r/helicopterparents

I have a feeling that the answer to this will be to just ignore it, but I wanted to ask anyway.

I am 18 and my stepmom is 50. I have a boyfriend who treats me right and has never done anything to make anyone think. Otherwise he basically worships the ground. I walk on, but I overheard my stepmom talking about how she thinks he has no drive and gossiping to her friend about him and I and how she thinks I could absolutely do better. She was insinuating that she would be concerned if we actually ended up staying together for life (which is the goal) although she claims to like him and has even said outright that she knows he would never do anything to disrespect me.

Now I know this is probably a parental thing, like” no one will ever be good enough for my kid” type thing, but he has a lot of drive she doesn’t see. It’s not like it’s hiding. He blatantly says what he’s passionate about. He just doesn’t quite know what he wants to do for college yet because he is still in high school.

My issue is that in my brother’s past girlfriends or recent relationships, their girlfriends can do no wrong. They can be the exact same way as my boyfriend, but my boyfriend will get slack for it.

My boyfriend believes in God, but has not been baptized yet and that’s a big issue for her, but in my brother’s most recent relationship, she had not been baptized either, but she loved her to death.

If you’ve seen any of my other post, you know that my stepmom can be unfair and that she favors my brothers, but if I’m being honest, I’m just kind of overthinking right now.

It just seems like no matter how amazing he is compared to anybody else that’s been in my family, it won’t be enough for her.

So, is this just completely normal and I’m overthinking? Because that’s totally plausible. Is this just standard parent stuff? Should I just ignore it since I wasn’t supposed to hear it in the first place? Is there anyway for me to get her to realize how amazing he is?

Я девушка,мне 17 лет.Я всегда хотела много путешествовать и много думаю о переезде,конечно не сейчас мне об этом думать,я ещё мала для этого.

Я очень люблю своих родителей. Всегда могу с ними поговорить по душам.Я всегда к ним прислушиваюсь и стараюсь их не разочаровывать.Думаю я с этим очень хорошо справляюсь.У меня из друзей только моя подруга детства которая живёт на 2 этажа ниже меня и моя двоюродная сестра.

Домой прихожу до 9 и всегда докладываю куда я иду.

Несколько раз я разговаривала с папой насчёт моего рвения к путешествиям. Он считает что путешествовать чтобы прям повидать мир можно либо в студенческие годы 18-22 года примерно или в старости И ТОЛЬКО С КОМПАНИЕЙ, путешествия одной он вообще не допускает.

В остальное время заниматься семьей и тд. Я с ним согласна,не в 40 лет же детей рожать,но и такие люди бывают.

Я хочу путешествовать одна,мне просто не с кем.Но я поняла,что одобрения папы мне не заслужить. Он говорит мир слишком опасен и я это понимаю,но это не значит что я должна запереться в своём маленьком городе и жить с родителями.

Моя подруга говорит что он не может мне запретить уезжать,так как мне уже будет 18.Юридически да,но я боюсь ранить своих родителей.Я понимаю что они будут жутко волноваться за меня ,но я не хочу упускать свою мечту.

Извините если будут ошибки.Писала на эмоциях

I’m 18 years old male, live in Australia (If that’s important). I am still in school and I still live at home. My parents in my opinion at least are extremely controlling. They track my location and if I go out with friends will sit on there phone watching what I am doing. Whenever I go out I get about 10 missed calls a night with my mum frantically worrying and about 30 messages to go along with it. I’m sick of it. I’m not doing anything that no one else my age isn’t doing. I tell them the plans I have before going out, and that usually does help them, but sometimes plans change when I’m already out and then they will freak out. My friends have all witnessed this and they all agree that my parents are over the top. It’s mainly mum, but dad sort of will just follow with whatever mum says. I don’t actually know what to do about it because I recognise that my mum has really bad anxiety, but I feel like that’s her problem and she needs to learn how to deal with it. I’m an adult, not there little boy anymore. Once I finish school I want to travel and I fear I won’t be able to do that if my parents are always on my back. They just cause so much unneeded stress in my life and every time I bring it up they always use the “my house, my rules” line. I don’t think they understand that it’s really affecting the relationship I have with them which is unfortunate because I do really love them. It makes me want to move out asap. I would also love advice from other parents.

