I, 19F, have been with my boyfriend, 21M for over a year and a half. We have been doing long distance since August because I moved away for college. My boyfriend is the sweetest person ever and he loves me more than anything, he has been there for me at my lowest and supports me in everything. My parents have always found something wrong with him since the beginning, first they didn’t like that he did not want to go to college (not something that bothered me bc college is a big financial decision and he still wants to do something with his life, he is one of the most hardworking people I know) though now he is considering going to college. Parents did not want him to become a distraction going into college (which they blatantly told him) and he truly was not. He always tells me the number one priority for me should be my studies and when we talk on the phone or facetime he always makes sure I have finished homework and studying. I returned from college two weeks ago and my birthday was last week, they are now upset that he did not come to visit me or bring me a gift, when in reality he asked me if he could come over to celebrate with us, but they are so strict to the point I feel uncomfortable when he’s here because of them so I told him no. He is not allowed in my room and we are only allowed to sit in the living room with supervision, i’m not allowed to go to his house without my brother accompanying me and we can only go out for 2-3 hours max. They always make it awkward and uncomfortable for me, and I always feel bad for him in these situations. He is so willing to comply with all their rules because he truly loves me and wants my parents to accept our relationship and support us, but recently they told me that I have to break up with him, or they’ll do it for me. They threatened that if I don’t break up with him I cannot continue with my studies, and that he will never fit into our family (they believe him and his family are lower class and uneducated because of their culture and background). They break my heart telling me all of this saying they know what’s best for me and that i’ll thank them one day, but I do not want to breakup with him, I don’t know what to do. I’m still dependent on them financially. I love my parents but I love my boyfriend and they don’t understand. Advice please?

I feel very hesitant posting this. I pray that anyone who relates to this will be delighted knowing they aren't alone.

Let me start first by saying to you all that this is not about the cute, soft, irrelevant nonsense like my parents telling me that I can't "go out with my friends" go to parties, deal with girls, or anything of that nature. I'm not interested in stuff like that. That sludge doesn't even faze me. I'm not complaining about "strict parenting" either. I'm asking if I'm alone on this level of helicopter parenting.

I'm 16m, I grew up homeschooled all my life. I go to school from home, (online private school where I'm the only student in most of my classes) and I have no hobbies outside of school, so I am tied down to two things; doomscrolling Instagram, and pottery. Sounds like the dream, but it gets old very very quickly. Yes, I read as well. I am involved with the NOI, so I have to read a lot, but the books I read are more "'bout business" and research than they are about passing time, so the seriousness takes the fun out of it. I'm affiliated with the NOI, but I'm not an official member until I turn 18 and have to start processing. You can register at 16, but you need written consent from a guardian since you're still a minor at 16. You can guess from here whether or not I have a guardian's consent. SMH... Why did they not sign the consent for the greatest program in which a black man can involve himself? I don't want to talk about that now. Not now.

The house gets noisy at times, quite literally all the time. That's why I asked if I could take the bus to the library to do my homework not even 2 miles away. The reason I was told no was because "there are homeless people sleeping in the library." I think that's quite irrational. It's hot as Satan's crack (pardon my expression) in the summer and cold as a witch's saliva in the winter, and they have no place to warm up. These are human beings that are burning and freezing. Of course they'll be inside a warm/cool library for refuge.

Not everyone who is homeless is going to be crazy, on drugs, or gonna shank me anyway, and even if they are, what difference does it make if my mom or dad is there? How are either of them going to protect me? It makes no sense to me. Most of the homeless are just at low points in their lives. Not all of them are crazy or crackheads. They're just going through trials, and they will pass them if they persevere. We all go through tough times... I hate how people try to put homeless people into some little category where they are not equal to everyone else.

I'm also big into health and fitness. I gave up fast food when I was 12 and haven't eaten it since, and I gave up meat (except fish) in November. My favorite workout is running. Running is right up there with pullups for me. I like the freedom that I feel while running. I have to ask my parents if I could go jogging. I would have preferred around the neighborhood, but I was told just up the street and back because someone could "do something to me." If I'm too far. (Still in the neighborhood by the way) I can't go around the neighborhood because apparently someone could "kidnap me." My mom gave an example of someone telling me to get inside his car, telling me the house is on fire, but then I end up in the dude's driveway. I didn't ask her this because it's a smartalec response, but I wanted to ask, even if I was dull enough to get inside a stranger's car, what is he going to do next, pick me up and take me inside?

