I (M20) don't know how to move forward with my partner (F20)
Assalaamu alaikum, I hope you are doing well.
I've been with my partner since school ended in 2024. So it's been over two years now. I love her to the core and I feel like everything just matches perfectly. Almost everything.
Both my parents know and most of extended family as well. On her side it's just her cousins, her mom and her aunt. And she is planning to tell her dad before the end of this year as I am going to begin university in October. From there, we are hoping for Nikkah as soon as possible inshaAllah.
Now, as to why it took us two years: the plan was originally to tell our parents after a year. I kept my promise, she didn't. Reason why is that her parents are stricter and she feels more distanced which I understand. But why couldn't she say that before? I feel very guilty being in a haram relationship and I want to do Nikkah asap. She took 11 months longer than the initial plan just to tell her mom. I'm still very proud of her. She was waiting for me to enroll to then tell her dad. He is very religious and, as per her mom, would rush to marry us both in order to keep it halal.
Now comes the issue: I am scared of marrying her due to our religious incompatibility. Realistically, I pray 2-3 times a day and I'm trying to improve myself. She prays like 3-4 times a month and that's mostly because I ask her to. Her mom is pretty much atheist and that has rubbed off on my partner during her childhood. Even though her dad is very religious, the daughters do usually tend to be more like their mothers, I guess.
I regularly try to bring more Islam to her life: we watch YouTube videos together, talk about the afterlife, I try to answer most of her questions regarding Islam as much as I can and more. I do not want to lie, she has definitely become more open to Islam and I really see the progress which I am very very proud of. But as sorry as I am to say it, it is not enough for me. I do not want to marry a vision of her because what if it stays like that after Nikkah?
Also her deen reflects on her clothing: not necessarily immodest but still too tight and in summer even skin showing.
She doesn't have a problem with our incompatibility. For her, her sins are hers and mine are mine and we shouldn't interfere with another. She says she accepts my deen and I should accept hers. And essentially I want to.
I want to be like her dad who married an almost atheist. But then I fear that what happened to her dad: his children not really wanting to learn about Islam and pray. So I'm scared. I don't know what to do.
I really want to marry her but I don't know if it's the right decision. Marrying someone outside my culture and that too while being 20 years old is gonna be difficult so at least I want it to last.
Please help me!!! I've had enough of talking to ChatGPT about this.
This is my question to you: To what measure should I want my partner to pray and is it okay if I don't care?
Thank you for reading