u/Tiny_Refrigerator105

im starting to…but I wonder why when she keeps on degrading me and putting my older brother over me.

She doesn’t even fucking try to fix her ways.

18F

my parents are strict ish….whenever I’m going out (which is barely) they always have to question me so much and even when I’m with my friends they call me and text me excessively…even when I’m ‘late’ from school (it being 4pm) my dad calls me excessively. It triggers my anxiety a lot, but they keep using the ‘safety excuse’ yeah right..

It feels degrading. None of my other friends parents do this, it’s insane. I don’t need their permission to go out, but when i do go out they do this. It’s gotten to the point of whenever my dad calls me or texts me I yell at him instantly, it’s bad.

I have told them that I am in fact , an adult, and they cannot keep calling me 24/7. They don’t do this to my older brother (despite that they claim that they do). They don’t treat us the same and it is becoming increasingly exhausting to live with them,especially my mum.

She said that at 22/23 I have to start preparing for marriage a week before my 18th birthday and I said no. And then she got mad at me?? That is the most disgusting comment I’ve ever heard and it feels so fucking degrading to be told that. Especially from my mum. It is this comment alone that has destroyed my relationship with her, I can’t look at her the same. She claims to be so religious (Muslim) but curses her daughter.

She tries to hard to impose all these restrictions on me, I can’t move out, I can’t go too far away for uni but I honesty don’t care anymore. I’ve told her that I do plan to move out sometime and she blew up in my face etc etc you know how it goes.

The thing is tho, the only universities I like are in the city I live in. I could move out but I cannot afford the deposit for first year, that would mean I’d have to stay at home and uni and bear all the calls and texts I’m going to get for staying out late. I def plan to move out for years 2 and 3, but I’m not even sure it’s worth it for only 2 years.

like I’d have to come back home. Someone please tell me it’s worth it or not?????

Predicted high grades (A*AB) so these mocks aren’t the end all, but I need to get from ACD to at least BBB for my uni offers, balancing personal statement meetings, writing my personal statement (struggling with the word count atm) and a damaging home life 😬.

I’ve done barely anything at all when year 13 started and I’m so scared, i don’t know how to create a timetable I’ll stick to. Help. Me.

she’s BEEN weird, but I notice that everytime something happens between me and my brothers she always comes for me the most. She always complains that my voice is too loud even though my older brother is always yelling almost everyday now because he plays video games all the time. It’s almost like she favours them over me. she tells me to stay out of my brothers way but doesn’t do much to actually stop him from abusing me and my younger brother (is sibling abuse even a thing lmao)
tbh there isn’t much she can do bc my older brother is an issue. My older brother is a manchild. Even when any of my brothers do wrong she’ll always come onto me first, she complains to me that I never help out with the dishes, it’s my older brother that leaves them there WITH FOOD still on it in the sink. I’m not cleaning that up, that is not my responsibility, whenever I say that to her, she’s like ‘oh, so that must not be my responsibility too then’?? I’m not the housewife, you are.

I don’t know if it’s just me getting older (17-18) that she’s been making weird remarks whenever I disagree with her or have an argument with her she tells me ‘no man will want to marry you’ ???? I come from a culture where it’s really normalised to get married young in an arranged marriage (something I will never do). It’s so disgusting for her to say that and it makes ME feel disgusted. But it shows how she is so fucking male centric. I don’t give two flying fucks if no man wants to marry me. She’s never been given the opportunity to actually study, she was married off as a teenager, married life is all she knows.

I feel like she’s sometimes jealous of me that I have opportunities to study and make my own decisions about my life and the fact that I can say no. A few weeks back when we were on a train to wales I was pretty pissed at my mum for being dramatic about something else. My mum then makes a joke to my dad that they should ‘marry me off’. I obviously take great offence to that and tell them I would never speak to them again if they even tried to get me into an arranged marriage. I told her I would never get an arranged/forced marriage like she did. She tells me that I came from a forced marriage…so what?? Just because I came from one, I should also get a forced marriage? She isn’t quite smart, obviously.

