u/Decent-Singer-3335

I have lived in a city I despise for about 15 years. I moved here to be with my husband, although I would have never chosen this location if it weren’t for him. He is not originally from here either and we don’t have family here or really, any reason to stay here besides his job which can relocate to 2 other areas of the country. Each of these places is not “ideal,” but one has all of his family but COL is more due to taxes and he is a high earner. I stay home. I agree that it is not great, but I’m at my breaking point, and I don’t care what sacrifices have to be made.

We have 3 children who are getting older and I’m afraid I’ll be stuck here if we wait much longer to make a change. The schools are not what I want for my kids, so that is pushing me even more to want a change. I have been vocal about my desire to move for almost the entire 15 years. I don’t like the culture, people, weather, climate or the way it’s rapidly developing and how expensive and overcrowded it has become. It is an affluent area so he doesn’t understand how I could dislike it, as he says “everyone wants to be here.” The kids in the schools are very snobby and so are the adults, I don’t fit in. We bought our houses before the boom and could make a great profit on selling them.

Although we are financially well off now, I grew up blue collar and I have the desire to live more simply and be happy to just “be.” The older I get the more depressed I am becoming living here. I feel I might have a mental breakdown: This is a matter of lifestyle differences, not just where we are. It’s extremely transient, so while I’ve made friends over 15 years, almost everyone has left. It’s so hard to build community which I desperately need. I’ve even gone so far as to say if I die suddenly, do not bury me here and make me stay here for all of eternity. It sounds dramatic, but I mean it with every fiber of my being. He uses the excuse that I won’t be happy anywhere, which just isn’t true. I think I’ve sacrificed enough of my life.

What to do? Is anyone else in this situation or has been?

My boy is almost 3.5 and he is a BIG boy for his age. He towers over other kids in his class and he’s “beefy” too. He is physically incredibly strong and like many boys his age, he doesn’t know his own strength. He is very opinionated and was an early talker, speaking in full sentences/nonstop by 18 months. His vocabulary is extensive. He is so intelligent. He takes things apart and puts them back together without our help. He loves swim class and is advanced. He needs a lot of stimulation, attention and things to do otherwise he starts acting out by hitting his older sisters or spilling drinks in the house on purpose. He always has to be doing something and I’m exhausted. He will also occasionally get upset about being excluded from what his sisters are doing and he will start tearing things apart, whatever he can find including shelves full of books and his dresser. He can be aggressive with other boys his age, but only boys, as if things are a competition. He sometimes gets in the face of others at school but doesn’t touch them, but it’s like an aggressive display of dominance or something. He especially does this to other kids who are more on the “meek” side. I feel like he’s a bully and I need to do something about it now. He has a couple friends he plays well with. He will lock our cat in the closet sometimes. 😭

He has come a long way since last year with being kind, I am seeing a lot of improvement. He used to throw things and no longer does that and he shares better too. He snuggles with me all the time and has never hurt me or my husband intentionally. His teachers at preschool say he is just “all boy,” and that he doesn’t know his own strength. They say he is sweet and listens when it’s time to line up or move onto the next task. He will sit for meal time and circle time, but only for so long and then he wants to play. The teacher said he is just like every other kid except he is so much bigger so if he lets say, pushes someone, it’s a bigger impact. She says they all push.

Does this all sound normal? My girls were nothing like this. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t concerned. Then again, he is showing so much improvement, I know this aggression is probably just a result of his age and things will continue to get better. Please give me some words of advice or stories of similar boys.

I have a 3 1/2 year-old that likes taking things apart and putting them back together. He will spend endless amounts of time “figuring things out.” He loves construction and has an engineering mind. I’m looking for toys and activities that will keep his brain and hands busy. He loves robots, cars and construction vehicles. He has magnatiles, legos, Lincoln logs and blocks but I’m looking for real things he can put together. He disassembled his Lego vacuum and put it back together. 😳

Any recs?

