r/helicopterparents

I guess for some context I’m a very anxious person always have been stemming all the way back to my childhood with some very specific family dynamics. I just felt constantly put in between my parents marriage because I felt like I was both of their only friend throughout their whole divorce. that having happened around the age of 14, really instilled an anxious mindset on me. I was constantly trying to make sure I didn’t hurt one’s feelings, even while trying to comfort the other parent. so fast forward to adulthood. I’m a people pleasing person who never says anything contrary to whoever’s talking to me because I don’t like conflict and I’ve been trained very much so to always make sure everyone feels safe loved and comfortable. My mom got married to someone who loves to argue. But still, I avoid arguments with him most of my adult life until I reached a point where I finally called him out for something and ended up moving out of my mom‘s house. This was around the time I was about to get married so it wasn’t really a big deal and we get along fine. now I am married to a man who also is argumentative. (Differently) I don’t think he’s trying to argue. I think he genuinely thinks he’s teaching, but regardless, it comes across to a lot of people as constantly trying to tell them how they’re wrong. I will say my husband is someone who is very Booksmart and probably autistic although undiagnosed. So when I say this, I genuinely think he in his head is like oh they just don’t have the information. How can I give it to them but to a lot of people they don’t want the information. all of that to say that it puts me in a lot of situations where I am trying to basically people please his conversations to make everyone feel happy. Also I’ve recently started hearing from my mom about how he makes her unhappy and how he constantly is “belittling” (to my mom, disagreeing with her is belittling her) her, and it makes me upset because I have a really hard time with feeling that people don’t like me or wanna be around me, so her openly discussing with me how she hangs out with me less because of who I’m married to hurts, especially when I’ve been putting up with her husband since I was 15 who literally goes out of his way to pick a fight with every person he comes in contact with as long as I’ve known him. he isn’t the same as my husband although I’m not trying to downplay my husband I know that he is annoying to people and can come in to strong. However, my mom’s husband is different in the way that he just wants to be the woe is me type of person. And every story is about how someone has gone out of their way too wrong/disrespect him. So it’s frustrating that like I’ve never gone out of my way to make it known to my mom that he is sometimes hard to be around. I’ve never not hung out with her due to him, but my mom is not a people pleaser and very much so always see a point of view from how the story makes her feel and so because my husband calls her out on some stuff that she says he’s mean to her and makes her feel crappy and so intern she makes me feel crappy. Which is really playing into the anxiety in my head that tells me that everybody hates me and doesn’t really wanna hang out with me, but do out of obligation. My mom and I have had a very complicated relationship on and off since I was a child and I really feel like we’re starting to get to a good place but recently I’ve just noticed it really feels like she’s taking digs at me. Like I made a joke. It was kind of a sarcastic, witty response to something I didn’t mean any harm by it but you know I’ll do better in the future, but my mom said you’re being rude. I said oh I’m sorry I was just trying to be funny. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings to what she said, but it didn’t sound funny to me. It sounded kind of bitchy… to which I just apologize to move on, but I can’t quit thinking about it! Because now all I can think is she probably does think I’m a bitch and that’s her letting that out! I just feel like I’ve spent such a long time trying to just allow myself to even have a personality around people that I feel safe with because I spent so much of my life shoving everything I believed and thought down. so insecure all the time because I’m so stressed that something I said bothered someone offended them or hurt them. I live in an area that politically. I don’t really agree with most of my friends or family to be honest, but that’s never been a problem for me. I’m mostly just don’t talk about politics or beliefs. But I basically made a comment to my mom about how it really annoyed me how my brother couldn’t be bothered to help his wife with their kids to which she immediately started defending my siblings. which is fine I know that she more so agrees with what they believe anyway. But then she decided to say that the reason I had so much help is because my husband‘s a little bit gay my husband is very nerdy and not a traditional manly man.He is not gay I mostly didn’t get into it. And I was talking to my husband about how much it bothered me because I was on the phone with both of them. Which he said if being a good father makes me gay then whatever. These comments have just put me in a really uncomfortable place because I guess it just kind of feels like I’ve been opening up more and more to my mom and now I feel like I need to shut down because I’ve slept too much of myself out which feels a lot like middle school again frankly. But it’s also making me realize that she’s kind of the person who I tell things too , I’m literally realizing I’m 30 years old I don’t know that I have a single friend. I trust to be myself with apart from my husband and apparently my mom thinks he’s an ass. So I’m just curious how do you guys deal with that. I’ve already had a conversation with my husband about bringing it down and he over the last couple of months has been great about just not talking to my mom. which sucks but like it’s not worth getting into a fight with anyone over and I told him just like if they’re not asking for the information you don’t have to inform them. To them It feels like an attack and I hate that I have to make him small for them to be comfortable, but it’s also like it’s really affecting my mental health to feel like everyone hates me, which I know is me making my problems here which I hate . But the kicker is it’s not helping they’re still saying comments to me about him being a jerk and I’m like he hasn’t even said anything to you this week. I’ve literally spent the last three weeks with my family because of them being in town and my husband has maybe said 20 words the whole three weeks to them and my mom still made a comment about how every time she’s around him, he hurts her feelings. I understand that maybe that’s how she still feels because of previous interactions but like he’s actively not been doing it. I don’t know. it’s just really bothering me that it feels like he can’t redeem himself, but like holding everything her husband‘s ever said against him. And it also just feels like lately she hates me too, which it all gives me anxiety because unfortunately, somewhere in my car, I just feel like everyone needs to like me for me to be OK and I know that’s something I need to work on in myself, but I don’t know how to quiet those voices and then I get so anxious and I start thinking about every person who knows me and how they probably don’t enjoy my company because I just start tearing myself down. I just don’t know. How are you guys deal with that? Where am I just alone in this? I can’t imagine I’m the only person who has experienced this or something similar I do want to clarify I love my mom and I love my siblings and I love my husband and I love my stepdad, but we are all people who are wired different and have different experience that have shaped us. I just feel like there’s a part of me that feels the need to make sure everyone is happy and it’s getting exhausting.

