u/PaleontologistAny805

Assalamu alaikum,

My husband and I recently decided to give our marriage another chance after living separately for about three years.

I left while I was pregnant after a very difficult period in our marriage with a lot of arguments, hurt, poor communication and periods where we would emotionally shut each other out. After I left, we both built completely separate lives and never resumed married life.

The strange thing is that we also never actually divorced Islamically. There was never a talaq, I never requested khul’, and I never returned my mahr. For three years I genuinely thought of myself as separated/divorced, until recently I started questioning our Islamic status.

We contacted the imam who had been involved in our nikah, and he confirmed that we are still Islamically married. He basically told us that we now have to decide what we want to do: either properly work on the marriage or end it properly.

That led to a very long and honest conversation between my husband and me. We spoke for hours about what happened, what hurt us, the mistakes we both made and what would need to change if we were ever going to try again.

He apologised for several things that had deeply hurt me, and I also acknowledged things I could have handled differently. We both realised that our way of dealing with conflict was unhealthy. I could become defensive or impulsive, while he could stay angry for days, withdraw or ignore me instead of resolving things.

We have now decided to genuinely try again.
We are planning to start couples therapy and work specifically on communication, conflict resolution, emotional safety and rebuilding trust.
I have also explained some things that I need if we are going to rebuild this marriage: I don’t want us to ignore each other during conflicts anymore, I don’t want our private problems constantly shared with family, and I need him to be more attentive and affectionate so that I actually feel loved in the relationship.
We have also agreed that for the next 6 months we will not involve or inform our families, and instead focus fully on working on our relationship in private. If things improve and we are able to rebuild properly, we will then inform our families. However, if it does not work out, my husband will formally and definitively pronounce the divorce.

We are also keeping our current practical lives separate for now. I have my own home and he has his, and we are not rushing into living together again. We have a young son together, and we also agreed that having another child is absolutely something we should postpone until we know our relationship is genuinely stable.
My biggest difficulty right now is the emotional and physical closeness.

After three years of basically living as separate people, it feels strange to suddenly relate to him as my husband again. He seems more comfortable with hugging me, touching me affectionately, being physically close, etc.

I don’t dislike it. In fact, part of me really wants that closeness again. But at the same time, I feel almost emotionally blocked. Even kissing him recently felt like a very big step for me.
There is still so much history between us. I was deeply hurt in the marriage, and I know I hurt him too. Even though we’ve apologised and talked about things, old wounds don’t suddenly disappear because we decided to try again.
That’s probably what scares me the most. Part of me really wants this marriage to work. Another part of me is terrified that one conflict will happen and suddenly all the old feelings and resentment will come rushing back.
Sometimes I also wonder whether I genuinely want him again, or whether the idea of rebuilding my family feels attractive
At the same time, our recent conversations have been completely different from how we used to communicate. I was able to say things that hurt me, disagree with him, challenge what he said and actually have a conversation instead of everything turning into a huge argument.
So I do want to give it a genuine chance. I just don’t want to rush myself emotionally or physically or pretend that three years of separation never happened.
Has anyone here reconciled with their spouse after being separated for years?
Did affection and intimacy feel awkward at first?
How did you rebuild trust without constantly being afraid that everything would fall apart again?
And for those who successfully reconciled, what helped you make sure you were actually building a new relationship rather than simply returning to the old one?
Jazakum Allahu khayran. 🤍

Assalamu alaikum everyone,
I’m looking for advice from people who may have experienced something similar.
Around three years ago, while I was pregnant, I left my husband because our marriage had become very difficult. We had constant conflicts, and after weeks of him ignoring me, I felt I couldn’t continue living like that.
Before our final separation, there had already been another incident. After one argument, he told me that we should call our families and tell them it was over. The next morning, I packed my things and left. A few days later, his family came to get me at my family house, apologized on his behalf, saying he should never have said that, and brought me back home. We reconciled at that time.
About two months later, after more arguments and weeks of being ignored, I left again. This time, neither he nor his family came after me or tried to bring me back. Since then, it has now been three years.

During these three years:
We have each lived in our own home.
We have never resumed married life.
We have had absolutely no intimacy.
We never really discussed our marriage or whether we were still husband and wife.
He has never pronounced talaq.
I have never asked for khul’.
I have never returned my mahr.

We have a 3-year-old son together. We only communicate regarding our son. He pays child support for our child but does not financially support me.
Recently, my grandfather passed away (may Allah have mercy on him). During the condolences, my husband came with his mother, brother, and other family members to support my family. Many people around me told me they thought this meant he might still have feelings for me.
His sister also told me that he wanted to reconcile but was afraid of the reaction of both families, especially because my father was very hurt and angry when we separated. She also said he was afraid that if we got back together and it failed again, our son would suffer.
Lately, whenever he has our son, he often invites me to join them for activities like going to the zoo or having dinner afterwards. He also insists on paying for everything. I honestly don’t know how to interpret these actions.
My question isn’t whether he still loves me. My concern is my Islamic responsibility. I sincerely want to know what Allah expects from me and whether I am fulfilling my rights and obligations correctly.
Am I still Islamically married in this situation? Does living separately for three years without talaq or khul’ change anything? What would be the correct Islamic way to handle this?
I have already contacted the imam who officiated our nikah and am waiting for his advice, but I was wondering if anyone here has been through a similar situation.
Jazakum Allahu khayran.

Hi everyone,
This is actually my first wig. I normally only wear braids, but I wanted to change my look and ordered a wig from ISEE Hair.
Unfortunately, FedEx only attempted delivery once. I called them afterwards, and they told me they would try to deliver it again the next day. They never showed up.
Now the tracking says “delivery refused by the recipient,” which is completely false. I never refused my package.
I then received this email from ISEE Hair:
“We received the message from the shipping company that the recipient refused to accept the package. If the package is returned or destroyed, we will not bear the costs incurred.”
I’m honestly worried because I paid $134 and don’t want to lose my money over something that isn’t my fault.
Has anyone experienced this with FedEx or ISEE Hair? Did you eventually receive your package, get a replacement, or a refund?
Thanks in advance! 💕

I’m feeling a mix of relief and disappointment. Deep down I knew the job wasn’t the right fit for me, but it still hurts.
What I’m struggling with most is the shame. I keep thinking that all my former colleagues will probably be informed that I got fired, and I can’t stop imagining everyone talking about it. Maybe that’s irrational, but it’s how I feel right now.

I’m also worried about how to explain this to future employers. The company said I didn’t meet the expectations and objectives they had for me during the training period. Has anyone else been in this situation? How did you explain it in interviews without it hurting your chances?