u/Pastel_Lemon3

Oh wow, it feels weird to admit this.

The cat is out of the bag, but I secretly wish I was a man.

It’s hard to describe the feeling, but every waking moment I remember I am biologically a female, it feels like torture, and I hate the fact that what should’ve been mine was striped away from me.

I remember when I was 12, I discovered what being trans was. Some of my teachers didn’t respect that. Nobody at school respected it. My friends at the time didn’t respect it, and one of my family members found out, and outed me to the rest of the family despite me not asking them too. I cried.

Ever since then I’ve been a girl. Just a girl. Always a girl.

I grew up enjoying girly things, but I always wore boy-ish clothes. My parents respected that. They said they liked my unique style, and bravery to express myself in a world that isn’t so accepting.

Now that I’m older, I still dress in boy-ish ways, and prefer my hair short. But I like boy things now. I even kinda self trained to make my voice a bit more raspy and lower than normal.

Ever since I was outed, I swore to myself I wouldn’t tell my friends or family of my secret.

I still go by she/her pronouns, and I still go by my real name, but a part of me hates myself for being too scared.

One day I told my friend the truth, that I wish I was a man instead of a girl, and she asked me “do you want to be a boy?” And I said yes. She asked me if I was interested in HRT. I told her yes. I’m old enough to start HRT, but no doctor will accept me as their patient, since where I live, they are all booked up. I feel like the more I can’t find a doctor, the more I can’t live my life how I truly want to be.

I told my friend my plan was to graduate college and move away from my state and then start HRT, because I’m scared that my family will find out that I want to do it, and I’m sure they’ll catch on quick with all of the changes.

I do not want to burden them with this, so that’s why I wanted to move away, and avoid speaking over the phone, and this and that.

My parents are supportive of the LGBTQ+, of course, but at the time they thought I was just being experimenting of my identity, which, is fair, considering I was 12.

When I go out in public I get jealous seeing other boys that are skinny and look cool, and here I am.

There’s been nights where I’ve stayed up at night and cried all night over the fact that I have a chest and not a flat one.

And I’m prepared for the homophobic/transphobic comments, honestly.

I’m also prepared for the “this is a stupid vent!!” Comments.

I complain to my friend all the time that I feel like my life as a man was robbed from me the moment I was born.

I just can’t describe the feeling anymore honestly.

However, I also have to risk the fact that I could possibly be jumped or killed, or harassed, or many other things.

Maybe this thing just wasn’t mean to be, but please just know that this isn’t who I am.

EDIT #1: Not sure if this edit is important, but I will provide it. In my vent, I talked about maybe wanting to start HRT, but there are things that limit me from even getting consulted. I’m going to be honest, even if I got consulted for HRT, I may not even be able to afford HRT. Its not that I’m poor, I just don’t know how much it is, but I’m sure it’s expensive. And also, I also most likely cannot afford plastic surgery. Like I said, I’ve been training my voice slightly to sound like a man but it’s clear I still sound like a girl. And again, I also stated in my vent that I’m somewhat afraid to start it because I don’t know how my family will react to me altering my hormones.

EDIT #2: I will lock this post if I have to as a last resort, I do not want people fighting in my comments. Some people will say things that go against my beliefs and others, but please try to stay respectful and mature when talking to these people.

EDIT #3: I have decided to lock the post. Nothing very harmful was said, but many comments of people trying to psyche me out is making me stressed out. I am already confused about my identity, and now people are trying to make me scared to try and make a leap.

Not sure if this is allowed here, but I just made a post about this shadow guy called ‘The Entity’. That has been haunting my dreams for 8 years straight.

I didn’t want to bombard my post with so much information, so I decided to make a separate post.

In my original post I discuss that I have/had powers that this entity took away from me.

The powers I have/had were:

- dream hopping (opening up portals to go to other dreams)
- flying
- gliding
- super strength
- telepathy
- telekinesis
- super speed
- super jump (jump really high)
- super climb (think if Spider-Man climbing on walls)
- shape shifting

This thing has been chasing me for 8 years straight.