I'm a muslim girl living in Pakistani household, even thou I'm grateful for everything they have allowed me, but there just one thing they won't let me do. which is going out with my friends, for some reason, my dad thinks that I have to stay home and do whatever, he won't let me go to my friend birthday dinner/lunch, he won't even let me walk out the house for errand, he only lets me go to work which my mum would drop me off and pick me up. I tried to walk myself but my parents would just screamed at me which I find frustrated as I just feel suffocated in this house like I can't go see my friends, if I text or call my friend, they would asked me like who is It or why am I calling for? honestly please help your girl out! I was thinking of moving out but I feel like my monthly payment isn't enough for an apartment or even groceries or whatever. but if I do move out, my dad has friends and connection all over the country. it so hard to being able to do sit without feeling like who' who here or is someone here a friend of dad? it so hard.

another thing is that I brought ups a convo with my dad and my younger brother to ask him if I can go out with my friends because all I ever do is work work work. he said to my brother that he won't let me go out at all Is because I'm a girl. my brother doesn't agree with him but didn't say anything as he can be very strict with my brother. my brother and I are very modern while half od the family is traditional or think like my parents.

Im the third sibling in the family. there four of us, two boys and two girls. my sister is the oldest.

please help me.

My first post on this sub I guess, ill just explain all the things my parents do.

They don't allow me to leave the house alone, they don't allow me to take a walk alone, they don't allow me to hang out at friend's houses not even just for a sleepover, just they don't allow me to do it in general.

If I have to hangout with my friends it has to be in a public space and my parents HAVE to be in the same place (For example, a mall. I can be with my friends in a mall but they must be in the mall.) They don't allow me to go the grocery store alone which is very close.

For digital stuff, they have really no restrictions like they do but they don't actually impose it.

I do feel like my social life has been destroyed because of them, will it get better soon if i move out once i grow up?

