r/FathersRights

My kids mom is breaking a court order and has ran off. My kids is giving me zero communication on their well-being safety or anything else. Need someone to help me hack her phone. locate where she is with my kids I’m trying to see if there are any recent pictures of my kids to make sure that they are alive and safe. It’s been three weeks Sunday will be a month. Please help if you can I beg you.

I'm a single father in Sonoma County, California, and I'm looking for advice from anyone who's been through a high-conflict custody case.

I've been involved in family court since my daughter was born, and it's been an exhausting process. Over the course of the case, I've had countless allegations made against me that I believe have never been supported by evidence, yet I still feel like I'm constantly having to defend myself.

Now the court is requiring a Brief Focused Assessment (BFA), and I'm concerned about how the process is being handled. In the past, my daughter's mother selected the family counselor, and in my opinion the counselor did not complete the responsibilities that were expected during the case. Because of that experience, I'm worried about ending up in a similar situation again.

Has anyone successfully asked the court to have input on who performs the BFA? Is it reasonable to request that the evaluator be selected jointly by both parents, chosen from an approved list, or appointed by the court instead of one parent having the choice?

If you've been through this in California—especially Sonoma County—I would really appreciate hearing what worked for you. If you have experience filing a request with the court or know what factors judges consider when deciding who performs a BFA, I'd love to hear your advice.

I'm not looking to attack my daughter's mother. I just want a fair process that focuses on what's in my daughter's best interests.

Thank you.

For context - These are family members who are currently going through a messy divorce, however ever since I've known them, the mom has repeatedly proven she's not a capable caretaker for their four kids. Her eldest is in her teens, and basically has taken over the role of mother for the youngest, meanwhile they all are Homeschooled and the second youngest is 6, and can't read or write. They jump between houses because their dad works full time to try and provide for them, meanwhile the Mom repeatedly has asked for money from him (despite her also having a full time job). The mom has also spoken negatively to the kids about the father - things that no one in the family, or even one of the kids themselves - believe because it's so horrendous. If anything, there's more evidence of her being verbally abusive to him - but it's all speculation at this point. Long story short, we as a family are trying to help them in any way we can, because the kids deserve an education and a stable home environment. I don't want to place the kids in a hard situation, but I'm at a loss since the mom has cut off contact entirely and doesn't seem to care about her children's education, health, or mental well-being. (There have been multiple instances of the mom degrading her second oldest's appearance and blaming her for her own health issues...) We wanted to keep it within the family, but because of the education gap with the children and the fact that they are moving forward with the divorce... I need advice. Is this a situation where CPS should be called on the mom, or is this a "Wait it out" and get the kids help after the divorce is settled situation?

Any advice is appreciated!

UPDATE: Thank you all for the advice, I'm now more aware of what would be seen as CPS worthy, versus normal concern. Still deciding what to do moving forward since the Dad is currently in the process of moving to a new house, and the Mom is slowing down the process of the divorce because of this. My current frustration is just the fact that the Mom still won't take any responsibility for her actions, but it's out of my hands at this point. I don't think CPS is needed, but I do really hope that something changes so that the Kids will have a more stable Home life going forward. Thank you all again.

I have always admired the profession of a lawyer, however, there is an interesting spiritual aspect here. For six months now, I have been fighting on all fronts to regain time with my child, whom my mother intentionally took to another region and prevents communication. In all previous years, we were together regularly. Peace initiatives were ignored. I, the plaintiff, have my own lawyer, and the defendant has his own. The philosophical question is: can a representative accept any job, once paid, even defend the deliberate alienation of a young son from his father, whose motives are obvious to all sane observers? How to protect someone who directly violates the rights of a child? What is the spiritual aspect here? This is a question for reflection. After all, in such cases, lawyers have the right to choose who to represent.

Fathers, fight for your children at all costs. And if you are temporarily separated and all the necessary legal actions have been taken, remember that there are those nearby who may need your help and for whom your attention will be healing. This time is needed for some reason.

