reason for being banned wasn't language or even hate, it was "antisemitism"

I know I should have just ignored, it's honestly on me for even caring

I ended up getting banned for a few days, which never happened to me before. I've only ever gotten once a warning from Reddit, ironically for saying something not nice about an Israeli politician.

It's annoying but not a big deal, I'm just mad I feel for it, I'm just glad it was the only comment I made because their sub is ridiculous.

You wouldn't even think it's about a religion, it's pure Zionism and complaining about pro-palestinians.

They have this huge notion of being horribly mistreated victims and describing "traumatizing" moments of speaking to someone who's pro-palestinian, or having a friend liking an Instagram post, or seeing a pro-palestinian sticker, or just someone moving...

It's also disturbing how while they're perfectly fine with calling anything anti-Semitic, they're openly islamophobic. They called the idea of including anti arab sentiment in antisemitism "disgusting"

They have a hate boner against freaking Mamdani, Is Rachel and Yuri lowenthal (the voice of Ben 10 and Spiderman, who's Jewish btw) for any pro-palestinian message

The worst part is the sadistic Karen behaviour they display discerning all of this saying they actively stick Zionist stuff over pro-palestinian stickers or call the police or the government, of the news over any establishement or individual who's openly pro-palestinian to make them lose their job

And obviously all of them ,any to move to Israel. I will never not finding ironic how they keep complaining about how "the middle east is dangerous and want them dead" and their solution is to move to the middle east and steal homes

I mean no offence, the Islam sub can get bad but at least it's most of the time about Islam. That sub makes it seem as if Judaism was invented by Ben Gurion

I know it's "easy" to fall into hated in these situations. Before Oct 7th and before really looking at the history I've always have the Israeli society the benefit of the doubt.

The genocide revealed how much their government have a hold of them, but it's disturbing how much they seem to have a hold of pretty much the entire Jewish population of the world to the point where this political stance can make tjeir family alienate them.

I guess the only positive from looking at that sub was noticing how clearly they feel the reach of the shift of opinions towards Israel. It's just sad that instead of making the obvious realisation they would rather double down on defending their crimes

What do you think?

I'm not even sure if I'm allowed to post this here because I left Islam. But before I left, I used to frequent this subreddit all the time and I really like the community here. This was the only Muslim subreddit I liked because everyone is open minded and up for discussion. I guess I'm making this post to see yalls perspective

I've struggled with my mental health for many many years now. Leaving Islam didn't improve it but I had my worst years as a Muslim. Like many Muslims, I grew up in an abusive household and my family often justified that abuse using Islam. If I tried to defend myself or argue against them, I was called names and gaslit. I suffer from a lot of childhood trauma and I've been depressed for decades now. My father was very abusive to me and my siblings and my mom and my mom was also abusive but that has more to do with our culture than religion, although they both intertwined as her justification for abuse

I remember from a very young age praying to get away from my family. I used to daydream a lot and a lot of my daydreams involved being away from them. I recognised that I was being abused but because I was young, I couldn't adequately defend myself. I used to cry myself to sleep a lot of the time and I used to wish to be away from them.

None of that ever happened. My prayers were never answered. It's like God never listened to me. In Islam, envy is one of the worst things you can feel. But I couldn't help feeling envy when I saw people around me that had friends and dated and were happy in life, and then there was me. Even in school, I was bullied and excluded by others. I struggle a lot with self hatred.

I can't tell how many times I prayed and prayed for God to help me and change my situation. I used to wake up for tahajjud every night and I used to do voluntary fasts also. My relationship with my family has improved a bit but I stoll don't forgive them. I prayed a lot for God to ease my mental health struggles and for me to be able to find help but nothing ever worked. It's like he never listened to me. Meanwhile I'd see stories of people that prayed tahajjud once and got what they wanted

I was so lonely a lot of the time. There are people with bad families who were able to heal from their trauma by finding friends or a loving spouse or partner but I never even found that. I just wasted away in my depression and I never got any respite.

At this point, I started getting angry. I would do tasbeeh and tahajjud still and try to pray but I felt like it was pointless. My situation never changed. I fully recognize the role of free will in a person's life but I also felt like if God knew I was going to struggle like this before I was born he could've eased my pain in some way. If god is all knowing, why did he put in such a horrible situation to begin with? I felt su/cidal a lot and whenever I'd read posts from other Muslims, they'd all talk about how you're never burdened more than you can handle but I knew I was. I was met with platitude and people telling you to forgive your abusive family wherever I went.