I then tell her just that,’ I don’t care, I’m going to marry someone that I choose’ and then she says ‘oh really, what kind of choice??’ what the fuck are you talking about and then she says ‘May Allah (God) guide you’ in a really bitchy tone ????? I didn’t say anything wrong. I don’t know why she’s being weird.

She angers me sm, even while typing this I’m stressed.

I would move out far away for uni but all the best unis (that I can get into) are in the city I live in, and I can’t afford to move far out anyway, I don’t get a lot of student finance and I can’t find a job (job market in the uk are horrendous rn)

how do I survive living here

the title is a bit misleading but I’ll explain.

So in the UK, where I live, the government created trustfund accounts for children born between a specific period in the 2000s. The government initially put some amount of money beforehand. Parents can put in any amount of money before the kid turns 18 to save. Mine has a very decent amount, almost 10k I think.

Obviously, the account is supposed to be for the kid entirely, but my mum in planning to save all of it for herself instead. She’s been telling me this for years now, so I don’t really care. I would like some portion of it as it IS in my name, but she’s been treating it as a savings account, it’s only her money that’s gone in there. It would also be really annoying and useless to fight her on this, because she can get verbally abusive and it’ll just end horribly. Id rather her have the money than let her affect my mental health worse, which is already bad and is going to get worse as I am in my final year of school and have big exams that determine whether or not I go to university (and move out for the first time) in 9 months. I really don’t want to take money from my mum because I think she’ll act like I owe her it.

Anyway, my 18th birthday is coming up, and I haven’t asked for much, just a big order online of clothes, nails, makeup etc. it’s pretty expensive, but idc, it’s the only thing I want. I’ve let my dad know, and he said that was fine.

Today my mum said, ‘how about we go to primark for your school clothes’ and then I agreed, yeah, I need clothes for school. And then she suggested ‘so is that all you want for your birthday’ (Primark is a ‘cheap’ fast fashion brand of clothing, idk what the equivalent is in the US, like old navy or forever 21)

WHAT. your only daughter is turning 18 and you think school clothes are an acceptable gift?

This may seem such a stupid and materialistic thing to get pissed over compared to all of the other issues that APs do on this sub, but for some reason, this is making me really upset and angry. I’ve kind of grown out of gifts now, I only really use birthdays to get my parents to buy things that I’d actually use instead of me paying for it on my own. I do come from a low ish income household, so I do get when they can’t get me super expensive things. I don’t think I’m asking much of them.

I did tell her that I was upset that she said that, and that the online order was all that I want, so she and my dad should get that. The order comes to around £120-130 (though I think I should add some more things). She said ‘it’s okay, don’t worry’

Thing is, my mum never did really cheap out, at my 16th, she got me a real Indian gold bracelet for £1000. So I don’t understand why she wants to cheap out now. I don’t get it.

I do realise that I sound incredibly spoiled but this has pissed me off greatly. I don’t even care about her claiming the trust fund, she can have it, but it’s the fact that she even SUGGESTED it to me, when she’s going to be claiming all of that anyway. Why not use a bit of it for ME? we don’t even go out for dinner usually when I have my birthday because my dad would work (he actually makes his own hours), so I keep celebrations with my family short. I remember last year when I really wanted to go out for a nice dinner with my family but my dad was like, ‘it’s too far’ and my parents kept on arguing about it which ruined the whole thing.

To be frank, I don’t even like my birthday because I always cry.

I plan to hangout with my friends later in the week anyway, so I’d rather my parents just at least get me one thing that I’ve asked for, and that’s it.

