My daughter just started TK. The program ends at 1:30 and then she attends the after school program until 4 (unless I can make it earlier). The after-program provides snacks, but they’ve been highly processed options (think Nutri-grain bars), which is contrary to the schools mission of offering only minimally processed, whole grains, no corn syrup or excessive added sugars, etc.

I reached out to the director today and he’s response was positive but he expressed that the kids won’t eat the healthier options and they feel at a loss.

My daughter came from a preschool that offered all meals and snacks and they never had any highly processed foods, so this is new territory for me. I know my kid would eat hard boiled eggs, pretzels with hummus, yogurt with bananas, etc., but the director raises a fair point that some other kids won’t.

For me, I’d rather my kid skip a snack if she really doesn’t like it and just have extra dinner. But it made me wonder what the overall thought on this was. I certainly don’t want to push for something just because I have a problem but no one else does.

So, what would you prefer for your kiddo?

I am in the US and there are pretty strict expectations that kids be able to hop out of your car the second you stop in the school car drop off line. My daughter just turned 4 and is still rear facing because she still less than 40lbs and hasn’t met height requirements to be forward facing. Because she’s rear facing it takes a bit longer to climb out. I’m of the opinion that I shouldn’t have to turn her around if rear facing is safest, but the teachers assisting are a bit impatient trying to rush her out (side note she goes to a smaller private school so this isn’t a massive school trying to get 400 kids through the car line). We are working with her to get practice climbing out to get her faster and steadier, but I’ve had multiple people say we have to turn her around just for school drop off ease. Anyone else getting pressured to turn their preschooler around for this reason?

Would I be wrong for pausing or terminating care after police showed up at my home daycare on the child’s first day because of a custody/communication issue?

For privacy, I will not be giving away any personal information. I will just be referring to the people in the story Mom, Dad, and child.

I recently started providing childcare out of my home, and today was the first day caring for a new child(m4). Important note: this child is my first ever child that I have watched under my at home childcare and this was my first day.
I’m looking for opinions from other childcare providers and parents because I’m genuinely unsure what the appropriate response is.
For context, I know the child’s dad through a mutual friend connection, but I’ve only personally met Dad a few times just this week. Before starting care, Dad told me that he and the child’s mother are separated/divorced. I was not given any details of their custody arrangement and did not know there was an active disagreement regarding childcare.
Dad dropped the child off at my house around 6:30 this morning. Throughout the morning, I communicated with Dad regularly, told him what his child ate and how he was doing, and sent pictures/videos.
Dad came back around lunchtime and picked his child up. Everything seemed completely normal.
About an hour AFTER the child had already left my house, four police officers showed up at my door.
Obviously, I was extremely caught off guard and scared because this has never happened before. I invited them inside and asked what was going on.
They explained that the child’s mother had contacted police because she did not know where her child had been during the day. Apparently, Dad had sent Mom one of the videos I had taken of the child, and she did not know who I was or where her child was being cared for. She contacted police to make sure her child was okay.
By the time officers arrived, the child had already been picked up by Dad about an hour earlier.
I explained everything to the officers, including how I knew Dad, when the child was dropped off/picked up, and that I had been communicating with Dad throughout the morning. My home also has a security system that records the common areas, so I told them that the child’s entire time in my care was recorded if they needed anything.
Here is where I’m conflicted.
Before today, I did NOT know that Mom was unaware her child would be coming to my home. I didn’t have Mom’s phone number or contact information. I also did not know the specifics of their custody arrangement.
Dad had previously told me that Mom could pick the child up from daycare, but that she would need to be added to the authorized pickup list first. He had also warned me that Mom can sometimes be confrontational and told me that if she ever came to pick up the child and appeared impaired, I should contact him or police. I did relay that to the police and the officers stated that if Mom ever came to pick up the child and seemed intoxicated to call the police right away.
After everything that happened today, I learned that both parents apparently still have custody/parental rights. Had I known that beforehand, I obviously would have wanted both parents’ information and clarity regarding the custody arrangement before beginning care.
I can also understand Mom’s perspective to an extent. If I unexpectedly received a video of my child inside a stranger’s house and didn’t know who that person was or where my child was, I would probably be scared too. So I don’t necessarily think she called police specifically to cause problems for me.
However, I’m now extremely uncomfortable being placed in the middle of whatever is happening between these parents.
This is my home as well as my childcare business. My own children are here during the day, and I will have other daycare children here too. Four police officers showing up at my home because of this dispute on literally the FIRST DAY of care really scared me.
I’m also worried about what happens if something like this occurs again while other parents are dropping off/picking up their children. I don’t want other families seeing multiple police officers outside my home and becoming uncomfortable with the daycare environment because of issues completely unrelated to the care I’m providing.

