r/SameGrassButGreener

Milwaukee, Cleveland, Minneapolis, or Detroit?

I think that Idaho, New Hampshire, Arkansas, North Carolina and New Mexico are all up there.

what do you think?

Apologies in advance for my super immature username. I made it when I was an immature younger person and cannot change it now. Anyways can someone help me brainstorm places in the US that might be better for me based on the below? I (25M) currently live in Denver CO - I originally moved here 2 years ago for a job but also conveniently looked in Denver given I do enjoy the outdoors (e.g, hiking, skiing, running, really anything outside). I’ve enjoyed Denver somewhat - runs at Wash Park, skiing the Front Range, hiking 14ers have all been enjoyable and definitely satisfy my inner granola. That being said, I recently transitioned jobs and got a remote gig, and am seriously considering leaving Denver. Here are my pros / cons (thanks in advance!):

Cons

1. No Hustle Culture: I’m career oriented and work in tech and finance. While I enjoy the outdoors, I am trying to make a really strong career out of what I do. While there are certainly others doing so, it just doesn’t have the same feel as where I previously lived (downtown Chicago) where you can relate to people about work, long hours, trying to elevate, etc. Most people I meet, including my friends, do not care that much about their jobs and have no intention to either. I would love to live somewhere with more of a career focused feel where most 20-something’s are also career minded so that I don’t feel alone. I’m also trying to start my own company on the side so I’ve definitely been feeling isolated because none of my friends really get it nor do they even understand the startup desire.
2. Boring / Lack of Culture: While there certainly are city amenities I enjoy such as fun cafes, great music venues, bars, clubs, etc., I do feel that it just lacks this feeling that’s kind of hard to pin - but maybe it’s culture? I am from the east coast, went to a boarding school for high school, and was lucky enough to travel to many different places while I was growing up. I feel that there’s not that many “worldly” (sorry if that sounds pretentious) people here - so it’s kind of hard to relate to people sometimes. I definitely crave somewhere that’s more of a melting pot with more urban, worldly, highly educated people that I can relate to more.
3. Dating: Dating scene is kinda rough as an ethnic man. Every time I go to NYC or Chicago to visit my friends, I get tons of matches on the apps from girls I’d genuinely be interested in meeting. In Denver it’s rare af. I just don’t have the same appeal. It’s also kinda rare maybe my dating app algorithm is just messed up though to find a career oriented girl who is also into the outdoors.
4. Weather: I know this might shock some, but I actually don’t like the weather here as much as most. I definitely appreciate the warm days in the winter and more sunshine than most places, but I hate how it barely ever rains in a nice all day sustained type of way, I hate the smoke and air quality issues, I hate the 2-week-long spells in the summer where it feels like a hair dryer when you walk out of your apartment. I miss east coast nourishing rain where my skin wouldn’t constantly peel. That being said I do have to say this past winter was pretty awesome despite the bad ski conditions. Also I know I can’t have everything so please don’t flame me in the comments. I also hate how dry it is and would love to be near an ocean. I love living near water

Pros:

1. Outdoors: I do love how I can scratch my outdoors itch so easily by living here. Whether it’s small by going to Wash or Cheesman, or something as big as camping in the San Juan’s for the weekend, I can do it all which I love. I love skiing, hiking, and running and bouldering (even though I seldom do it outside). I also like how easy it is to find friends who like the same stuff. It’s way harder to find these types of friends in Chicago, for example. That being said, I definitely need to live somewhere that has at least some access to areas that align with my outdoor interests, but like I said earlier, career matters for me the most so I wouldn’t move somewhere that has no career opportunities in tech/finance.
2. Lifestyle (Kinda): So I did live in NYC at one point and while it’s teeming with culture, diversity, uniqueness, people similar to me, it’s also super over stimulating, which I did not like. Denver is much better pace wise in that I feel like I can breathe, but I almost feel under stimulated going back to my hustle culture and boring point. So I’m trying to find a good blend or both? That being said I have some friends who live in Brooklyn in NYC and that neighborhood vibe seems like I reasonable pace vs Manhattan which is where I lived when I lived in NYC. But idk, I don’t know if Brooklyn really meets my other criteria especially with outdoors access. It’s also stupid expensive but my job pays decently well so I could figure it out

