u/Tiny_Refrigerator105

Going into year 13 and I’m thinking about unis to apply to, one of them potentially being QMUL. I visited it earlier this year and uhm…..it was okay.

I don’t like the area that it’s in, the people there looked odd ish (I’m so sorry but this is true) and there’s a graveyard in the middle of the uni???

sounds spiritually fucked but the only reason I’m considering it is because it’s a RG uni and I want to go into law after my degree (though I’m doing a non law degree).

How are the people there? The teaching for humanities/sociology degrees? Is it actually that bad? Tell me everything, no sugarcoating, just honesty.

so I got a D in my year 12 mock, but I would’ve gotten a C/B had I not had a panic attack through the first paper (didn’t end up finishing the paper at all)

This summer has been so jumbled, my personal statement, history coursework (still a lot of this to do) , sociology homework (decided to set 3 big packs??), history revision, and English coursework preparation (my books arrive TOMORROW 💀).

I need to really revise for my texts which I haven’t touched since the start of the summer. Have I already destroyed my a levels. I might sound dramatic and this is a bit of a vent, but I feel hopeless.

I did do well in my last unseen prose test tho I got level 5 I think? I’m so slumped.

We studied all of exam texts in year 12, so year 13 is just unseen practice and coursework for both of the components.

am I dead already

I don’t know if I should be focusing on essay plans now bc I haven’t created the timelines I need, but they’re taking so long I just want to start the essay plans, but I feel like I don’t know enough, I’m so stuck someone pls helppp.

I’m about to enter year 13 and I haven’t revised much at all, just a little bit because of coursework (which I still have a LOT to do)

just had a big argument with my younger brother and my mum and the way she kept on looking at me (looking at me up and down, intentionally making me feel horrid with her bitchy face) made me want to smash her head into the wall. the way they were both speaking to me, especially my mum was so demonising when it was my younger brother that started everything. yeah sure I was yelling or but nothing else gets me heard in this household than not shouting or being violent. if I don’t, then I get overlooked.

how do I NOT feel like I want to severely mash up everyone because I am trying so hard not to start an argument again. Literally itching to text my mum to tell her how wrong she is.

I’m 17F, around 160cm and 59-60kg. It’s a pretty healthy weight.

My arms are kind of fat, like they kind of stand out from my torso, which is kind of small. I was trying on a dress for this wedding I’m about to go to and my mum sees my body and says ‘are you a man or a woman’ I ask her why she said that, and she says ‘it’s just the way you act’. She said that when my shirt was off. The thing is she keeps saying that I’ve gotten chubbier, she doesn’t tell me to lose weight, but keeps commenting on it so frequently now. She also comments on my looks saying that I look to much like my paternal grandmother (evil mother in law to my mum) and sometimes ‘jokes’ around and says ‘how could you possibly be my daughter??’ She has kept saying this from childhood, to the point where when I was younger I used to hate when people said I looked like my dad or my grandmother. I would cry a lot because of it.

My mum used to insult me by saying this in a derogatory way. I don’t think im ugly by any means and she also claims that she doesn’t think that, but her words say otherwise. But despite almost always standing up for myself I still feel really hurt. I’ve been wanting to lose some weight for some time but couldn’t stick to calorie deficits as they were so low (1400 cals a day 😫) and I’d get really tired from tracking all my calories.

I hate it, so I called her fat in response. I mean it’s true. She’s the overweight one not me 😭😭✌️✌️✌️. She didn’t say much, acted like she was sad and then I left. I hate hate how she acts like this towards my looks. She knows it hurts me yet she still does it.

I want to apply for 2027 entry, I already live in zone 2 London. I’d be at a campus around 4 miles away for my studies, my commute would be 40 mins on the tube (though probably shorter as a live like 5-10mins away from the tube station)

Rent looks appalling, and I don’t like how my uni halls don’t have guaranteed female only accommodation. I do qualify for their affordable accommodation scheme, but I’m worried I won’t get it because I’m 4th priority.

would I miss out on making friends? people ik say, i wouldn’t, but how is it at London unis? I don’t drink or party much either (not interested in doing so as I’m Muslim),sooooooo would that be a problem. Also, my parents are kind of strict about me moving out for uni, they don’t restrict my movement much anyway (just don’t come home late lol) so I really dk.

help

I want to apply for 2027 entry, I’d be at the Waterloo campus for my studies, my commute would be 40 mins on the tube (though probably shorter as a live like 5-10mins away from the tube station)

Rent looks appalling, and I don’t like how KCL halls don’t have guaranteed female only accommodation.

would I miss out on making friends? people ik say, i wouldn’t, but how is it at KCL?

