u/Effective-Degree-795

My stepson (SS) turned 18 a few months ago and will be moving out to college soon. With him reaching adulthood, the need for day-to-day co-parenting communication between my husband (DH) and (BM) has naturally come to an end. We’ve been really looking forward to this milestone, especially since BM used to bombard my husband with 6 to 7 non-essential texts a day trying to micromanage everything.
Currently, DH is handling all college fees, housing, and school logistics directly with SS. Because SS and DH can easily handle these details together without middleman drama, DH started ignoring BM's non-essential texts and switching to direct contact with his son.
The Situation: Out of nowhere, BM sent DH this text:
"Not sure if your wife asked you to block me, she probably thinks son is 18 so we do not need to text."
For context, DH hasn't even blocked her. He simply stopped replying to her because SS is an adult now. Immediately, BM jumped to blaming me, framing it as if I'm pulling the strings behind the scenes and controlling his phone.

How do you all handle the "your wife is making you do this" bait?
Should DH ignore it entirely and let silence be the answer?
Or should he send a brief, neutral shut-down statement establishing that his boundaries are his own before cutting off non-emergency contact?

My mother-in-law is kind, generous, and always willing to help care for our son. She is a patient and loving grandmother, and our son adores her. I genuinely appreciate those things about her.

However, she has also done several things over the years that have bothered me. I usually chose to let them go, but I think the feelings have gradually built up, and now I find myself becoming irritated with her more easily.

One recent incident especially bothered me. My husband had just returned from visiting his mother, and I was unpacking some books she had sent home with him. I found a photo album among them and assumed it was for our son. When I opened it, however, it was filled with photographs of my husband’s ex-wife from when she was a teenager and in her twenties.

When I asked my husband about it, he explained that his mother had asked him to give the album to his son from his previous marriage. However, she had not told him what was inside it. I understand that the photographs may be meaningful to my stepson, but I still felt uncomfortable that she sent the album through my husband without explaining what it contained. She could also have mailed it directly to her grandson.

This incident made me think about her ongoing relationship with my husband’s ex-wife. Whenever my mother-in-law comes to visit and stays at our house, she prepares a bag of gifts for her husband’s ex-wife when the ex-wife drops off their son at our house. They also go out for meals together. I recently learned about one of these outings because my husband asked his mother whom she had gone out with, and when she named his ex-wife, she appeared almost guilty or uncomfortable.

She also paid for an entire week-long cruise for herself, my husband’s ex-wife, and their son. My husband and his ex-wife have been divorced for ten years.

Interestingly, my husband has told me that I am probably the person who has been least irritated by his mother. His ex-wife apparently found her difficult while they were married and refused to stay with her, although they now have a close relationship.

My husband’s relationship with my mother-in-law has not always been very good. In the past, he usually did not want her to stay with us when she visited because, although she never meant any harm, she would sometimes do things that annoyed him. For example, she might unload the dishwasher late at night even after he asked her not to because he is a light sleeper and very sensitive to noise. She would also occasionally throw away things around the house that she assumed were garbage without asking us first.

I was the one who helped repair their relationship. I encouraged my husband to let his mother stay with us and reminded him that she is a good mother who means well. Because of this, their relationship is much better now.

I know my mother-in-law is allowed to maintain a relationship with her grandson’s mother, and I do not want to control whom she spends time with. At the same time, the closeness of their relationship, the gifts, the vacation, and the way the photo album was handled have started to make me feel uncomfortable.

Am I being overly sensitive, or would this bother other people too? Is this a normal relationship for a mother-in-law to have with her son’s ex-wife? Should I speak to her directly, or would it be better for my husband to discuss it with her?