I just dropped off my 3 year old at preschool for the first time and I didn’t get choked up at all. My son did great! He hugged us and waved goodbye and that was it. He’s going 3 days per week so I still get time with him. I saw other parents crying and kids crying. I’m not emotional about it in the slightest, he was ready. I have 2 older kids too, but I don’t remember getting too emotional about them going to school either. My oldest, I was a little sad but never cried. I stay at home with my kids, they are with me until they are 3. Never stay with sitters or anything, occasionally my Mom.

Is something wrong with me for not getting upset about it? Please tell me I’m not alone. I felt out of place. 😂

I’ve lived here for 15 years and have yet to find an honest dentist after my beloved dentist in Lake Worth retired. He was all about keeping your original teeth, no cosmetics. He didn’t push things or try to scare you with unnecessary procedures. He did not do Botox in his office or other shady practices. He was back to basics and a great dentist. I’m not looking for fancy, I’m looking for decent human being not looking to make a buck. I’m tempted to just travel back up north to do my dental work, but it would be nice to find someone locally for cleanings. Nothing but crooks here as far as I have seen.

Please help!

We are seriously considering a move to New Jersey from South Florida. My husband is from NJ and we have family there. While we have a large budget, the taxes are going to be hard to stomach, so I want to make sure we get what we want with this move. This will be a long term move, as our children are entering later elementary years. I recognize it probably matters where we will be living, and we are only considering central NJ, likely New Providence, Berkeley Heights, Long Hill, Bernardsville, Basking Ridge, Mendham, Chester (possibly as far as Tewksbury or Clinton for family but less likely). Are these areas in New Jersey transient or are people more settled here?

The main reason for considering the move is how transient S. Florida is. While we have made lots of friends, we have not been able to build a strong community here because people are constantly coming and going. We want more stability for our kids and better schools. Strong community is the main priority.

Does NJ sound like a good fit for us?

We had a death in the family and my daughters will be attending their first funeral with us. It is a 2 day Catholic ceremony, so we need two outfits and it has to be nice church-like attire. I’m struggling to figure out what is appropriate for them to wear. They do not own much black and anything we have that is black is athletic attire. My oldest has a black jumpsuit, but it’s nothing fancy. Also, please help with footwear. They only have sneakers and sandals. Help!

I’m finding myself bored lately after many friends moved away. I have 3 kids, but they are becoming more independent and it’s time I find some things for myself. I do kickboxing, strength training, golf, reading, Switch and cooking. I’d love to find some new hobbies and interests, perhaps something social where I can meet some new friends, but individual hobbies are fine too. I like learning and exploring, but don’t have a whole lot of time.

Give me all the ideas! What worthwhile hobbies and interests have you picked up in your 30s?

What are the differences with these towns?

We are looking for strong schools, strong community and ability to have a yard and not be immediately on top of neighbors, but not far from civilization and things to do. Budget 1.5M. No need to commute into the city. Family is in Hunterdon county and work is in East Hanover.

My biggest insecurity is my love handles. I gain weight very easily there and even when I am fit and underweight, they never change. It’s been like this my whole life, constantly trying to hide and dress for my love handles. I’m growing tired of it and would like to consider lipo, but I do not want to do any other procedures. I’m happy with my waist, stomach, breasts… it’s just this one area I can’t stand.

Has anyone done lipo only on the love handles? Does it look natural? Did the area experience necrosis or hard lumps? Does it look out of proportion with the rest of your body?

My ferritin is so low. My hair has been falling out in clumps and it’s visually so much thinner than before and I have bald spots around my forehead. I used to have beautiful, full hair. It was part of my personality, honestly. This is the worse part about anemia for me, even worse than exhaustion. I get in the shower and I can just feel hair sliding down my body the whole time. It’s depressing.

What are we doing about hair loss? I’m trying my hardest to get my iron up, but I know it can take a long time for hair to improve. Are we using toppers or wigs? If so, how do you find good products that look natural? I’m open to anything at this point.

I’m looking for a resort for my daughter’s 10th birthday that features English riding. My daughter is horse obsessed and just simply wants the full horse experience for her birthday. She is an intermediate rider. Somewhere where she can do lessons plus trails would be a bonus. Even an experience riding on the beach/in water would be amazing. Within the USA only please. No western style ranch type of places.

Thank you!

