u/NoRegret2654

So, this relationship has been long distance for over six years and we’ve navigated struggles pretty well, for the most part. I’ve had to deal with his jealousy issues and digital surveillance and I thought we had worked that through. He agreed to cancel his subscriptions to online services that do deep dives into your online activities, after numerous false accusations of cheating and sneaky behavior. He was proven wrong every time and admitted that his insecurities caused his obsessive behavior. I almost ended the relationship because of this but he seemed determined to change. Now, I realize I maybe should have paid better attention to my gut.

Fast forward to what is now making me finally want to proceed with a break up for good. Is this something that others would deem to be the last straw?
I’ve taken medication for depression for years… long before I met him. Before I was properly diagnosed, I struggled but was functioning, never to the point of needing inpatient treatment . I am retired and used to work in social services , am quite protective of my wellness, stay compliant with medication, etc. I touch base with my provider regularly for med refills and have been stable for many years.
It was not an easy decision to be vulnerable a year or so into this relationship, and share my history of depression with my partner, but I trusted him and I did.
It hasn’t come up much at all until during a recent and especially serious argument.

I was not forthcoming with an apology and he was angry. The details would be extraneous and are probably not relevant, but do have to do with my not being available by phone for 24 hours when he wanted me to be. ( but I texted several times) One of my adult children was having major surgery and it was serious.

He accused me of having “ episodes”, he said I should have told him years ago, that they have been hard for him to deal with . When I asked him to elaborate, he initially refused, saying that “ I should know.” This totally blindsided me as I had no idea what history he was referring to. I have thought back to any depressive lows I may have encountered but couldn’t think of any specific bad ones. Eventually , he said he would share his findings with me and he sent screen shots of charts of severe Bipolar Disorder symptoms. Apparently , he got back online to uncover digital proof to prove his point.

Well , not only did he got the Dx wrong , and he clearly lacks background and knowledge of depressive disorders ; but what hurts so much is that he is weaponizing knowledge of a mental health condition ,that I trusted him with, years ago, and now he’s using it to attack me personally. I showed him my vulnerability at the beginning of the relationship. And now, out of the blue, this is coming back to bite me.
This man is not very sophisticated when it comes to mental health issues and doesn’t possess a good sense of how pervasive depressive disorders , mood disorders and bipolar disorders are in the general public. I will not apologize for how I manage my health.

The other major point is that there should NOT BE ANY stigma for mental health disorders whether we’re talking depression, bipolar, borderline personality disorder,etc. This is 2026 and no one should ever be stigmatized or made to feel “ less than”. Taking medication to stabilize brain chemistry and improve functioning is no different than taking meds for seizure disorders, diabetes, etc. for some people.

I am feeling an incredible breach of trust that a person I loved,counted on and was vulnerable with would turn on me and shame me abruptly and with no warning. It’s as if all the love, good memories, sharing, mutual trust( when we used to have it) just never existed and I’m left staring at this emptiness at what used to be. No longer do I feel there is any potential to ever feel hopeful about moving forward in this relationship. Am I finally seeing this relationship for the dysfunctional one that it has become? I’m trying to brace myself for a painful and messy breakup. I’m sad, angry, indignant, disappointed and afraid for the heartache that awaits me. I’m trying to stay strong and not reverse course because of the potential that he may change.

So, this relationship has been long distance for over six years and we’ve navigated struggles pretty well, for the most part. I’ve had to deal with his jealousy issues and digital surveillance and I thought we had worked that through. He agreed to cancel his subscriptions to online services that do deep dives into your online activities, after numerous false accusations of cheating and sneaky behavior. He was proven wrong every time and admitted that his insecurities caused his obsessive behavior. I almost ended the relationship because of this but he seemed determined to change. Now, I realize I maybe should have paid better attention to my gut.

Fast forward to what is now making me finally want to proceed with a break up for good. Is this something that others would deem to be the last straw?
I’ve taken medication for depression for years… long before I met him. Before I was properly diagnosed, I struggled but was functioning, never to the point of needing inpatient treatment . I am retired and used to work in social services , am quite protective of my wellness, stay compliant with medication, etc. I touch base with my provider regularly for med refills and have been stable for many years.
It was not an easy decision to be vulnerable a year or so into this relationship, and share my history of depression with my partner, but I trusted him and I did.

It hasn’t come up much at all until during a recent and especially serious argument.
I was not forthcoming with an apology and he was angry. The details would be extraneous and are probably not relevant, but do have to do with my not being available by phone for 24 hours when he wanted me to be. ( but I texted several times) One of my adult children was having major surgery and it was serious.

He accused me of having “ episodes”, he said I should have told him years ago, that they have been hard for him to deal with . When I asked him to elaborate, he initially refused, saying that “ I should know.” This totally blindsided me as I had no idea what history he was referring to. I have thought back to any depressive lows I may have encountered but couldn’t think of any specific bad ones. Eventually , he said he would share his findings with me and he sent screen shots of charts of severe Bipolar Disorder symptoms. Apparently , he got back online to uncover digital proof to prove his point.

Well , not only did he get the Dx wrong , and he clearly lacks background and knowledge of depressive disorders ; but what hurts so much is that he is weaponizing knowledge of a mental health condition ,that I trusted him with, years ago, and now he’s using it to attack me personally. I showed him my vulnerability at the beginning of the relationship. And now, out of the blue, this is coming back to bite me.

This man is not very sophisticated when it comes to mental health issues and doesn’t possess a good sense of how pervasive depressive disorders , mood disorders and bipolar disorders are in the general public. I will not apologize for how I manage my health.

The other major point is that there should NOT BE ANY stigma for mental health disorders whether we’re talking depression, bipolar, borderline personality disorder,etc. This is 2026 and no one should ever be stigmatized or made to feel “ less than”. Taking medication to stabilize brain chemistry and improve functioning is no different than taking meds for seizure disorders, diabetes, etc. for some people.

I am feeling an incredible breach of trust that a person I loved,counted on and was vulnerable with would turn on me and shame me abruptly and with no warning. It’s as if all the love, good memories, sharing, mutual trust( when we used to have it) just never existed and I’m left staring at this emptiness at what used to be.
No longer do I feel there is any potential to ever feel hopeful about moving forward in this relationship. Am I finally seeing this relationship for the dysfunctional one that it has become?
I’m trying to brace myself for a painful and messy breakup. I’m sad, angry, indignant, disappointed and afraid for the heartache that awaits me.