17F South Asian household, applying to university in London soon and I don’t know whether to move out for university or stay at home.

For context, I live in inner city, London, it’s a great area, close to the overground and underground (train stations) and my commute would take a 47 min bus ride or a 41 min train ride. Not that far.

My relationship with my parents isn’t that bad, it’s actually great, sometimes it can be really bad, but other times they can be great people. They don’t exactly limit my movement at all, if it’s anytime in the daytime it’s okay, but they don’t want me coming home late all the time (to be expected ofc), I’ve come home late like a few times, but it’s never been that serious. I’ve been to other cities on my own. The only time I’ve stayed away from my parents was during a camping trip in secondary school. Sometimes my home situation can be really bad but lately it’s been okay.

But for some reason, my mum didn’t like the idea of me moving out for university because she thinks I’m going to turn into a whore??? Like what?? She says ‘if it’s safe enough, then I’ll let you go’ uhm….

I’d only be moving out for one year, as I already live in London, and the university accommodation I want is really expensive as it’s a female only private university hall. I don’t want to go into the university halls that my uni offers because there’s no guarantee of female only accommodation, that’s a big condition of mine. But the thing is, it’s only 30 min away. I’d be living 30 min away from my house, I’m not sure if it’s worth it.

The accommodation I want is over £10k a year, I get the max loan due to my household income, so it covers that completely with over £3k of my accom loan to spend (accommodation comes with breakfast and dinner, housekeeping services, laundry, etc)….sooo idk.

I’m not sure if I want to get into so much debt for only one year. Please help!

a cousin of mine is getting married soon, and my mum told me that he’s bringing his new wife home to live with his parents and I said, ‘why wouldn’t they move out.’ I mean you’re not a child anymore, and you’re married, don’t you want privacy??? 😭😭. And my mum said ‘why should he move out 😡’

Months ago she she was saying the opposite, but whatever.

I personally don’t want to live in my in laws when I get married, not that I won’t like them, it’s just, I’m an adult, he’d be an adult, it’s normal, and it’ll make our relationship better. I saw a Reddit post questioning this tradition and a man commented that ‘women who don’t want to live in their in laws have personality issues’ and basically shamed the original poster.

I’m not getting married anytime soon, but, this kind of depresses me when it comes to marriage, because why are there such stupid traditions that every woman should just accept without question. No, I will not be living with my in laws after marriage, that’s a condition.

I wonder, for the married girlies on this subreddit, did you live without your in laws after marriage?? It doesn’t help that all my cousins do it.

School starts on September 3rd….

Can I finish the whole of my work in time to raise my grades, I need ACD, to AAB/ABB at the minimum (sociology, history, English literature)

I’m so stressed out why is my summer so short

too tired to put an explanation you lot know how it goes

I’m talking arranged marriages, and still living with your parents after marriage…that’s incredibly barbaric to me but I get why my parents have done it considering the country they come from…but I’m so weirded out as to why my cousins, who were born and raised in the UK, seem to want to repeat it so bad.

My mum is kind of against ‘love’ marriage, (basically, just knowing the person personally before marriage) saying that it’ll just end in arguments, meanwhile my parents had an arranged marriage and all they do is argue. It’s such stupid logic. Both me and my older brother have been adamant that we’re not getting an arranged marriage, and especially not staying within our ethnicity (this is another thing that my parents are somewhat against, despite that being haram in itself). Though, they’re somewhat open to it now…I think.

The rest of my extended family on my mums side is very ‘traditional’ more than religious, (though they kind of larp Islam sometimes tbh). All of my cousins that are married had arranged marriages, one even married a man back home when she was 19!!!

