(Not interested in any sectarian debate)
How common is sufism amongst sisters?
Is it something you’ve adopted through personal exploration or through upbringing?
For non-sufi-muslims would you be open to marrying a sufi man?
Salam ualaykum, im 21 years old soon turning 22 so barely into my 20s but im feeling it passing by SO fast, the improvements, the changes, the discoveries happens in a flash.
If you’re my elder then kindly offer me some advice based on my life, or anything in general.
I’ll be graduating in summer of 2027 but ive already got myself an amazing dream job. Right now it’s a case of going through the motions: study, work, repeat. I dont want to grow into the kinda person whose whole life and personality revolves around their career, but thats the trajectory im currently on so any advice here would be appreciated. I feel very… one dimensional (?) I dont think or talk about much besides work.
Along side all that Im doing the classic self improvement stuff: gym, sports, good food, skincare etc so I think im covered in this regard.
Im ngl my social life is atrocious LOL, I have 2 best friends who ive known since childhood and they’re in a similar boat as me busy with growing their careers but i love and cherish them. Besides them and family I genuinely dont know anyone. Id put this down to 3 factors:
Thanks for reading and take care, anything will be appreciated. 🤲
Salam everyone.
At work, a male colleague (non-muslim), female colleague (muslim) and myself were in a meeting. At the end of it the guy shook my hand and extended his arm to the sister to shake hers. I saw her body language tense up, her face turn down but she sheepishly shook his hand and we moved on. (The male-colleague is most likely oblivious)
I do not blame her at all, it must be extra tough since the two of us are the only muslims at this facility, we are so visibly different. (Refuse afterwork events, alcohol, christmas parties, perform salah, you get the idea)
but im feeling a lot of embarrassment by the fact that I, as a man didnt step in and explain, and to be honest there are good arguments to be made that it simply isnt my place to do anything.
A situation like this could very well happen again so what should I do?
I felt maybe i should ask her personally, if shed be comfortable with me intervening, but even that feels too far? And I guess she’ll have to shake hands when im not there to help or learn to refuse gracefully. Maybe I should mind myself and ignore it
Preferably id want to hear sister’s opinions on this but all is welcome.
21 year old man, south asian descent, born in the UK.
Tale as old as time, you’re probably sick of it by now. My dad wont allow me to move out even though im financially capable, he wants my future wife to live in the same house as my younger sister, him and my mother. Ive tried my best to communicate but he becomes super aggressive and explosive.
He told me explicitly that if i do move out he will cut ties with me permanently and wont allow me to see my mum or sister. My mum is of no help since she just wants to keep the peace (which i don’t blame her for!) and thinks it’ll be fine if my future wife lives with us.
He is adamant that i marry someone from the same country, to preserve the culture and language, which i don’t even speak btw… + i live in a small city where my people are far and few.
He thinks that she must have a bachelors degree, even though I don’t particularly care about it.
I’ve received a lot of really negative feedback from people, “Grow a back bone”, “man up!” etc over and over again, it may sound heroic but it doesn’t really help my situation since i do love my family and really don’t want to lose them over this. Some have said to just find a wife willing to move in but i know my family best, its a recipe for disaster. Im mostly just venting, open to advice but i dont think theres anything that can help me really, maybe my dad will change his mind in due time if i keep praying sincerely.. :/
In general a lot of advice in these subs lack nuance and care for detail, “do this!”, “do that!” level of discourse just isnt going to cut it for these complex subjects.
For instance, someone asks where they can find a spouse and its almost guaranteed someone will reply “just go to the mosque” and im left speechless seeing this since not every mosque is a welcoming, vibrant bubble full of young networking muslims with functional social systems and matrimonial services. Im sure people have already thought of the idea long before they asked for help.
In fact a lot of the mosques local to me are mostly concerned with their internal committee and internal fundraising. And in these places people keep to themselves, pray and leave. There is also a demographic challenge whereby many of the attendees will come from different cultures and languages.
Its quite comical seeing criticism from people who clearly come from certain parts of the world comment on marital dynamics under posts written by muslims living in the west. If that makes me “racist” then so be it.
An amusingly-depressing thing to see is a person in their late 40s facing marital hardship with a spouse who they have 2 kids with, receiving advice from an up and coming early 20s kid with 0 life experience, acting like an authority on the sensitive matter. OP may even innocently reply for further discussion or clarification, taking them seriously.
You could go on with examples all day but stuff like this is really bugging me, and yes im aware there are good comments and no, im not saying people dont have a right to post. Im just tired.