My dad has an elder brother and he literally asks him about almost every decision in his life. But now it’s gone too far because he has started asking him about my life decisions too.

I’m planning to go back to my hometown to meet my family, and I wanted to visit one of my closest friends in another city while I’m there. My dad was completely okay with it and said I could go meet her. But after his elder brother told him not to let me go, suddenly my dad changed his mind.

I asked my dad, “It’s your choice if you want to ask your brother before making decisions for yourself, but please don’t apply the same thing to me. I’m not bound by either of you. My life and the decisions I make should be mine.”

I know he is my dad and I respect him, but sometimes it genuinely hurts when I feel like I don’t even have a say in my own life. I just want to be trusted enough to make my own decisions, even if I make mistakes along the way.

I (17M) am literally about to just abandon my whole fucking life cuz my mom is moving into the boarding house with me for my first year of university. And I mean, we are literally sleeping in the same room with bunk beds.

No, the university I'm going to doesn't offer dorms.

Yes, they picked and paid for the boarding house.

No, I can't move somewhere else cuz I don't have the money, so I'm fucked either way.

Anyway, my ENTIRE FAMILY treats me like I'm 12 years old even though I'm turning 18 in November because I'm skinny, and weak, and have asthma, and they think I can't do anything by myself.

And now I'm impatient, immature, I throw temper tantrums, I'm lazy as fuck (cuz why do anything if I could just have my parents do it for me), and I don't know basic communication skills.

The whole reason I was excited to go to college was to start forcing myself to be independent. I was hoping to shift my brain from "I don't know how to do laundry" to "I better learn how to laundry otherwise I'm fucked."

Would I be completely incompetent in doing so? Yes, but that's the whole point of learning.

I was excited at the thought of getting a completely random new stranger as a roommate. Maybe it'll help develop my social skills, or how to handle living with someone, or maybe I'll finally make a friend after 6 years of having none.

Tbh, I think I feel more comfortable with a stranger than with my own family. (Unless, idk, they're a shady looking creep; then I'd be paranoid)

I DON'T feel comfortable being myself with the people in my life; not with my parents, or sibling (whom I loathe with every fiber of my being), or relatives.

I DON'T EVEN FEEL COMFORTABLE BEING SHIRTLESS AROUND MY FAMILY, AND I'M A GUY, BECAUSE OF ALL THE INSECURITIES AND BODY SHAMING THEY PUT ON ME.

My mom doesn't know the concept of boundaries, she just does whatever she wants. She calls out my name like a toddler, constantly touches me without warning, and I just stand there looking displeased.

I can't even grow my hair out without my mom forcing me to get a haircut because she (and everyone else) thinks it's ugly.

I don't know how to manage my finances, or even what the first step is, because the plan was always to mooch off my fuckass parents while I'm in college; but I didn't expect them to literally move in with me.

But now I'm just gonna try saving up for a plane ticket out of here without anyone knowing, and cut contact, so I can disappear out of their life.

I don't give a fuck if it causes them distress.

I don't give a fuck if they think I've gone missing or been murdered or kidnapped.

I'm ready to pull a Rachel Green in the Friends pilot kind of move.

But unlike Rachel, I don't have any friends to run to, so I'll probably just end up in a suitcase somewhere...

EDIT:

To clarify a few things:

• I do know how to cook, clean, fold laundry, and other basic self-care routines.

• I know my asthma triggers and what to do if an attack happens.

• I'm dyscalculic so big numbers scare me.

• I don't just resent my parents for this one incident, it's been building for years now (I made a post on this subreddit last year about how my mom literally hired a "spiritual healer" to physically restrain and assault me to cure my depression).

• I will NOT be joining the military, that's literally the last thing I would do other than just... ending it.