That’s so scary I can’t imagine doing that. I’m going to my other cousins wedding (also arranged). He’s apparently going to bring his new wife home and stay in his family household…..?.?.??.?.?.??.?.? I get it’s normal, but, I don’t think you should be getting married if you can’t live together alone. I mean, he’s an engineer so I’m sure he makes good money, but still, why chose to live with your parents after marriage? You’re not a child anymore. All my female cousins never moved out before marriage (not even for uni) and it’s such a big thing to NOT do it. I know one that had to give up her dream of being a dentist because her parents didn’t want her to move to London. Madness. I’m just really pissed, because I plan to move out and not get an arranged marriage, this means,through my mums side, I’d be the first to do that, despite all of that being completely frowned upon.

How did you guys do it….asking because no one else in my family has.

I’m talking arranged marriages, and still living with your parents after marriage…that’s incredibly barbaric to me but I get why my parents have done it considering the country they come from…but I’m so weirded out as to why my cousins, who were born and raised in the UK, seem to want to repeat it so bad.

My mum is kind of against ‘love’ marriage, (basically, just knowing the person personally before marriage) saying that it’ll just end in arguments, meanwhile my parents had an arranged marriage and all they do is argue. It’s such stupid logic. Both me and my older brother have been adamant that we’re not getting an arranged marriage, and especially not staying within our ethnicity (this is another thing that my parents are somewhat against, despite that being haram in itself). Though, they’re somewhat open to it now…I think.

The rest of my extended family on my mums side is very ‘traditional’ more than religious, (though they kind of larp Islam sometimes tbh). All of my cousins that are married had arranged marriages, one even married a man back home when she was 19!!!

That’s so scary I can’t imagine doing that. I’m going to my other cousins wedding (also arranged). He’s apparently going to bring his new wife home and stay in his family household…..?.?.??.?.?.??.?.? I get it’s normal, but, I don’t think you should be getting married if you can’t live together alone. I mean, he’s an engineer so I’m sure he makes good money, but still, why chose to live with your parents after marriage? You’re not a child anymore. All my female cousins never moved out before marriage (not even for uni) and it’s such a big thing to NOT do it. I know one that had to give up her dream of being a dentist because her parents didn’t want her to move to London. Madness. I’m just really pissed, because I plan to move out and not get an arranged marriage, this means,through my mums side, I’d be the first to do that, despite all of that being completely frowned upon.

How did you guys do it….asking because no one else in my family has.

I’ve always known I wanted to work in law but I also want to do the non law route to then qualify into law, I’ve heard that law firms only care about your university grades, and so, you should pick a degree where you will find it easiest to achieve a first. For me this is sociology, it’s my easiest a level ever, I get As and A*s with minimal effort. However, it not being a ‘conventional’ subject is a concern. Will it look undesirable? I’m about to apply for university later this year. A friend of mine who studied Social Sciences at KCL says it’s nothing to be worried about, and that she’s met lawyers who has studied sociology before qualifying as a lawyer. Should I apply for another degree instead?

i just dont like using linkedin, every post i see is something ridiculous like 'i did a 78394732984kg deadtlift and this is what i learned from it' , it just sounds like desperation sometimes. it sometimes gives me secondhand embarssment.

i also just dont like having so much personal information on display like that? i know theres a private option on linkedin, but still, why should i put my full name, a photo of myself,where i did my alevels, where i went to university and where ive worked/ currently working as in a attempt to have a profile to 'network' with people. do i actually need it? it hasnt done anything for me so far.

The post I’ve attached here is how my mum has been getting a lot more abusive lately, plz read for context, sorry it’s a bit long.

People have told me to move out, but I’m not sure if the financial aspect of it is worth it, in the UK, I qualify for max loans, my uni tuition and accommodation would be covered by my loans alone, I’d have an a little over £3k extra. I’m just scared about getting into so much debt ☹️ because it’s only 30 min away (I’d go to a much uni further away but the best universities are in London, where I already live so close to the central part of the city)

My mum is kind of fully against me moving out, last time she’s said that ‘if it’s safe, then I’ll let you go’ but I’m not sure if she’s actually telling her the truth considering how she’s acted towards me lately.