I remember when I first began to lucid dream I couldn’t really control them, then I trained myself to become more and more lucid. I then taught myself how to open up portals to other dreams. This power had allowed me to travel to different dreams of my own plus to other people’s dreams. I remember I also learnt shapeshifting and either presented myself as a guy, or as a princess that loved traveling via portals.

The more I dreamt; the more abilities I would learn.

One day, I did this and ended up in this abandoned city. Everything was grey, and nobody was there except for this man who said his name was William. He said he was finally glad to meet me. He began to follow me from dream to dream and would talk to me and when I would notice I was about to wake up, he said he wouldn’t be able to wait to talk to me because he was so excited. The only times he didn’t follow me was when I entered a different persons dream.

One day, I had met up with him again, and told him that I knew I was dreaming and that none of this was technically real, and that this was the ‘dream realm’, a place that I could go to when I sleep and I could live out an entirely different life at will, and I expressed to him that I loved the fact that I could change my appearance, and live in places I’ve dreamt of living in, and visit people I’ve always dreamt of visiting. He got upset and said “you weren’t supposed to know.” I questioned him and said “know what?” And he turned into this shadow entity and left my dream.

I then began to notice that he didn’t show up in my dreams anymore, and one day, I dream hopped to this school, but everything looked too cheery and happy. I walked into the school and saw this shadowy figure. I knew it was William. I walked away and soon noticed he began to chase me. I tried dream hopping but he lunged at me and knocked me down, holding me to the ground. I tried screaming but he covered my mouth. He told me something that I can’t remember what he said, he then said that he was ‘The Entity’.

I woke up. Later that night I went to sleep and tried dream hopping, but realized my ability didn’t work. He had taken my ability away. I began to notice he showed up in every single dream, and even when I infiltrated other people’s dreams, he showed up too. All he does is chase me and take away my abilities.

He also took away my ability to not dream, so all I dream about is just nothing.. don’t know if that makes sense.

He also likes to trick me by shape shifting into people I know, and then reveals his true form at the last second.

I don’t know what he wants from me, or why he’s doing this.

It doesn’t bother me much, but it’s been a while since I’ve had a nice dream.

Sometimes I’ll have a nice dream and at the last second he’ll show up and the whole cat & mouse game begins.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Dreams/s/uj8TOJCkOO

Reddit wouldn’t let me repost my post to here, so I had to copy the link.

I am really open to any dream interpreters to help me finally solve the case of ‘The Entity’.

If you need any for details from me, I’m willing to answer and provide!

I’m going to Cedar Point soon, and was wondering if BackBeatQue was worth it and good? Typically when I go to the parks I only eat at Panda Express or Chic-Fil-A, or McDonald’s (before entering the park, there’s one nearby), but recently I’ve been wanting to try BackBeatQue. I haven’t been to Cedar Point in a while and I think it’s like an actual restaurant, not some fast food joint. I’ve seen many people complain that it’s bad and not worth it, but to me it looks interesting.. any thoughts?

I’m sure if people go to my profile and scroll a good while, they will see multiple posts about my mysterious chronic pain. It has started once again, and I have gave up my medical battle to see what is causing it. Its funny how the same doctor who told me it was all in my head eventually referred me to psychiatry for “possible depression” because of it. I thought it was just “all in my head”. I have learnt how to deal with the pain. Luckily, for the past year, it has simmered down. It only flares up very rarely, but it’s twice as painful now. Of course, a wish can never go without a payment. I am fairly annoyed, but, I have accepted this. If I have to live with this, then it shall become one with me.

Something just came to my mind. In 2020, I remember almost everybody on this planet personally believed that dragons would take over the world and hunt humans down. Am I the only one who remembers this? My friends legitimately panicked over this. Obviously this was it’s probably some dumb ai rumor that some teen made up since it was covid time, but what interests me is how the hell people thought this was real.. it eventually affected me and I began to imagine dragons outside of my window staring at me. (heh, see what I did there). I guess this isn’t a rant, but I’m curious if anybody else remembered and experienced this as well? I remember my friends providing “proof” (pictures of dragons and humans together that look real), and my friends told me that eventually we as a society would live together with dragons as they’d fly in the sky and breathe fire, etc.

Hello all.. it’s currently June 18th. I’m going to Cedar Point on July 2nd.