That story brings me back to the funeral story. I was at my Uncle's funeral. What a joy to be around my Uncle! It was a shame he was taken away by a disease as ugly as cancer. May God be pleased 😔🕊🤲🏾 Ameen. During repass, they needed help taking out garbage, so I just volunteered to help. Mind you, this repass is in the cafeteria of a middle school in the middle of the woods. I know almost no one here because I rarely see this side of the family. No worries though, it's a repass, I am 15 years old at the time, old enough to go on the side of a middleschool in broad daylight to dump some garbage bags into the garbage can. However; my dad told me to sit down and stop trying to help out, because if I went outside, I could "easily get snatched up." I disagree with my dad. It's just simple as this; no I couldn't "easily get snatched up" at 15 years old on the side of a middle school in the country during repass. And I'm sure anyone can agree with me on that.

This is only a couple of examples of my parents' helicopter parenting. This is intense, and I might even regret posting this. However; do not say anything slick or off about my mom or my dad. I will ask the mods to ban you if you do. Keep everything respectful, because its not like they are abusive or neglectful, they just smother me. I'm not here to slack talk my parents with you, I'm asking if I'm alone on the smothering or not. Be respectful.

I know I am blessed for having two parents alive, together, and who care about me, and I am eternally grateful for this life. 🤲🏾 However; some of this stuff is absolutely wild. They are just doing entirely too much. I feel like a plant that needs to be repotted. I took all the nutrients from my old soil, and I have outgrown my old pot. I'm ready for a bigger pot now, and new, fresh soil. I've outgrown that old stuff from when I was a little child, and I'm ready to take on bigger things now. I don't ask for the BS like parties, girls, or to hangout with my friends. I have no friends to "hang out" with. I'm not even interested in that silly, immature stuff that people call cool. I am only interested in the important stuff. The problem is that they are too attached and stuck at me being a little child 5 years ago to realize that. There's more stuff to this, but I just want to know, am I alone on this helicopter parenting? Please share your stories. 🤲🏾

I'm a 19-year-old college student and recently got a PC because my old laptop died around 3 years ago. Ever since then I always wanted a new one, but due to our financial condition I never wanted to pressure my parents.

Last month I asked my mom if she could afford to buy me one and she said no, so I stopped asking. But I eventually lost patience and started working as a delivery boy and did a few other small jobs to save money for a PC myself.

After seeing me work that hard, my mom decided to help buy me one. At first I refused because deep down I knew that during future arguments she would probably remind me that “she bought this PC for me” and use it to hurt me emotionally. But my mind couldn’t stop thinking about finally having a PC again, especially because I wanted to learn content creation/editing, so I agreed. I also contributed a good portion of the money I personally saved from working.

Today exactly what I feared happened. She got angry because Microsoft Word/Excel required payment and kept saying she wasted money on “this crap” and repeatedly brought up that she bought the PC for me(she actually has no idea of tech except for using ms word for her office work). I tried explaining that the PC itself works perfectly and that Microsoft Office is separate paid software, but she didn’t want to listen.

What hurt me most wasn’t even the argument itself — it was the embarrassment and guilt. Every time my parents buy me something, eventually it gets brought up during arguments in a way that makes me feel guilty for existing on their money.

I even stopped buying clothes for festivals/Christmas just because I didn’t want them spending more money on me. I know some people might think I’m overreacting, but this isn’t the first time. The words used during arguments genuinely stay in my head for a long time.

Now I honestly don’t even feel like touching the PC anymore. Part of me just wants to let her use it and someday build my own setup completely with my own money after college. I only asked my parents to help me finish college fees for one more year, and after that I plan to leave, work, and become financially independent.

Ik most you think im over reacting over this small thing but it's just genuinely made me feel guilty

I’m in my early 20s and I’ve been struggling with my relationship with my mom for a while. I feel like ever since I started doing more adult things and making actual steps toward independence, she hasn’t handled it well emotionally.

I work a lot, I’m in training for a second job, and I’m also in a long-term relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years, and we spend a lot of time together. My dad actually gets along with him really well, which makes things easier, but my mom seems to view my relationship almost like it’s competition for my time.

Recently, my boyfriend and I wanted to take a small trip together for our 6-year anniversary. When my dad first brought it up to my mom, it was completely out of the question for her. That’s usually how these things go. She has a strong emotional reaction, says no, and it feels like there’s no room for discussion.

But my dad brought it up again and actually laid out the facts. He reminded her that I’m on birth control, that my boyfriend’s parents have been more relaxed about similar situations, that we’ve been together for six years, and that I’m an adult. He also brought up that during a Disney trip years ago, my boyfriend and I shared a bed and nothing bad happened.