Can someone please tell me if how I’m feel is wrong?would I be in the wrong if I tell Dad that I am pausing care until:
- Both parents information is included in the child’s enrollment paperwork.
-I understand who has legal custody and decision making authority.
-I receive a copy of any custody/parenting plan or court order that affects childcare or pickup.
-Both parents know exactly where their child is receiving care and have my contact information.
-There is a clear written authorized-pickup arrangement.
-Both parents understand that I cannot be placed in the middle of their custody disagreements.

I’m also considering terminating care altogether if this situation appears likely to continue.
I feel awful because the child did absolutely nothing wrong. He did great today, I enjoyed having him, and I would otherwise have no problem continuing to care for him.
At the same time, this happened on day 1, and I’m worried I’m getting an early warning that this family situation could bring repeated police visits, confrontations, custody disputes, or other issues into my home and around the other children in my care.
Would I be wrong for pausing care until the parents get this figured out? And for other home daycare providers, would you continue care after something like this, or would this be enough for you to terminate the enrollment?

Someone please tell me if I’m being too harsh! Your advice is greatly appreciated.

UPDATE and additional context because I’ve gotten a lot of comments:
First, thank you to everyone who gave me constructive advice. Some of the comments were hard to read, but there have also been several people who explained what they would do differently, what their own childcare programs require, and what I should consider adding to my paperwork. That’s the kind of feedback I was looking for.
I also want to clear up some assumptions I’m seeing about my childcare setup.
I am currently an unlicensed home childcare provider. This is legally permitted under the rules applicable to my current setup in my state while I remain within the applicable child limit. I am not operating a large unlicensed daycare with a house full of children.
I am also in the process of working toward becoming state licensed/certified. In the meantime, I am starting very small with private-pay childcare to see how running a home childcare program goes before expanding.
I’m new at this. I don’t know everything, and I’m not going to pretend that I do. Nobody begins a new profession already knowing how to handle every situation they’re eventually going to encounter. Part of why I posted here was to hear from people with more experience than me so I can identify gaps and improve.
One thing I absolutely took away from today is that I should not have allowed care to begin before the enrollment paperwork was completed. That will not happen again.
I’m already updating my enrollment form and Terms & Conditions based on what I’ve learned. I’m adding clearer sections regarding legal parents/guardians, custody/court order disclosures, parental access vs. additional authorized pickup persons, required information before the first day of care, parent communication, documentation, and what happens if conflicting parental instructions or custody disputes affect the childcare environment.

