r/helicopterparents

I had to move out of my parents' place last year because I am at the age where I want more independence. They were starting to control how I spent my free time, since I wasn't progressing as fast in my career as they wanted me to.

Anyway, I am a grown man in my mid-20s who lives on his own & financially responsible for everything except my phone bill. What bothers me is how my parents think they are entitled to track my location. My other set of parents and friends are fine; they don't monitor where I am. My mom says she is worried about me a lot, and I think it's because I don't follow their preferred bedtime routine. I need my full autonomy. She mentions too much in text, oh I see you're here, or I see you made it home now. When I confronted her about it, I said, "I am not going to share my location anymore." She replied, "Well, it shouldn't be an issue if you're not doing anything you're not supposed to be doing." Very vague. Then I told her, " Well, I'll get my own phone plan, and then I am not obligated to share." She then said, "I'll have to ask your stepdad."

He's pretty controlling and manipulative of her at times, so I think this is her subconscious response. I will get my own phone plan once I find a more stable job, but this is ridiculous, right?

I had to move out of my parents' place last year because I am at the age where I want more independence. They were starting to control how I spent my free time, since I wasn't progressing as fast in my career as they wanted me to.

Anyway, I am a grown man in my mid-20s who lives on his own & financially responsible for everything except my phone bill. What bothers me is how my parents think they are entitled to track my location. My other set of parents and friends are fine; they don't monitor where I am. My mom says she is worried about me a lot, and I think it's because I don't follow their preferred bedtime routine. I need my full autonomy. She mentions too much in text, oh I see you're here, or I see you made it home now. When I confronted her about it, I said, "I am not going to share my location anymore." She replied, "Well, it shouldn't be an issue if you're not doing anything you're not supposed to be doing." Very vague. Then I told her, " Well, I'll get my own phone plan, and then I am not obligated to share." She then said, "I'll have to ask your stepdad."

They're decent people, and I'm grateful for them. It seems he's pretty controlling and manipulative to her at times, so I think this is her subconscious response. I will get my own phone plan once I find a more stable job, but this is ridiculous, right?

​I am so deeply exhausted and upset right now, and I just need to get this off my chest. ​Recently, I drove out of town to grab lunch at a place we don't have locally. While driving back, I had a close call because I was distracted/not paying full attention—something scary that I took responsibility for, apologized for over the phone, and assured my mom wouldn't happen again. ​Instead of treating it like a normal driving mistake that any driver can learn from, my parents completely weaponized it to strip away the rest of my freedom:

The Tracker Mandate: They are demanding that I either install a physical GPS tracker on my own car (and make me pay for it) or download Life360 on my phone so they can track my location 24/7. When I told them I don't need constant monitoring and said no, they threatened that I won't be allowed to drive my car at all—even though the vehicle is legally in my name. They even tried telling me I could face arrest if I drive out of town, which is a complete fabrication.

The "Trust" Trap: When I apologized to my mom and gave her my word, her only response was, "How am I supposed to trust you on that?" Nothing I say or do to take accountability is ever enough. They don't want a solution; they want permanent leverage.

Inventing Fake Quotes & Gaslighting: My dad keeps claiming that I say I "can do everything on my own." I have never said that. But he creates these fake scenarios, puts words in my mouth, and then argues against them to make me look delusional or arrogant. Whenever I call out what's actually happening, he flips it on me and accuses me of "making up scenarios."

Standing up for myself and refusing to put a digital ankle monitor on my own car feels like fighting a wall, but I refuse to pay for my own surveillance.

How do you survive when your parents invent fake narratives about you, reject every apology, and try to turn a simple mistake into total house arrest?

I recently tried to talk with my mother about moving over to Pontiac but she said it wasn’t possible due to the fact that she and my dad about moving over to Naples, Florida at least for the time being, and I just don’t want to deal with them anymore after having to live with their dysfunctional lifestyle for 20 years. I’m so tired of having to be babied by them and they legitimately told me “Fuck no, get a job.” while suggesting I should live with my grandparents if I’m not going with them, all because of the fact that I wanted to live in an place that has an crime-level population yet I have an friend who has lived and managed to secure an place with his girlfriend and dog by saving and investing money.