Overall, it’s kinda hard to figure out where to move as someone who is career focused in tech/finance who craves a more urban diverse place with people who understand my background a bit more but also with decent outdoors access, and a pace that is fast but not crazy. Hopefully that makes sense, would love people’s thoughts!! Thank you.

As an ex-USAID Foreign Service family, we’ve spent the last 20 years repeatedly building community in embassies and housing pools all over the world. Doing it back in the U.S. has proven much harder.
One of the most difficult parts of my previous career was saying goodbye to great people every 2-4 years. Instead, we’re looking for a community that is easy for newcomers to integrate into and where neighbors stick around for decades to raise families and grow old.

Our housing budget up to $550,000. Household income around $170,000 (including husband’s remote job and my federal pension). We value affordability and tax efficiency, but we will pay higher taxes if they support outstanding public schools, libraries, parks, and community infrastructure.
Our kids are ages 9 and 11. We want a top-tier public school district (ideally top 10% nationally) that balances strong academic outcomes with a healthy, well-rounded childhood. The state should also have a high-quality public university system for long-term tuition value.
We love historical neighborhoods (Craftsman, Tudor, Colonial, Four Square) with mature tree canopies, active front porches. And we’d like a community where people actually walk, and neighbors paths cross at a central town common, park, or main street.
Our family is progressive/independent and values intellectual curiosity and lifelong learning. Things like native-plant gardening, independent coffee shops, public lectures, and a vibrant local music scene.
We prefer a true four-season climate. However, my husband isn’t a fan of endless, bitter northern winters, and I prefer to avoid relentless, swampy southern summers.

We would love to hear your suggestions!

Interesting demographic but I 59M with wife 37F and a son 3M are looking to retire. Currently in the Midwest. I must get away from winter but everywhere I look it's brutally hot in the summer We have already visited specifically looking for retirement options Orlando, Phoenix, Las Vegas, DFW, Austin, Houston. We are going to Vancouver WA and Lacey WA next (Lacey becomes more obvious in the next two paragraphs) and then Atlanta, Charleston SC and Jacksonville FL later this year.

Specific requirements that make decisions difficult. We need to be within 20 minutes of good Asian grocery stores and within 30 minutes of a good Vietnamese grocery store. So, that probably rules out 87% of the US. Maybe more.

Bonus points for an airport that flies to Vietnam in two flights but that really limits us to Seattle, Phoenix, some CA cities, Dallas, Houston, Atlanta unless I missed one. I said "some CA cities" because CA is out as a retirement destination. Sacramento was considered briefly, but not really an option.

Then we need to consider good schools for our kiddo.

Am I missing anywhere not listed above?

Im so stressed out I don't know where to begin. NYC nurse with family, we want to own/buy a 3 bedroom condo or townhome and stop renting. Spouse works but it's not enough ($17/hr, 3-5 days weekly, medical clerical office stuff, no degree or license, thus much harder for her to find work if moving). Although I make a lot, my spouse makes much less and overall what we make is not enough to afford a mortgage anywhere near NYC. The only grace is I have $175k inheritance money in savings but I'm not looking to throw away the entire thing on a down payment. Monthly cost is the issue.

Right now our rent is $3200 (including utilities). Mortgages are $4000-5000 and up (with 20% down) in NYC boros, Yonkers, white plains, Jersey City, North Bergen, fort lee, orange, etc. the only thing affordable anywhere near NYC limits, that would allow us to keep our current jobs and reasonably commute, are co-ops.