I can’t wait to leave

I already have some flashcards of my own that I’ve made myself…but..I would like a full set so I don’t have to waste time making timelines and flashcards later in year 13 when i should be focusing on essay practice

sooo I’m turning 18 in a couple of weeks 🥳 and I would like to know if there’s any halal restaurants you guys would like to recommend me! Would prefer north and central London locations, with reasonable distance from north London

I don’t have a specific cuisine in mind, but I would really like to try steak for once! sooo maybe a steakhouse.
EDIT: but please suggest other types of cuisines! Really open to almost anything (maybe not sushi or any type of raw fish)

for this gathering I’ll probabaly be with my family, but I’ll probabaly celebrate with friends after it (if you can, provide some cute cafe recommendations??)

thank u!!!!

edit: the thing is, I don’t exactly like to eat out much at all, but this is the only thing I can think of to do 😭😭😭😭

I’m 17 going into my final year of a levels (Highschool) and I keep thinking about what life will be life after my studies. I’m supposed to get a 9-5…and then work my back off to get a high salary (and qualify in the field I want to) and then I’m supposed to get married (not too young tho) and then have children……

There’s no way that there isn’t more to life than all of that.

It just sounds so depressing to me. I’m stressed a lot about my studies at the moment for all of it to contribute to a life I don’t know I even want. But everyone around me is like ‘you have 30 seconds to decide what you want to do in life while you’re young’ but I DONT KNOW.

Like I mean I have a plan and a specific career in mind but I don’t even know if I actually want it or not. I don’t know if it’s even worth all of this stress.

On top of this, the job market is horrible right now and it’s making me think ‘why am I pressuring myself so much with my studies, if graduates from top unis can’t even find jobs’.. I’m not even interested in having kids I think. In fact I’m not even thinking about that .

I have some goals in my life, in order to do that I have to find some type of high paying job and my background also limits me sometimes (think misogynistic cultures around marrying and having kids really young, women having independence etc)

Why does life have to be that hard? Why do I break my back in order to get a decent paying job? Why is it so hard to even do anything?

I was around 15-16, and he was 30-31 (plz don’t attack me)

I originally knew him in year 8 (7th grade) when he was my computer science teacher. To give a bit of context, he was one of the most popular teachers at our school. He was one of those chill, young, charismatic teachers that almost everyone got along with(most of the popular kids basically), he was really fun to be around, but still maintained a level of strictness. He was a really good and skilled teacher, and cared a lot about his reputation (would kick out students from his classes if they weren’t performing up to standard).

When I was in secondary school I wasn’t popular but not unknown either, i was pretty chillish with everyone else, but liked to keep within my tight knit group that I had, and we were typically liked by most of the teachers, him included as we were one of the ‘well behaved high achieving students’ (we weren’t teachers pets tho…). He liked me and always expected highly of me as any other teacher, and sometimes we’d joke around with each other, but otherwise it was pretty innocent then. He ended up being my favourite teacher just because I liked being around him.

We only started to grow close around 1,5 years later, shortly before he became my business studies teacher and he was my form tutor (I think it’s called homeroom teacher in the US). At the time our business studies classes were a MESS, we didn’t have a proper business studies teacher as there was a shortage of business studies teachers, so we just had supply teachers. The classes were absolutely chaotic, just kids being a headache, and it was one of the few classes where I did not have friends, so it was pretty lonely, and boring.

One day, he decided to help out the supply teachers and had a few of us come into his classroom to do some work, including me. Like i said earlier, I didn’t have that many friends in that class, so I just sat near him, where everyone else sat near the back. I can’t remember how, but we started talking to each other and I ended up talking to about my family to him? I felt really comfortable talking to him because we came from near identical backgrounds, Asian ethnic minority, immigrant parents. But I ended up being extremely upset- didn’t have the healthiest family growing up, lottt of toxic Asian culture that he related a lot to and he comforted me in a really sweet way.

That’s how it started. We started to hang out more in school and have really deep convos and I’d vent to him about my horrible family situation and exam pressure etc. He would always comfort me and hug me (it was well known not to do this lol, UK safeguarding laws around teachers and students are really strict ) and be really really sweet.

