r/love

Dear fellow lovers,

I (25, ftm) come to you bc at this point in my life I am genuinely confused. This is gonna be a long read, please don't do it if you don't feel like it or don't have time. If you happen to know a better place to go to with my questions please let me know.

To help you understand I should start at the beginning.

Pretty early I've already known I was on the aromantic spectrum and that I love people dearly. Not in a romantic way but my friends always have a special place in my heart and intuitively I'd love them unconditionally, deeply and to someone who doesn't know me it might seem like half a relationship.

As I got older I started to crave a romantic relationship too. Not bc I felt like it would be required but bc I've always been craving that specific companionship, sensuality and emotional intimacy that surpasses even the level of depth I'd like my friendship to be. Think of cute dates, deep talk, soft and gentle touches, little smirks and melting at my lover's voice. Sharing a life too.

To make it more complicated I've always dreamed of experiencing this with another man and in a very specific way. More precisely I've always dreamt of a guardian or protector x soft sub dynamic with lots of kink (including my darker sides) but that part mainly tied to the bedroom. My brain won't let me crave it with a woman.

To make it even more complicated I have been trying everything accessible to me to get to know people, "find my tribe" and finally find everything I've been wishing for. Sadly I've nothing to show except disappointnent, hurt, heartbreak and walking around like a zombie.

I've even tried to build long distance relationships two times, the first one was with a wonderful French poet. We were the perfect match, similar and complementary preferences, emotional intimacy had been there without havibg to force it. It just felt natural and I loved him very dearly until he told me that his love for me wasn't as deep as mine for him and that he'd like us to be friends. At that point we've already been together for a month. It truly broke me and I struggle to express myself creatively since, even speak.

With him I could be bold and the best version of myself.

Then I met another gentleman online who genuinely showed me that he wanted me, not just sexually but as a person. I loved him too and when he cut me off it broke me further.

I still have flashbacks and nightmares about both of them and miss them deeply.

Since both of them I haven't met anyone who I'd even be interested in or who I'd be attracted to.

(I don't mean to lament, just felt like I needed to give some background info.)

At the same time everything's getting worse. I struggle to feel sane and to not break down in tears every day. For ten years now I've been waiting, hoping and actively working on finding people and getting somewhere where I'd feel safe, wanted and desired. My love for myself is very high and I try to take care of myself, even try to include my inner dom and sub but it doesn't help with having to fight my brain trying to convince me to ask out any guy just to feel something. That would only make it worse.

Now to my questions:

Is it actually possible to find a good partner that encompasses everything you've wanted in a boyfriend in your everyday life, esp as a queer man?

The longer this goes on the worse I feel. It genuinely makes me depressed. Therapy genuinely doesn't help.

How do relationships even form and build at this point? Around me I see people finding their partner left and right but I can't even seem to find one guy who'd be interested in me.

Is it even possible to find someone I could share and build that deep of a bond? Esp when my standards seem very high yet very basic.

How is a healthy relationship even supposed to feel? Especially longterm?

Thanks for reading this far. If you have any questions please let me know. I'll try to answer them as positively as possible.

So in one of the books i've read (twisted hate), there's this scene where the MMC takes the FMC to a very cute library, and sets up a scavenger hunt for books there, then buys every single book she touches on the hunt for her. It was the cutest thing and i was telling him about this on call right after i read it. He had apparently noted everything down on his notes app while i was talking (idk how he's such a fast typer)

On Saturday, my bf took me on a date to a library where we both go to read (we hadn't gone together until ereyesterday though). He knew one of the people who worked there through his family, and got permission to do something like a scavenger hunt in the library but he had to buy every book he intended to mess with (by writing clues on sticky notes in between pages and shit). He also had to come during a time where the library was closed so as to not disturb everyone else.

Every single book he bought was on my tbr (7 books in total), and after the hunt was done and we got out of the library, he pulled out purple flowers (purple is my favourite colour btw) with stands stuck in between the flowers on top of which he put 3 books (they were the 3 books on the top of my tbr).

I was bawling a little because OMG WHAT THE HELL WAS THIS!? (in the good way) and asked him why he did all of ts, and he said he didnt like how i was so stressed with school, friends, family etc. so he wanted to do something to help.

I'M GOING TO BURST OF A LOT OF POSITIVE FEELINGS. I'M COOKED AND I'M PRETTY SURE I LOVE HIM, BUT YEA. (Its too early to tell him i love him rn so i wont, but i needed to vent it out hehe).