Early this year , We were displaced from our previous rental after 3 years because the landlord decided to sell the house. I can't put into words how stressful and unexpected this was. I had no choice but to get us an "emergency" apartment in the nearby area to replace it. Tbh it's not as great as the last one and this landlord is lazy and not that bright.

This displacement experience has put our desire to buy and own into overdrive. We don't want to renew our lease with this guy. My wife doesn't want to rent anymore, I don't blame her.

She's not as worried/stressed about it, saying she believes we will find something and we have time, but I am because as the main money maker, I feel like I'm carrying everyone as my responsibility. My diet and fitness have gone to crap the past 6 months,.all because I don't know what's going to happen or where we'll be living next year.

We considering relocating entirely (job and home) to other states but anywhere else I will 1) need to buy a car, 2) find a job that pays enough to afford a mortgage and carry my family because I feel like my spouse Will probably have a harder time finding a job in her line of work. The transitions overall seem daunting and overwhelming at first glance.

There's a hospital in south NJ that seems interested in me but it's non-union and I would make $6500/month net if I take it. I heard cost of living there is hit or miss.

I've ruled out the south states like FL, nope. Minnesota seems ideal but we don't think we can handle that winter. Texas sounds ideal too but that open carry gun policy kinda makes me nervous (people with bad tempers are everywhere). I don't know where to go, I just want this to be over so I can get back to my life.

Looking for advice and input from anyone.
I have lived in Indiana all my life. It’s affordable is about the only good thing about it. Me and my wife dont want to waste the rest of our lives here. Education sucks, waterways suck, infrastructure is terrible, etc.

I’m mainly looking for a place to raise my family. We have some money raised up to buy us a decent home (700k) we are looking for a suburban/rural life with a decent sized backyard. We love gardening, and outdoor activities. But would still need proximity to at-least a small sized city for shopping/jobs. We prefer a warmer climate, dont like the cold winters here in Indiana.

So far we are looking at places like Raleigh NC, Salem OR, Medford OR, Durham NC.

From our perspective it seems like:

Oregon is less humid, better nature/views, closer to Coast, cleaner waterways, more mild weathers. But they come at the cost of increased COL, worse homes at our budget, possibility of having to be compromise being farther away from large cities.

Whereas NC: we could get a much nicer home, and is much more affordable.but it’s more humid and has a far right government that is anti-workers.

Any input, advice, or recommendations? We are also open to other states/cities!

I want to explain my specific situation in life. I'm a 39 year old man who's an Army veteran. I'm retired with disability benefits. I bought my first house at the end of 2020. I have a 30 year mortgage with a 2.5% interest rate. I was recently approved for a property tax exemption by my county. I don't have to pay property taxes as long as my current home is my primary residence. My VA benefits will remain the same, roughly $4,000 and month tax free, no matter where I live.

I own a house outside of the Phoenix area. When I bought my house in December, 2020 I thought that the Trump/MAGA era was over in America. Obviously, I was wrong. I live in a very conservative neighborhood filled with giant trucks and Trump supporters. Even though I'm a straight white man, I don't feel comfortable in a conservative neighborhood. I also strongly dislike the extreme heat during Phoenix summers.

I'm an extremely introverted person. I have social anxiety, and am very likely on the autism spectrum. I don't have any friends or contact with any of my family. I feel less trustful of people with everything currently happening in America.

I'm thinking about possibly selling my house after Trump leaves office. The current situation in America is very unpredictable, and I need my house to give me stability. If I did move, I'm thinking about moving to Albuquerquee, New Mexico. It's less hot, less expensive, and less conservative than Phoenix. I could make between $50 - $80k in profit if I sell my house in 3 or 4 years. That depends on what happens with the housing market. Obviously, selling isn't an issue that I'm taking lightly. I would be giving up a house with a 2.5% interest rate with no property taxes. I can't rent out my house because it has to be owner occupied with my property tax exemption and a HELOC.

