r/Sober

I’m 4 months sober from weed, I quit about 10 months ago but I ended up going back to it every other week. Some time in the middle of that I began heavily drinking, liquor every week and a few beers every night because I had a drug test at an interview coming up but I really didn’t want to be sober. After that I realized what I was doing and decided I had to stop, instead I just went back to weed every week or so again, but I had a work place injury and luckily hadn’t smoked in 5 days or so, so I passed the drug test for it. I’ve been really struggling with drinking while recovering from my injury because I’m much too afraid to smoke again but I again don’t want to recover. I thank god for the restraint to not be as bad as I was but I still drink liqour once every week. It’s not fun like it was in high school but im desperate so i drink enough to ride that line of almost drinking enough to throw up my guts just to not smoke and I don’t want to go back to drinking daily.

Yesterday at work I noticed two of my (inexpensive but very useful) tools were missing. I was trying to wrap my head around where they could be, if I left them somewhere that they can’t be recovered, or if a coworker left them somewhere.

I asked my immediate coworker who uses my tools. He got immediately defensive and straight up said he didn’t care about my tools.

That was triggering and I started craving a beer.
I was shaking in my body. Feeling emotional.

I didn’t drink though and sat in the anxiety.

I have been sober-curious for over a year now and have been on and off sober--usually when I feel horrible from partying way too much. Whenever I hit a certain amount of drinks (maybe even just 2), I crave blow and unfortunately it's a little too easy for me to get some in my town and age group. I find that I can't really say no to this drug anymore no matter how much I know it's going to affect me and ruin me the next day. I'll reason with myself because it's the only drug I ever take (I don't do any other drugs ever...not even weed, I hate weed!) I continue to wake up hungover with extreme hangxiety (on top of my bad OCD & PTSD which means I'm ALREADY an extremely anxious person), regretting my choices the night before, feeling horrible and thinking "I hate this so much--I want to be completely sober again. It was so nice. Why do I continue to make these choices?" And then I just find myself in the same boat again once the feeling of shame & anxiety has worn off, I'll go to use again...and then the cycle continues on and on. It is seriously so frustrating and can also feel debilitating at times. I don't go out every night or anything, but I feel like I can't even handle it and keep it chill even on the nights that I do go out. This all started when my mom passed 1.5 year ago. Alcohol & blow didn't have as much of a hold on me until I used it heavily for a couple months right after this event, and then I laid off everything (even cigarettes!) for quite some time. And it was AWESOME...I felt awesome. I felt in love with myself again...doing all of the things that I cared about (working out, cooking, cleaning, sewing, reading, getting enough sleep, etc.) Then I came back to alcohol, my "chill" nights with only 1 drink would eventually turn into crazy nights on the weekends again after a few weeks or months (awake & partying until 7-10am on a weekend). It's like my mom dying totally broke my otherwise ok relationship with alcohol & substances. I really, REALLY want to get it right this time. I think it's important to admit that even though my life isn't falling apart or even anything remotely similar from use, I'm still at a very uncomfortable threshold and that's can be enough for me. I want to re-start my 100% sober journey today. I keep thinking to myself: "The juice just isn't worth the squeeze anymore." I'm so desperate to get this going and hold myself accountable that I came here and posted my thoughts (I'm currently very hungover). Any thoughts, advice, words of support, sober tracking app recommendations are welcome.

I’ve low-key got mental and addiction problems so it’s hard for me to stay sober. But recently, my psychiatrist told me I should stop smoking weed because it enhances my psychosis. I have no clue what else to do. I’ve tried multiple things. I’ve tried multiple coping strategies. I’m currently running to cigarettes as an alternative for weed, but the feeling to still smoke still stands. She gave me this thing the psychiatrist the psychiatrist she gave me celanzipam to take the ease off for when I want to smoke weed, but it’s not working like it works in every other sense but last night was the first night taking it and I ended up having a breakdown because I couldn’t handle being calm I needed that euphoric feeling of weed and I think that’s the feeling that is gonna get hard to get rid of cause I want to stop. I have no other ideas on what to do. I need help.

