u/iggyspri

so basically same as the title, its my current bestfriend’s bday today and her ex that my bestfriend has been in love with surprised her by visiting her, my bestfriend is obviously freaking out and everything, and these days i have been really suicidal, im going to get my ECT done in this week itself, so she told me this and i got the biggest panic attack for 2 whole hours , I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH MY FRIEND, i see her as a normal friend, but im so jealous and very scared that she’ll replace me by her ex or whatever, im really on the edge , this happened with my last bestfriend too, i was not at all in love with her but the moment she got a boyfriend i literally lost it and i broke my friendship with her, i dont know i dont have anyone i can talk to tell these things, i dont expect anyone to understand all this, pls help me, i have severe abandonment and attachment issues and ik i have to heal it nd ive been trying but i literally am so on the edge right now tjat i want to kill myself, i just want to understand why im feeling like this, when i know in the future she will have a girlfriend or partner, why am i like this i dont like them like that, i am asexual and aromantic, pls help me understand.