We have been researching a move to New Jersey for years. My husband will work in East Hanover so within a 30 minute commute radius of there is important, although he can work from home too. We have finally narrowed down our search to the areas above.

In your own words, please tell me the good, the bad and the ugly about each of the locations above. What are the people and schools like in these locations? We’re moving from Florida for a better community, better schools and more family for our kids. Heavy on the community part, as where we are now is SO transient and we want to avoid a place like that. Stability is more important than anything.

Mendham is a huge favorite, but we are concerned about the development there, as we have seen the Save Mendham signs and know what it’s about. How drastically will it change that area if the proposed developments move forward?

My friend is clearly a hypochondriac. Either her or one of her kids is in the ER on a weekly basis. She does all of this bloodwork and screenings for various diseases on her kids monthly. She runs to the ER when her kids have stomach aches and puts them through MRIs and X-rays and all kinds of tests. She runs to the doctor for every little thing for herself too, and when they tell her she’s fine she’s back at another doctor the next day trying to prove them wrong. She also runs her 85 year old mother and brothers to the ER constantly for every minor ailment. Even the common cold has her running to the ER. There is always something.

While I’d like to be a supportive friend, I’m exhausted from hearing about it. It’s almost like the boy who cried wolf, I never believe her anymore when she tells me something is going on with her or one of the kids as sad as that is. I’m considering distancing myself. She’s one of my only friends in my current location.

What would you do in this scenario?

Hoping someone can help educate and advise me here.

I’m 37F with postpartum hair loss and some health issues which have caused nutrient and iron deficiencies making me lose lots of hair. I always had lucious locks. It’s texture is fine, but I have always had a lot of it. Most of my hair loss is around my crown and I’d like to start experimenting with wigs or toppers until I can get my health issues under control, but I have no idea where to start. I won’t do extensions because my stylist says it will damage my hair more. I have no grays so I am not coloring my hair at the moment to prevent more damage.

How do I cover up the hair loss particularly around the crown? How can I make this look as natural as possible? Where do you buy these products from? Tell me your step by step routine.

My son can be aggressive with his older siblings and sometimes it turns physical. He is a big boy and very strong, so his hitting and pushing actually hurts. He just completed his first year of school and his teacher said he just doesn’t understand his body and strength yet and his behaviors are normal, they all do it. He got written up twice this year, once for throwing a toy at someone and another time for pushing someone. This was a shock to me, as my two older girls never got written up, ever, and they are 8 and 9. He has never hit any adults but can be defiant at times, as any toddler can be, but he can be sweet too. His teacher was able to get on his level and he behaved well for her and listens other than the occasional toddler issue. His teacher says he’s very bright, he is advanced in language and he eats a variety of foods and loves to help and take direction at home. It just has to be constant, if he gets bored he acts out. He is in swim lessons and loves it and has been swimming well since he was 2.5. We tried baseball and he hated it and even threw a plastic bat, which I was so embarrassed about. He gets overly excited sometimes and hugs his friends hard where they fall down, but to be fair, they do the same thing. He can be aggressive with younger children or children who are passive. He gets along great with older kids and can hold his own in a group of boys much older than him. His teacher says he is “all boy,” and doesn’t have concerns for his development at all, but I want to nip this in the bud.

While I don’t think he has a “diagnosis,” I want to work on these aggression issues in therapy before he gets bigger and stronger. He is going to a new school next year and I hope they are as loving and understanding as his previous school.

What therapies or activities should we consider for this type of behavior? I’m sure he needs a better outlet for his physical needs. We want to work on social skills, aggression and possibly parent therapy to assist us at home. Help! Thanks in advance.