I haven't had a craving for alcohol in so long but I know its numbing and I feel like I could use that rn but if I start I'm pretty sure I won't stop.

Update: I just want to say thanks to everyone for their advice and support. I ended up not drinking. I actually just soaked in my emotions until the could no longer hold me down. Today I am breathing easy. Thank you all! I wish you an amazing day!

Hello all,

I’ve made the decision I need to get sober again. I have been able to get sober for over a year two times prior, but that was during lockdown and I did not have much of a social life. Now I live in a cool city with a fair amount of friends and we regularly go out to shows, clubs, concerts, etc. where alcohol is readily available and most of my friends drink. I’m struggling with even getting started in my recovery because as soon as I make the decision to stop drinking I get an invitation to something and I end up drinking. It is very demoralizing.

Any and all advice, insights, or whatever you think could be helpful are welcome. Thanks!

Obviously when you get sober you have to deal with all the reasons you were using in the first place, but since I got sober I’ve hated looking in the mirror. I despise what I see. Not just physically but that’s a part of it. I’m uncomfortable in my own skin. I’m always worried about what everyone thinks about me and if they ever tell me positive things about myself I just don’t believe it. Hoping with time that gets better

Hoping to get some advice here before initiate an unnecessary/awkward conversation with my girlfriend. We've been seeing each other for 7 months - it's my first serious relationship since getting divorced and one that I really see a future in. Also my first serious relationship in sobriety. My drinking was a big driver in my divorce.

My girlfriend rarely drinks, if ever. I think I've seen her have two total drinks in the time we've been together. She used to run with a party crowd that also got into cocaine but she's distanced herself from them all to have a healthy lifestyle for her and her son. I think getting with me has helped her root in that lifestyle but we haven't had a specific conversation about that.

She went to a wedding over the weekend, one that she had to RSVP to before or in the very early days of our relationship so she went solo and caught up with friends, who I never met. For what it's worth, I found the wedding website and saw she was listed on the RSVP response page with her male friend who traveled in for the wedding. I'm genuinely curious if she drank there, or heaven forbid did something else. She told me she'd come stay the night with me but ended up just enjoying the night with her friends and I didn't talk to her/hear from her until the following morning. No idea what time she went home, or where she stayed, anything like that. I guess that's a separate conversation. Wouldn't have been mad if she stayed out with her friends but I would have appreciated a heads up that she wasn't coming over. I brought her some food for the week that next morning and we interacted like she didn't ghost me on the night, though I never brought it up. Maybe she just doesn't think it's an issue.

I just don't know how to approach the conversation without coming off like an attack, if at all. I FEEL like it's healthy to talk about. Especially knowing the crowd she was with and what she used to get into with them. I saw a picture from the wedding and her eyes looked like she may have been drinking. I'm really paranoid about it. My girlfriend deserves time with her friends. She doesn't do much socially. So I'm not sure if I'm overthinking this (which I have been known to do) or if I should start a conversation.

So I've got questions. Any insight here is appreciated so I can maybe think about this in different ways before making anything awkward or hostile. Thank you!!

EDIT TO ADD: I've already reached out to my therapist about my paranoia. I want to work through it if I legit don't have anything to worry about here. My paranoia is rooted in my divorce - when I was trying to save my marriage in the two months leading up to my ex-wife leaving, she was staying out all night and not coming home until the next day so I've got some PTSD around stuff like that.

We smoked maybe 3-4 ish times last month only once on those days. Before then I was passing tests perfectly fine is about a month long enough to pass a drugtest after that? I took an at home test to ease my mind but reading how they dont compare to lab tests im freaking out.