Im 17 years old and am the eldest daughter of a brown muslim family. Both my parents have made my life a living hell. This all began to get worse 3-4 weeks ago when i was playing with my friends and he sneaked into my room so i changed the tabs on my laptop because he gets really mad when I play with my friends. When he comes into my room my friend calls me and he gets super mad, takes my phone and checks every single thing on it. He read through every single text message between me and a friend of mine (lets call him david). Me and david are just friends but for some reason my dad thought he was my bf even though there were no flirtatious messages between me and him and it was just us talking like regular friends and arguing as a joke. He got super mad at me and deleted my accounts, also he was checking and reading through all these text messages infront of my mum and my younger brother. During this, he also started acting like he was about to have a heart attack and about to die because I “disgraced” him and I ruined his honour. He fell off his chair and acted like he had difficulty breathing.
My mum began slutshaming me which is nothing new since shes always hated me and been jealous of me. For some reason she thinks of me as her competition and has said stuff like im ugly and when i grow older im gonna get more hideous, and that when she was the same age as me she was more beautiful. During all this happening, she also started to cuss me out and began saying to my dad that he should marry me off and not send me to school anymore. She started saying how im an idiot and im gonna fail anyway so he should stop wasting his money on me and just get me married. She began saying i was gonna run off with some guy in the future and it made me feel so mad and sad because I dont even have a boyfriend or anyone like that in my life. She also started threatening to kill me and started talking about honour killings and how I should be grateful my dad’s nice and if it was someone else he wouldve killed me by now. My younger brother also got super worried and started crying during all this.
I had my mocks 2 days after this all happened and I was not able to concentrate on them at all. I did pass them all but I wasnt able to get As like I wanted. I could not sleep or eat normally after this and I still struggle quite a lot with eating. Looking at food just makes me sick and makes me want to throw up. My parents especially my dad gets mad at me for “not eating” but the thing is i physically just cant eat. It makes me feel so nauseous.
Ever since this day, my dad will always sit in my room day and night and I cant be alone. One night he sat in and out my room upto 1am to keep an eye on me. He’ll give me 2 hour lectures everyday on how i should be grateful, how hes worked his ass off to give us a great life and how i need to start acting right.
Im so confused what exactly hes mad about since all i did was have a guy friend? Did i do something so wrong. I just want to die I feel like im stuck in this hell hole.
My mum never takes my side she just makes the situations more worse. Shes been saying to my dad that he shouldn’t have brought me a phone and he should take my phone away. Today she called my youngest uncle and said she was gonna tell him the “truth” about me. She was sobbing when she called him and for some reason my dad also begun to cry. She keeps talking about how im gonna run away with a man. Like run off with who?? Im so done with her bullshit.
My dads a software engineer and he keeps telling me how he knows about everything thats in my phone. He says that he can get everything, all my text messages, all my accounts, all my photos like everything on his laptop and he can “expose” me for everything that im hiding from him but he chooses not to because im his daughter.
He was saying to me today that if my future husband finds out about this then hes gonna hate me and hes gonna think im sinful, a slut and hes gonna divorce me. They keep talking about me getting married when i dont even want to get married and theres nothing I can do to stop this. They compare me to the kids of their other religious friends and started talking about how they wear hijab and i dont.
I dont have any close friends irl or teachers that i can tell this to. I moved to the uk only last year from another country so im not close to anyone here. Even as im typing all this right now hes trash talking about me down stairs with my mum.
I feel so trapped here and i even tried to choke and self harm myself but im too much of a coward to do it. Im scared to tell others about this because what if they think im in the wrong, or im lying? Parents wont let me get a job even though i want to saying that im lazy and wont be able to work.
Please let me know what i can do to leave this place before i lose my mind. I turn 18 this year and want to move out but i have no source of income or money and i have no idea where to go.

Hi people, 30f here having trouble setting boundaries with my parents.

I am usually open about things with my family, especially consult my dad time to time about financial, career or general advice.

I have recently got a job offer and I had to quit before signing the new contract, as otherwise my leave would be extended and my entry to the new job would be delayed.