Looking back, it definitely was inappropriate coming from him, but I didn’t feel like a victim back then. At lunch times I’d js hang out in his room and it’d just be us. Sometimes when he’d comfort me he’d touch my face (he was a really touchy person but he didn’t make me feel uncomfortable at all). Overall, if someone had acted towards me the way he did, I don’t even think he’d be a friend. But the thing is, it was not pedophila, he talked to me a lot about how we both need to be wary of how our relationship can seem like, and he’d make sure that nothing weird was actually happening between us.

But there was such a clear lack of boundaries anyway between us?? We both grew an unhealthy attachment to one another it was definitely not normal. It’s just so weird thinking about it now.

At the end of the school year, he told me he was leaving the school. Hurt, but I still managed to actually get over it pretty quickly. He’s now working as a teacher in a different country.

I’ve talked about it with a close friend of mine and she agrees that it was pretty weird for him and I to have had that kind of relationship.

I’m now 17 turning 18 soon, and I still think about our relationship a lot. It was the most emotionally intimate relationship I’ve ever had with a man (or even just a ‘friend’) and I get the feeling that from his side, he was way too close. However, at the time my home life was terrible and my friends weren’t much help (couldn’t rely on them a lot), he was the only adult I could come to. Mental health services in the school I went to were really bad. No support whatsoever.

I’m getting counselling now that I’ve transferred to a different school. But I still deeply miss our conversations. They were nice, really comforting.

not sure if I’ll ever be so close with someone like that ever again.

I’m 17 going into my final year of a levels (Highschool) and I keep thinking about what life will be life after my studies. I’m supposed to get a 9-5…and then work my back off to get a high salary (and qualify in the field I want to) and then I’m supposed to get married (not too young tho) and then have children……

There’s no way that there isn’t more to life than all of that.

It just sounds so depressing to me. I’m stressed a lot about my studies at the moment for all of it to contribute to a life I don’t know I even want. But everyone around me is like ‘you have 30 seconds to decide what you want to do in life while you’re young’ but I DONT KNOW.

Like I mean I have a plan and a specific career in mind but I don’t even know if I actually want it or not. I don’t know if it’s even worth all of this stress.

On top of this, the job market is horrible right now and it’s making me think ‘why am I pressuring myself so much with my studies, if graduates from top unis can’t even find jobs’.. I’m not even interested in having kids I think. In fact I’m not even thinking about that .

I have some goals in my life, in order to do that I have to find some type of high paying job and my background also limits me sometimes (think misogynistic cultures around marrying and having kids really young, women having independence etc)

Why does life have to be that hard? Why do I break my back in order to get a decent paying job? Why is it so hard to even do anything?

I currently get counselling at school, but I’m wondering if after sixth form I’ll be able to get nhs talking therapy. But from what others have said, they only offer it for depression? I remember going to my GP some time ago about my anxiety and he only prescribed me propanol (which I hate, made me feel miserable and withdrawal was painful) since I was already getting counselling at school.

What am I meant to do after sixth form. I don’t like talking to the texting services because all they do is repeat what I say, and sometimes they have long long waiting times.

Has anyone ever gotten nhs tt for their anxiety?

my older brother (19M) has been abusive to me (17F) for most of my teenage years. In our childhood it was the regular sibling behaviour but for the last few years it has morphed into emotional, verbal and physical abuse.

I don’t know what I did to deserve this, other than being his sister.

just now he threatened to beat me up, swore at my face and was physically aggressive towards me because I wouldn’t leave the living room when he was there + talking to my younger brother about something else. No one was even talking to him.

He tells me to get out whenever he enters the living him and if I say no, he’ll hit me.

The day before yesterday when we were travelling back from a relatives house he called me a twat (British word that means annoying) and was talking to me in an aggressive tone. He was annoyed by my parents for not knowing where the taxi they ordered was at. He was being so aggressive toward everyone. When we got in the taxi I told him that he should control his temper, then he hit my head. I then ‘spat’ at him in response, then he says ‘when we get home I’m going to ‘smoke me when we come home’.