Now for the update regarding Mom and Dad:
Dad called me after I made this post and explained what happened from his side. He also showed me the text conversation between himself and Mom.
According to Dad, he told Mom Tuesday night that their child would be attending childcare with me.
The following morning, Mom asked Dad for my information and the childcare paperwork. Dad told her he would provide it, and the messages I saw show that he did.
Before police arrived at my house, Mom had been given:
My name, my phone number, the address where her child was receiving care, the daycare schedule
Information that her child was currently at daycare, a video update I had sent Dad that morning
In the messages, Mom specifically asked Dad where the child was, and Dad told her he was at daycare. She also discussed the fact that the enrollment forms had not yet been completed.
So this changes my understanding of why police came to my home.
When the officers arrived, my understanding from that conversation was that Mom did not know where her child was, didn’t know who I was, and had called police to make sure he was okay. Based on the messages Dad has now shown me, she had actually been provided my name, address, phone number and information that her child was at daycare before the police were called.
I do not know exactly what Mom told police, what prompted her to call despite having that information, or whether there is additional context I don’t have, so I’m not going to accuse her of lying or speculate about her motives.
I am documenting what occurred and keeping the communications that were provided to me.
When I spoke with Dad today, he told me that he contacted an attorney and intends to pursue full custody because, according to him, this is not the first time there have been issues between the parents.
I made it clear to Dad that I will not involve myself in their custody dispute or take either parent’s side.
Dad has told me that there is currently no court order restricting either parent’s access to their child. Therefore, unless and until I am provided with a court order or other legally enforceable documentation stating otherwise, I will not independently prevent either legal parent from picking up or accessing their child.
If Dad or Mom later provides me with a current court order that affects custody, access, or pickup, I will follow the applicable restrictions at that time.
Dad pursuing a change in custody does not change how I will handle things in the meantime. I am the child’s childcare provider, not the person responsible for determining which parent should have custody.

As far as continuing care, I have decided to not automatically terminate him because of one incident. However, I am tightening my procedures immediately.
Before he returns to care, I will have his completed enrollment paperwork. Both known legal parents and their contact information will be documented, Dad will disclose whether there are any court orders/legal restrictions affecting access or pickup, and I will have clear documentation regarding who is authorized for what.
I also now know that Mom has my contact information and knows exactly where her child receives care.
If this was a one time situation, I am willing to move forward. If the parents conflict repeatedly results in police involvement, confrontations, or disruption to my home and the other children in my care, then I will reconsider whether I am the appropriate childcare provider for this family.
I’m taking the constructive criticism seriously. There were gaps in my intake process, and I’m fixing them.
But being new and having things to learn does not mean I’m unwilling to learn or that I’m operating illegally simply because I’m currently unlicensed.
For those of you who explained what I could do better without attacking me personally, genuinely thank you.

My 5-year old wakes up between 6 - 7, but knows by the time on the clock and the colour of his nightlight that he has to stay in bed until 7. Normally during school and summer camp, this works fine. But next week I'm off work and oh my goshhhh we would love a bit of a sleep-in (I wake up early with him every day of the year except my birthday and Mother's Day). However, when I try and tell my son we're going to stay in bed until 7:30, he is ADAMANT that the clock says 7 and the light is green so it's time to get up. I could try and convince him that we're going to wake up at 7:30 instead but I fear I will lose that battle every day. How unethical would it be to change the clock in his room by 30 minutes so he thinks it's 7 while it's really 7:30? His bedtime varies so it wouldn't cause a problem in the evenings. Is this a harmless white lie? Would you do it?

I need help. My daughter is newly 4, and has ALWAYS been truly the most difficult child. She was a colicky baby who screamed and cried 24/7. She hardly slept until she was 3.5, and even now it can sometimes be a struggle for her.

Naps don’t refresh her, they cause her to wake up disoriented and angry. It seems that she cannot handle a single minor inconvenience without throwing herself to the floor screaming. She doesn’t want to eat (but of course she would eat if it was ice cream and treats all day). She seems to always be whining about something (therefore we cannot understand her) instead of using her normal voice. She is so often just grumpy as a default. She is extremely sensitive to any correction or anything that does not go according to plan, and when she cannot do something perfectly she get so upset at herself (or me) and throws a tantrum and gives up. I’m sure there’s more behaviors that I am forgetting.