Ok so I dont post on reddit like ever but im a teen and obviously i still live with my parents. This might sound silly but it kinda adds up over time. Last night my mom went to the store to go get stuff for alfredo pasta. She got a new sauce and wanted me to try it. Now I felt uncomfortable with that I don't have strong reasoning but thats just gross to me idk I felt really uncomfortable just trying the sauce its a sensory thing. She kept asking me over and over again to try it and I was trying to explain how it made me uncomfortable. Anyways after a bit I finally decided to just do it anyways and was like a centimeter away from dipping my finger into the jar and before I can she snatches it back and walks away yelling "Ok fine im not playing games with you figure something else out on your own for dinner" Now i did hover my finger over it but i assure you it was no more than a second. She was mad all night and finally made it. I told my dad and he was on her side telling me it was crazy to not just try it and saying its my fault that she took it away cuz it took me so long to try it. Am I genuinely wrong? I know it seems silly but things like this happen a lot. I want a honest opinion because I feel like im going crazy. Thanks for taking the time to help me. (Now that i look back at it taking so long to try the sauce was a bit dramatic but i still feel like it was kinda a weird reaction )

GENUINELY HOW TF YOU ESCAPE AND MAKE YOUR PARENTS ACTUALLY FUCKING TRUST YOU

i have a FUCKING strict parents,im 18 now and i cant even go out alone or have an actual fucking job

I grew up anxious talking to boys

I dotn have any friends and i dont even know much about the store around my neighborfuckinghood

I genuinely cant stand it anymore

Im also homeschooled,wtf

Even this phone sometimes gets taken away, i keep telling lies lies and lies

I've tried everything to be a good daughter but still not good enough

I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO ORDER FOOD AT THE RESTAURANT

MAN I HAVE NO SURVIVAL SKILL I AM FULL DEPENDENT ON THEM AND I HATE IT

i wanna stand up for my own sometimes but all i got is a "no"

Today I mustered up the courage to ask if i could go to eat alone,BY. MY. SELF.

Nothing less and NO (ofc)

when they say im dumb and useless when i cant even FUCKING buy something for them

It's all my fault

Anybody? Please tell me what else should i FUCKING DO

I (18F) am applying to colleges now and I’ve reached the point where I’ve finalized where I want to not just study, but live for the next four years. I’m speaking to counselors, teachers, internship people about my list, trying to set my future all out. Until it gets to my family

My brother (19M) has nonverbal autism and he is currently placed in a VR Programme to help him develop job and social skills. My mother (50F) and my father (59M) both want all of the family to stay together. My dreams were to go out of state taking my brother w/ me (I would be his legal guardian at the time) away from my parents as an “escape” route because my parents are very strict and controlling towards me (e.g, controlling my friends list, allowing me to go out w/ friends, maintaining grades, staying after school for after school things, senior events) to the point it causes them to self-destruct (my mom has diabetes, shoulder/spine issues, hysteroctomy, frequent tiredness cuz she so stressed  about me).Its also caused me to almost self-destruct to the point that I’ve pretty much carved out a secret life (they don’t know who my friends are, what I really want to major in , if I ever wanted to be a doctor (they pressured me into doing it, I went along w/ it while not going w/ it and went on a self-realization journey that I did want to do itI), what my interests are (although its more open now), the fact that I have a bf (Supports my dream), the fact that I’m bisexual) out of the fear that they would judge and admonish me for having “boyish” or “eccentric” tendencies.

For my brother, my parents are the ones managing all of his work ed related stuff, I also have a pretty good idea of what it is (they just dont think I do for some reason), and I am actively researching opportunities for him oos as well. To my parents, this is some sort of betrayal, because for one, they think i’m a “child” who doesnt know what she’s even doing, and that it would be impossible to go out of state because of their family together perspective (so they all have to move w/ me) and because it was just such a hard move for my brother (I actually think a change of surroundings being hard is VERY STRONGLY outweighed by some of the concerning behavioral patterns I see at home). It was a topic of contention till today, when we fought about it till my mom and I backed out because we were both tired, and now I can’t help but feel guilty for being selfish and uncaring toward my mom. So, AIO for being mad?

