u/AcrobaticMany5807

Lately I (19F) been trying to better understand the concept of hijab as someone who is currently trying to relearn my religion, especially as a woman. I’ve asked about it before and received some answers, but I still feel confused about certain aspects and wanted to hear more perspectives.

I want to be clear that I’m not trying to disrespect Islam or Muslims. I’m asking out of genuine curiosity because I want to understand the wisdom behind these rulings and why there are so many different interpretations and attitudes surrounding hijab. I have read the posts on the sub but still am conflicted and would really appreciate respectful answers from different perspectives, especially from women who wear hijab and women who chose not to.

Also context: I have been wearing the hijab for a while, wore it at age 12, wanted to take it off at 15 and was sort of emotionally manipulated by my family to put it back on, tried forcing myself to keep it on for a while but now it feels harder to continue wearing it because it feels like I'm conforming to the patriachy, also very discomforted by it around my neck and ears when wearing a full coverage hijab.

From what I understand, people often say hijab is:
- for modesty,
- to protect from unwanted male attention,
- an act of obedience to Allah,
- and a way to represent oneself as Muslim.

But I still struggle with some of the reasoning behind it.

For example, people often say hijab protects women from the male gaze. But realistically, hijab itself does not prevent harassment, assault, or sexualisation. Men are told to lower their gaze in Islam, and I understand that, but not everyone follows that teaching. We also live in a world where even hijab and niqab are sexualised by some people. I’ve even seen Muslim women speak about husbands who specifically prefer hijab or niqab during intimacy because they associate it with modesty or submission. If hijab is meant to reduce sexualisation, why does it sometimes become sexualised itself? I know this is more about human behaviour than Islam itself, but it still raises questions for me.

Another thing I wonder about is the argument that hijab is “for Allah, not for men.” If that’s the case, why are women allowed to show their hair around other women or close male relatives, but not unrelated men? That makes it seem connected specifically to men’s perception. I also don’t fully understand why hair is treated as something that must be covered in the same way intimate body parts are. Hair is not a reproductive organ, so why is uncovering it considered sinful?

I know there’s a Qur’anic verse often referenced regarding this topic, Surah An-Nur 24:31, where women are told to draw their veils over their chests. Some people interpret this as evidence that head-covering is mandatory, while others interpret it as mainly referring to covering the chest and dressing modestly. That difference in interpretation is part of why I’m confused. If hijab is truly mandatory, why is it not explained more clearly or mentioned more frequently in the Qur’an and another counter point being that if hijab isn't mandatory why is the word veil used instead of just saying to cover their chests? Another being why are women buried with their heads covered too? Even at death, is a woman's hair still so sinful? When praying, why does she have to cover her hair when praying to God, who made her?

I also struggle with the wider issue of how women’s bodies are viewed in society. Sometimes it feels like women are expected to carry the burden of preventing men’s thoughts or behaviour, instead of society focusing more on teaching men and women mutual respect, self-control, and body neutrality. Islam does teach men modesty too, but many people feel the expectations are not comparable. Men are generally required to cover from the navel to the knee, while women are often expected to cover almost everything, and some communities add even stricter cultural expectations.

I (19F) have been struggling with Islam for the past year. I'm truly depressed by how it feels being a muslim with these thoughts in my head, in a state of confusion all the time, I still want to continue believing in Allah, I believe Allah is the most merciful and most-loving, but I truly don't think I can continue being happy by forcing myself to allign and practise these rules that are set to Islam. I For context, I'm a born muslim, I used to be super practising, especially when I was 16 and later on I started having more doubts, I won't lie to you, at that age, I didn't know much about Islam than I do now, eventhough I felt very determined about Islam back then, the Haadith of Aisha's age really kept me a bit depressed back then. Though, later on I learnt that it was more of a haadith used to change opinions of the persians who hated Aisha to make her seem like a "virgin-bride" and has been disproven so many times, so not too much doubt upon that.

But now it's more on the fact that the rules placed on Islam feels arbitary to me.

Such as the hijab, a lot of muslims say that "hijab is mandatory, you should wear it because it protects you from the male gaze, brings you closer to Allah and also represents you as a muslim." For me this feels super random, that you have to wear a piece of cloth on your head, it does not protect you from the male gaze, many videos you'll see online sexualise the hijab and make it seem like these women are preseveed for men. You'll see videos such as "Holding the door for a normal person VS holding the door for a hijabi" where in the hijabi part, the man will imply him flirting with the hijabi and etc, just being weird and lustful towards her. Not to mention, a lot of muslim men believe that a hijabi will obey a man and even a little neck showing or a flyaway showing is sinful and will hyperfixate on it showing their weird lustful desires, like a woman is some present for them to open. On top of that, focusing on the non-muslim men, a lot of them have started fetishizing the hijab and it being its own p*rn category which I find absolutely disgusting. Now for bringing you closer to Allah, I feel like thats more on a personal and spiritual level, being closer to Allah isn't determined by a cloth you wear on your head. It's truly your own spiritual journey, I've been wearing the hijab since I was 12, I've never this magical or insane spirtual journery that people claim they feel after wearing hijab, I know this experience is more biased towards me but I'm sure that there might be other women that also feel similarly. Now my last point about the hijab is it being used as you to be seen as a muslim, I know men are told to have beards as you represent Islam, but many men can not grow beards and also beards and not soley exclusive to Islam, a lot of men will have it even if they aren't muslim, how is beards even comparable to the hijab? Not to mention harrassment can occur towards men, yet they are comfortable to wear anything as long as they cover from navel to knee.