I asked my parents specifically not to share this news with others as there is nothing signed yet. I already heard from 2 distant family members knowing this news. On top of that my dad keeps asking for an update, even though i clearly told him i would let him know if anything new happened.

So now the issue is, both of them are not going to be rational if i told them i didn‘t want them to share, nor i want to be asked everyday about updates. They will definitelly blame me for being selfish, why would i hide from family, they are just thinking about me etc etc. They ll get hostile, yell at me and definitely put the blame on me then probably give me silent treatment as well. Making me feel crap.

I really don‘t know what to do. I am already stressed waiting for the new contract, this is stressing me more. Also not respecting my privacy and request is boiling my blood. I am also scared i would sound mean if i was to express myself.

This is just one recent example of course, happens all the time about various stuff. I wonder if me being single makes them mingle more into my life, or if they would be same.

Also definitely see my mistake as sharing my good news with them, i should have think more and only share when everything was done, i will be only „letting them know“ in the future.

I will try to keep this as short as I possibly can.

I was pursuing a healthcare degree and I ended up switching my course in my 2nd year due to not liking the course, anxiety from being there and also being bullied on that course. It got so bad I couldn’t even bring myself to show up to the lectures or anything to do with the course, so naturally I was already failing. I ended up switching to a Business degree which is more in line with what I want to do and I start that in September, back in first year again.

My parents are very success driven and sometimes I feel like my worth is attached to what I achieve and materialistic things (for example when I was 11 I failed the 11+ test (grammar test) by a few marks and my parents made me lie to all my peers and their parents that I passed because they were embarrassed by me. Before going to uni I asked them if I could take a gap year because I had no idea what I wanted to do and they said no because they thought taking a gap year was embarrassing. I was basically kinda forced to pick a course and I chose the healthcare one because it was impressive, looked good on paper and I wanted to impress them (I also used to be very success driven rather than focusing what I actually wanted or what was best for me. I just mainly did everything I could to impress my parents but a lot of the time I was never enough for them, and me moving away, and finding myself is part of the reason why I’m in this situation now). ANYWAY moral of the story is they like to feel better than everyone else.

Part of that involved them paying for my tuition fees upfront, meaning that I never received a student loan. They felt as tho having a loan holds you back, so yes. I knew switching my course would hurt them so I was partly prepared to be disowned and never hear from them again. They did cut me off financially for a bit, got called a bunch of names, etc etc but it is what it is. Eventually we talked it out more but they hold “everything they’ve done for me” over my head, including paying my tuition fees. They are going to pay for my new degree but I feel like it’s just another thing to boost there ego because they know they can afford it, and like I said they like to be better than everyone else. I was going to accept it but it’s been 4 months since they knew about me switching my course and they still continue to call me names and look down on me. They’ve said things like “your the reason why your sister can’t leave for university when it’s her turn because we can’t afford it” “your the reason why we can’t go on holiday this year”, “you’ve embarrassed and let down the family”. This is all lies. For example, they aren’t going on holiday this year for a completely different reason, but they are just using me as an excuse. I know they are trying to make me feel bad and don’t like what I’ve done but I wasn’t happy.

I’ve spent my whole life trying to impress them and was very hard on myself as when i achieved things they were minimal, but when I let them down it was detrimental. I just never felt like I was enough. Switching my course is the one thing I’ve done for me and I’m getting a lot of hate from them for it. They’ve also said I take accountability for nothing, but like I know that I’ve fucked up and this decision is a lot. I know I’ve hurt them but it’s been 4 months and literally every conversation I have with them still ends with me in tears. Every phone call goes back to me switching my course and why I let them down. I care about their feelings but I was also very stressed out with this decision, I was stressed out being on a course I hate, with people that hated me. I was going through a lot. (I’ve been bullied before in the past and if I was being bullied on a course i genuinely liked ofc that would suck but I think being somewhere I didn’t even want to be AND being bullied there on top of it just added salt to the wound).