And yet there are times where she can be the most pleasant and sweet and kind little girl. I am told that she is one of the best behaved kids in her daycare. I love her so much, but I feel so lost and at the same time so guilty for feeling this way. There seems to rarely be a day anymore where she doesn’t bring me to tears out of frustration. I have stopped having playdates with other kids because I’m embarrassed that she seems to be the only one like this.

Part of me thinks that we unintentionally made her this way. Maybe we spoiled her too much or didn’t hold boundaries well enough. Maybe we let a bad behaviour become a habit, without realizing that it was becoming a habit. Did we let her push us around too much in the first few years without proper consequences? I do think we are good parents. We love her with all our hearts and she brings us so much joy, we have a safe and healthy home, and we would do anything for her. While I know that some of these things are age appropriate, it’s starting to feel like there’s nothing we can do to get her to listen, or to stop the constant tantrums. We try to hard to stay calm so we can help her do the same, but it is becoming increasingly hard and I find we often snap these days and raise our voices.

Before anyone suggests this, I do suspect some ADHD and it is something that I am keeping an eye on. No, I do not think she is autistic. I do think she is masking throughout the day though and comes home and unleashes on us like crazy.

I don’t know what I’m asking for with this post. I so badly want to give her what she needs and help her learn to regulate, and work together to listen without asking 10 times or having to scream. I feel like I have tried it all.

Has anyone been in this boat and found anything to be helpful with starting to correct these behaviours, or getting their child to listen? I just want to be a good mom and patient, but I feel like I have this child that is immune to all the parenting advice I hear. Please help, whether it’s advice or just solidarity.

My 3yo is starting pre-K 3 next week and we're really anxious because they don't do naps. He was in the mother's day out program at the same school and they did, so we assumed they would continue naps for as long as possible. We only learned about this from a friend with an older kid and not from the school until we asked.

Our current plan is to nap him as soon as we pick him up on regular days (get home at 2, nap until 4), but our twice a week extended days sound like they'll be hell. Mind you, this boy can nap for 2-3h everyday.

Parents: How are you guys handling not napping your kid with high nap needs?

Teachers: how do you keep these kids awake and/or from destroying the place when they're overtired?

Hi all.

I have a 4 year old boy who just started pre-k yesterday. I was called and texted yesterday about an issue with my son saying he needed to poop but outright refusing to sit on the toilet. Today, on his second day, I was called in to pick him up early. The nurse and teacher's assistant said he screamed bloody murder because he needed to poop but refused to go. Just like yesterday.

I showed up, took him to the bathroom and tried to reassure him. I sat on the toilet, assured him that he was safe, tried to make it fun and even encouraged him to just sit or be next to the potty without being pushy. He wasn't having any part of it. He said he didn't need to go pee or poop. Then, he heard toilet flush from behind the wall and began screaming and panicking. Afterward, if I tried to sit down on the toilet again he screamed for me to get off and tried to rush out the door.

My son is fully potty trained, wears underwear, doesn't have accidents, and knows how to pee/poop independently, wipe and flush. Today he was disruptive to class during nap time and got sent home. Nothing I tried seemed to work and in fact it only seemed to dysregulate him more. His teacher wants to meet with me at 3:50. We arranged this meeting yesterday actually, and she said she wanted me to try showing him the bathroom to make sure we're all on the same page and make him feel safe about using the restroom. I did that today in the nurse's office and it backfired.

My son can pee without using an insert. He has steps because he's short, and was using an insert at home to poop but we have removed the insert and left just the steps at home. He can use the toilet at other people's homes and public restrooms. Loud noises in public restrooms have been a problem at times though, like automatic toilets or hand dryers. He was sent to the nurses bathroom, staff bathroom, and the bathroom in his classroom. He refused to use every single toilet.

The school will not allow an insert because they don't have the resources. They're short staffed and only have 1 assistant for his teacher. We have an appointment scheduled for an evaluation with his pediatrician but that isn't until next week.

Can someone please guide us on what to do here? It seems like everything we do backfires.