I’m just scared of her reaction and if she’ll never talk to me again because of it (I don’t think she will, she can’t NOT talk to me for like 2 days if I’m mad at her for something she did, she’ll always try and initiate convo like nothing happened)

South Asian Muslim girlies how did you do it PLEASEEE

i have never been this stressed in my LIFE. I’ve got so much to do bro, I need to make revision resources for all of my subjects on my own, finish final draft of my PS and somehow rest…I got off less than 2 weeks ago and I’ve done fuck all.

I feel like I’m so so behind

At least ABB, a lot of things happened during year 12 mocks hence the D in English lit, usual grades are like C/B. The C is in history, I was on Bs the entire year, I still need to make my revision resources from notes 😭😭, same for English (though I js have raw notes)

A is in sociology, easy subject, but still need to work on the new content.

So, is it possible, do I need to study 10 hours a day….

I got off school a week ago, (17th July) and I spent my first week relaxing…why is my summer holiday so short.

17F, I live in London, I’ve got a Bengali mum that has been more and more verbally abusive and sometimes physically abusive towards me and members of my family - for instance, in general whenever I react ‘negatively’ towards her or disagree with her,she will always cuss at my face and call me a bitch, whore, saying no man will want to marry me, etc etc, the latter insult has been more frequent for some reason…and I don’t know if this has do with me turning 18 in a month. It’s so fucking weird, anytime fight we have she is always verbally abusing me. For example, the other day we were in the mall, and I didn’t like a pair of shoes she had selected for me, she was saying it’d match a dress I had, but I said it wouldn’t (IT REALLY WOULDNT.) and then she quietly says ‘bitch’ under her breath…???????? Of course, my mood is off by this interaction, and when she tries to talk to me again, she gets PISSSED, and I mean, she almost yells at me in the store. I decide I don’t want to shop with her and go towards where my dad and younger brother are in a different part of the mall, as I leave, my mum calls me and then starts accusing me of meeting men in the mall???????? What???? These types of insults of me supposedly being a slut and having boyfriends have become way too common lately, I don’t know why. It makes me so upset. Another situation happened today, when my younger brother (12) went out to our local park (10 mins away), my younger brother had told my mum he was going to go in a bit, and then took a shower and left. My mum was pissed that because he didn’t tell her that he was going to leave right at the instant (like at the door), and that my older brother (19) had told him he could go. my mum started yelling at my older brother like fucking crazy. I mean, violent yelling. My mum claims that my younger brother never told her, HE DID, my mum was just too lazy to actually hear it and respond to him. My mum, if not cooking for cleaning for us, or volunteering, she locks herself in her room, we can’t talk to her unless we knock and she opens her door, and most of the time, she’s annoyed at when we want to talk to her about something. My younger brother knocked on her door and told her she was going, from what I know, she didn’t respond(maybe she said ok) and js closed the door on his face.

When I backed my older brother, she started calling me a bitch, saying no man will want you, you’re disgusting. I cannot live one second with her anymore, what’s worse, is that either tomorrow, or maybe the day after tommorow, she’ll act all sweet and nice towards me as if she wasn’t calling me a slur for disagreeing with her. It’s slowly making me lose my mind. She’s bipolar, that’s the only word to describe it, she’ll say one thing, but then go back on it, for example, she’s always said to me, to be independent and not rely on a man, okay, fair enough. But when I want to move out for first year of uni, she’s says I can only move out once I’m married?????????????????? Is that not relying on a man.

Her behaviour when she’s abusing us is extremely explicit and she makes a lot of disgusting remarks about all of us, she calls my older brothers gf a whore, calls him a whore, calls my dad a whore.

