u/Briellewannabe

My daughter just started TK. The program ends at 1:30 and then she attends the after school program until 4 (unless I can make it earlier). The after-program provides snacks, but they’ve been highly processed options (think Nutri-grain bars), which is contrary to the schools mission of offering only minimally processed, whole grains, no corn syrup or excessive added sugars, etc.

I reached out to the director today and he’s response was positive but he expressed that the kids won’t eat the healthier options and they feel at a loss.

My daughter came from a preschool that offered all meals and snacks and they never had any highly processed foods, so this is new territory for me. I know my kid would eat hard boiled eggs, pretzels with hummus, yogurt with bananas, etc., but the director raises a fair point that some other kids won’t.

For me, I’d rather my kid skip a snack if she really doesn’t like it and just have extra dinner. But it made me wonder what the overall thought on this was. I certainly don’t want to push for something just because I have a problem but no one else does.

So, what would you prefer for your kiddo?

For background, my daughter “Addie” (4) has been attending preschool with “Mia” (4) since August of last year. Since almost day one, Addie has come home and complained about Mia. “Mia said my dress is ugly!” “Mia said I’m annoying!” “Mia won’t let the other kids play with me.” Things like that. It has never gotten better. At first it was really hard but then Addie started developing a thicker skin. She stands up for herself (tells Mia she doesn’t like it when Mia does XYZ) or just walks away. Some days it still makes her sad but mostly she’s okay. She does not complain about any other kid, only Mia. 

I’ve personally witnessed Mia doing this behavior. And not just to Addie, other kids too. Mia has gone up to Addie and whacked things out of her hand, covers her ears dramatically when Addie speaks, tells others not to play with her because Addie is not “cute.” Only once has this happened in front of Mia’s parents (her dad specifically) and he shrugged and said, “what can you do?” 

Now to where I might be the AH. 

Yesterday, at a park near the preschool, my family was playing when Mia and her mom showed up. Addie was going to swing and Mia rushed over and grabbed the swing from Addie’s hand. My husband was with Addie and told Addie to let it go and she could have a turn next. Mia begins to say “no she can’t!” I couldn’t really hear anything else. Mia’s mom eventually walks over to swing her kid. 

Within about 10 minutes, Mia has made 2 other kids cry already by calling them ugly and annoying, and telling others not to play with said child. Then Mia turns to Addie (still happily on the swing) and starts shouting “you’re ugly! You’re stupid!” Loudly. This time Addie starts to cry. Mia’s mom is sitting 12 feet away but doesn’t get up. I walked up to Mia and in a stern mama voice said, “Mia, that’s not kind to say. Addie does not like it when you speak to her like that.” 

Mia immediately starts whining that “Addie’s mom is mean!” And runs to her mom. Then Mia’s mom got upset at me for yelling at her daughter (I didn’t) and that I should never talk to someone’s child, especially when the parents are there. That’s a job for the parents. I explained that Mia’s words were hurtful and I was would not sit by while it happened. I calmly told her that if it happened again I would do the same thing. Another mom came over and also commented that Mia had been really hurtful to her son. Mia’s mom didn’t address any of this and said Addie was the one who called Mia mean first (apparently at the swings, when I didn’t hear, though my husband later clarified Addie told Mia that Mia was being mean for refusing to share the swing). We went in circles, with the mom blaming it all on my child. I didn’t go into the history and I, in a less than mature approach, I said something like, “I see where Mia gets it from.” And walked away. 

So am I the AH? I did speak sternly to a 4 year old and I could have walked over to the mom instead. Maybe I’d do it differently. 

EDIT (TO ADD): thank you everyone for your responses! It seems the consensus is that I’m not the AH, though I could have handled things differently and plan to moving forward.

I picked up my daughter today and she excitedly said, “Mia apologized to me today and it made me feel so happy!” Apparently Mia told Addie that Addie had wrinkles but then immediately apologized. Mia also came up to me and said she and her mom talked a lot last night (she said her mom went “blah blah blah, and blah blah blah” and was very mad). I’m not sure who the mad is directed at but this was the first (apparently sincere) apology my daughter has ever received from Mia so I count it as a win!

My 4 year old LOVES Brainbots. We own the Our Planet and Human Body ones and they are always her go-to. I don't know which one to get next. Any recommendations?

I stopped going to therapy after years of sessions with my therapist. I did so because I felt like I was in a repeat loop and nothing was changing and I was getting frustrated. I was getting stuck and unable to talk about things I wanted to talk about and the same things triggered me or made things hard. I felt embarrassed that I kept coming to session with the same complaints after years. And I didn’t have a clear goal anymore of what I wanted because I was too stuck and didn’t see anything changing.

It’s been almost two months since that exiting session and most things have gotten harder. I have this anger and irritation I didn’t experience before (or at least not with this regularit). I’m finding myself unsympathetic to my child and getting mad easily. This is very unlike me. My depression spiked. Surprisingly, I’ve had less nightmares and better sleep, which I would think makes things better, but it hasn’t and doesn’t.

I’m thinking of going back but I’m also embarrassed. It’s only been two months. I feel like a failure. I still don’t have any clear goals but I absolutely don’t want to be this mad, uncaring mother I’ve turned into in such a short while. 

I don’t really want to start with a new therapist, as it takes me ages to trust someone and I liked my last therapist, but I don’t know if I’m just going to walk into the same cycle if I restart with her or if it would be better to try with someone else (which I really don’t want to do and worry I’ll find myself in the same situation, but other behind as it’ll take a while to feel comfortable talking).

Any advice would be appreciated. It’s only been 2 months, should I wait longer? I’m just nervous of hurting (not physically!) my young daughter. Do I continue with the same therapist ? Find a new one?

I dont know if it matters but I was seeking treatment for cPTSD, anxiety, and depression.

thank you.

my daughter, newly 4, has always been afraid of hand dryers and auto flushing toilets. We have used them not infrequently so she has experience and exposure, even if it has never been easy. We do all the tricks - post-it notes, noise cancelling headphones, never use the hand dryers, but her fear has escalated and she simply refuses.

We are traveling out of state and she is out right refusing to even try. I don’t push her, I assume she’ll just let me know when she can’t hold it anymore or she has an accident, but she is miserable when she she to go and won’t. I ended up cutting our morning outing short because she had to pee and neither of us were having fun at that point (she’ll use the bathroom at the hotel no problem).

please send any tips or help. I really want to enjoy the rest of this vacation and help her feel more comfortable.