My daughter is 2.25yo, and we recently started a new preschool three weeks ago. We started off talking to a teacher A who handled all updates and transition in the first and second week. So far so good. Then comes week 3 and another teacher B who was apparently on a leave came back to the same classroom (while the old teacher is still in class) is now handling all the communication with us while the old teacher continues to ignore us all the time. This is not a complaint of any sort just wondering if two teachers in a class sort of divide up kids among themselves and only handle the communication with the parents or did we (could we have) do something to make Teacher A mad at us?

I would like perspective from other pre-k parents. Our child is four. She is a normal, happy, goofy kid. She is generally quite well behaved in public and at home. Her pediatrician and preschool staff seem very content with her development. Our home is clean and financially we get by.

Despite this, my family is at a breaking point because I feel that my husband emotionally cannot handle normal four year old behaviors as she increasingly tests authority. I feel that my husband is so fcking mean. When I express concern that his approach will be harmful in the long term, he accuses me of being a permissive parent. He calls her spoiled.

I believe in speaking in a consistent tone and addressing things patiently. I am not a parent who generally sweats the small stuff, and I prefer to let prompt consequences do the talking and dissect things verbally when is appropriate. I feel that he sets her up for failure with unrealistic expectations and constantly harps on her for “not listening” without actually helping her understand her behavior. I don’t get why he can’t see that snapping at your child constantly does not help them learn or grow.

Last night she screamed in the shower because she got water or soap in her eyes when he was washing her hair. He chastised her for “whining” and didn’t say anything reassuring. I remarked that he was being mean and intervened to comfort her and he snapped at me to shut up.

Then today. She would not get her face off the cat’s fur after I warned her she and the cat had to separate if she touched her again. My husband intervened and snapped at her to get away loudly and then asked, “Do you believe you deserve to do fun things when you act like this? Why don’t you listen?”

What does this meanness accomplish??? I don’t even want them in the same room anymore.

I know no one here has the full picture and maybe I am looking for validation that he’s wrong. When I try to intervene he snaps at me and our conversations when she’s asleep are going nowhere. We have had so many arguments over this and now the tension has exploded because I can’t even be attracted and reciprocate with someone that I feel is harming my baby’s self esteem. I feel an increasing need to call it out which obviously is just making things worse. I just can’t stand this anymore. It breaks my heart. She’s really so well behaved and he treats her like a nuisance. The prospect of him having shared custody… I don’t know.

I feel like she’s thriving now so professionals don’t raise behavioral concerns but this is going to harm her emotionally. With the approach he has, do I need to butt out and just let him parent/am I just causing more conflict? Are there materials we can both check out? Thanks.

Tl;dr: is my parenting style possibly irreconcilable with my husband’s?

He’s 4 going on 5 in November. Our kindergarten cutoff is December 1, and when I enrolled my son in preschool almost two years ago, I honestly didn’t think much about how young he would be compared to his classmates. Now that kindergarten is approaching, I’m seriously considering keeping him home for another year.

Academically, his preschool teacher says he is completely on par. My concern is maturity, not academics. He is a very typical, energetic 4-year-old boy and his teacher has noticed that he is clearly one of the youngest in the class. He sometimes needs to be told multiple times to listen/follow directions, and I worry about going from a 2.5-hour half-day preschool to a full-day kindergarten when he is still so young.

I’ve also been reading about relative age, redshirting, and the research around younger children—particularly boys—being more likely to be identified with ADHD or have behavioral/attention concerns. I know that research doesn’t mean being young causes ADHD, but it has made me think more about how much an extra year of maturity could matter. My thought is less “he’ll be academically ahead” and more that being a little older and more mature could help him feel successful, regulate himself, follow directions, and ultimately make school easier for him academically and socially.

The biggest thing making this decision difficult is his school. We LOVE his preschool and it’s one of the better schools in our area. He got in through a lottery, and from what I’ve been told, getting into kindergarten is much harder than getting into preschool. If we keep him home, we’d have to reapply next year and could potentially lose our spot and end up at a different school.

