u/Upset-Captain34

My ex and I separated in July 2025 when our son was under 2. For roughly a year we had 50/50 shared care (2-2-3) and I was fully involved in his everyday care.
The arrangement has recently changed, reducing my time. Her concerns are mainly sleep/bedtime, tiredness at nursery and potty training, all of which I'm willing to work on and improve.
There is one complication: my ex alleges that on one occasion I pushed her in front of our son, which she describes as domestic abuse. She has told me not to go to court because, because of this allegation, I would lose. I appreciate that this is a serious allegation and would obviously need to be considered if proceedings took place.
For anyone familiar with CAFCASS/Family Court in England, how would an allegation like this affect a case where 50/50 care had already continued for roughly a year? How significant would the established 50/50 arrangement be when deciding future care?

Hi everyone,

I’m looking for some advice from people who have been through something similar in England.

My ex and I have a 2-2-3 shared care arrangement for our 2-year-old son. We’ve been doing this for some time and it’s been an equal arrangement, with each of us having 7 nights out of every 14.

I have now received a letter from her solicitor proposing a completely different rota.

Under the proposed arrangement, I would have:

Week 1: Tuesday, Friday and Saturday nights

Week 2: Tuesday and Thursday nights

This means I would have only 5 nights out of 14 (35.7%), while she would have 9 nights out of 14 (64.3%).

I would also only have one shortened weekend every two weeks, finishing at 9am on Sunday, and no time with my son during the other weekend.

The solicitor says this is because they believe my son has been tired at nursery and they set out his routine (bedtime, naps, etc.).

However:
The nursery has never raised any concerns with me directly.
My son goes to bed at around 8:30pm when he is with me.
He has daytime naps at weekends.
He uses the potty at my home and I actively support his potty training.
I keep a consistent daily routine so he knows what to expect.
Until this solicitor’s letter, my ex had never told me she was unhappy with our current 2-2-3 arrangement.
I have also offered to improve communication by using a shared parenting diary so we can both record things like sleep, naps, meals, potty training, nursery updates and anything else important.

My questions are:

Has anyone had an ex suddenly try to reduce a long-standing 50/50 arrangement like this?

If I refuse to agree, what usually happens next?

If my ex simply starts following the new rota anyway and refuses handovers, what should I do?

Would you apply for a Child Arrangements Order immediately, or wait to see if she actually refuses the current rota?

Does the fact that we’ve had an established equal 2-2-3 arrangement carry much weight with the court?

I’m not looking for a fight. I want to continue equal shared care because I believe it’s in my son’s best interests, and I’m happy to follow consistent routines and communicate constructively with his mum.

I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s been through something similar or has experience of the Family Court process.