The last 8 months have been life changing in ways I didn’t expect. I ended a situationship in November of 2025 I dwelled on the heartache for 4 months until I decided to put that focus on myself. Started taking the gym seriously, changed my eating habits, got outside, started new hobbies, doing things alone, facing my fears and just enjoying life. I said my peace to the guy I was so heartbroken over and got the closure I needed to move on. I still miss him but I know I truly deserve better and know my soulmate is waiting on me to give me exactly all I deserve. I know I’m going to be a great partner to them, I’m in the best place mentally and physically and ready to give and receive the love we both deserve. I know I’m going to meet him soon, I feel it. I don’t know how to describe the feeling. I stopped getting on dating apps and am choosing to go out more and do things I enjoy. I can’t wait to update this post when I’ve finally met him.

My partner and I recently said I love you for the first time, which we then followed up with saying all the things we loved about each other. All the things I said about him were focused on his character, how he treats people and who he actually IS. Whilst the things he noted loving about me were more centered around how I make him feel (safe, happy) rather than my characteristics. He also forgot some key features and facts about me after, making me worry that he does not know me or remember me in key ways.

This is my first time being in love, and I talked to one of my friends about her ex. Basically she said that the love she felt for him was purely because of the fact that he loved her, and he made her feel special. She said that she didn’t necessarily feel love because of who he was… this made me reflect on what he said and how he acted because I don’t want someone to say they love me back purely because of me demonstrating endless affection and admiration for them.

So here’s my question: should I be worried if I suspect that he only loves me because of how much I love him? Or act around him (I’m very full on with physical affection)? Or is this another valid form of love

He annoys me. The very memory annoys me.

His habits disgust me. I have very little patience with him. Why? Why not?

My soulmate could have been beautiful and I would have been so thrilled. We could have both been gorgeous and lead happy, fulfilling lives. Instead we were created to be unattractive, to exist so that others could be happier, kinder, more beautiful, more successful, more talented than us. That is our purpose, to exist so someone else could be more.

​How can anyone be happy with an existence like that?

Hint: None are and grow up to be mean, bitter, traumatized, angry, and resentful and suicidal and end up in Hell for not being ecstatic that our sole purpose and reason for existence was so that some people could be better. ​

I had this stolen from me. I WORKED SO HARD, to diet, save up for hair, makeup, contacts, spray tan, corsets, heels, Spanx, perfume, jewelry, just so I could be treated as well as them and I wasn't given the credit that all that wqs my work and effort! I suffered for my looks and got it taken from me and told to live out for my purpose of being with someone I do not like, admire, or feel comfortable with. No. He could be a lottery winner and guess what I'd do with that ticket? I'd tear it up in his face and throw it away.

Money does not appeal to me. I want my bf to be gorgeous! I wanna be gorgeous! He can keep the jackpot. I don't want a cent. It's sad that he had to have a lottery ticket for it to make up for his unattractiveness, right? Well, it is incredibly unwanted, I don't care for it and I would just burn the damn thing if I could get my hands on it. Eww.

I mean it. I am deathly serious that I would destroy that ticket and leave. God can pay me back wirh beauty. Not money. Money gives me no joy. Besuty makes my heart soar with joy and gratitude and obedience.and happiness.​