After that, she changed her mind and is reluctantly letting us go. She basically said something like, “Fine, whatever, but just this one time.” So technically she backed down, which honestly shocked me because she almost never does. But it doesn’t feel like she’s actually okay with it emotionally, because since then she’s been making comments about me not spending enough time with the family and acting like my boyfriend is competition for my time.

She texted me recently saying she wanted me to spend time with my family without my boyfriend there. I told her I’m not opposed to that, but I have a lot going on and it would help to plan ahead. Instead of accepting that, she said something like it would be nice if I just did it on my own.

Then the next day, I brought my dad gummy bears as a thank you for helping me with the trip situation, and my dad reminded me that my mom’s birthday was the next day. I honestly forgot because I’ve been overwhelmed with work, training, and stress. I didn’t deliberately forget. But my mom reacted really passive-aggressively and said, “You forgot my birthday? You wouldn’t forget your boyfriend’s birthday.”

That turned into a long rant about how I never spend time with them. She brought up a random example from when we were in the car and I saw there was a car show, so I called my boyfriend to invite him. She said that could’ve been an opportunity to spend time with her instead. Then she started saying I’m codependent because I spend a lot of time with my boyfriend.

I kept trying to tell her that if she’s upset about something, she needs to tell me in the moment instead of letting resentment build and then unloading it on me later. I also explained that I’m working a lot and trying to balance my life, but it felt like she was already set on making me feel guilty.

The hard part is that I do understand wanting to spend time with your adult child. I don’t think she’s wrong for missing me. But the way she goes about it makes me want to pull away instead of spend time with her. It feels like guilt, comparison, passive aggression, and criticism instead of just saying, “I miss you, can we plan something?”

I feel bad because my dad has made serious mistakes in his life too, but emotionally I enjoy being around him more because he doesn’t put as many obstacles in the way of my happiness. With my mom, I feel like I’m constantly having to defend my choices, my relationship, and my independence.

I also think part of why my relationship with my dad feels better is because he actually likes my boyfriend and has a good relationship with him. That makes things easier for me. It feels like my dad doesn’t view my relationship as a threat, while my mom kind of does.

I guess I’m wondering if anyone else has dealt with a parent who reacts badly when you start becoming more independent. How do you maintain a relationship with them when their emotional reactions make you feel guilty, resentful, and distant?

My mother has done everything in her power to stop me from escaping

im itritated just rethinking about this. i (24f) married almost 6 yrs ,with one kid,am still experiencing a form of helicopter parenting from my mom that angers me the most its almost unbearable. i dont know why it makes me so angry, maybe bc its happend numerous times on different situations.
My mom will do this thing where if i dont respond to her, she will call everyone that knows me . And i mean everyone and anyone.
For example today. 🙂
My husband and I , along with our toddler landed from a 6 hour redeye flight back home, we got picked up from the airport with the help of my MIL. We come home and when i tell you we immedianetly went to bed- i mean it. Airport clothes and all (i know gross but we were DEAD tired and also recovering from food poisening). Anyway we slept for about 3-4 hours and upon waking up i see my mom has texted me and our family group (my side ) chat:
“HAvE YOU LANDED?”
“U GUYS LANDED YET”
“?????”
“HOW WAS THE FLIGHT?”

proceeds to call my inlaws asking if we are oKaYY bc I havnt responded 🙂

maybe becuase i was busy getting home from the flight and fucking sleeping and then upon waking up immediently feeding my toddler, unpacking??? maybe bc i was fucking exhausted?????????????

1. if something DID happen - if the plane got delayed or we crashed dont you fucking think my MIL would text you right away ???! since SHES the one picking us up?? my husband was in direct communication with his mom BC shes the one picking us up!!!! im not checking my phone bc im pushing a stroller and a carry on and my husband is pushing a large as suitcase, carseat and carry on ????
   Even in that case, my MIL WOULD BE THE ONE CALLING YOU NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND
2. I HAVE MY OWN FAMILY /CHILD TO TAKE CARE OF FIRST , THEY ARE MY PRIORITY BEFORE TEXTING YOU THE SECOND WE LAND. FOR FUCKS SAKE

I will also say- maybe some might say “whats so hard about texting you mom back?”
well first of all , i have a lot of resentment towards her for how overbearing and boundary crossing she was towards me as kid and im working on healing that resentment . every answer is also followed up by 2 more questions and its mentally exhausting texting her back
i will also say that we are constantly in communication with her via text on vacation , always sending pics of what we are doing and obviosuly pic ofs our daughyer ( her grandkid)
so she ALREADY is always texting us and so are we back.
I keep my distance as much as possible with her now and never let her into my personal life/ thoughts/ accomplishment ect.
Thats what i do to keep my sanity.