Also my parents said that I owe them £30k randomly today. (20k plus interest) for the money they spent on my tuition fees. I did say I’d pay them back for switching my course a while ago as I felt guilty about it and I still do but the interest thing came out of no where today. It’s stuff like that where they just add on and hold things over my head, which makes me feel even more shitty about myself.

ANYWAY I know I’m still rambling a lot. The point is I’m thinking about cutting off my parents. I just feel very emotionally unsafe, not loved etc etc. I do have enough money myself to pay for my own tuition fees and rent for the first year but after that I don’t know what I will do if I don’t get a job (I have been applying for jobs but because my parents never really let me break free I have no experience so it’s pretty hard to get one (they told me I couldn’t get a job when I was 16 and just to focus on my studies so obviously I listened). I just don’t know if I should apply for sfe, pay for it myself, or try hatch things out with my parents. I have told them about cutting them off before and they apologised and realised they can be a bit harsh sometimes, but then their behaviour still continues.

So ya I’m just asking for advice really 🤔

I do know a lot of this is my fault and there were a lot of time when I was younger where I could have stood up to them, like taking a gap year for instance but I guess I was just scared and believed and trusted in their authority a lot more then I do now. I’m just trying to move forward in the best way possible for me even if that means them not being in my life. They’ve honestly caused me a lot of stress and emotional damage. I know I’ve hurt them and I hate that I’ve hurt them but it’s gotten to a point that my mental health is suffering at their expense.

And I know I’ve said a lot but this truly is a short summary of everything as a lot more stuff happened but this is the best way I can explain it as short as possible. And if you disagree with anything I’ve said don’t be afraid to say what you truly think in the comments. I honestly just want everyone’s honest unbiased opinion :)

And if you want me to elaborate on anything then just lemme know :)

TLDR: How do I deal with an abusive father and an enabling/narcissistic mother? I am a teenager.

I (F, 18 Y/O) have a hard time building and applying boundaries from my mother (F47) and father (M49).

I live in a household where my father constanty drinks alcohol every night (to relax, according to him) but he always gets irritated and easily angered and agitated whenever someone, especially my mother, does something wrong. I think it has always been his way of releasing his stress/anger because of his problematic and narcissistic personality. The last time I contronted him and told him exactly this, he was still in denial and was a literal asshole. Always have been, anyways.

The problem is that this cycle keeps repeating and it just takes a toll on my sleep every time they fight. I’ve always been the mediator between my parents, and it is SO SO exhausting to be in this kind of position. And the problem is my mom would not even leave my abusive dad because he mainly provides for us. He would even shame my mom about petty things BUT always says that I should not mind it because i am his daughter. Even says that he loves me so much he wouldn’t dare hurt me but his verbally and physically abusive behaviour towards my mom says otherwise.

How do I even set boundaries with these kind of parents? Ive always tried to seek help from counselors at school but this has been a cycle in our home.

I am a 22 yof of south asian Muslim descent. After living at home all throughout college, I have recently moved out to live closer to work, which is 40 minutes from my parents. Since moving out over a month and a half ago, my parents have been begging me incessantly to come home every weekend and sublet my apartment so I can move back home. When I go to visit them, they make me stay with them until the very last minute (refusing to give me a ride to the metro, hiding my keys, etc). I understand that this is unacceptable behavior on their part, but a part of me almost feels addicted to the suffering and I am struggling to find the motivation to put my foot down.

If anyone has any advice, I would really appreciate it!

sincerely,

burned out eldest daughter

So, I’ll try to keep it short, so I F28 haven’t gone on any international trip so this birthday I really planned that I want to go to Thailand so I told my parents. My mom was like who all will be going and so obviously I don’t have any friends who will go with me, so I told them that I’ll go on a group trip, but now everything is done, but turns out the group does not have any girl and it’s only going to be four guys and me what should I do because my mother was asking, share the number of the girls. How many people are going and I could not answer them properly. I was like I will tell you once I reach on Thaila, but help me out guys, what should I do?

