PLEASE help me… World’s most difficult 4 year old
I need help. My daughter is newly 4, and has ALWAYS been truly the most difficult child. She was a colicky baby who screamed and cried 24/7. She hardly slept until she was 3.5, and even now it can sometimes be a struggle for her.
Naps don’t refresh her, they cause her to wake up disoriented and angry. It seems that she cannot handle a single minor inconvenience without throwing herself to the floor screaming. She doesn’t want to eat (but of course she would eat if it was ice cream and treats all day). She seems to always be whining about something (therefore we cannot understand her) instead of using her normal voice. She is so often just grumpy as a default. She is extremely sensitive to any correction or anything that does not go according to plan, and when she cannot do something perfectly she get so upset at herself (or me) and throws a tantrum and gives up. I’m sure there’s more behaviors that I am forgetting.
And yet there are times where she can be the most pleasant and sweet and kind little girl. I am told that she is one of the best behaved kids in her daycare. I love her so much, but I feel so lost and at the same time so guilty for feeling this way. There seems to rarely be a day anymore where she doesn’t bring me to tears out of frustration. I have stopped having playdates with other kids because I’m embarrassed that she seems to be the only one like this.
Part of me thinks that we unintentionally made her this way. Maybe we spoiled her too much or didn’t hold boundaries well enough. Maybe we let a bad behaviour become a habit, without realizing that it was becoming a habit. Did we let her push us around too much in the first few years without proper consequences? I do think we are good parents. We love her with all our hearts and she brings us so much joy, we have a safe and healthy home, and we would do anything for her. While I know that some of these things are age appropriate, it’s starting to feel like there’s nothing we can do to get her to listen, or to stop the constant tantrums. We try to hard to stay calm so we can help her do the same, but it is becoming increasingly hard and I find we often snap these days and raise our voices.
Before anyone suggests this, I do suspect some ADHD and it is something that I am keeping an eye on. No, I do not think she is autistic. I do think she is masking throughout the day though and comes home and unleashes on us like crazy.
I don’t know what I’m asking for with this post. I so badly want to give her what she needs and help her learn to regulate, and work together to listen without asking 10 times or having to scream. I feel like I have tried it all.
Has anyone been in this boat and found anything to be helpful with starting to correct these behaviours, or getting their child to listen? I just want to be a good mom and patient, but I feel like I have this child that is immune to all the parenting advice I hear. Please help, whether it’s advice or just solidarity.