New to posting and it said I was breaking rules so any suggestions on not I’m sorry I’m gonna send it)

I (31yo male, eastern Washington state)have questions and a friend suggested this sub in my time of need but I fear the text will be too much so I was wondering if I should contact one of or the mod(s) to see if they or maybe one of the community would be willing to help condense it into a post. I’ll take anything and am exploring every avenue for my baby. If anyone with experience in parenting self harm victims closely timed with divorce and parenting plan in favor of the parent actively harming the child or anything cause that’s the big stressor. Sorry if too much and sorry if in the wrong place I’m just really scared so thank you for even being here. I have a 10 yo sweet girl who’s diced up and threatening to not be here and that’s just the surface. Thank you for anything anyone can give really.

My ex has a history of this type of violent behavior and also trying to make themselves look like a victim. She’s been physically violent with me at least 3 times and I know she has been that way with her ex before me since a stated as such to the police when he picked up his own son from our apartment when she was getting arrested on the 15th of this month.

The day of the assault she was coming back from seeing her family in another city. She took our son and her son from her previous relationship for a weekend to Houston. I stayed in town since I didnt have the money to pay for everything she wanted to do over the weekend which always leads to a huge argument. So i stayed with my parents for the weekend since i never get to see them.

The day she’s coming back, I was working with my old neighbor; we’re starting a new business together and he pays me about $2k a month out of his pocket so i can pay rent but thats pretty much my entire income at the moment. He had just paid me at the beginning of this month which was 2 weeks prior to this incident. She gets angry every time I do any sort of work with him because she wants me to be making more and she expects him to pay me every time I as much as take one of his calls. I get that she wants to feel financially secure, especially since we just had a kid; he turned 5 months the day of the incident. Grandparents on both sides have helped with whatever the baby has needed so he is always taken care of. She’s terrible with money and loves luxuries. But making money with a business takes time and even when I was waking 130k plus she was still on me about making more so I pivoted to starting a business in an effort to make more money than she could ever spend.

When she found out i was working with my neighbor while she was driving back to town she was livid. Blowing up my phone asking me when he was gonna pay me, im a bum, more this and that. The last time she called me i was in a valero parking lot testing the cleaning product we had manufactured on my neighbors truck. When i was on the phone with her she said she swore she heard a girl laughing in the background. There was definitely not a girl remotely near us, maybe not even in the parking lot. Either way she was pissed.

I get home and wait on the couch for them to get home, i didnt put away my duffle bag and backpack so they were on the couch with me. They get home after a while and Im so excited to see my son. It had been days since i’d seen him and I missed him like crazy. I go out to the parking lot to help them bring stuff up to the apartment and she just walks by me holding my son in his carrier, ignoring me and giving me this side-eye death stare she makes when she’s pissed off. Anyway, I help her older son carry things up to the apartment. Once everything is up, i finally go to greet my son who’s in the bedroom being carried by his mom. I reach to put my hand on his back and she pulls him away and slaps my arm away. We start slowly arguing over the same thing we’ve argued over the past few months. I dont have energy for it which makes her even more mad since im not as enthusiastic as she is about fighting. I eventually just go back to the living room and wait for her to calm down.