I didn’t do anything to deserve that. This isn’t normal behaviour but my parents keep acting like it is. They don’t do anything except tell me to ignore him.

He’s always been ridiculing me, told me to end my life because I wasn’t happy with my GCSE results (Highschool exams), says I’m stupid, retarded, ugly, every name in the book etc

In November of 2025 an argument between us got so bad the police were called to our house. All that happened was that I was startled at my brother coming into the kitchen (didn’t notice him bc I had headphones on and I screamed). He hit me badly and broke my glasses, and then an argument happened. My parents kept on telling me that it was my fault and that I shouldn’t have had agitated him.

He sometimes makes jokes that he would murder me. I’m not sure what to make of that anymore.

I plan to move out for uni next September. I don’t know what to do then to avoid his abuse. I can’t just stay in my room when he’s there.

He lives with us, he doesn’t go to university at all (couldn’t even pass GCSEs, which are Highschool exams). He works for my dad like 2-3 times a week, but other than that he’s at home. He mostly sleeps the entire day but it won’t last forever.

I hate how my parents justify it and don’t do anything. He’s abusive to them aswell (not as much as he is to me) but they don’t do anything bc they’re basically powerless against him. He’s the biggest person in our family and could kill us all if he wanted to.

I’m not even sure that he wants to move out.

The only reason I think as to why he’s so abusive towards me is because he’s insecure, I am the only person in my family trying to make something of myself, my parents didn’t even pursue further education, I am the most academically able person with a plan for my future. He hasn’t done anything for himself, other than working for my dad. I guess when he sees me, it reminds him of his failures in life, despite him saying that education is a waste of time…I know that him not doing well academically still hurts. He doesn’t even try at life at all.

Why did I have to be born in a family like this? Why couldn’t I have a normal older brother and a normal family? Genuinely what did I deserve for this to happen??

I turn 18 in sept, but I’ve been trying to find a job since I was 16. Not even 1 interview. I’ve been applying for all the retail jobs yet I keep getting rejected. I don’t know why. I did get a phone call from a company that I didn’t remember applying for, about a sales assistant role, but I have to be 18 to get it 😭.

but everyone around me seems to have some form of income and it’s not just their parents.

what are you guys doing..plz don’t say selling old clothes on Vinted/depop.

short context: I want to move out for uni, I have an abusive older brother, my parents argue, I’ve made other posts about it you can read in detail.

so I am the only daughter and I have my own room. When I told my younger brother that I might be moving out for uni he was really happy bc ‘he would finally have his own room’ ??? It’s only for uni I’d be coming back. I’m not sure if he’s joking, my parents haven’t said anything (they don’t want me to move out for uni but that’s a different story). He doesn’t have a room of his own because my almost 20 year old brother is too immature to share his room with him. I said he can sleep in my room and use it as if he has his own room, but I don’t want him to change the furniture, my posters, room decor etc. I don’t want his shoes or clothes to go into my room either. So….what do I do.

I want to keep my room in my family home, I’d be coming back, not moving out then until I have a stable job.

Should I just firm it and move out and then come back and kick him out

i barely revised all summer, read one book for my coursework starting in year 13, spent most of the summer planning for my NEA and making some history resources, (have flashcards now). for english i dont have any at all, just my notes from my books and some essay plans. ive finished all of the texts in year 12, so year 13 is just coursework. for sociology i have resources but ive stil got hw to do (and make resources for methods etc) and another book to read for english. i just got back from vacation aswell. my personal statment is almost done and i need to write up my history nea. i got ACD in my year 12 mocks (the d was due to a panic attack i had in the first english lit paper, but wouldve gottne a c/b i think). i want ABB or AAB at least at the end of this. i feel so behind. i feel so scared. history is acryally the scariest despite my english grade because of the amount of content i have the digest when i get back, still making timelines for year 12 content. but for tudors i wont be assesed on questions until december time of how the content links to one another. i wanna cry and just dissapear. i cant think about a levels without always stressing, i never feel normal about it at all.