I’ll just cut to the chase. I’m fat. I’m 5’5, 278 pounds, and female. I have big thighs and a stomach. My chest and shoulders aren’t big.

Cedar points weight limit is no where discussed on their offical FAQ page. I heard from somebody that their weight limit is 270, I heard from somebody else that their weight limit is 250, and I heard from somebody else that they don’t have a weight limit.

Last time I went to cedar point was 2021/2022, when I was 12 or 13, and I could ride every ride but those with over the lap safety restraints. I got kicked off of rides that had over the lap restraints, and I felt embarrassed.

Hell, even when I was in middle school there was some rides I’ve gotten kicked off of due to my weight even though I probably weighed somewhere near 190-200.

I have PCOS and it makes it hard for me to lose weight. I avoid Cedar Point because of my weight.

Last time when I want to Cedar Point in 2021/2022, a guide member told me that once I get up to the loading dock of a ride, to ask/tell the worker that I need a seat with a special orange belt, that was designed for people like me. However, I’m scared that I am still way too fat for rides..

In 2021/2022, I tried riding front row on gatekeeper I think, and the over the head restraint couldn’t buckle because I was too fat.

Go ahead and make fun of me or whatever, but all I’m asking for is if they have an actual weight limit? I know Cedar Point Shores has a weight limit of 250 or 270 for all of their rides.

I’m very scared to go to the park.

This is a non-issue, but tonight I was playing Roblox. Specifically a prop hunt game, since those seem fun to play. I joined a round and became a box and hid in the corner of the map. Hiding in the corner of the map caused me to somewhat no-clip through the wall, but then a moderator of the game joined and kicked me. The reason was because I was cheating by “flying”.

Another time I remember I joined a public server of a Steven universe RP game and the mods kept kicking me because they wanted to do a private roleplay in the server, instead of doing a private server. They also kicked me because I was checking out the different morphs they had instead of roleplaying... I get it’s a RP server, but cmon..

Another time I got banned from a cafe game because I was training to work in one, and “moved out of line without permission”.

Seriously.. what??!!

I’m used to discord mods, Reddit mods, having a power trip, but seriously.. Roblox?? This much power trip makes you not want to play anything.

They ban or kick innocent players, rather than the pedos that join their servers.

This is more of an opinion post but I feel like Hasbro did MoonDancer dirty. I don’t think there’s merch of her, and we only got one episode about her and only see her a few times as a background pony.

I honestly feel like she had potential.. she was a unicorn, who was advanced at magic like twilight, who (I think) wanted to be like twilight, but had trust issues and bottled up sadness and anger due to trauma.

It would’ve been interesting to get a few filler episodes revolved around her, or maybe a spin off or something like that..

I really loved her character, and wished we got to see more of her.

She would’ve made an interesting main character.. I would’ve loved to see her maybe travel outside of canterlot/manehattan to some place on her own for her studies, use crazy spells and magic to fight off harm, and be mysterious and stuff, etc.

Well this is interesting.

There is this one boy in my school that I like a lot, however, him and my friend are in the talking stage of a possible relationship between them.

When I developed my crush on him long ago that’s when the dream started occuring. I lucid dream a lot. I have been since middle school, maybe elemtary school. And when I began to like him I visited him in my dream. We were standing face to face in this white space(?)/area. Like fully white. (Think of that one SpongeBob episode where squidward gets stuck in that one white liminal space). Whenever I visit somebody we always met in that room, but anyways. We were standing face to face, just staring at each other. Not speaking. He looked emotionless, maybe a bit stunned. The dream cut to black.

Then, a few days passed and the dream happened again. Same thing, except this time, he tried talking to me, but right as he began to talk, water filled the room and he was gasping for air.

The same dream occurred last night, this time, it was black inky that filled the room And drowned him. He looked peaceful, almost as if he was accepting his fate.

Typically my dreams are either foresights into the future, warnings, or have meanings behind them. But I don’t know what this one could be. Any answer would be appreciated.

Typically I’m able to figure out what my dream is and what category it falls under, but this one has left me stumped.

Edit: I am sorry for the poor spelling and grammar, also, if somebody needs more info to interpret the dream I am happy to provide more info. This post was done horribly and didn’t provide much info.