I think my friend hates me
So i have this friend of 12 years (iam 19 F) and i think she just doesnt like me anymore since like last 2 years. Its not like she ever says something about not liking me, she agrees to make plans and all. Right now we are on a vacation near sea for 14 days. I made the plan, she agreed, and right now its just the two of us in a hostel. And honestly, i dont think ive ever felt more depressed, frustrated, annoyed and like iam thr worst person on the planet. She makes me feel like almost everything i say or do is somehow annoying, emberassing, or just too much. I feel like piece of sh*t. We spend the whole dax at the beach today and most of the time we were just quiet, argued about silly things, or tried to figure out where to go and what to do. It wasnt relaxing at all. She always complains about everything, doesnt want to do anything or spend ANY money. It seems like iam forcing here to even be there. I think if she could choose, we would just stay in our hostel room for the whole 2 weeks.
I feel so alone and sad. I have only 2 close friends and she is one of them. If it wasnt for her i wouldnt have any plans for this holiday bcs iam too scared to travel alone. I find it hard to open up to other people so i dont think i have made a real friend since i was like 10. No boyfriend ever either.
I just thinks this friend hates me and thats why she acts so annoyed all the time. I dont think she is ever happy around me anymore.
So i know this is ranting, but i have a question.
Should i just let this friendship go? Should i cut her off after everything? After 12 years? Or should i keep being friends with a person that doesnt make me feel hapoy anymore ir should i risk ending up alone?