My mother just asked me to share my location and I don't want to. I asked if she wants it everytime or just when I go out. She said everytime and it pisses me off. I don't even go out often and when I do, it's always WITH her for stuff like groceries (I don't hang out with friends. For real, I'm always at school or at home). Also, I heard about battery draining fast if the tracking stuff is always on. I'm 17 and I don't like the fact that she is trying to take my privacy (I see it this way) away just before I turn 18. When I was 11, she had no problem letting me alone at the park while my phone hadn't a phone number (so not usable without wifi) and suddenly, she wants me to share my location non stop... Like I paid my phone myself and I don't want it to he controlled. Another thing is like, if I accept, I'll be stuck with this tracking stuff forever because if I ask to remove it some day, it will look suspicious. Her argument is that anything can happen these days (which is true to me) but like, I still feel that she's overthinking. The only walk I take is from my bus stop to my house (4 mins of walk, straight line in my small street). She said it could be dangerous but my town is very chill and at the same time, she often walks alone (for about 30 mins) WITHOUT even her phone so it makes no sense to me. I don't know if I'm making a big deal for nothing but I'm upset and it feels unfair and controlling

DO NOT say that I'm 18 and I can legally do what I want it will pmo. I still live in my family house, if you understand the cost of living in Londin you'll understand why. I'm tired of having to ask to go out and my mum says no because she thinks I'm meeting strange people, or just because she's racist. She'll always tell me that girls my age are looking after themselves doing makeup etc, then I ask her why I can't do what other girl's do like hangout with my friends and she starts screaming. I'll be starting work in 1 month and I've already been talking online with other students who are starting then too. They're arranging dates to meet up and hangout before work and I'm embarrassed having to make up an excuse because I can't go. Soon I'll be earning my own money and having to chip in with rent and my brothers school, yet I can't be treated like an adult?

Context: I am 21F living with my parents and am financially dependent on them. My parents are religious, I am not (they don't like this). They are very conservative, I am not (they don't know this, but the hints they do have, they don't like). I have tried compromising, I have agreed to study what they want me to study. They have never left me wanting for any necessity, we are well off, not rich rich, but well off. There is no probability of me becoming independent of them, especially financially, in the near future, though it has always been a dream of mine.

Issue: They micromanage me, try controlling everything, and NOTHING I do is ever enough. They don't approve of anything I do, and I amount to nothing to them. This is not to say I am anywhere near perfect, I am far from that. But, it is very stifling to live with them. Everything I do is scrutinized and judged, majority of the time without listening to my side. They think they know everything about me, in and out, they don't, they really don't. Every single thing I do is either ridiculed, taken apart and diminished or something similar. This also leads to daily and I do mean DAILY fights and screaming matches between us. I have a young sister (she's 8, we have 13 years between us) and she tries to calm us down and I have seen the toll that takes on her, she's a child! I agree, there is a lot of improvement I need and they really do care about me. But their way of caring and of showing their criticism and of them always pressuring me and everything really doesn't help. Almost everyday, I am at home now (since college is over) and there is never a single moment where all of us are happy with each other. Any jokes I make are put against me as if I had malicious intent. My mother especially is always on my head for every single thing and she also keeps talking about it all to my dad and his mental image of me also grows negative. They both have their flaws, so do I, but I just CANNOT. Every discussion with them feels like a warzone and the day I have a normal non fighting conversation I have with them, I feel like it's something out of the norm.

I really hate the person I become when I am with them and the amount of anger they incite within me, I become my ugliest self with them and it affects my mental health and theirs as well. This has also led to suicidal thoughts in the past and still does some times. They are not bad people, just not great parents, atleast not with me. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to improve this situation.

Any suggestions?

TL;DR: 21F living with conservative, religious parents. I’ve compromised on my studies to please them, but I’m still micromanaged, and criticized daily. The constant warzone atmosphere leads to screaming matches that are not good for my 8yo sister and is destroying my mental health. I can't move out, how do I survive this environment without losing myself to anger?

My question was basically if you had a parent that pretty much missed out on all your school events and achievements like graduations but still criticized your failures like bad grades and now wants you to move back to your hometown for college what would you do?