The hijab is one of the rules I do think about more, but other things that I will touch on lightly.

Such as inheritance, if a woman is unmarried / plans to stay unmarried and also contributes more financially, how comes she gets a half of whatever her brothers get? I get told, it's Islam, it's correct. But whenever I am told about Islam, I get told it's a religion that works with every time period. If Allah is all forseeing and omniscient, why does this rule feel outdated?

Another rule that I don't understand is, music being haram, I get that music can effect emotions, but as humans, we have the nature to be artistic, some people find that music can help them psychologically. Not to mention, that animals such as birds naturally produce sounds that are highly musical to human's earsz Another being drawing is haram, especially if you draw eyes, this as a child made me so upset as it felt like I couldn't even express myself. Lastly, not being allowed without a mehram, what if they're out and can not take you outside, what if they are disabled, what if you don't have one?

Now for me, Islam's fundementals I align with, such as giving charity, helping others when they're in times of need, being kind to others, being hygenic and etc. And I do believe in a monotheistic God, even then I don't know if its because I've been fed the fact that there is a spiritual higher being since I was young and that is my body's way of coping of my existence, but then again the concept of death and nothing after it really makes me spiral. However, what I guess I'm trying to come across is a lot of rules feel restricting, how does following rules make you feel closer? I remember praying 5 times a day and following every rule, a to z , (that time I was also not too skeptical of haadiths) but felt no spiritual connection by doing this, rather I feel more of a connection to God when I'm with myself.

Please don’t take my questioning as disrespect or dislike for Islam, I truly want to stay being a muslim, but these doubts overcrowd my mind constantly and I don't feel like I can keep being happy following these rules. I’m asking from a place of genuine curiosity and trying to understand the objective, analytical and historical basis of these beliefs, rather than exploring subjective feelings.

Why is Salafi and conservative Islam more mainstream than progressive Islam today, even though progressive interpretations often seem to align more with modern biology, psychology, and contemporary understandings of human wellbeing?

Lately I’ve been struggling with an identity crisis regarding being Muslim. Over time, I’ve started rediscovering parts of Islam that resonate with me spiritually and ethically, and this has helped me move away from periods where I felt agnostic. However, one of the biggest challenges I face is dealing with conservative or Salafi interpretations of Islam that many Muslims around me present as the only “true” version of the religion.

For example, when I question certain hadiths or traditional rulings, such as the narration about Aisha’s age, strict gender roles, or debates around hijab and niqab, I’m often told that I’m “not acting like a real Muslimah” or even that not following all Haadiths could take me “outside the fold of Islam.” What frustrates me is that these issues are not always as absolute as people claim. Different scholars throughout history have interpreted them differently, yet many conservative Muslims present their own interpretation as unquestionable fact, even takfiring you if you don't believe in it, honestly it ends up feeling a little cultish.

A major reason I struggle with conservative Islam is because some rulings feel disconnected from modern understandings of biology, psychology, and human development. For instance, certain traditional views on child marriage, women’s roles, or social control don’t seem compatible with what we now understand about consent, mental health, autonomy, and human wellbeing. Progressive interpretations of Islam often attempt to reconcile faith with these realities, which makes more sense to me personally.

What confuses me is why progressive Islam remains far less mainstream despite seeming more compatible with contemporary knowledge and human experience. Why do conservative interpretations continue to dominate Muslim communities, mosques, online spaces, and religious authority structures? Is it because conservative Islam is viewed as more “authentic” due to its emphasis on tradition and literalism? Or are there historical, political, and social reasons that made conservative movements more influential than reformist or progressive ones?

I also wonder why there is often so much hostility toward Muslims who interpret Islam differently. If Islam teaches that “there is no compulsion in religion,” why do some Muslims feel the need to police others’ beliefs so aggressively instead of accepting differences in interpretation?

I've been seeing a lot of news about Afghan women and how they've been basically restricted every single part of their freedom and just being used as a machine for these disgusting opressors to inflict their abuse on. How can we help them? I know people say pray for them, but is there any physical way we can help these women? I can't bear to see them suffer everytime.

I've been having trouble with praying, ever since I learnt about it. I learnt praying from my parents and masjid, I like the way my parents taught me, my masjid, it was decent, it taught me the basics. However now I'm 20, I don't think there's been a year or even a month I've prayed all my 5 prayers. I have a feeling it may be due to some underlying issues like with ADHD or something (i haven't ever been diagnosed since my parents have this negative stigma around these stuff and think it will decrease my chances in stuff like work and school), since I also have trouble with sticking to studying but I don't know how to help solve it. Everytime I've tried to reach for help I get shamed, everyone says I'm a bad muslim and I'm "not trying enough". What does that even mean? But also to add some truth, I don't feel a connection when I pray, everyone says that there's meant to be a spiritual connection, but it feels like I have to do the task and get it done and over with. Same with the Quran, even I feel insanely bad that I feel this way but I can't help it. I feel I have to force this connection which makes me fall further into this hole. Any advice?