She finally came out and I start asking about the their time in houston. The conversation is fine for a second until she remembers that i worked with my neighbor that day and she started talking shit again. I gave up talking to her and waiting for her to calm down so i can hold my son so i got up to try and say hi to him again. I put my hand on his arm and she slapped my arm away again and pushed me. She said “if you try to touch him again i’ll stick you.” I just gave her a blank look before reaching for him again. She immediately punched me in the mouth twice. I basically just took it and walked through them and slowly grabbed my son with both hands. She punched me one more time after that and once i had actually had him in my hands she threw her knee into my groin. I stayed solid so I wouldnt drop him. Once i had my son in my arms she started getting in my face pressing her forehead into my nose with as much force as she could make. I turned and walked to the single couch. I sat down with my son and started playing with him. She seemed to calm down for all of 30 seconds before she grabbed my duffle bag off the big couch and threw it off the balcony into a dog walking path. It’s a leather LV duffle bag so it’s crazy expensive and i didnt want someone to take it. So i put on my backpack because that had 2 laptops in it and i knew she would smash them if i left them (she smashed my desktop computer and oled monitor in a previous fight). Im still holding my son as i was walking to the door and she starts freaking out like im gonna kidnap him or something. I was just going to get my bag and come right back up, i didnt even have my keys on me or his car seat. I really dont believe she actually thought i was trying to leave with him. I just think she saw me doing something she didnt like and was looking for a way to escalate. Anyway, she rushes to the door and screams that im not going anywhere with her son. She locked the door and grabbed this yellow ceramic owl we had by the front door as decoration and she smashed the head off, pointed the sharp end at me like it was a glass bottle in a bar fight, again screaming that im not going anywhere with her son. I couldnt believe she was actually acting like that, I scoffed and said i was just going to get my bag and be right back. She said no. I took one step to move around her towards the door and she lunged at me with the broken owl. I backed up and that was the one moment i felt truly angry.

I was holding my son when she did that. I yelled at her asking what the fuck she was doing. And she starts screaming at her other son to call the cops. He calls them and hands her the phone. She starts telling the dispatch woman that i was being aggressive with her and the baby and that her and her son were scared. I couldn’t believe she was lying like that so I yelled loud enough that the dispatcher could hear me say “she punched me in the face and tried to stab me.” The dispatcher started telling me to call 911 to give my side but at that point my ex started bursting into tears and muted the dispatcher while she yelled at me saying stuff i cant recall at this moment, but eventually she just hung up on the 911 call.

I walked away into the bedroom and put the baby on the bed and took a couple picture of him looking happy since i knew I was gonna have to leave that night and i was gonna miss him. She started yelling at me from the living room and i ignored her until she walked into the room and took off with my backpack that i just took off and set on the bed so she could throw it off the balcony. I chased after her and basically bear hugged her to stop her and i took my backpack back to the room. She followed me after wailing in the living room for like 10 seconds. She b-lined it to me in the bedroom and as soon as she got to me she threw 3 more punches with her left hand and busted my lip. I started bleeding a good bit and she ran outside the front door and sat on the stairwell balling her eyes out.

I changed my sons diaper and started getting my stuff together. She came back in the apartment and started arguing with me in the closet, saying things like ‘why do i always make her act like that’ and ‘now you get to leave and be happy like you always wanted’. I told her to fuck off and that i was only leaving because she called the cops and they were gonna make me leave anyway. She was saying they werent going to come and i called her a dumbass and that of course they were coming because she hung up on the dispatcher while we were yelling at each other. The realization set in that they were definitely coming and she started crying again and went back to the stairwell, with my son this time. I started packing luggage and while i was in the closet grabbing more clothes I hear the coos calling my name from the living room. I go to them, they put me in handcuffs and walk me down to the cruiser. I explain what happened, they get her side of the story. I have no idea what she told them because they immediately believed me after talking to her. The only things the cops told me was that her story didnt make sense and she wasnt able to give any clear details or reasons for what happened like i did.

They took pictures of my busted lip and the swelling that was building up. Her older son’s dad came by to pick him up and while he was there he told the cops that she did the same thing to him a few years back. I didnt know he said that to them until i was meeting with CPS investigator a couple days ago and the investigator read the statement to me from that night.

After the cops got the whole story, they charged her with domestic assault with bodily injury and terrostic threats and took her to jail. I stayed with the baby there at the apartment waiting for her to make bail. It wasnt until late the next day when her dad called me and told me she was making bail but i shouldnt be there when she got out. Give her space so everything can cool off. I took the baby to my parents and we stayed there and she called me and told me how terrible jail was and that she missed the baby and she just wanted to see him. I felt bad and said it was okay for him to go with her but we needed to set up a custody agreement because i wanted to establish 50/50. The. She found out she the judge she say gave her a no contact order with me. So i started talking to her dad as the middle man, everything was still okay, I even got to have my son for fathers day.