I grew up in Michigan, and I'm considering either moving back to the Midwest after 20 years away, or onto new things, such as New England. Every city I used to know seems different, so I don't know where to begin.

I've moved around the country alone, so most anywhere affordable for a helping professional is fair game. I can handle cold, wet, shitty weather, but I'm over the oppressive heat/sun of the SE and SW. I would prefer locals be reserved-but-kind rather than acts-nice-is-mean.

I'm single in my 40s with no kids and prefer midsized cities. I always loved Chicago, but I'm not sure I can swing the HCOL and IL taxes. I'd consider a working class suburb in a metro area. I have a remote job with a modest salary that's expected to end in a year or so, so the local job market needs to be decent.

A thriving music and arts scene is important to me. I don't drink for health reasons and I'm not much of a homebody. I'd love someplace walkable with restaurants, theaters, and things to do besides watch sports with a fridge full of lite beer in the garage.

EDIT: Yeah, I know. My best option is accepting I can't afford to live someplace better, but I haven't given up yet.

I live in Cincinnati, Ohio. I actually love most everything about it. The architecture, food scene, friends and family live here, great parks, hillsides… but I’m really struggling with the lack of water.

I guess I’m wondering if living somewhere with a lake, beach, ocean etc really affects overall happiness. I don’t know if I’m getting hung up on something so arbitrary. It feels insane to move just because there isn’t water nearby, but I wonder a lot about it.

and not just your own problems?

I've stuck it out in my current city for 5-6 years, changed housing once, have worked a few jobs here and stayed until I got my RN and some nursing experience under my belt. This place checks a lot of boxes but I have just never been able to feel like it's the right place for me. I've dated a bunch but have not had a long-term relationship since I moved here, and have made very few solid friendships despite having sought out social events, hobbies, volunteer work etc. I've moved a lot (and sometimes hastily) in the past so that makes me wary of just blaming the place, especially since I have some family nearby and financially/careerwise staying put could benefit me, but I'm 37 now and scared of wasting the rest of my 30s in a place I feel stagnant and unhappy.

How do you truly know it's time to move on from a place versus trying to work through less-than-ideal circumstances?

Hey everyone! I’d love to get input on potential cities for me to move to, and thoughts on moving without any specific “need.” Sorry for the long post, just want to give more details if it’s helpful!

My story:
I’m 29F, currently living in the SF Bay Area where I was raised. I’ve been living in California pretty much all of my life, and I’m craving a new adventure. I recently went through a major breakup and got a remote job, so this feels like the time to go for it. I’m looking for a major city that offers opportunities to grow in a new direction.

My interests:
I like to be social, active, try new things, and take a variety of classes. I like amateur arts and crafts, learning languages, running, hiking, social fitness (eg martial arts, climbing, rowing), and chatting with new people.

What I’m looking for:
* Walkable / bikeable / transit friendly
* Relative nature access (some kind of hike or forest within 2 hours by transit) and running/biking trails
* Availability of hobby classes for adults
* Amount of people in their late 20s/early 30s who are single and interested in meeting people and trying new things (not necessarily looking to date, just to have more friends who aren’t coupled up)
* People being down-to-earth, open-minded, less interested in status and materialism
* Prefer more racially and economically integrated if possible
* A decent Asian population (doesn’t need to be huge, just don’t want to feel like the only Asian person around)
* Sun if possible
* Blue states preferred

Things that don’t matter as much to me:
* COL (my salary is 200k+ and I’m open to finding roommates)
* Drinking (I’m a lightweight)
* Weather
* Safety / noise
* Buying a house / kid-friendliness

My worries:
I read a lot of comments saying places are about the people, wherever you go there you are, and to grow where you’re planted. I also see that most moves are about COL, family, or work. I don’t have much family, and most of my friends are either in California or scattered in places I don’t want to live, so moving to any of the cities I mentioned would be starting over from scratch. I’m happy to go to meetup groups and be proactive, just want to feel like I’m living somewhere that’s giving me the best shot at having my work pay off.