The more I read and rhe more I tried to connect with God, the angrier I got. He never answered any dua I ever made. And when I'd try to read from other people who felt the same way, they were all told to just keep praying and to wait until death to receive their reward. Why should I br miserable for however long I'm on earth? All the people saying those things usually weren't going through the same thing either. It wasn't just other Muslims it was scholars too. Whenever I'd try to research about abuse, all I came across was scholars telling you to forgive and let go. It didn't sit right with me at all

Eventually I stopped praying even though I still believed in God. But the more I researched and read, the angrier I got. It didn't make sense to me that God would put me on the earth to suffer and put so many obstacles in my way, just to punish me for eternity if I stopped praying or believing. One thing lead to the other and eventually, I stopped being Muslim too

I've researched other religions but they all seem to have the same problems that i did with Islam. I don't know why im writing this here but I'm just curious if you're still Muslim and went through something similar, how did you deal with it? How do you reconcile all these feelings? I've been slowly feeling a call towards Islam again but I think im still a a few years away from believing again and worshipping at all. But I'd really love to hear other peoples perspective

TLDR: Trauma and depression made me resentful towards Allah which eventually caused me to leave Islam. I'm an atheist now but I feel a bit of a pull towards Islam again and I'm curious to how other people dealt with this

Hi, I am a 16m practicing muslim. I am the only practicing muslim within my family/community, and have taught myself the religion via online trusted sources. I pray 5x a day, go to jumuah every friday when possible, and read at least 1 page of Quran every day (I can only read Arabic, but I dont understand what I'm reading).

I have been very doubtful recently. I don't get how this religion which is supposed to be "perfect" can't defend arguments about abortion well (for example stuff like "why would a woman need to go through childbirth if she doesn't want the baby"). [EDIT: THE REPLIES HAVE HELPED CLEAR UP THE ABORTION THING]

Every time I pray, it's almost always out of obligation and out of fear of hell, rarely out of love for Allah. It's gotten to the point where I think I would leave the religion if there was 0 punishment because im unsure of my religion. Fear of hell is I think the only thing keeping me in the religion, because I can't come to a logical conclusion with my doubts and these unanswered arguments.

I feel lost, and I don't know what to do. I don't really want to leave the religion, but idk.

As-salamu alaykum everyone,

I’m looking for some honest opinions, particularly from Muslims in the UK, but I’d appreciate perspectives from anyone.

I’m 24 years old and currently am in the process of joining the British RAF. One thing I’ve been wondering about is how military service is generally viewed in the Muslim marriage scene, especially given current world events.

I’m not asking whether people personally support or oppose the military. Rather, I’m trying to understand whether serving in the British military would be seen as a dealbreaker by many Muslim women or their families, even if someone intends to leave the service before getting married.

For some context:
I’m 24.
Pakistani Heritage.
I have a BSc in Accounting and Finance.
My plan isn’t to marry while serving. Ideally, I’d leave the RAF first and look to get married around the age of 30–35.

I’m simply trying to understand how this part of my background might be perceived.

Some questions I have are:

Would previous service in the British military be an automatic dealbreaker for you or your family?

Does it depend on the person’s specific role, or is military service as a whole viewed negatively?

Have current global events changed your opinion compared to a few years ago?

Is there a stigma that people in the military are less educated or have fewer career options? If so, why?

For younger Muslim women (roughly in their 20s), what is your honest first impression when you hear someone has served in the RAF?

If someone had already left the military and built a civilian career, would your opinion be any different?

Would it matter whether the person served in a combat role versus a technical, engineering, logistics, administrative, or other non-combat role?

Would honesty about previous military service early in the marriage process be important to you?

Do you think previous military service reflects on someone’s character positively, negatively, or does it not affect your opinion?

If it would be a dealbreaker for you, is that mainly because of Islamic beliefs, personal values, family expectations, political views, or something else?

I’m not looking to debate politics or religion in the comments or convince anyone of a particular viewpoint. I’m simply trying to understand the reality of how military service is viewed within the Muslim community so I know what to expect when I eventually begin looking for marriage after leaving the RAF.

I appreciate that this topic can be sensitive, so I’d be grateful if people could keep the discussion respectful and answer honestly. (I have posted this in other subs and answers were quite off topic)

Jazakum Allahu khayran for your time and insights.