my (29F) boyfriend (29M) says he is nowhere near ready to propose to me after 5 years together.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years. For about the last year, I’ve been talking about wanting to move. He has always been apprehensive about it, but I tried to keep the conversation open and figure out what our future might look like.
Last month, he signed another contract for another year at his current job. I found out after the fact. I was really hurt because he knew I had been wanting to move, and it felt like he made a major decision about his life and our future without even talking to me about it.
We also had a conversation around our 4-year anniversary about commitment. I told him that I didn’t see myself staying in a relationship for 5 years with no engagement. I wasn’t giving him an ultimatum or demanding that he propose immediately, I was just being honest about what I wanted for my life.
Months went by and nothing happened. I eventually suggested we go ring shopping. He agreed. I told him I wanted him to plan it. Months went by again before i eventually gave up asking.
We had a convo last night. He apologized profusely for signing the contract without talking to me first. But then he told me very decisively that he is nowhere near ready to propose anytime in the near future. he also stated i pushed him into doing a lot of things earlier in the relationship (asking me to be his gf, saying i love you etc) before he was ready.
Now I’m questioning the whole ring shopping thing. Why did he agree to that and let me think we were moving in that direction if he knew he wasn’t even close to wanting to propose? The conversation also focused a lot on himself and all the things he feels he needs to work on before he can be ready. There wasn’t much about us, our future together, whether he sees marriage with me, or what the hell he actually thinks our future looks like.
I think I’ve already made my decision, but I guess I’m looking for outside perspectives. Am I being unreasonable for feeling like this relationship has run its course? Has anyone been in a long-term relationship where you realized you were waiting for a future that the other person wasn’t actually moving toward?
ETA: thank you all for your resounding move on. we do live together so this does make the separation a bit harder, but i’ve been mentally preparing for this for the past year sadly.