Cities I’m currently considering:
NYC
Boston
Chicago
Philly

Open to any other suggestions! There’s so many places in the US I haven’t seen, so happy to consider anything 😊

I’d also love to hear experiences from people who also moved just to explore and how that went. How was it rebuilding your support system, what did you learn, and was it “worth it”?

Some people live in bubbles and don’t realize it and have trouble integrating new information from a wider array of people. They think their niche opinion is the default and everything else is strange and/or inauthentic.

People point out a bunch of different opinions they only hear here and don’t consider that maybe it‘s because they interact with more different people here.

I’ve read a lot of angry essays from people about how some imaginary collective of people here hates or loves x place and some crazy theory to explain why, when really it’s something that’s common unless you live in a bubble and the individual who wrote the essay is having trouble accepting people liking something else.

What’s the value of discussion here if any opinion you don’t like is dismissed as not real?

Presumably most people aren’t going to agree with you here. If you feel the need to outright dismiss or minimize any opinion you don’t like, why are you here?

lived for a month to 3 months in each state here. I like hiking (and actual hiking not just walks).

NH - stayed in the Laconia area and that seems decent but not the best . I liked the access to the White Mounrains and was decently close to the airport

WA - I stayed in Olympia and Vancouver and I in general prefer Vancouver a bit more with access to hikes. Just way to much traffic by Olympia to go hiking daily

AZ - stayed in Sedona and love it but really more if a vacation place imo

CO - haven’t really stayed in one place , moved around a lot . I don’t know what area would be best

MN - stayed in Hudson WI, I do like the access to Duluth but getting bored with what there is to offer

TX - love Austin but god the hikes are just ehhhh

buget for a house is 400k-450k max (450k in WA where no income tax helps) with 65-100k down. don’t really want a shoe box , something with acre or a garage is good . I don’t want to live in the city itself

musts :

easy access to hikes for daily hiking

airport within 1.5hrs

bonus::

Costco near

So I've been in Maryland for a year. Got a decent job, but the housing market has been frustrating. It just feels like if i want to live in a decent area with good schools, you have to pay top dollar. And my salary doesn't allow that. One reason I left Minnesota was because I kept getting rejected for jobs. It was to the point where I wasn't sure if the problem was my performance or other factors. Other reasons were to be closer to family and because the east coast imo has a wider choice of colleges. Which includes HBCU schools. So back to housing, I want to talk about a few difference i've noticed here. Maryland is more townhouse friendly, I never saw a lot of townhouses back in Minnesota. Most houses I've seen are more huge homes with a basement. In Maryland you might see a 3 bedroom house for rent for 2200 but its like 800 to 1000 sq ft. Another thing is outside of Baltimore, it's suburbs aren't really walkable. I used to live in Richfield and it was way more walkable. Maryland is a lot more private school obsessed where as Minnesota, you might get your head chopped off if you talk about private school(Yes I'm overexaggerating but it's true) . I just want to know what surprised you when making the move from the Midwest to East Coast or vice versa. Did you have trouble adjusting to the housing market or the private school obession on the east coast. I know Maryland and Philly def send their kids to private schools from experience. The conversation does not have to be limited to just Minnesota and Maryland or Philly by the way

Currently live in Philadelphia and I got a job offer for a hybrid role in Chicago….while pregnant. They are generously offering to waive the one-year requirement for eligibility for their parental leave benefits, but want me to be relocated to Chicago after leave (which would be in Feb!). We are struggling with the decision and need help from parents who have lived in both cities. We have friends in Chicago, but most of our community is actually in NYC. Love our Philly friends, but none of them have kids. Financially—both options are doable for us (we would be Ok with me not working, but I want to/don’t see myself as a stay-at-home mom).