My mum also intentionally starts fights with my dad, but sometimes it does come from her frustration from my dad just not being a good person/father, he regularly sends so much money to his mum, and other family members, rather than spending it on us, that’s a big reason why they fight. But, what the hell is hitting my dad and yelling at him everyday going to do? She’s been at this for most of our lives now, it’s never worked. She just yells violently, our neighbours hear everything and we’ve gotten so many nose complaints, it’s all them. She says the reason why she argues so much is justified because of what my dad does, but is it justifiable that I am now on beta blockers for my anxiety because I cannot stand being at home. The fights just end in my dad fighting back and her playing victim, but I understand her frustration, but there’s no reason to abuse your kids. I’ve told her that, and she does not give a flying fuck. She tells us to die, to get out of ‘her’ house, but when I want to move out for uni I’m a whore??? is this bitch serious I can’t make this up I wish I was lying

She’s fucked in the head, she sometimes cries really loudly in her room, alone, and I feel bad, but lately it’s become an annoyance (I can’t feel empathy for her anymore, it’s become a victim mentality) she doesn’t want help, and she ends up being mad at me anyway.

I think she needs to be institutionalised, there’s been many concerning events throughout my childhood that might be too disturbing for this post where’s she shown that she isn’t mentally okay.

The thing is, when she’s not like this, she can be really caring like an actual mother, but she’s a whole different person when she’s abusive, so, I feel conflicted and I feel stupid and my head hurts trying to make my mind up whether I actually want to keep her in my life when I end up leaving this house.

She’s said so many fucked up things to me over the years, this is just one small snippet of it, I don’t why it’s gotten worse this year. I have never wanted to disappear more.

I apply to university this year, I want to stay in the city that I already live in, but I want to move out for the first year only so I can learn how to live on my ‘own’ and not rely on my parents so much. As doing as I brought it up to my mum she immediately told me to ‘fuck off’ and started yelling and saying that I must want to move out to do disgusting things and get a bf (for context I’m south Asian and I come from a Muslim family), which is absolutely not true. She kept on saying ‘I didn’t move out before I was married! None of your cousins did, they wanted to stay at home and be with their family!’

My cousin actually did want to move out for university and move to London. Her parents didn’t let her. She didn’t talk to anyone for weeks after that.

my parents argue so so much. If they’re not arguing, my mum is yelling at one of my brothers. My dad works at the restaurant he owns 24/7 (He is the less stricter parent.There’s is almost always yelling in my house at least once per day.

it’s not a nice environment to be, given how my mum blew up instantly when I told her about it, you have an idea. Later on, my older brother noticed I was upset and pressed on me to tell him, he then brought my mum out and we started to have a proper conversation together, it went a bit like this:
The reason that she does not want me to move out is because that she’s afraid I’ll do something to embarrass the family, whether that be smoking, getting a bf or whatever disgusting thing she came up with etc. me and my older brother say that’s is absolutely not true and that I am a very self aware person and I can make my own decisions and I will obviously be safe etc. my mums main issue is that I’ll potentially be influenced by other Muslims who take the opportunity to move out of uni to smoke, drink party whatever. I have told her repeatedly that I have always stayed away from those types of people in secondary and sixth form. I am not one to fall into peer pressure, I would rather be alone. That by itself is in fact a real issue that unfortunately happens, but that is usually as a result of parents being too over protective and sheltering

She also says that my behaviour at home isn’t that good either, because ‘ I am always angry and I don’t talk to everyone else properly’ THAT IS BECAUSE I AM AT HOME, I DO NOT ACT LIKE THAT OUTSIDE OF HOME. my older brother admits that he and my younger brother wind me up a lot, and that how I act is justified. She says that other people say I don’t talk to my mother ‘respectfully’ (this means I speak to her too casually) when I asked her who said this, she didn’t say anyone, I think she’s lying about that part.

In the end, she says ‘if it’s safe,then I’ll let you go’
I am only moving out for the first year, and it’s an hour away, in the same city. I could come home every weekend if I wanted to. Plus, I’m only looking at student female only halls. My other main issue is financing, I come from a low income household, so I’d the max SFE loan, but I’m not sure if that covers everything but that is a seperate issue. (Still, that may be the reason why I don’t end up moving at all)

How do I convince her without losing my mind about it, I was really upset when I first brought it up with her, so when I eventually do decide to get up and move out, how do I know she won’t immediately curse me out and disown me for a couple of days. I’d be the first female in my family to move out before getting married, sounds abysmal, but if you’re south Asian that is actually insane. It’s not like I’d be cutting off my family completely, I don’t plan on doing that.

Advice pls