For context I am 18 going to college and I'm thinking of going to dorm, I told my mom about it briefly, she said she doesn't think I should do it. I signed up anyways and I decided to tell her officially a couple days ago. She was not happy.

I have a full ride scholarship and another scholarship paying for the dorm and other necessities. It’s only 10 minutes away. And for my full ride scholarship I have to have a 3.0 and higher gpa so they provide a lot of resources that are beneficial for my success.

It’s not that she not letting me go she is, but she wants me to stay home for the first two semesters to see if I secure the scholarship first. That’s not the only reason, she thinks I’m wasting money if I go dorm, she says there are bad people out there, she’s scared of me having a baby, and it’s only 10 minutes away.

I’m not gonna lie those are reasonable, but not enough to make me want to stay. I’m not oblivious to those kind of things and the majority reason she doesn’t want me to go is because my boyfriend is going to the same college. She thinks I’m gonna waste my studies on him, he was never the reason I went to the college I went to, I really want to go and try to be a little more independent, I want to experience college and take any opportunity I can get, and if I have everything covered It’s a great opportunity. I know college isn’t shits and giggles I know it’s draining and hard it’s not easy and I’m hoping staying on campus will help me connect and use my resources.

I talked to my sister and my aunt they agree with me we see my moms side, but they said if they had the choice they would’ve liked to experience living on campus too. I feel bad for going against her, but this is something I really want for me.

She texted me yesterday and it felt really overboard and just pushed me to want to go more. I don’t think she was trying to control me but it felt like it. I know she doesn’t want to let go of me yet, but I’m not going anywhere I’m literally 10 minutes away.

Please give me some of your advice!

This is just a rant. I'm frustrated.

My parents have been pretty decent my entire life. But now that I'm getting older, I'm realising that the "freedom" they give me has levels to it.

A few days ago I had an argument with my mom about what clothes I wanna wear. Long story short, she basically told me that she "regrets giving me freedom" becuz I'm "taking advantage of it". I just wanted to wear the clothes I like and feel confident in.

I have wanted to do a part time job for the longest time but couldn't find one that offered a flexible schedule. Now that I'm sitting idle almost all day. I decided to get a job as a dog walker. Mainly becuz i want the money. I love buying stuff for myself. I HATE asking my parents for money cuz they always make it a big deal. They make me feel guilty for asking for stuff that I actually NEED. They say stuff like "why are you asking stuff from others, don't we give you enough money?". When I ask for it, I hear taunts about it for MONTHS. Plus, our financial condition is not the best.

Just a while ago today, i asked my mom if I could get a part time job as a dog walker. I thought she would say yes becuz we both are animal lovers and I'm good with dogs + i would have some money of my own since I HATE asking them for money (i didn't tell her this); but she immediately made a face and said "not at all".

I was lowkey stunned as to why she would refuse to let me do that because its not smth illegal, its not that physically demanding, i have experience with walking dogs plus i would have money of my own and it would teach me responsibility.

When I asked why, she started listing random ass reasons like I don't wake up early in the morning, i don't exercise, I don't focus on my health, how I'm not consistent in anything, I don't post videos on my YouTube channel enough (i have a yt channel dedicated to my pets) etc. I told her that NONE of these reasons are valid for what I'm talking about.

Then she started acting like her head is hurting and she's in so much pain (she always does this whenever I try to talk to her about smth she doesn't like so that I drop the topic).

Then she asked me "did you ask your father?" I said "I will but he's just gonna tell me to ask you again", then she said "then tell him I said no".

At this point I was SO pissed becuz she made such a big deal out of this small ass topic.

I tried explaining again calmly that I already know how to walk dogs, I like doing it, plus the money is going to teach me how to be responsible with it. But she refused to listen, saying I'm not gonna stay consistent and just gonna stop doing the job. I told her to atleast let me TRY. I also told her that many of my friends are also doing jobs or side hustles and earning money, but she refused to listen and understand.