I’m 19 and I haved moved in with my grandmother in Hungary and my mom is there on vacation. My mom wants to move back to the U.S. and is insisting that I come move back in with her. If i decline which i have before she’ll threaten psychical force or use flying monkeys to drag me there with her. She’s making it seem like I have no choice when I have told her I don’t wanna be around her anymore. She already bought a ticket for me and is on call with idk the airport I guess? Trying to put me in a wheelchair. Any advice would be appreciated

I (22f) work as a teacher in a pretty good school. Before I start anything I would like to say that my parents got a divorce when I was just 2 years old. They weren't compatible and that was the reason my mom filed for divorce. My dad tried to take us(me and my sister) so many times but every time he would find it hard caring for us alone so he would give us back to my mom. So he relied on just talking smack about her and her talking smack about him. He tried so many times to make us (7years old me and 10 years old sister) get them back together telling us to talk to her.

We were obedient children. We did everything we could to be good. We went to school, behaved perfectly and sat in a little corner, got the best grades, never complained, and never made them feel like they failed as parents even though they did.

Fast forward to me being 12 years old and moving to 4 different houses in the span of a year, I started to get mad and expressed it in little things like not getting high grades at school even though I studied hard but my mind wasn't in it. My mom started comparing me to my older sister and that made me internally angry. When i snapped at her she shouted at me, slapped me, kicked me to the ground, and pulled my hair. It was my first time getting hit and it stuck with me. Then the next day she told me that she booked to go to a therapist to "fix this behavior of mine". My father didn't say anything about it when I called him and cried. He didn't care because he didn't think that crying is real lol. My nickname from him was "teardrop" literally. I went to therapy as she wanted and time passed.

Fast forward again of me being an adult. I live in the same house because she finances my money and i am culturally not allowed to live alone as a single woman . I go out with my friends once a month and that is a lot to her. I get out of my 8 hours shift of school, do private tutoring minimum 4 hours a day and come back home to clean and cook. She still finds faults in me. Things like "you didn't put the dish soap in its place". When she shouts at me because of these little things I just stay silent and absorb whatever she throws at me. But if my face even conveys a sad or confused reaction that is enough to make her more mad.

She even decided for me the school that I am currently working in. In the summer she and dad tried to make me quit working at this school but I said no and that I am comfortable in it but they didn't listen. Dad even took my CV and put in another school to force my hand. But I signed with the same school again and told them that I am not leaving. They were furious and reacted accordingly. My private tutoring? they price them and decide the time and place.

Last month she signed me up in a gym because "my weight is too much and no one will ever be romantically interested in me" I am 80kgs. I have to go at least 5 times a week or else I will hear about it all day long. She decides what makeup i wear or i will hear about how horrible I look before going out which nice for my self esteem.

I don't think I need to say how little I feel in work because of that. When my manager tells me I am the best teacher in my section I don't believe her. When the students say it I don't believe them. I feel so so little and I feel so immature like my personality still hasn't developed. I don't know who I am.

I don't know who i am and that is what makes me the most angry. My favorite thing to do ? Idk. My favorite movie? Idk. My favorite song?idk. My ANYTHING? idk.

I don't know myself and it shows in me not having anything to express it. My room is empty of any decorations. My style is plain and normal. And my decisions are even mine. I feel like a sponge just laying there to absorb whatever they throw at me.

My issue here is not only how awful they are but how awful I have been to myself. I want to form my own identity and to stop being affected by what they say and do to me.

I dont want anyone to tell me to move out because that is not even a possibility. I am from a third world country where rentals or hotel book ins are not available for single women.

Reddit suggested I post this here.

Hi, first time posting on here. A little nervous. Sorry this is extremely long but I feel like context and details are important.

For context, I'm 20f. Extremely sheltered since my teenage so I'm socially behind my peers but academically I'm doing great in college (I live at home, mom forced me to join a close vicinity college). My mom never wanted me do this degree so she'll never be proud of me.

More context: my mom is extremely controlling, overbearing, and delusional and constantly micromanages me. Some insane rules she has:

•Curfew of 6 p.m. She doesn't like when my friends overstay that and she doesn't let me go out post 6, wants me home at 6 at the most 7. She picked me up from a friend's forcefully at 7 once when we were working on college assignment stuff.

•She doesn't like me going to a friend's house at all (she doesn't allow but I sneak out anyway).

•I don't have house keys. She'll lock me up in the house when she's going out and I'm at home. If I come home while she's not at home, I have no way to get in and I'm forced to wait outside.