So I’m really torn between giving him another year to mature vs. sending him to kindergarten at a school we already know and love.

I would especially love to hear from moms who have actually redshirted a child, particularly a boy who was one of the youngest in his class. Did you notice a difference in maturity, confidence, behavior, or school experience after waiting a year? Did you feel like it was the right decision long-term? And for those who sent their young child on, how did they do?

I’d really love to hear your personal experiences and what you would do differently (if anything) knowing what you know now.

I am a mom of one 3 year and 4 months girl. I signed her up for jiujitsu at freshly 3, and also tumble. For summer time, it was going great since that’s what she did to be around kids and be active besides our spontaneous play dates with some friends here and there. Well, she just started preschool (which I was already getting mom guilt from) and is continuing her other activities after school. So now I’m wondering if I’m having her do too much for her age. Her current schedule is now: Monday-Friday preschool 815am-215pm (Off every other Friday) Tuesday, Thursday: jiujitsu 3-4pm Tuesday: tumble 530-620pm Saturday: jiujitsu 9am

So Tuesday’s are our long days. I feel like it’s great that she’s in activities at an early age but I also don’t want it to be doing more damage than good. I was thinking about taking her out of tumble but then I felt like it’s so good for her and what if she wants to do dance or cheer some day and figured it would help towards that. Jiujitsu is amazing and don’t want to take her out of that since I feel like she’s really making friends there and learning discipline etc. not sure if I’m just overthinking everything. Sometimes I even wonder if I should just take her out of preschool too 😂 but then she’s been progressing with independence in just 3 weeks that she’s been there so I’m not sure.

My daughter will be 4 in December. She's been at the same daycare since she was 18months old. We started her at a new private PK3 last Wed. It is not going well.

I didnt want to take her out of her old school but in order to ensure we have a place for her when she is older- you have to start at PK3.

Apparently she has always had issues with napping at school. They never really told me much because I now think that they got her to sleep by laying with her and patting her back (we dont do that at home).

Her bff "Macy" from the former school switched over earlier this summer and I've been telling my daughter she'd be going to school with Macy! We weren't allowed to tour the school when I ask to and she was only able to see her classroom, meet her teachers the day before school started. When we started the last school-I took her every afternoon for a week to get to know the teachers and facilities. Last week, I just dropped her off in a class with brand new teachers and kids. Her BFF Macy isn't in the class and they barely see each other.

She was in school last week for 3 days. Day 1 and Day 2- she refused to sit at the lunch table and laid on the floor crying. Day 3 she decided to be disruptive during nap time.

THIS week:

Monday: not following directions; still disruptive during nap time. I wrote a note saying we were addressing it. Tuesday: Did not follow directions, still disruptive during nap time; She needed to go potty during recess but refused to use any of the potties in the vicinity of the playground. She declined a male teacher's room saying it was a "boys bathroom". So she had an accident and had to change clothes.

I feel like a fish out of water at this school. This is my first kid, I don't really know how they do punishments for children this young.

Im getting her back into speech therapy and possibly OT.

I told her that if she was not kind to her teachers tomorrow, does not follow directions and is disruptive during nap time...she will have all of her toys taken away. And I am not kidding. I want to email about possibly sending a book she could have if she stayed quiet reading it?

She misses her school, her friends, her teachers and this is a strict catholic school.

My sister is finishing up chemo for the stage 4 colon cancer she was diagnosed with in February. So I have alot on my plate.

What do I say to the teachers? Help!!

Hey Dads!

My daughter starts school in a few weeks, she’s nearly 3, and I will be doing the whole morning and school routine Monday to Friday.

I wanted to ask you for your advice on how best to do this time with her, especially since I’ll only see her for about an hour, maximum two hours, after I get home from work in the evenings.