I started crying becuz I was so frustrated and she said "what's there to cry about. You start crying about the smallest things. I go through way worse situations than you but I never cry in front of you." I just left the room at that point.

Right now, I'm frustrated, angry, and just pitying myself becuz even when I TRY to do smth good or responsible, My mom acts like this.

I will ask my dad about the job tomorrow, but I just know for sure he's gonna refuse too. Where I live, there is no culture of teenagers having part time jobs. Here, people think that if a child is doing a job, it's becuz the family is suffering from financial instability. And the parents here have the mentality that "We are providing for you, why do you need a job". People here think a teenager doing a job is smth low class and people JUDGE like crazy. I don't care about those people.

If my father also refuses even after me trying to convince him. I'm just gonna do the job without their permission. I'm fed up always asking them for money and them taunting me all the time becuz i asked for money.

I am 18(M), Since I was in school I wanted to go away for college so I could get more freedom, I told my parents I was going away for college. at the beginning they agree but I eventually knew they would change their minds. My dad went and asked other Haitians for advice and they assumed if I go away I will do drugs or become gay, but I already am bisexual they don’t know yet. I answered that I am going anyway regardless of whether they want me to or not, and they got mad. For now we are cool but I know they are coming back on it again. My dad used a lot of excuses to try to get me to stay, but I feel too much pressure living with them and I honestly just want to get away.

FOR CONTEXT IM ASIAN (FILIPINO)

I'm 25F and already working, but I still can't afford to move out because almost all of my savings go toward paying for my younger sibling's college education. My parents (both 51) have been unemployed and financially dependent on my grandparents for over 10 years. The only money coming into my parent's is my dead great-grandfather's pension. So please don't ask me to move out—I simply can't afford it yet, and I love my sibling too much to leave him alone in such a toxic household.

On June 6, my boyfriend (25M) and his older brother flew to Hong Kong to visit their parents, who both work there as Overseas Filipino Workers. He stayed there for almost a month and is arriving home at 2 a.m. on July 3 which is like a few hours from now.

Our original plan was for me to sleep over at his house on July 2 so I could welcome him home in the middle of the night, but my parents refused because we're not married. So instead, I told them I'd just go to his house around 7 a.m. My boyfriend works from home, and he'll be logging in for work at 9 a.m. right after getting home. I also work from home, but my shift doesn't start until 5 p.m. My plan was simply to stay with him, help him unpack, and spend time together while he worked. After not seeing each other for an entire month, I just wanted us to finally have some quality time together.

Instead, both of my parents told me, "You're a woman. You have no self-respect."

They insisted that he should be the one coming to see me, not the other way around—especially not that early in the morning. I explained that he has work at 9 a.m., but they kept saying he could just come over after work instead. According to them, I'm being "too aggressive" by going to his place first. They said if I really missed him, then he probably missed me too, so I should just wait and let him make the first move.

What the fuck u mean first move he's already my boyfriend.

They made it sound like I had no dignity because I was the one going over to his house and planning to stay there for the day. The whole thing felt so outdated and ridiculous.

We haven't seen each other in a month. We both work from home, so we can spend the day together without either of us sacrificing work. It's not some moral issue and suddenly i am judged as a woman.

My boyfriend gets along well with my family. Our relationship is public, we've been together for almost two years, and there has never been any issue before.

Yet somehow they acted like I was shameless or "cheap" just because I wanted to spend as much time as possible with my boyfriend after being apart for a month.

To make it worse, they even said, "He was just on vacation anyway, not working. You two talked on the phone every day."

I'm 25 years old. I have a job. I'm capable of making my own decisions. Yet they make me feel like I'm some disrespectful woman simply because I don't want to wait several more days before seeing my own boyfriend.

Just needed to vent because I'm honestly so frustrated. I just want to spend time with my boyfriend without being made to feel dirty, desperate, or cheap for it.

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I haven't seen each other for a month. He gets home at 2 a.m., works from home starting at 9 a.m., and I was planning to go to his house at 7 a.m. and stay until I start my own WFH shift at 5 p.m. My parents told me that because I'm a woman, going to him instead of waiting for him to come to me means I have no self-respect.