Hi everyone,
I (25F) have been in an on-and-off relationship with my boyfriend (27M) for about three years. I'm feeling extremely confused and would really appreciate some outside perspectives because I don't know if I'm expecting too much or if I'm ignoring too many red flags.
Throughout our relationship, the biggest issues have always been dishonesty, secrecy, and how he responds whenever I bring up my concerns.
Over the years, I caught him lying multiple times, hiding conversations, talking to random women online, and even talking to his ex at one point. His explanation has always been that he's an influencer, so interacting with lots of people is part of what he does and that I should "give him freedom."
Whenever I questioned him or asked for honesty, instead of addressing my concerns, he would tell me I was insecure, an overthinker, emotionally exhausting, or that I needed therapy. Eventually, I started questioning whether I was actually the problem.
Last December, after another argument about these same issues, he broke up with me and told me I was "a burden." I begged him not to leave because I loved him. Around New Year's, while I was hoping we'd work things out, he stayed away, and that breakup felt like the biggest betrayal.
At the end of February, he came back saying he had realized all of his mistakes. He apologized, said he had been wrong, promised he would change everything, rebuild my trust, and that he wanted to marry me. He told me he would do whatever it took to make things right.
I didn't immediately take him back. I spent about two months thinking about it before deciding to give him another chance. We met again in May since we live in different states.
Because trust had been broken, I wanted to see whether his actions would match his words. I asked for one simple thing: to follow me on social media. To some people that might sound insignificant, but for me it wasn't about the follow itself. It was about whether he would make even a small effort to rebuild trust after everything that had happened.
It's now been months, and he still refuses. His reason is that he doesn't like showing that side of his life publicly. But what confuses me is that he constantly posts almost everything else—his purchases, daily life, achievements, and photos with his parents. He also follows and interacts with many other women online.
So from my perspective, it doesn't feel like a social media preference. It feels like he's choosing not to acknowledge me while continuing to present every other part of his life online.
Whenever I bring this up, he still says I'm insecure and overthinking things. That has been his response for years.
The hardest part is that I have never been disloyal to him. During these three years, I never entertained other men even though I had opportunities to. I always chose him because I genuinely wanted to build a future together.
Outside of this relationship, I actually consider myself a happy and responsible person. I have a full-time job, I'm the eldest daughter in my family, I have a lot of responsibilities, and I manage them well. I'm not someone who wants to control another person's life.
All I wanted was a life partner who would be honest with me, communicate openly, and make me feel secure enough to build a marriage together.
Instead, I feel like I've spent years asking for basic honesty and being told that I'm the problem.
I'm trying to be objective, so I'd really appreciate honest opinions.
Am I asking for too much? Is this relationship worth continuing, or am I holding onto promises while ignoring his actions?
TL;DR: I (25F) spent three years with my boyfriend (27M), who repeatedly lied, hid conversations with other women, talked to his ex, and called me insecure whenever I questioned him. Last December he broke up with me, saying I was "a burden." He came back in February apologizing, promising to change, and saying he wanted to marry me. After taking two months to think, I gave him another chance. Since May, I've asked for one small action to help rebuild trust, following me on social media ( which is not even a big thing) but he still refuses while continuing to post every other aspect of his life and interact with many other women online. He still says I'm overthinking and need therapy whenever I raise concerns. Am I asking for too much, or am I ignoring a pattern of broken promises?

We’ve been hanging out at a family reunion over this 4th of July weekend. I had put a lot of energy into organizing a big firework display for everyone and was understandably exhausted by the end of the night. After taking a shower and getting into bed with her she was trying to get me to stay awake and watch videos with her but I was too tired. I turned away from her to go to sleep, when I felt her pull me into a full. Body cuddle. Normally, I’m the one who initiates cuddles, but the cuddles last night were some of the best we’ve ever shared.

Dated my first boyfriend for 5 years and we broke up 5 years ago, in that meantime I was in a 3 years relationship and I’ve been content with life…

I ended my last relationship because I realized this wasn’t the love of my life, I’m now 26F and in an active search for my future husband and I’ve come to the realization all the values and interests are what my ex from 5 years ago already had… we ended things after I was going to move away / he admitted to cheating once before

Tbh I think I was more inlove with him than he was with me, I wanted to marry him

For context he was down to earth, calm, responsible, funny, creative, genius level smart (engineer with a masters at a prestigious school), humble, organized, deeply felt things just as I do and we shared the same niche interest in music… I’m realizing now that I’m back in the dating scene, I can’t find anyone that meets even 1/4 of these things and it’s hard to not feel this pit in my heart to realize that was my soulmate

I still love him so much and I’m convinced I’ll never find someone that makes me feel so seen again

I’m so frustrated that he couldn’t love me as much as I loved him, I’m frustrated because i don’t know if he even feels this same thing I do or maybe he’s completely moved on and found an amazing girl

I feel like I’ll get these comments of like don’t compare anyone and try to put yourself out there but trust me I am trying and I didn’t realize the traits I was looking for very intentionally were traits he had, I feel like I just realized everything I’m looking for he had

Like is it a mutual thing? Or could one person feel it and not the other? Or does the fact that "when you know you know," mean that they're your person and so they also must feel the same?

Sorry if this didn't make sense, I'm pretty high right now lol and thinking about my boyfriend who I think is my "one" and I kinda think he thinks the same, but it just got me pondering this thought.