Her ex’s dad is rich and they’ve maintained a relationship due to her other son being his grandson so he paid an expensive attorney for her. Her and i were fine with an agreement and i wasnt going to press charges but now this attorney is trying to use my son as leverage to get me to drop everything without the custody agreement in place. Knowing my ex, if theres a way to keep full custody she’ll take it so she’s doing whatever the attorney says. 3 days ago I got a call from a cps investigator asking me to come by the office to discuss the incident. I showed up to the meeting to find out that I was labeled as the aggressor in the report that was submitted. She lied and claimed that i pushed her while she was holding the baby before she started punching me. I refuted that completely and explained that i thought i was coming in to give corroborate the police report and explain that i didnt think she was a danger to the baby. honestly it pissed me off. She’s trying to paint me as the violent one when all i did was be a punching bag.

Now i feel i should pursue the charges since she’s keeping my son from me and throwing me under the bus. I cant really afford an attorney for an extended legal battle. Her son’s grandpa has an endless money pit. I really dont know what to do. Honestly i just miss my son. I dont want her to go to jail. I dont want to press charges but i feel i’ll regret it for the rest of my life if i dont fight tooth and nail for custody of my son.

Is there any way forward?

TL:DR - My ex punched me in the face a total of 6 times busting my lip and hit me in the groin with her knee while i was holding our 5 month old son. Also tried to stab with a ceramic decoration she smashed while i was holding my son. She called the cops on me but she got charged/arrested. Has a big shot attorney that is trying to use seeing my son against me to get me drop all the charges while also trying to get me CPS to find me as the aggressor in order to give my ex full custody. I didnt want to press charges but now i feel that i have to.

Location: Bexar County, Texas

Trying to get custody of my daughter as my X wants to move to the other side of the country and take our 12 year old daughter with her. I know she will not be safe with her mother and she really does not want to go with her mom. Is there any pro-bono or sliding scale lawyers to be found in Nashville TN ? I just want my daughter to be safe and remain here where we have a great support system. She will not have any support where the X wants to go. any advise would be appreciated!

Posted about 1.5 weeks ago about an EPO being approved. Mom is allowing boyfriend (a parolee for drugs and robbery) to abuse physically, mentally, and potentially sexually her 3 kids, one being my stepdaughter. Mom’s mother, who lives with them sent us video proof of this man abusing these kids, coaching my stepdaughter to hit others and curse, all while mom stood back, watched, laughed, and didn’t care to stop it. Videos are so disturbing. Stepdaughter told me spontaneously as well that this man was getting up in her “pu**y” and demonstrating it as well. Didn’t know that word before sending her back after having her for a month.

Mom is still planning on living with this man, has been noncompliant with cps, fled with the kids and this man after the epo was served and we went and got my stepdaughter at 4:30am. Told cps she will not stop talking to this man because “that’s her boyfriend”.

I guess I’m trying to see how likely it is that a DVO for mom will be approved? We’re awaiting investigation by cps for the sexual allegations. And wondering what this EPO hearing will potentially look like?

Our asks for the judge:
Before unsupervised parenting time resumes we want…
Sole custody, sole decision making temporarily with supervised visitation of mom UNTIL the following is completed, cps concludes investigation and have a court review period:
- Mom to complete parenting classes, domestic violence education, and seek therapy.
- mom shall follow all CPS recommendations and the safety plan that was provided and signed
- no contact between this man and stepdaughter
- this man isn’t allowed to reside with, supervise, and transport stepdaughter

If and when the above completed, we want the following when parenting time resumes:
- Sat&Sun no overnights every other weekend, or at the very least every other weekend with third party supervision (like her mom)
- no romantic partner allowed to act as caregiver, disciplinarian, babysitter, or overnight supervisor without parties in agreement or court approval
- no romantic partner shall meet stepdaughter until over 6 months in a relationship and dad meets them first