Ive struggled with my mental health since I was 19/20. started smoking weed in my early 20’s and got into coke and MD probably 24, due to the industry I was working in, very drug heavy. I dont work in that industry anymore and I quit doing the hard drugs. except weed and tobacco. I’m 30 now and this is my second attempt trying to be completely sober this year and I just feel even more dead inside and nothing is helping.

first attempt of sobriety was in February for 2.5 months (75 days) and everything I was doing, the walks, gym, eating clean etc just wasnt improving my mood and I felt a shell of myself, not necessarily a mean person to be around but not a nice one either, just.. lights are on but no ones home. I seeked professional help for the 71535383524th time and of course, extensive NHS waiting list. to my surprise the mental health practitioner said: “theres quite a lot on your record of you coming in about your mental health, and after analysis said she wanted to refer me to get assessed for ADHD (great).

after this apt I decided.. nothings changing and im doing everything they said to do! so I started smoking weed again and the difference (as it always is) was night and day.. I was more social, actually wanting to be around people and just way nicer to be around with the people around me instead of being monotone/flat.

After I smoked what I had over those 3 weeks, I decided yet again I dont want to have to rely on this for the rest of my life, I dont actually enjoy smoking anymore but I enjoy what it does to my brain (for the most part) and for the past 8 days of being sober again, Ive been absolutely miserable, again.

I’m not sure what to do at this point. getting private therapy isnt an option for me right now and I just find myself at a loss, no real support system and I dont know how much more I can take.. writing this is my last resort. very tired of my brain. and life in general.

A life without drugs whatsoever is a life I’d love to have and live, though right now.. the drugs are the only thing that makes me want to stay alive. weird paradox.

Trying to quit weed, all advice is to get a hobby or workout, however I have no money to get into a new hobby and I’m disabled and can’t go to the gym very often. Any free hobbies or other activities to help me get my mind off weed? I don’t live in any town so there’s no parks or anything around me, no woods either just corn fields.

Hello all.

As the question says. I have been sober for about a month and I am going through a breakup with someone I loved so much and everything hurts so much I don’t think I can bear the grief.

My mind is screaming at me to go back to my old ways and drink and smoke until I can’t feel anything anymore. This is so hard and I don’t feel strong enough.

How did you do it?

May 18th last year I accidentally overdosed on meth I was told was ecstasy after having a severe coke and nitrous problem for approximately 5 years. The love of my life left me, I caused my son to lose his complete family, and I live with that guilt everyday. But I stayed clean for him. I will stay clean for him.

I started when I was 15, last week was my 30th Birthday.. For the last 2 years, the overdrinking era was at its peak..

The embarrassing moments need to stop.. The hangxiety needs to stop..

I hope I never drink again..

My biggest problem are my friends though, I mean they all can drink and have a limit and they think I can be like them as well.. I've tried.. I can't.. After that first drink, it's all the way..

Now I get invited to a lot of events, and everywhere there's alcohol and I'm from Kerala, India and here alcohol is a part of everything.. I'm a Christian and it's like culture for Christians to drink here..

How do I say no to all these people?

I can say No once or twice, but post that idk..

I know it's going to be hard..

Any advice is appreciated..

Hey guys.

Im 19/M, i never was too deep into xans / benzos, my main addiction was alcohol, but now im sober from that since 304 days ago.

Ive been using xans “responsibly”, by that i mean i never got high on it for the fun, only for like a week but after that i used it as prescribed.

Now the girl i like (we only know eachother online, never met irl, but she said she lives in the same town as me), said to me that she doesnt want to meet irl, because she cant do irl meeting eachother.

So it sucks, and now i could get high, just to forget this. Sadly tomorrow i have school, so yeah…

Today i took my prescribed xan, and i want to get high tomorrow. But if i get high idk how i’ll do school, i mean i wont do insane dose, only around 1 mg because that makes me high and i wont blackout from it.

Originally i planned to get drunk, but i cant do that because i literally vomit / puke out the alcohol everytime i tried to drink after i got released from the psych ward where they helped me get off of alcohol.