Thanks Xo

So I broke up with my ex about six months ago, and I'm planning on to get back with her because I actually love her. Like, 100% love her. However, because I'm so young, like, I'm 17, I want to explore, but at the same time, I don't want to lose her. Yeah, I know, you would say if you actually love her, you wouldn't want to explore, but sometimes, like, lust take over, and I want to experience other body parts, other faces, like, basically different experiences. it makes me really confused because I actually love her, but at the same time, want to explore and go out with other girls. It's very confusing. If i exlpore i will probably lose her and not have chance with her anymore, if i don't explore i am going to feel like i am missing out on smth because everyone my age does it. What do I do? It really confusing

i’ve been with my bf or almost 3 years. last night we were playing one of those couples question games bc we’ve both been trying to communicate better lately. nothing was wrong between us. we were literally just hanging out on the couch chilling.

one of the questions was basically… whats smth you’ve never told your partner bc you were scared of how they’d react? (something like that)

honestly, i was expecting smth dumb or embarrassing but he got really quiet.

after a few secs he goes.... sometimes I believe you’re gonna wake up one day and realize you deserve someone better.

that totally caught me so off guard.

he’s always been the calm one. i’m usually the one who overthinks everything. if anyone was going to say something like that, o thought it’d be me.

i asked him why he’d never told me before.

he just shrugged and said he didn’t want me to feel like i always had to reassure him.

i honestly had no idea he’d been carrying that around.

now i’m replaying our whole relationship wondering how many times he was sitting there overthinking while i had no clue

i don’t even know why i’m posting this. i think i’m just shocked that someone can seem so secure on the outside and still be quietly scared of losing you

has anyone else found out their partner was overthinking this whole time?

Hi everyone.
Around a year ago, I confessed my feelings to a girl. She politely told me she wasn’t interested in a relationship. I respected her decision and never tried to pressure her or convince her otherwise.
Since then, we haven’t really talked. I tried to move on, focused on college, friends, games, and other things, but the truth is… I’m still not over her.
We haven’t talked for like 8 months despite both being in the same class. I don’t know ki whether she’s in a relationship rn or not
The strange part is that I don’t want to text her. I don’t want to confess again over text or send a long message. I just have this strong urge to talk to her once, in person. Not to force anything or expect her to change her mind, but because I feel like there’s so much left unsaid, and I wonder if one genuine conversation would finally give me closure..
At the same time, I don’t want to make her uncomfortable or disrespect the boundary she already set. That’s what stops me every time.
So I’m stuck between:
Talking to her once in person and risking making things awkward.
Staying silent and wondering “what if?” for who knows how long.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? If you were in her position, would you appreciate someone asking to talk once, or would you rather they leave things as they are?
I’m looking for honest opinions, even if they’re not what I want to hear. I feel very anxious about this…

We're both in our 40s, both divorced with kids. We said we'd take it slow at the beginning but things have been heating up over the last month or so. Today when I was talking about how I was going to cook for her tomorrow she let slip, "Can I keep you for every dinner? I'll give you a full and happy life" and then later "Oops I accidentally proposed..." etc. And I'm 100% all about it.

I'm just so in love with this girl and I love her kids, too. We have the same goals, same sense of humor, and we're just both so sweet to each other. Praying this really does work out. I want to make her happy forever.

As the title says, my (24F) boyfriend (26M) is my other half and favorite person in the whole world. He Is My best friend and we fall more in love every day. We don’t live together and he’s currently working night shifts at a new job. We still take every opportunity to be together that we can but recently I’ve been struggling to enjoy things on my own that I would normally enjoy with him. I try to do the same things I normally enjoy with him, and I can function without him, but feel like there’s always a void that can’t be filled when he’s gone? Even being on the couch or in bed isn’t as comfy when I’m alone, a walk or a delicious meal isn’t the same. I know I may be a bit of an anxious attachment but I guess I’m just wondering how other people cope with this feeling 😭

Obviously, I'm asking this question because I was dumped after 13 years, less than a month ago. There have been too many difficulties over the last four years, and we've caused each other a lot of pain because of that. She tells me she's suffered too much and doesn't love me anymore, and that we each have a dark side that gets along too well for us to be together.

I think working on ourselves could help us reconnect, but she doesn't want to. I know we're going to work on ourselves individually now, we need to.

We have pretty much the same vision of the future, so it hurts me to lose her because of the pain we've caused each other over the past four years.

TL;DR I get to be the boyfriend of such funny, sweet, blindingly beautiful, down to Earth person with whom I share so many worldviews, interests, and humorous quirks. I genuinely don’t feel like it’s possible to be luckier.

Currently, she’s on holiday quite far from home, and we’re long distance anyway - so, there are eight whole hours between us at the moment. These past few days (and for another week and a bit!) our sleep schedules only have only really made room for chatting in the mornings and evenings, when one of us has just woken up, and the other is about to go to sleep. Usually we’re both tired during those times! But, they’re still moments to be treasured, and even though it’s hard, we’re open and communicative about that.