I discovered my dad was paying child support to a woman I had never met because I accidentally opened one of his bank statements I was twenty one and home from college for the summer My parents asked me to grab some documents from their bedroom because they were meeting with an accountant I found the folder they wanted but a loose paper slipped onto the floor I picked it up and saw a monthly payment of eight hundred dollars labeled Child Support Payment I froze because I am an only child and my parents have been married for twenty six years Then I saw the name of the recipient Lisa Harper I had never heard that name before and my first thought was that my dad had another family somewhere

I tried to tell myself there had to be an explanation but I could not stop staring at that paper My dad walked into the room and immediately noticed the look on my face He saw the statement in my hand and went completely pale Then he snatched it from me and said I was looking at private documents

I asked him who Lisa Harper was

He said it was complicated

I asked if he had another child

He did not answer

I walked downstairs feeling like my entire childhood had just been punched in the face

My dad had always been my hero He coached my little league team taught me how to drive and worked long hours to pay for my college My parents were the couple everyone admired They never fought in front of me and still held hands at restaurants I honestly thought they had the perfect marriage

That night I could barely eat dinner My mom kept asking what was wrong and my dad kept avoiding my eyes Finally I stood up and asked in front of both of them

Who is Lisa Harper and why are you paying child support

My mom dropped her fork

She looked at my dad and said what are you talking about

I suddenly realized she had no idea

My dad looked trapped

Then he quietly said we will talk later

My mom raised her voice and said no we are talking right now

After a long silence my dad admitted he had been paying child support for eighteen years

My mom looked like all the air had left her body

She asked if he had cheated on her

He said yes

I had never seen my mother cry before but tears immediately rolled down her face

Then she asked the question I was afraid to hear

Do you have another child

My dad looked down and nodded

I thought my mother was going to faint

I walked out of the room because I could not even breathe

For the next few days my house felt like a funeral My mom barely spoke and my dad kept trying to explain himself He said he had an affair years ago when their marriage was struggling He said it only happened once and he never wanted to hurt anyone He claimed he only paid child support because he wanted to do the right thing

Then things got even worse

I looked up Lisa Harper online

I found her social media page

And I found pictures

There was a girl who looked exactly like me

Same dark hair

Same eyes

Same smile

I remember staring at my phone with chills running down my arms

She was eighteen years old

I had a sister

I showed my mom the pictures and she started crying again

Then she saw something else

There were old photos

Photos of my dad holding a baby

Photos of him at birthday parties

Photos of him standing beside Lisa and their daughter

The timestamps went back years

My dad had not just been paying child support

He had been secretly visiting them

He had an entire relationship with them

When my dad came home my mom showed him the pictures

He did not even deny it

He admitted he visited them several times every year and had been helping pay for our daughters school activities

Our daughter

That phrase hit me like a truck

He had been calling another girl his daughter while keeping her hidden from me

Then my mom asked one question

Did everyone know except us

My dad looked at the floor

Then he said his parents knew

His brother knew

Even his best friend knew

I felt sick

Half my family had been lying to me for eighteen years

A week later my mom filed for divorce

Then something happened that nobody expected

My sister contacted me

She had just found out about me too

Lisa told her everything after the divorce papers were filed

She thought our father had abandoned his first family and started over with us

She had no idea I existed

We talked for three hours on the phone

By the end of the conversation we were both crying

Neither of us had been the secret

We had both been victims of the same lie

My parents divorced six months later

My dad ended up losing the house and most of his retirement savings

His side of the family stopped speaking to him because they were tired of covering for his lies

As for me I met my sister in person last month

The first thing she did was hug me

I lost the image of the father I thought I had but somehow I gained a sister I never knew existed and when we took our first picture together I realized the biggest secret in my family had accidentally given me something I never knew I was missing