my home life is actually terrible, but I don’t know if it’s worth spending so much money to leave for uni. It’d only be temporary but I need a BREAK from this house I swear. My parents do not like each other at all, I was helping them look at hotels for something and both of them just kept on arguing over stupid things, insulting each other etc.

my parents can treat me so badly, my dad has anger issues and my mum blows up on me for no reason at all. Like this morning I was helping her with a text she was going to send to her manager about her not being able to go into work for a few days as we’d all be away, and she left out how long she was going to be away, and I told her that they’re going to ask, and she called me a bitch??? Earlier when I asked her how to spell her managers name (pretty difficult name mind you) she kept on cussing at me. I made her leave my room and she never apologised to me, and just tried to act all nice and happy, she even justified it by saying ‘I don’t know anything’ then why do you keep on asking me to do EVERYTHING for you???

My dad gets angry at me for no reason too and acts so aggressively, despite him not communicating at all.

My older brother intentionally winds me up and calls me names, verbally abuses me and is overall a horrible person. Yet my mum seems to favourite him over me for the stupidest things, like today she had packages come in and she praised my brother for putting it neatly on her bedside table meanwhile she’s asked me if there were actually any dishes to clean after I told her that I cleaned the dishes. Fuck off. My older brother has no direction in life, he works for my dad and failed at school, he’s going to be reliant on my parents probably forever because he won’t go back to school and make something of himself, he says education is worthless and such a waste of time. He messes up the house regularly, leaving his underwear/clothes in the bathtub, never cleaning his plate, never doing ANYTHING and expecting everyone to clean up after him.

The thing is, because of how he acts, I refuse to clean up after him, and when I say this my mum reacts negatively because she will end up having to do it, whenever the dishes get piled up she’s always yelling at ME. I ALWAYS do the dishes and clean up after myself but that’s never enough. Nothing I do is appreciated enough and everytime I bring it up to my mum she makes it about herself. Everytime I stop helping out they criticise me and say I do nothing.

When I said I was thinking of moving out for uni they were against it (but I’m past the point of caring about their opinion), and then my mum suddenly says ‘ i should move out’ WHO ASKED YOUUUUU

My younger brother is slowly morphing into my older brother.

I hate being here so bad now, I’m tired of pretending that my home life isn’t bad but they only thing I’m scared of are the finances, my loans cover everything but I’d be in so much debt after uni. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I can live in this household any longer. I hate hate hate being tied like this. I can’t even stay out later either because then my parents will bombard me with calls and messages and it’s not even that late. I could push it but that’s such a big headache.

The finances are the only thing stopping me from doing it. I don’t know if I’m ready to be in a mountain of debt just to get away from my parents for 3 years

my home life is actually terrible, but I don’t know if it’s worth spending so much money to leave for uni. It’d only be temporary but I need a BREAK from this house I swear. My parents do not like each other at all, I was helping them look at hotels for something and both of them just kept on arguing over stupid things, insulting each other etc.

my parents can treat me so badly, my dad has anger issues and my mum blows up on me for no reason at all. Like this morning I was helping her with a text she was going to send to her manager about her not being able to go into work for a few days as we’d all be away, and she left out how long she was going to be away, and I told her that they’re going to ask, and she called me a bitch??? Earlier when I asked her how to spell her managers name (pretty difficult name mind you) she kept on cussing at me. I made her leave my room and she never apologised to me, and just tried to act all nice and happy, she even justified it by saying ‘I don’t know anything’ then why do you keep on asking me to do EVERYTHING for you???

My dad gets angry at me for no reason too and acts so aggressively, despite him not communicating at all.