So idk why im writing this, i guess i just want some sort of help or anything to not relapse:((

Now im around a month “sober” from xanax (aka not intentionally getting high, only taking it as prescribed)

Overdid it yesterday. Feeling sick and anxious. Nothing went bad. I just am not being the best version of myself. Alcohol doesn’t mix with my meds (which help me a lot). Back to day one. Sorry to whine but just looking for a lil hug.

4 years from alcohol and 2 years from weed. Best decision I ever made. I don't have anyone to celebrate with, just thought I'd tell some strangers on the internet.

edit: holy shit I didn't expect so many wonderful and supportive comments. thank you so much!

Yesterday, I’m graduated college… and I did it sober.

Almost four years ago, this version of my life felt impossible. I struggled in ways that made finishing school and believing in myself feel completely out of reach. But 1400 days ago, I chose to fight for my life and the future I dreamed about as a little girl.

My overall GPA isn’t where I wish it was because addiction took a lot from me academically in the beginning as I went from getting F’s and W’s. But, since getting sober, I earned a 3.9 GPA, and that turnaround alone means everything to me. Now, I’m continuing my education and pursuing my Master’s degree at a dream university, something I never thought would be possible for me years ago.

This degree represents every hard day I didn’t give up, every time I had to rebuild, and every moment I kept going when it felt easier not to. Sobriety gave me the strength to finally show up for myself.

If things feel impossible right now, they’re not. Change is slow and messy, but it’s real.

I’m proud of how far I’ve come, and I hope this gives some hope to anyone in recovery who may be struggling or questioning their abilities. Sobriety gave me the chance to rebuild my life, and things that once felt impossible are slowly becoming possible again 🤍

I’ve been nicotine free for 17 days now. No more On! or Velo. 1.5 years without booze. Honestly, it’s really hard. I miss my morning pouch with a cup of coffee while getting ready for the day. I miss that little ritual after a good meal. It’s funny how quickly those small moments become part of your routine. Things you end up loving without realizing how dependent you’ve become.

There are some positives though. My sleep has improved since quitting nicotine, even though I still wake up in the middle of the night sometimes. A couple of people have told me I look better already, which is really encouraging. The weird part is that in the last two weeks, I’ve experienced mild panic attacks. Something I never used to have. They are better now. Not gone, but better. Somehow, I find I have more energy. Not much, but I think my body was really under a lot of stress and pressure. Like oxidative stress. I saw an article that Nicotine inhibits mitochondrial electron transport chain which damages the cell's energy-producing machinery.

I started using nicotine pouches when I quit drinking alcohol. I drank quite heavily for years with occasional breaks. Nicotine actually helped me stay away from alcohol completely. For the past year and a half, pouches were a big part of my daily life.

Now, looking back over these seven days, I realize I’d been consuming way too much nicotine. My body was under constant stress for a long time. Both physical and psychological. It feels good to finally give my body a break, even though I keep thinking about using poches again. I don't want it, but sometimes my mind is telling me something different.

I’m in a really bad mood right now. Irritated and just wanting to be alone. I can literally feel that my dopamine levels are low. I’m moving, going outside, enjoying the weather, but still… damn, the world feels really dark. After all those years, quitting alcohol and starting to use Velo and !On was the first time I finally felt normal.

It’s been 17 days without nicotine. Still, there’s a little voice in my head whispering, “Just one tomorrow.” Just one Velo to get a bit of dopamine, to have a good time if I see someone. I don’t want to be sad if I am around of people.

AFib was a wake-up call for me. It forced me to take a hard look at my health, my choices, and the direction my life was heading. Since then, I’ve been focused on rebuilding myself mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Last year, after my first AFib episode, I was trying to come down from drinking, and it became one of the hardest periods of my life. Physically, it was terrifying, but mentally it hit even harder. The anxiety, fear, and uncertainty took a real toll on me, and there were moments where I felt completely lost.

But little by little, day by day, things started changing. I’m still growing, still healing, and still learning, but I’m healthier, happier, and more present than I’ve been in a long time.

135 days sober today. One day at a time.