u/rum-and-nomads

My husband is pro se in an ongoing NY Supreme Court matrimonial/custody case involving his two minor children. I’m his wife and helping him navigate everything because we cannot afford private counsel and have been trying unsuccessfully to get help through legal aid/legal services.

His ex is in a relationship with a Level 2 registered sex offender who was convicted in NY of 94 counts of possessing a sexual performance by a child under 16.

She and this man had a Jewish religious wedding but were never legally/civilly married. They moved into the same property where the children live, and there was documented evidence that he lived there and had access to areas of the home where the children were.

My husband initially tried to resolve the issue without court. There was a signed/notarized agreement containing safety restrictions regarding this man’s contact with the children, but it never became a court order and the agreement ultimately fell apart.

My husband then filed an emergency Order to Show Cause in the existing Supreme Court case.

The judge initially ordered no unsupervised contact between this man and the children and continuous active supervision whenever he was present in the dwelling.

At a later appearance, his ex’s attorney presented a Get (Jewish religious divorce) and represented that they had divorced. Our understanding afterward was that the temporary restrictions were no longer being enforced/continued because the situation was supposedly resolved.

We have now learned that they never actually ended their relationship and are still together.

One thing we are currently trying to confirm is the exact status of the prior temporary order. We do not want to accuse anyone of violating an order until we know whether there is a signed subsequent order vacating or modifying those protections. Our concern right now is how to properly put the continued relationship/new evidence back before the judge.

The Supreme Court case itself is still pending.

My questions are:

1. If the prior temporary protections were discontinued because the court was told the relationship had ended, what is the normal NY procedure for a pro se litigant to present evidence that the relationship actually continued? Another OSC, motion, request for conference, etc.?

2. Should my husband first request written clarification of whether the April temporary protections are still in effect before asking for enforcement or renewed restrictions?

3. For custody/safety purposes, does the religious divorce itself matter if the two people continued the relationship and the same third party continues to have access to the children?

We know hiring a family-law attorney would be preferable. We genuinely cannot afford private counsel and have been desperately trying legal aid/legal services, so I’m specifically hoping for guidance about the correct NY procedure for someone who is currently pro se.

If important, we live in CT.

Location: New York City / New York Supreme Court

I’m posting about my husband’s ongoing custody case because he’s representing himself and we’re trying to figure out what he should be doing next.

My husband has two minor kids with his ex. She has primary custody.

A while back his ex got into a relationship with a man who is a Level 2 registered sex offender. He was convicted in NY of 94 counts of possessing sexual performances by children under 16 and served prison time. I’m not using names obviously, but all of this is public record through the NY sex offender registry.

She and this man had a Jewish wedding and considered themselves married, but they were never legally/civilly married. That’s important to what happened later.

They then moved into the same property with the kids. He registered that address as his primary address and has referred to himself as living with her/her being his wife. My husband’s concern wasn’t that she had a boyfriend or that she “remarried.” It was that this particular person was living where his children live and had access to them.

My husband originally tried dealing with it outside of court. There was actually a signed/notarized agreement between my husband and his ex that included restrictions on this man’s access to the children, including no unsupervised contact. That agreement never became a court order and everything basically fell apart afterward.

When my husband tried getting actual enforceable safety restrictions in place, they would not agree to them. There are also texts from the boyfriend basically saying she wasn’t signing the agreement.

So my husband filed an emergency ex parte Order to Show Cause in the existing NY Supreme Court divorce/custody case. He’s doing all of this pro se.

The judge did grant some temporary relief. In April the court ordered that this man could have no unsupervised contact with the children and that the mother had to maintain continuous active supervision whenever he was present in the dwelling. Some of the other things my husband requested, like preventing overnight presence, were not granted at that temporary stage.

Here’s where it gets weird and why I’m asking.
Around the time this was being litigated, her attorney told the court that she and this man had gotten divorced. What they meant was that he gave her a get, which is a Jewish religious divorce. Again, they were never legally married in the first place, so there was no civil divorce.

My understanding is that her side then used the religious divorce to argue that the issue involving him was basically resolved/not something the court needed to continue dealing with.

Except we’ve now found out they never actually ended the relationship. They’re still together.

So I’m confused about how this is supposed to work legally. If they are still in a relationship and he is still around her/the household/the children, why would the fact that they got a religious divorce matter for purposes of the children’s safety? To me the actual issue is his access to the kids, not whether they call themselves married, divorced, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc.

The underlying Supreme Court case is still ongoing and my husband is still representing himself.
I’m trying to figure out:

1. Does the fact that they got a Jewish religious divorce have any relevance at all to the custody/safety issue if they continued the relationship?

2. If her attorney relied on the “divorce” to argue that the issue was resolved, but they’re actually still together, is that something my husband should formally bring back before the judge in the pending case?

3. Is the important issue under NY custody law their relationship status, or the fact that this person continues to have access to/reside around the children?

4. Since the court already granted temporary no-unsupervised-contact/active-supervision protections, what is the normal way for a pro se parent to bring new evidence about the continuing relationship to the court while the case is pending?

5. If there is evidence that the existing supervision order has been violated, is that normally raised through enforcement/contempt in the same Supreme Court case, or through a separate filing?

We’re not trying to control who his ex dates. My husband genuinely does not care about that. The entire reason this case started was because of this man’s criminal history and his access to the children.

I’m mostly looking for guidance from anyone familiar with New York custody/matrimonial procedure, especially because my husband is pro se and the other side has an attorney.

EDIT
The main thing I’m trying to understand is what my pro se husband should do in an ongoing NY Supreme Court custody case when the other side represented that the mother’s relationship with this person had ended, but we have now learned they’re still together. He already obtained a temporary order prohibiting unsupervised contact with the children.

Also:
He has a separate Family Court child-support violation proceeding alleging willful nonpayment, which was already being addressed in the Supreme Court case but they still filed it… so now they’re trying to close the Supreme Court case….