u/pardon_me_while_i

So me (41M) and my SO (39F) are having some problems. My SD is 6 almost 7. My daughter is 12.

Hope I’m using the right abbreviations.

One issues is sleeping with my SD. And the other one is their co parent relationship.

My SO has a close relationship with her co parent. (Bio dad is 56) Bio dad parents are too old so they both use my In-Laws as daycare. They text multiple times a day. Send videos/pics of the child to each other. When my SO had to work early he would go to her place and wait around until the daughter would wake up then leave. My SO would be gone. He works at a salon and cuts my MILs hair. He came to Christmas. And said “Brother’s come eat dad’s about to pray.” Referring to my BILs and FIL. It pissed me off. Then my SD was asking her mom and dad to kiss when we were leaving. She goes into his house from 10-20 minutes every drop off. We went to dinner with her family and extended family in town. He came to get my SD. I drove separately coming from work. So I left bc I don’t want to hang with her ex. They all hung out with him in the parking lot for 25 minutes after I left. Even my SO. I honestly feel like I share her with him. When I bring up boundaries she shuts me down and says they do it for the daughter. And they are both mature.

They moved in to my house. My SD is 6 and she won’t sleep alone and insists on sleeping with BM. I don’t want her in my bed bc it’s my bed and I want to enjoy my space and sleep. She makes mom sleep with her in her bed and I never see my partner the nights with her daughter there. She has snuck into my bed when my SO tried coming back. And I was not okay with it. My partner has always slept with her. And so does her bio Dad. And quite frankly it pisses me off. My SO says I want to sleep with her bc I only have her half the time and she’s gunna grow up so fast. My SO is a personal trainer and wakes up super early some days. She also prioritizes sleep very highly. So she has no desire to actually teach SD to sleep alone. I don’t know if it will ever happen and when I bring it up I’m overbearing and controlling.

I would prefer less one on ones with her co parent. So drop offs should be quicker. And prefer not to see him on holidays. I’m okay with birthdays, sports, school events.

I’d like her to teach her daughter to sleep alone.

Please help me understand if I’m being controlling. Or if my boundaries are out of line.

Sorry for any typos or poor grammar. Doing this without glasses.

This is a birthday gift so I want to make it special for her. I’ve read mixed reviews and I don’t know what to think. I’ve seen TBS tons of times. So how early would we need to leave that set to get to the viewing area so we arnt fighting for a clear view for Alanis?

I love my fiance and we are planning our wedding and working on her moving in with me. She has one child and lives in an apartment. Since it’s summer she works. And on her days with her child he comes to her apartment in the mornings. He hangs out until the child wakes up. Idk if he lays in bed, watches tv, cooks, etc. I also don’t know what their interaction is like. Do they chat and have coffee together. It makes me feel very uncomfortable. And I have expressed my feelings. And she said what do you want me to do wake the child up and make her go to her dads?

Do you think I’m overreacting? Or is this normal behavior with co parents? I personally don’t do that with my co parent. But I have always had a child over the age of 12. I don’t want to be an ass but it bothers me.