should I end an 8-year friendship after this?
I (F,22 almost 23) have been best friends with this girl (F,24) for 8 years, and I’m seriously considering ending the friendship after what happened this weekend. I just want some outside opinions because I’m worried I’m either overreacting or missing something.
We were all drinking and staying at her cousin’s house after a night out. Out of nowhere she started accusing me of trying to go through her phone while she was pretending to be asleep… except she was talking about something that supposedly happened around 7-8 years ago.
I genuinely have no memory of this ever happening, and I replied by saying, “I didn’t even know your phone password back then.” She actually agreed that I didn’t know the password, so I said, “So what exactly was I going to do with your phone then?”
Instead of having a conversation, she just became more and more aggressive. She repeatedly called me a “fucking bitch” and then later claimed that I had called her a bitch five times. I told her the word “bitch” hadn’t come out of my mouth once that night.
Her two male cousins were sitting there, so I asked them if they’d heard me call her that because she was accusing me of something that didn’t happen. They both said they weren’t getting involved, and she laughed and said, “As if they’d ever back you up against me.”
I wasn’t trying to get them to take sides, I was just trying to defend myself against something that wasn’t true.
Then she started saying things like:
“No wonder you always cry to me about having no friends.”
For context, she knows I struggled with friendships because I went through trauma, became very shy, and developed social anxiety. I used to be really outgoing before all of that. Those were private conversations I had with someone I thought was my best friend, and she used them against me in front of other people.
She also repeatedly said things like, “Maybe you need to realise you’re the problem,” and “No wonder you have no friends.”
Earlier that same night I had told her I’d been involved in a physical altercation in a bathroom, and she then later said, “No wonder you got beat up earlier.” I was annoyed but i actually moved on from it and didn’t take it too personally but she continued a few minutes later.
At one point i think she forgot she was the one instigating and being nasty and she asked what my fucking problem was and I said I didn’t have a problem with her and that I was only defending myself because she was accusing me of things that weren’t true. She then said, “Can I not hold resentment against you?” referring to the alleged phone incident from 7-8 years ago.
That really stuck with me because if she’s genuinely been holding resentment towards me for that long, why stay friends with me for another 8 years without ever bringing it up? And if that’s genuinely the worst thing she can think of that I’ve done in our entire friendship, it doesn’t exactly make me feel like I’ve been the awful friend she was making me out to be.
She also said I was being a bitch and a cunt towards a guy she’d met that night, but all I’d actually done was hug both of them while we were figuring out what we were doing next (as i mentioned i had been slapped in the bathroom and didn’t find my friends again until this moment so i hugged them both and said i was so happy to see them)
Whenever I defended myself, she kept saying I was being aggressive. I remember saying to her, “I’m not being aggressive, I’m being defensive. I’m allowed to defend myself when you’re accusing me of things that aren’t in my character.”
Then she said to me, “Are you going to get a taxi then?” We were in Waterford and I live in Portlaoise. It was around 4-5am, and from her tone it felt like she was kicking me out.
I ended up leaving, sitting in a 24-hour shop by myself until the trains started running, and went home. Afterwards she texted me saying I always do this, that she was done with me, and that I was embarrassing.
The thing is, this isn’t actually the first time she’s kicked me out. On halloween 2024 she was drunk and physically hitting her boyfriend. I tried to separate them because I didn’t want the situation to get worse, and she started hitting me instead. I hit her back to defend myself, and she kicked me out in Dublin in the middle of the night even though I lived in Waterford at the time.
To be fair, she did apologise for that incident afterwards and seemed genuinely sorry, so I moved past it.
But now I’m wondering if this is just a pattern.
Looking back, there have been other things too. During periods where she was basically my only friend, she’d regularly flake on plans or leave me waiting around for hours, even though she knew I didn’t really have anyone else to make plans with. Or creating distance between us and not texting me back whenever she made a new friend (who she eventually would fall out with and she would come back to me)
I’ve also never really liked the way she treats some of her other friends. I just never thought she’d eventually treat me the same way.
The part I can’t get over is that she weaponised personal things I’d trusted her with just to embarrass me and has held a secret grudge/resentment towards me for all of our friendship..
Would you end an 8-year friendship over this, or would you try to have one final conversation when she’s sober?