My son can be aggressive with his older siblings and sometimes it turns physical. He is a big boy and very strong, so his hitting and pushing actually hurts. He just completed his first year of school and his teacher said he just doesn’t understand his body and strength yet and his behaviors are normal, they all do it. He got written up twice this year, once for throwing a toy at someone and another time for pushing someone. This was a shock to me, as my two older girls never got written up, ever, and they are 8 and 9. He has never hit any adults but can be defiant at times, as any toddler can be, but he can be sweet too. His teacher was able to get on his level and he behaved well for her and listens other than the occasional toddler issue. His teacher says he’s very bright, he is advanced in language and he eats a variety of foods and loves to help and take direction at home. It just has to be constant, if he gets bored he acts out. He is in swim lessons and loves it and has been swimming well since he was 2.5. We tried baseball and he hated it and even threw a plastic bat, which I was so embarrassed about. He gets overly excited sometimes and hugs his friends hard where they fall down, but to be fair, they do the same thing. He can be aggressive with younger children or children who are passive. He gets along great with older kids and can hold his own in a group of boys much older than him. His teacher says he is “all boy,” and doesn’t have concerns for his development at all, but I want to nip this in the bud.

While I don’t think he has a “diagnosis,” I want to work on these aggression issues in therapy before he gets bigger and stronger. He is going to a new school next year and I hope they are as loving and understanding as his previous school.

What therapies or activities should we consider for this type of behavior? I’m sure he needs a better outlet for his physical needs. We want to work on social skills, aggression and possibly parent therapy to assist us at home. Help! Thanks in advance.

My son is 3 and can be aggressive. He was in preschool this year and his teacher says he is “all boy,” very smart but just physically strong and since he’s the 3rd child and baby of the family, he gets what he wants by pushing occasionally. He does fight with his older sisters quite a bit and it does become physical at times. These behaviors are not all the time and he can be very sweet and listens to his teachers well and has never hit or hurt me or his Dad or any adults. He did hit one child in his class when she took a toy and we got a note sent home. We have tried putting him in sports and he does not listen well in organized sports and won’t participate except in swim, he loves swim class and was swimming like a fish by 2.5. He is starting a ninja class soon and I think he will like the physical aspect of it.

He doesn’t understand his strength and his body. Some of it is toddler behavior, but I think he could benefit from behavioral therapy and social skills building. I would also like to be able to observe therapy and utilize the skills at home as a parent to stop the sibling fighting. His language is and has always been beyond his years and I’m not concerned with learning, sensory issues or eating. I just want to nip it in the bud now before he begins a new school and before he gets bigger and stronger. We are assuming we will have to pay out of pocket and I think that’s okay because I don’t think he will need extensive therapy.

Is this something that can be done, therapy without a diagnosis? Does ABA benefit children without a diagnosis with aggression issues? Thanks!

My husband and I are considering a move to Bucks County from South Florida. We are somewhat familiar with the area, as my husband ‘s family lives close by in New Jersey.

The main reason we are considering a move is for our 3 children (ages 3, 8 and 9). It would be nice to live closer to family and we don’t like the ostentatiousness and grandiosity of our current area. We are looking for more “understated” or “quiet” affluence and great public schools. We want a big yard or some land. We want more stability, as we live in a transient area and it’s hard to make friends for both ourselves and our kids. I stay home with my children and it would be nice to find some families with similar dynamics. My husband will have to go into the office occasionally in Livingston, but mostly will work from home. We like the tax savings in PA and accessibility to NYC and Philadelphia. We have one daughter who rides horses and another who plays softball and golf. We want our kids outside, not playing on iPads and it seems that’s all we have in our area. Kids are never outside playing.

Some questions I have:

What are public schools really like? Are teachers paid appropriately and valued? Do teachers stay in their schools or is there a lot of moving around? Are there lots of behavioral issues in public schools? Do kids spend a majority of their day on computers? What are the best schools in Bucks County? We really want our kids going to school with most of the same kids from elementary through high school. Is it a transient area? Is there a sense of stability for families? Is softball, golf and horse riding easily accessible? In general, are kids welcoming to newcomers in this area?

Do you think Bucks County would be a good place for us given my list above? Tell me everything, the good, the bad and the ugly. This would be a forever move for us, so we really want to get it right. Thanks in advance!

I cannot for the life of me, find a sunscreen that won’t break me out. I get terrible cystic acne and while I know it’s hormonal, I have noticed when I wear SPF I breakout the same day versus when I don’t, I have no acne. I have to have a vegan formula, as I am allergic to mammalian protein. Thanks!