My older brother intentionally winds me up and calls me names, verbally abuses me and is overall a horrible person. Yet my mum seems to favourite him over me for the stupidest things, like today she had packages come in and she praised my brother for putting it neatly on her bedside table meanwhile she’s asked me if there were actually any dishes to clean after I told her that I cleaned the dishes. Fuck off. My older brother has no direction in life, he works for my dad and failed at school, he’s going to be reliant on my parents probably forever because he won’t go back to school and make something of himself, he says education is worthless and such a waste of time. He messes up the house regularly, leaving his underwear/clothes in the bathtub, never cleaning his plate, never doing ANYTHING and expecting everyone to clean up after him.

The thing is, because of how he acts, I refuse to clean up after him, and when I say this my mum reacts negatively because she will end up having to do it, whenever the dishes get piled up she’s always yelling at ME. I ALWAYS do the dishes and clean up after myself but that’s never enough. Nothing I do is appreciated enough and everytime I bring it up to my mum she makes it about herself. Everytime I stop helping out they criticise me and say I do nothing.

When I said I was thinking of moving out for uni they were against it (but I’m past the point of caring about their opinion), and then my mum suddenly says ‘ i should move out’ WHO ASKED YOUUUUU

My younger brother is slowly morphing into my older brother.

I hate being here so bad now, I’m tired of pretending that my home life isn’t bad but they only thing I’m scared of are the finances, my loans cover everything but I’d be in so much debt after uni. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I can live in this household any longer. I hate hate hate being tied like this. I can’t even stay out later either because then my parents will bombard me with calls and messages and it’s not even that late. I could push it but that’s such a big headache.

The finances are the only thing stopping me from doing it. I don’t know if I’m ready to be in a mountain of debt just to get away from my parents for 3 years

TW:

I was SA’d when I was 9 (I actually don’t remember the age, but it was defo before 10 years old), by my cousin. It was an isolated event, but it still makes me irk to this day, I get so restless when I see him still (now 17 turning 18). I haven’t seen him in years, and I hope to never see him again. A few years ago he came to stay at my house for some reason and I crashed out at my parents for letting him stay (they both know, they just don’t talk about it, my dad doesn’t care tho). My parents got really mad. I’m south Asian, and in my culture that’s just seen as disrespectful because you’re supposed to be hospitable to everyone (regardless if they treat you like shit or not). I do not want contact with my dad’s side at all (or at least his family), I go out of my way to not talk or interact much with my assaulters family. I feel like sometimes my SA doesn’t carry trauma, because when it happened my brain blocked it out, and i remembered it on a random Thursday evening a couple years ago, but when I think about it I really really just want to beat my assaulter until he dies, sorry the violent words but that is how I feel right now.

but remembering that has made me realise that I have may been sexually harassed by my older brother, idk if that’s the term I’d use, but I’ll just say what happened. So one day a few years ago, must’ve been 11-12, and the internet was out. And me and my younger brother are just chilling, and we’re just finding ways to fill the time before the internet comes back. My older brother calls me into his room (I think that’s how I got into his room idk) and he’s lying on the bed and i sit next to him. And idk what we talking about (I think he was asking me to do something) but I think he gestured to his crotch area because he was hard and then I looked at him and he was like ‘please’ repeatedly and I was like ‘no??’ and I was so weirded out but then he was like ‘oh I was testing you’ TESTING ME FOR WHAT??

I’ve never typed out what happened between me and my brother ever, it feels so uncomfortable and weird, but I need opinions.

I hate how I feel ashamed by this, I hate how everytime I see a social media post about SA I think about my own. I hate how I feel so disgusting. But I don’t know what to do. I hate how my family acts like this never happened, and still continue to be in contact with my dads side of the family (to be honest that whole side is fucking weird, just full of predators, cheaters, drug users, people that have been in prison), but in true South Asian culture that is just swept aside. I want to leave this house so bad sometimes.