•She'll berate me and force me to sleep if I stay up post 12 am. Mind you I'm in college.

•She hates my friends and I can tell. No sleepovers allowed even now.

• she forbade from going for morning walks in my locality (even with friends) because apparently it's too unsafe.

That's all I can think of off the top of my head. She has a lot of insane rules and she's lonely with no friends and pretty much hates my dad so she latches onto me for emotional support.

Please don't judge me, I know it sounds ridiculous. I'm really trying my best here to adjust everything. I'm an only child in a dysfunctional nuclear family. I realised how bad the enmeshment was only into my late teenage and covid took away my early teenage, forcing me to live with my family (especially mom) 24/7.

Now for the actual incident:

Today I had plans with my friend at 1 30p.m. (me and friend were actually going to watch epic the musical with her brother. It's 2½ hours but I explain stuff and talk during it so it nears atleast an extra hour, and my friend had different plans at 5 30. Mom didn't know this cuz obviously she doesn't want me going to her house \[she literally lives 5 minutes away\], we made up some lies that friend was just coming to my area to hangout.)

We had to go meet my aunt today, that was mom's plan. Mom said we'll go around 11:30- 12. I had informed my mom YESTERDAY that I have plans at 1:30-2 pm the second she told me about her own plans.

I woke up at 11:30, got ready and had breakfast quickly and even did additional chores. It was around 12 30 by then (if it hadn't been for the chores WHICH SHR ASKED ME TO DO, we could've easily left by 12.) Mom took her sweet time getting ready, she rested while I was doing chores. Which is ok ofc, but she was ready by 1: 15 pm. We reached my aunt's place at 1: 30 p.m. as a result.

Now two of my relatives live there. We met the 1st relative first for about 10 ish minutes then went to my aunt's. we stayed there till 2. I was getting restless because I had other commitments and I was already late because I'd told my friend I'll be there at 2 at the very maximum.

My mom decided that was the best time to buy cake for me and my friend. **We're already running late.** Jesus. That makes us reach home at 2:15, much later. Then my mom starts insisting we stay and eat at home. She spoke infront of my friend that it was no big deal that we were late without a single crease of guilt on her face. Wtf???

I left and had a good time watching the musical. But when I went home, the second I stepped inside mom blew up on me saying I ruined her plans and she wanted to stay at aunt's more. Said it wouldn't have been a big deal if I compromised my time with my friend because she doesn't meet my aunt frequently.

She got mad at me because she was late to her own plans and I wanted to stay committed to my plans and not disrespect my friend's time either. I mean wtf. Mom expects me to be home by 6, doesn't let me go out, and she's still mad after she was late to her own plans. She disrespected my time as well as my friend's time crunch.

I just don't get it. I blew up on her and screamed at her too, saying she can't have everything she wants all the time. We fought a lot and she just started saying she'll slap me and that I'm stupid and unwise, lazy and indisciplined, how she's sick of me and all the hoopla. She refused to even acknowledge her mistake or understand my point, she just misinterpreted me (not the first time she's done this).

I'm also going through a rough post break up phase that hurts so much. Mom doesn't know I was in a relationship because of obvious reasons. She hated my partner when I introduced them as just a friend too. So only distractions work, I can't be myself and experience the grief at home but then my mom acts like this, it hurts so much because I can tell she doesn't care about me in a true sense. I'm just her daughter for her, not a person.

I'm so passionate about art and mass media analysis but mom will never understand that. She's a shell of a human and I'm exhausted of her infantilizing me at every step.

I've felt at my lowest today. It even scared me how much I practically broke after the fight today. I don't know if it'll get better. Not really looking for advice, please just tell me I'm not overreacting because I'm so tired of fighting and feeling guilty for such trivial things.

Tl;dr- mom got mad because she was late to her own plans and I wanted to stay committed to my plans, which I had already informed her about well in advance.

Thank you for hearing me out.

I’ve never been much of a Redditor, and I’m not great at explaining my feelings, so I apologize if I don’t explain everything very well.

