u/Emotional-Pitch322

I’m looking for experiences/opinions from anyone who’s dealt with a high-conflict custody modification.
I currently have a court-ordered roughly 50/50 schedule with my teenage child. However, in reality, I have substantially more parenting time than the order reflects. Based on my records, I’m probably closer to 60–70% of the actual parenting time depending on the year.
The other parent frequently asks me to take our child during their scheduled time because of work, personal plans, etc. I handle a significant amount of the school routine, transportation, activities, and general day-to-day parenting. I’ve been keeping records of the actual overnights as well as our written communications regarding schedule changes.
There have also been some more serious issues. The other parent was arrested out of state for an alleged domestic assault involving their significant other, and this occurred during their scheduled parenting time. There is public documentation of the arrest. The criminal case apparently did not proceed after the significant other declined to pursue it.
The co-parenting relationship is also extremely high-conflict, which is why I try to keep communication in writing and focused strictly on our child.
I’m considering asking the court to modify the schedule so the custody order actually reflects the parenting arrangement that’s occurring in real life. I’m not looking to prevent my child from having a relationship with the other parent. My main goal is stability and having a predictable schedule instead of constantly changing a supposedly 50/50 arrangement.
For people who have been through something similar:
Did a court care about the difference between the custody order and the actual number of overnights?
How much weight did a documented history of one parent repeatedly giving up their parenting time carry?
Did an arrest/domestic violence incident involving the other parent matter even if it didn’t result in a conviction?
Has anyone successfully gone from 50/50 to something closer to 60/40, 65/35, 70/30, or primary custody under similar circumstances?
What evidence ended up being the most important?
I’m especially interested in hearing from people who actually went through a custody modification, as opposed to just general opinions.
Obviously I’ll be speaking with an attorney and won’t treat Reddit as legal advice. I’m mainly curious how similar situations played out for other parents.

So my wife and I are stuck in a state that we’re not going to live in forever. We’re in Virginia but plan on moving back to the Baltimore metro area (where we’re from) summer of 2031 for good. We’re currently renting. Have four kids but our oldest will be 18 when we move back home. We’re smashing our debt to nothing and should have that paid off by the end of this year as well as about 100k in savings. We save anywhere from 3-6k a month after we max out her 401k and my deferred comp. If the timing is right, would it be wise to put most of our savings towards our “forever home” in Baltimore. Rent it out and aggressively pay down the principal until we can move back in 2031?

So my wife and I are stuck in a state that we’re not going to live in forever. We’re in Virginia but plan on moving back to the Baltimore metro area (where we’re from) summer of 2031 for good. We’re currently renting. Have four kids but our oldest will be 18 when we move back home. We’re smashing our debt to nothing and should have that paid off by the end of this year as well as about 100k in savings. We save anywhere from 3-6k a month after we max out her 401k and my deferred comp. If the timing is right, would it be wise to put most of our savings towards our “forever home” in Baltimore. Rent it out and aggressively pay down the principal until we can move back in 2031?

What’s the chances someone with advanced stage proliferative diabetic retinopathy also has kidney failure?