u/Various-Egg-8477

I posted here recently about a trip situation with my boyfriend and got some really helpful perspectives, so I’m back with a slightly different question.

My boyfriend (28M) and I (26F) have been together for a year and are talking about taking a long weekend trip to Charleston this fall. This would be an actual vacation we’re planning together, not tied to either of our work travel.

For context, he makes significantly more than I do (roughly 4x my income), although I have a good job and am financially independent. We’ll definitely each buy our own flights, but I’m wondering what’s reasonable when it comes to the hotel and expenses once we’re there.

Is 50/50 on the hotel generally what you would expect? Or with a pretty substantial income difference, would you expect the higher earner to cover more of the hotel while the other person contributes in other ways (buying their flight, picking up a meal, drinks, an activity, etc.)?

I’m absolutely not expecting a free vacation, and I want to contribute. I think what I’m struggling with is whether “fair” in a serious relationship necessarily means splitting everything equally when the same expense represents a very different percentage of each person's income.

For those of you in relationships with a significant income difference, how do you handle trips? And if you were in my situation, what would feel fair to you?

Adding some context because I think the specifics of the trip matter!

Our first trip together will be a weekend in NYC. My bf will already be there for work that week, and I'm flying out Friday to join him and extend his trip through the weekend. We'll be staying at a Marriott because that's his preference for points/status, and I'm also booking with his preferred airline so we can fly back to Chicago together.

He mentioned that we can split the hotel, which is what got me thinking about this. Hotels are around $600-700/night, so my half would be $600-700 for two nights, plus my flight and other weekend expenses.

I make over six figures and have good savings, so I can afford it, but he makes roughly 4x what I do. His annual bonus alone is over double my salary (investment banking is a whole different world). I'm also not someone who expects him to pay for everything. I treat him to nice dinners, buy him nice gifts, pick up drinks, etc., and genuinely like contributing to our relationship.

I guess I'm wondering whether "splitting" should automatically mean 50/50 in this situation. Since I'm joining an extension of his work trip and we're staying/flying based on his travel preferences, would it be reasonable for him to cover more of the hotel while I pay for my flight and treat a dinner/drinks?

I definitely don't expect a free trip. I'm just curious how couples with a significant income disparity balance both people contributing without the lower earner having to spend at the higher earner's level.