Nevertheless why the hell does she DO THAT??
im irritated just typing this out

Hey y’all. So, the title basically says it all. My (20F) parents have decided that, unless I gain 30 pounds, they will not be helping me with my tuition, which I can’t afford on my own. They have been terribly abusive all my life, causing me to be very limited financially. I do not have the resources to get a car or afford any other kind of transportation (i.e., Lyft or uber), so I can only go where they allow me to go when they allow me to go, meaning I can’t work as much as I need to. I currently get about 20-25 hours a week. I’m also struggling to get the hours from my employer. My current salary is only enough to pay about 70% of my tuition per semester, and that’s if I put literally the full amount towards it, which I cannot realistically do. I also cannot get financial aid because I am trapped in their house due to my financial situation. Even if I got full time hours, I would only have about 300 left over per month after paying tuition, which is not quite enough to cover my expenses either.

Now, as far as the weight issue is concerned, I have struggled with anorexia since I was around 12. Currently, I am 5’3 and about 110 pounds (no longer underweight). I was around 136 pounds when I graduated high school 2 years ago, during which time they still did not acknowledge me as having been fully recovered. My mother always demanded I gain more weight. For context there, she’s always struggled with obesity after struggling with dieting throughout her adolescence. I wouldn’t say she struggled the same way I have, as she was never close to being underweight, even then. Basically, what they’re telling me I have to do is pay this semester’s (spring 2026) tuition myself (7500) and in the meantime gain all the weight back and not even be guaranteed they will reimburse me or help with future semesters as they are suggesting.

I want this degree so badly. I am halfway through right now. It would be absolutely devastating to not be able to get it, as my dream in life hinges on it. At the same time, I don’t know that I can cope with being forced to be overweight for more years.

I’m really desperate. I don’t know what to do. I have an appointment with my financial aid counselor on Tuesday, so I will keep you all posted. I’m luckily not suicidal right now, though I was all throughout high school. Sorry for the long post, I just don’t have anyone to talk to irl and I’m in so much pain right now.

Hey guys, just want some advice on becoming more independent. I (20m) am an only child and my parents are still fairly in control of my home life. Mostly my dad. My mom constantly tracks me on life360, so I can’t go to “some places” that I’d like to go because of fear that she will see. On the other hand my dad tracks all of my purchases on my debit card, so again, I can’t just buy what I want and I have to get cash out from the bank blah blah blah. I am in college, so when I’m there I’m fairly independent, but I still live in fear that my parents are gonna catch me “doing what I want”, and you can fill in the blanks (smoking, drinking, sexual encounters, etc). Now that I’m home for the summer, I feel as if I’m a servant to my dad when I’m at his house (divorced parents), and I don’t know how to change that. To me, compliance is safety, because my dad used to yell at me when I didn’t do EXACTLY what he wanted, so it’d a trauma response for me over the years so I try to be as perfect as I can to him. My mom is fairly lenient and lets me do as I please, but they still have to know exactly where I’m going every time I leave the house. I also recently got a job starting in a couple weeks, so that’s also good, but can anyone relate and tell me anything on how I can push back without being scared and just dealing with them for 3 months. Thanks for anyone who read this✌️

TLDR: Overbearing parents don’t let me leave the house unless they know exactly where I’m going, trying to gain independence but still relying on them heavily. What do I do?