Move to Chicago:

Pros: Great job offer for me in an impossible market (I am a researcher working in international education—both international development and ed research have been decimated by the Trump administration).

Cons: Husband is an attorney and while he will be able to find a job in Chicago, he really likes his job in Philly and it is a big risk for him. And moving with an infant in the winter sounds like hell. Further from NYC.

Stay in Philly:

Pros: We like Philly. Super walkable, good friends, close to our NYC people. Can nest with new baby and not be stressed with a move freshly postpartum.

Cons: Job market for me is terrible. If I say “no” to this job—who knows how long it will take me to find something and staying in Philly means working remotely (which I also don’t love).

What other things to think about before deciding? Will we find community among parents easily in Chicago? Tips? Opinions?

Hi all! I’m 24F, earn $70k, and currently live in Dallas but hope to relocate next summer. I’ve visited Philly several times, in both summer and winter, and loved it, but that’s obviously not the same as actually living there, so I’d love to hear y’all’s thoughts. And if there’s another city that you think I should consider, let me know!

My biggest priorities in life right now are:
- My career (I can work remotely anywhere in the continental U.S., but being somewhere with an active social impact sector would be nice, in case I ever need to find a new job — but also so I can participate in local chapters of professional associations)
- Finding a partner / meeting liberal men of similar age/hobbies

What I’m looking for in a city: can get a 1-bedroom apartment in a centrally located neighborhood for ideally less than $1.5k per month (but can spend up to $2k including utilities), plethora of independently owned small businesses, community feel (e.g., active neighborhood associations), diversity, lots of vegan food, access to green space (urban parks are fine, they don’t have to be huge), always has some sort of event happening. I’m not a fan of how hot Texas summers can get but really do value sunshine and mild winters (hence why I’m not considering the Pacific Northwest). I don’t mind (some) snow but generally dislike rain / grey skies.

My hobbies are reading, rock climbing, thrifting, trying new recipes (access to well-stocked grocery stores is critical), traveling (would ideally live near an international airport), and taking random classes. I’d like to get involved with the Junior League and/or community theater wherever I end up. I don’t want to get a car, so public transit access is important (but I live car-free in Dallas right now, so it’s not like I have high standards).

I think Philly overall would be a great fit for me, especially because I don’t mind its two major drawbacks: I don’t want kids, so no worries about school quality, and I’m already used to living in a dirty city (you’d think downtown Dallas is an apocalyptic wasteland based on how some people describe it online, but I like it). I’d love to hear y’all’s thoughts! If you live in Philly and think there’s a particular neighborhood I’d like, let me know. Or if you think I would hate the city, that’s also important info. Thanks in advance for the advice :)

I’ve been visiting San Diego quite a bit for work this year and have really been enjoying it. I just spent the last week there outside of work exploring neighborhoods I’m considering, especially Hillcrest and Bankers Hill.

I see a lot of negativity about SD online, but most of it seems to revolve around the cost of living. Fortunately, that’s not a major concern for me. My bigger questions are about lifestyle and community.

I love the beach, but I’m not a fan of CA beaches (cold water), so I probably won’t take advantage of the “sunshine tax” as much as others. I’m also coming from a mountainous state , and my job has me working in rural mountain areas for about half the year, so easy access to mountains isn’t a priority since I get plenty of that already.

My biggest concerns are whether the city will feel diverse enough and whether there’s a strong sense of community. Is there anything else you wish you’d known before moving to San Diego?

I realize spending time there for work is very different from actually living there, so I know my perspective is limited. Right now, though, I genuinely love the idea of moving. I’d love to hear from people who’ve made the move or have lived there for a while, what do you love, and what would you caution someone about?

For those that moved within the last few years, how has your experience been overall?

What have been the biggest pros and cons compared to where you came from?

Deciding between one of the PNW cities. Any remarkable differences between the two? Which one is better for a single person in their 30s and a job that pays close to 90k?