Even after everything I’ve been through of being rejected out of school for an graduation, retrying but failing GED due to my parents moving around, and nearly being killed in an car accident, I still get the blunt of everything by my own parents and I don’t even have an inkling of understanding how financial stability or how to budget my own money.

I hate to say this, but maybe they are right… maybe I’m not ready as I think I am.

Ok so my 16th birthday is coming up in December and my mom was bothering me about what I wanted to do for it. I mean she was literally asking me very single day. Last year I had gone on a trip with my dad to Costa Rica for school and earned some college credit. This year my teacher told my about a trip to Patagonia happening in the spring of 2028. We’re a pretty well off family and this sounded like a fun thing that would give me college credit and get her off my back. So I asked my mom if we could do that as a girls trip for a late sweet 16 gift. Well she told my step dad about it and he wanted to go to. I don’t really get along with my step dad, we are very different and he only came into my life when I was like 13 or 14. However my mom ignored me telling her I just wanted it to be us two and told him he could come too. This kind of ruins the point of the trip for me and I was thinking of suggesting not doing the trip and taking that money to get my horse some new tack and upgrade my bearded dragon’s enclosure. But I know if I say this she’ll freak out as she definitely has a more controlling side to her. I’m literally so scared to say anything I’m very unconfrontational and I know this might make it so she doesn’t let me have a birthday at all. What should I do?

This is basically a full story, I'm also a 22-year-old adult who is autistic and my parents keep saying excuses and lies about me, but every time I'm out doing something they demand to know my location or that I need to go to work.

Given today they threatened to call the cops on me for not coming home, and when I didn't show up to their house I put myself in my room and locked the door, my dad thinks that counting to three isn't going to do something, I mean it worked when I was five but I'm not five anymore, given that they bring up that I can't do nothing when yet I live in a small town and when I brought up the whole weekend thing, they said people needed to work on the weekend and then come home to do chores (I mean unless they don't have a job or have to raise kids), their comments don't make any sense.

If I try to stand up for myself, it's creates a problem with my dad.

Because he'll threaten (which says it's not a threat, because he'll do it, I mean that's a threat) institutionalization again because I said limitations, and then mention limitations there, because I had to listen to them for about half an hour talking about how I'm a problem and then basically say that I can't make all my decisions as well as bring the whole thing about autism, and that I need to stop with an attitude or I'll go back in.

Since today, my grandfather had to lay down and go to sleep because of his sore back from falling into a hole yesterday while we were unloading stuff into a burn pit, and that they demanded to know my location and then threatened the cops on me again.

On our way to work, my dad brings up the whole everyone has to work excuse again and then I say that not everyone can work especially since I bring up veterans and students, he asks me if I'm either of those and say no but before I could continue any further he immediately shuts me down from saying anything else.

I'm at my limit here but yet I can't do anything with being shot down or silenced.

I live with both my parents but my mum is extremely over bearing and toxic. Before i turned 18 i had been kicked out of the house multiple times and had been verbally and physically abused on multiple occasions by my mother. I come from a south asian background so this kind of behaviour is deemed as normal in my culture, so im not able to talk about this with any of my family members. Recently, i turned 18 and i got a job, so little by little I have been saving money to be able to move out without telling them.

My mum goes through my room and my phone nearly everyday, with my phone having a location tracker and a lock, so that she is able to lock my phone from anywhere even though i am over the age of 18. This is interfering with my plans of moving out as if she has any knowledge of me wanting to move out, there is a high chance that she will get extremely violent and it just isnt safe for me. So as a result, i purchased a burner phone and keep it hidden from her.

The problem with this, is that because she goes through my room regularly i find it hard to keep it in a place where she cant find. For example, i kept the charger hidden under my bed once and she found it, another time i put it inside inside my pillow case and she was still able to find it somehow. So my question is, where will i be able to hide the phone and the charger? I keep the phone on me at all times because otherwise i feel really panicked and paranoid that she will search through my room and find it. So the only thing i keep hidden is the charger, which im unsure of where to hide. I considered leaving the charger at a trusted friends house, but recently since ive started uni, ive been needing to use the phone more often to study with, and so keeping the charger in a seperate house to mine isnt ideal. Thank you to anyone who has taken the time to read this and I appreciate and welcome any advice.