That’s one of the best things about her. Relationships can never be perfect, and we’ve had many ups and downs, usually due to external circumstances in our wider lives, and at moments one or the both of us has needed a break altogether; and, that has always been respected, which has only allowed us to build up trust and honesty once things improve and we’ve gotten back to the status quo. Long distance is hard, and some claim it’s impossible altogether - but it isn’t. You just need trust, patience, and total respect for the other person’s freedom and time.

Before I met her, I had just come out of school, and I was pretty lost - whittling away my days doing very little, just trying to catch up and get myself on track after a rough year. She was the final piece of the puzzle I needed, and now I’ve got part time work whilst I spend the rest of my hours writing a novel I’ve intended to write for years; now on my second draft, and getting down roughly 1,000 words a day on average. She showed me the support, love, and genuine belief that I needed in order to get my life properly on track and working towards my dreams. That’s a good relationship: one where your partner wholeheartedly stands behind the person you are and strive to be, and she has never stopped doing that. I’m trying to do just the same in return - and on that topic, she intends on going to University, and considering we’re both people who’ve had a pretty terrible time at school, I am so insurmountably proud of her drive to push towards that where I couldn’t! I am wishing her all my lucky stars along the way, and all my support.

Most days, we call and chat, sharing our lives from afar - before playing games, relaxing, and having fun. Sometimes, if one of us is sad or tired, the call will be softer and more mellow. Other times, it will be lively and silly! She has such an awesome laugh and such a kind-hearted, good sense of humour that only gets me laughing alongside her. She has a really pretty smile too. We’re both artistic souls, and we love relaxation, fun, but also - when we want to be more serious - we can be heavily analytical, dissecting stories, and finding joy in things like writing. Her writing is beautiful to me, emotionally rich and vivid, just what I love!

Most importantly though, she’s just so incredibly kind. It’s the bare minimum, for a partner to be someone respectful and valuing of others - but it seems worryingly rare these days, from hearsay both online and in person. But she is very good-hearted, not just towards me, but to her family and to anyone else. I look up to her, and I do actually think I’ve become a better person in the time we’ve been by each other’s side. I was never someone unkind I don’t think, but I’ve just grown more conscious of being nice is all, in just the way she is - she brings the very best out of me. Nobody in the world is perfect, not me, not her, not any of you reading this.

…But when you can find a relationship where you and your partner can recognise that, but try your hardest, and wholeheartedly celebrate each other in spite of it, then that’s something always to be treasured.

Right now, she’s asleep - this altering of the routine is super hard for both of us, but hey, it’s only temporary, and space is just as important as anything else! But whilst I can’t express my love to her until later, I wanna do it now, here on Reddit. I love my girlfriend, with all my heart. Thank you for reading, it means a lot :)

Hi everyone. Long story: on June 9, if my grandmother were still alive, we would celebrate her birthday together. She died on March 21st and I was her caregiver. My stomach was upside down, I also was emotionally empty but I called a taxi to go to the cemetery. Of all the drivers around here, I encountered one of the few that drove me to the hospital several times when she was there. I felt worse as you can imagine, then I visited her grave, placed a small gift and started crying.

I only wanted to go home and stay alone as much as possible while listening to music, but at the last second I went to a shop which owner is a friend. She told me to stay a bit and there was a girl, I wasn’t sure but I accepted her invite.

After a while I was feeling better overall and started talking more with A. (the girl), that shares common interests, thoughts, personality traits and so on. Both introverted and shy but clicked way faster than I imagined, she also told me a personal problem regarding one of her female friends and we tried to analyze the situation. At some point she asked me twice (not in succession) to sit close to her as I was standing for too much time haha. :)

The shop owner also asked A. and me to make a small errand together, it was fun and at the end I returned home 2 hours late.

My mind and heart now feels lighter even though I had a few bad days, that situation turned out to be a lenitive balm. It was a strange day from start to finish, a rollercoaster of emotions and the “bridge” that connected every piece left me with no words.

I will cherish that strange, painful but also warm day with a smile. Sooner or later, still don’t know when, A. and me will meet again at the same shop since both agreed to repeat the experience and then walk a bit more.

Friendship or something more, well’see what happen, but I definitely want to know her better so if everything goes well and she also agrees to exchange phone numbers, I would like to say “Thank you” with a small gift other than words.

She likes anime, psychology and learning languages just to list a few examples. Since she is originally from Philippines but grew up here in Europe, I think it would be cute to commission a crochet keychain version of the Sampaguita (*Jasminum sambac)* flower, which is the national flower of Philippines. ☺️