I’m 20F, and I’ve been dating my long-distance boyfriend (21M) for two years. We’re obviously not perfect, but we have a really good relationship. He’s considerate, intelligent, funny, and comes from a great family with really good values. We communicate well and genuinely enjoy being together, and have been set on getting married since day one. We live 11 hours apart, but we practically live together for about one week each month (visiting and what not).

For some context about where we’re both at in life: I have one year left to get my bachelor’s degree. I currently work a pretty unremarkable 9–5 making $15/hour, and I also make some income from YouTube. My boyfriend doesn’t attend school, but he’s been very successful on YouTube and currently makes around $5k–$15k a month from it. We’re also both very smart with our finances. 

His family has also become incredibly important to me. His parents have almost become like parents to me, and they’ve welcomed me into their home with open arms. I actually prefer the weather where he lives, the job opportunities are nearly identical to where I am now, and there are churches in his area that I really love.

On paper, moving there after marriage makes a lot of sense for me… The problem is my parents.

I love my parents. They’ve provided and have sacrificed a lot for me. But they really dislike my boyfriend, despite the fact that he’s never given them a reason as he’s always been extremely respectful toward them.

There have been countless comments and situations over the past two years, and I can’t possibly fit all of them here. But one example really sticks out to me: On New Year’s Eve, my boyfriend told my mom that he wanted to get engaged to me soon. She looked him in the face and told him he was just a “trial run” for me to figure out my preferences.

Yes, she actually said that.

The comments and behavior toward him have been going on since the beginning, from both of my parents.

I’ve mentioned before that I might eventually move out of state to be with him after we get married. Whenever I bring this up, my parents guilt-trip me, threaten to stop speaking to me, and have even threatened to drain my bank account so that I wouldn’t be financially capable of moving.

My boyfriend has also helped me recognize some behaviors from my parents that I previously didn't realize were manipulative or abusive (verbally and sometimes physically).

I still struggle to reconcile that with the fact that my parents have shown such extremes on both sides of the spectrum. Most of the time, things are completely fine. Then something like this happens, and I feel like I don't know what to think anymore. I genuinely believe they love me, which makes everything even more confusing.

At this point, the only things really tying me to where I currently live are my parents, the rest of my family, and the hope that they can still be part of my future family’s life. For further context, my whole family lives in the same area, and has for generations.

Now my boyfriend and I are seriously considering getting engaged, which would most likely mean me moving to his state.

My parents believe you shouldn’t even consider marriage until you’re 24–25, so getting engaged at 20/21 would already be completely unacceptable to them. I’m terrified that if I go through with this, I’ll lose them. I desperately want my parents to approve of me and my decisions. I want them to still love me and be part of my life. I don’t want to hurt them or throw away my relationship with them. But I also don’t want to make major life decisions based entirely on fear of how they’ll react.

So I guess I’m looking for advice on a few things:

What should I do about my parents?

Is it okay for me to move to another state after getting married, even if my parents strongly oppose it?

And am I actually getting engaged too young?

I also have chronic anxiety and am a huge people pleaser, which definitely doesn’t help with all of these thoughts. I’d really appreciate any advice. But anyways, thank you for taking the time to read all of this. 🤍

my (23F) little brother’s (21M) birthday was last week. we didn’t celebrate on the actual date (everyone had conflicting schedules), but my mom threw him a small dinner with some family friends.

the whole summer, he’s been either working or staying home and preparing for his upcoming semester. [he’s in nursing school, about to enter his most difficult semester.]

knowing his friends were busy, they had planned a small friends-only dinner for tonight. plan was to grab food and drinks. these plans were made weeks before his actual birthday.

our dad (who we have many problems with) bought a last-minute ticket to the philippines. we all found out yesterday, and his flight is tonight (a little after midnight). our mom’s super against him leaving for the philippines because (1) he does this constantly enough, (2) never tells us his plans until right before he needs to leave, (3) doesn’t invite us, etc. so i know she’s upset with him. not to mention, whenever our dad does this, she never wants to be in the car to drop him off. she always says she doesn’t care if he has to take an uber to get to the airport.