I’m imagining things like not rushing her, but making sure she’s ready, has eaten a good breakfast etc etc. but I’m also wondering about things like how I can send her off to school with confidence every day, pep talks etc etc…

Many thanks!!

Looking for board games for my almost 4 year old, wanting to teach him skills like turn taking, cooperating etc to improve his teamwork skills. They started teaching UNO in his childcare, are there any similar games like this?

Edit: thanks so much for all the suggestions! Will need to do some shopping!!

Once we're actually out, things are usually fine.

It's everything BEFORE that.

Getting dressed.

Finding shoes.

Finding the other shoe.

Someone suddenly needs a snack.

Someone suddenly needs to poop.

Someone doesn't like the shirt they picked five minutes ago.

Someone forgot their water bottle.

By the time we finally leave, I need a vacation from the vacation.

What is the most ridiculous thing that has delayed your family from leaving the house?

If I sit down and say, “Okay, let’s play!” suddenly they have no interest.

But the second I open my laptop, start cooking, make a phone call, or go to the bathroom…

“MOM!”

I could spend 30 minutes setting up an activity and get ignored, but apparently folding laundry is fascinating.

Please tell me this isn't just my kid 😂

Why do children always want you most when you’re unavailable?

My son is 3.5, almost 4, and I could really use some advice on how to handle a few behaviours we’re seeing at the moment. I know a lot of this is probably normal boundary-testing at this age, but I want to make sure we’re responding in the right way and building a good foundation rather than accidentally reinforcing things.
1. “If you don’t let me, I’ll be sad and cry.”
Whenever he doesn’t get to do something the way he wants, or we say no to something, he’ll say something along the lines of, “If you don’t let me do X, I’ll be sad and cry,” and then he’ll actually start crying.
I normally respond with, “It’s okay to feel sad,” because I don’t want to tell him not to cry or dictate how he should feel. But then I’m a bit lost on what I should actually do after that. Do I just let the crying run its course while holding the boundary? Do I comfort him? I also don’t want him to learn that saying he’ll cry or becoming upset will change our decision.
2. If we suggest doing something differently, he’ll sometimes refuse to do it altogether.
He can be quite particular about doing things his way. Sometimes he’ll be about to join in with something fun, but if we tell him he needs to do it slightly differently, he’ll throw a strop and decide he’s not doing it at all.
Obviously at this age it’s relatively small things, but I don’t want him getting into a pattern of missing out on things or opportunities because something didn’t go exactly the way he wanted, then regretting it afterwards. How do you encourage flexibility without turning it into a power struggle?
3. I have to repeat myself constantly before he listens.
This is probably the one that makes me the most reactive. I’ll ask him to do something calmly and end up repeating myself over and over. Eventually I either raise my voice or give him some kind of ultimatum, and then he listens.
I really don’t want him learning that Mum asking normally doesn’t mean anything and that he only needs to listen once my voice gets louder. How do you break this cycle?
4. “I’m tired, I can’t do it.”
Sometimes when we ask him to do something, he immediately says, “Oh, I’m tired, I can’t do it.”
I actually think my partner and I might be partly responsible for this one because we sometimes say we’re too tired to do something, so he may simply be copying what he hears!
Overall, I know he’s still very young and I’m not expecting perfect behaviour or emotional regulation from an almost 4-year-old. I just want to put the work in now to build a strong foundation.
I also really don’t want to rely on bribing him into doing things, and I’m trying hard not to become a reactive parent who ends up shouting because nothing else seems to work.
For parents who have been through this age, what actually worked for you? Particularly interested in practical phrases/ways of responding in the moment rather than just “be consistent”, because I think that’s the part I’m struggling with!

Random question, but how the heck do you keep your child’s socks clean?! We have a very clean house and sweep/vacuum/mop regularly, but at the end of the day you’d think my child had been running around in the mud in her socks all day.
I’ve tried stain remover and soaking them overnight, and everything else I could think of.

Besides buying black socks, does anyone have any tricks for this?