A lot of my friends, and I, were told by our parents that when we hit 18 years old we are on our own. Time to move out, unless we were in college. In that case we live at home but must have a job. As soon as you graduate, you’re gone.

So recently my parents found out I’ve been dating a girl. My mother has made it very clear that she won’t accept or support me. I decided to have my girlfriend over once, which went very wrong and resulted in my mom and my girlfriend having genuine beef.
I haven’t been able to see my girlfriend much since then because of scheduling conflicts, but I’m honestly unsure how I’m supposed to navigate this. I love my girlfriend, but I’m so worried about the consequences of being honest with my parents. At the same time, I’m exhausted from feeling like I have to hide my relationship.
Unfortunately, my parents still financially support me, and they can track my phone and car, so going to see her is also incredibly risky. More than anything, I just want to have a normal relationship with this girl.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you handle balancing an unsupportive family while still trying to have a healthy relationship? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Hi reddit, i have a small ish particular issue i have with a habit of my moms and i wanted to know if anyone elses mom/parent is the same or does this. I'm 18f and my mom is always checking to see if i ate, brushed my teeth, showered, etc. I do not have a problem with my physical hygeine but i did used to struggle mentally which caused me to not take as good care of my teeth for a period of time.

I can see why she would be a little worried about me having to get more work done on my teeth, but i just think at my age it should be my responsibility and i do keep up on it now. Its not just that shell occasionally make sure im doing it, every single day shell ask to make sure i did it, which i have asked her not to do at least as much which she responds with "youre still my baby" which i get im still her kid but im not a baby and i can take care of myself.

Its weird to me because there were years as a younger kid where she didnt care to ask or was too distracted or just not present in some way. Has anyone else dealt with this kind of thing? And is it normal or am i overreacting?

Well he’s not a control freak in general but when it comes to my phone he is. The problem is that I’m soon to be 17 and he had taken my phone at 11pm sharp every night since I turned 16 even a week before I turned 16. It started with my aunt taking it at 11.30 every night cause “I didn’t sleep early enough” even tho it was summer back then and even after she left he kept taking every electronical device at home that I can possibly use ; my MacBook , my iPad , the tv controller and lastly my phone. and coincidentally somewhere between he or my aunt started taking my phone he also learned that I’ve been vaping and drinking and have stolen a cig from his pack, so maybe that was his way of disciplining me but he always says it’s because he “ cares about my eyes” or he simply says he needs to take it. And no he doesn’t know my password to anything and he doesn’t check any of my devices neither does he care to . All he cares about it taking my phone at 11pm which frustrates me sm.
Moral of the story can someone please tell me how to get my phone or how to break this cycle please

I (28F) have been with my partner (28M) for almost six years now, we dated for five and last September he proposed to me and I accepted. I knew my mom wasn’t going to accept him but I still had hope. I told her in November and her reaction was unlike anything I could’ve ever imagined. She was absolutely hysterical. Screaming, crying, begging, praying, threatening physical harm to herself and my partner’s family, desperate for me to change my mind. It was a very traumatic experience for me and my dad who was overseas ended up coming home early to resolve the situation. It’s been 7 months now since I’ve told my mom. She is fine and normal and pretends like everything is ok and she’s delusional in the sense that she feels like there’s still a chance we wont get married. My dad told me he supports me and will do anything I need him to do and that has included having conversations with my mom but he isn’t really getting anywhere with her. I’m getting really frustrated at how much time has passed and it feels like nothing is moving in any kind of direction. We are Muslim so the next step would be for my partner‘s parents to come formally ask for my hand but I don’t even know if we can get to that point right now. I’m just so lost and I really don’t know how to navigate this. I’m thinking my next step is to just talk to my mom one more time to tell her that my feelings about my partner haven’t changed and I would like his parents to come ask for my hand. If she won’t participate then that’s her choice but I will continue to move forward with the process.