15 mins into the dinner celebration, i get a call from
our mom. she’s asking us where we are (she knows where we are, she has our phone locations) and if we can come home so we can drop off our dad. mind you, dinner just started at 7:30pm. it was only 7:45, and she wanted us home. when we reminded her that this event was long planned ahead, she threatened to kick us out of the house, became very passive aggressive on the phone, etc.

we ended up leaving dinner early, had to change dinner plans, leave our friends for almost an hour. it was horrible. on the way to the airport, our dad even called our mom out for inconveniencing everyone just because she wanted us kids to be there to drive him to the airport.

i think she acted very immature. this entire summer (especially) we’ve been doing everything she wants, appeasing her. but the one time we want to celebrate her own son’s birthday with his friends, she gets mad at us because she expects us to drop our plans and be where she needs us to be.

tl;dr: dad had a flight that conflicted with plans that were made a few weeks ago. when we tried to get out of driving dad to airport, mom threatened to kick us out of the house.

Hi guys! I have been wanting to make a post for a long time and if this doesn't belong in this subreddit then please point me in the right direction!!

So I'm 17 (f) and my mom (38) and we have butted heads since i was about 12. I don't want to just say it's all her fault as I have done things in my past that I shouldn't of. For any context: I have been in my moms custody my whole life. We did live with my grandma (her mom) for about 4 years until my mom got her own house around 7 years ago. Me and my grandma are extremely close.

We can start when I was 12. I had gotten a phone since I started middle school and was becoming more mature. My mom didn't want me to have Snapchat and TikTok but a lot of my friends at the time didnt have phone numbers (phones weren't turned on so they could only use it on wifi) and i wanted to talk to them outside of school. So as any other kid does i got them both. Was i doing anything wrong? Yes disobeying my mom, but other than that? No. Also I did have a girlfriend at this time, mind you I was 12 I don't think we even hugged more than once. She found out about it and proceeded to whoop my ass, take all my brand name things (shoes, clothes, perfumes, etc!) So I had 0 shoes, a handful of clothes she left, and no perfumes either. Im twelve years old. The next morning when I needed to go to school I had no shoes. Im a little kid and have no Idea what to do. I ask her "mom i have no shoes and idk what to do" she then stares at me and shrugs "idk figure it out yourself". W. H. A. T. Im....twelve.i have been figuring everything out myself since.

Another little backstory. Im not a bad person. I have had maybe 2 boyfriends since I started hs (senior this year!) I have a college program where I graduate with my associates degree. I maintain a 4.5 GPA. I have a steady job for over a year. I had an accident in a car that was gifted to me and then said I would buy my own car and did all by myself.

Another instance was when I got caught messing around with a friend. I was around 14. No, it was a female friend. And yes, I shouldn't have been doing that but kids are curious. (Everything was above clothes). Atp, me and my moms relationship was not close. I did have a phone at this time (no snap, tt, anything had in it). She then proceeded to whoop me with a brush until it snapped. She then took my friend home. And for the next 3 days to get me to talk she would use a plastic kitchen spoon and smack my legs leaving bruises. (I do cheerleading) I had to go out in public and wear a skirt and she joked to her friends about my bruises right in front of me.

Another context piece: we tried counseling because I wouldn't talk to her because I was (still am) afraid of her hitting me. I can fight back but im not a confrontational person at all. The counseling place required if you did family counseling then the child in question (me) had to do private counseling and my mom couldn't have me talking to anyone else. At this time (around age 14-16?) ​she would not let me go see me grandma because she didnt want me to talk to her.

Another situation would be about 2 months ago. I was vaping. Should I have been vaping? No. Should she have smacked me so hard with it that it bloodied my lip? Also no. She then took my phone and my car that I paid for and is not even in her name and uses it for work and doesn't even ask me! She also found out I had an iPad and wasn't thrilled about that either and smacked me and gave me a black eye. I have been grounded since.

​I have wanted to move out since the first incident and I have begged everyone to take me from here. It's extremely toxic especially with my mother's girlfriend (32) who is bipolar and yells for the littlest things ever and has once bucked up/tried to fight me....over fabric cleaning spray.

I don't know what i can do if anything pre my 18th birthday in around 7 months.

Also: I do make plenty of money where I could support myself entirely.

Thank you guys all in advance!!!!