Hi. I need some advice on this because I dont know what else to do and I have been crying all afternoon (also english isnt my 1st language, so sorry about that)
ok, so my name is Case, Im currently 16, but this month im turning 17. I was born in a little town in Mexico, where we barely have anything fun to do, and everyone knows each others bussiness. All my life I have lived here and apparently Im never leaving. My parents are good people, they arent perfect, but they love me a lot. There is a major problem here though, and the problem is, they wont let me do ANYTHING. When I was about 8 years old, all of my friends were going on playdates, sleepovers and funny hangouts, I wasnt allowed to do any of that. I didnt have a phone until I was twelve (said phone could only make calls and send texts to THEM) and I didnt have any form of social media until I was 13. Its not because Im a problematic teenager or anything either, I have never drank a drop of alcohol, never touched a cigarrette, not a single curse word has been out of my mouth (even though my father curses at least twice per sentence), never been to an actual party, never been to a club or bar, my grades are perfect (my lowest grade is an A), I have a scholarship of 100% at my school (which means they dont pay a penny for my education), I have never had a boyfriend (Im also not allowed) and I havent even kissed anybody yet, I learn languages and read for FUN, I do gymnastics as a sport and I take care of my 10 year old sister a lot of the time, so I dont see why they are this way with me. At my own home, up until a few months ago, I wasn't allowed to use the stove, the iron, the blowdrier or knives. Now Im allowed, sometimes but not entirely, and I cant even take a shower if my mom isnt home because according to her I might fall and die in the shower. I guess you can tell where this is going, they are really paranoid, specially my mom, but I dont think you can actually picture how I feel. I feel like Im in a prision, and I cant even complain about it, because they are doing it out of love and worry. A few exaples of this are: they didnt let me go to my graduation trip to six flags with my friends two years ago (which I earned because of my grades since the school only allowed the highest grades to attend), they wont let me go to one of my best friend's birthday celebration, they already said Im not going to the next graduation trip to cancun with my friends, and today I had to BEG so they could drive me over to a friend's house to make a SCHOOL PROJECT. We had a huge argument about this with my mom and now she is being really mean to me, and ignoring me. I feel bad for what I said, but I wasn´t disrespectful or anything, and Im just asking for some freedom. Now all of this being said, my biggest dream was to go on an exchange year in America, I begged for about two and a half years, and my mom never even considered the possibility. I tried, I promise I did, I even made a powerpoint presentation with everything she nedded to know about it and offered to get a job or scholarship to pay for it myself, but she just wont let me because she is afraid something might happen to me and she thinks im uncapable... it hurts to see my dreams and my life just slowly dying because of HER fears. The exchange year dream is pretty much impossible now, since this month Ill be 17 and I dont even have a visa and that program only allows people bellow 18, it hurt like hell when I realized it, but now im finding out she doesnt want me going to an other city for college either, let alone an other state or country. I dont wanna sound like your typical whiny teenager who thinks her life is ruined because her parents didnt let her go to a party with her friends, but I do feel like she is limiting me and throwing away all my hard work by not letting me do anything and keeping me here. I even thought about eliminating my existence because whats the point on living if I will only live to drive the same three streets, around the same boring people in the town, studying something I dont even like, with no social life, no husband, no kids, never seeing the world and missing out on experiences. Am I overreacting? Is there anything I can do? Should I just continue to live my life like this? Should I apologize to her? Is keeping my grades and studying even worth it anymore? I need advice please, not just from people my age, but from parents that protect their children too, or people who have been throught the same situation. Thank you so much.

IDK IF THIS IS THE RIGHT SUBREDDIT FOR THIS BUT IM FREAKING OUT. MY DAD FOUND MY...CERTIAN MASSAGER IF YK WHAT I MEAN, HE WASN'T MAD BUT HE BROUGHT UP HOW MY MOM WOULD BE IF I WAS HIDING SOMETHING FROM HER. IDK WHAT TO DO BUT IM SO SCARED. 💔

this summer i (22F) acquired an internship with a hospital (yay). i’m super excited about it and my parents were too when i first got the job. now we’re talking about logistics and they’re upset that i have to drive 40 minutes to my internship. this is information that they knew from the get go when i was applying, so idk why they’re suddenly deciding to be upset about it. i suggested that i could stay at my university apartment because it’s closer to the hospital, and then my mother got mad and called me rebellious for wanting to stay away from home during the summer. it feels like i can never win. i’m crying in my bedroom because this is the one thing i genuinely thought they’d be happy about and support me fully in, but it still feels like they don’t. how do i advocate for my independence and either get them to not necessarily support, but at least be on board with me driving to the job or staying away from home for the summer?

Hello all, I am a 28 year old female who has been dealing with a lot of stress and anxiety lately because of my mom (56 yr old). I have been reading a lot about enmeshment so I thought my situation would get better feedback here. Sorry if this is long.

All my life since I was a child, my mom has dealt with anxiety and depression. I remember when I was young (around 6/7 yrs old) I would wake up in the middle of the night to my mom at the edge of the bed crying and having panic attacks. I would sit next to her and just be there by her side while she would try different breathing techniques to calm herself down. That went for a couple of years until my mom got a call from school letting her know she would need to take me to a psychologist because I was experiencing anxiety and nervousness due to her being alone at home, since my dad would work all day being a truck driver. Ever since then, my mom tried to become better and overcome the anxiety and depression.

When I turned 20 yrs old, I was still living at my parents house, I came out to them as gay and let them know I had a relationship. They of course were supportive, however, when I started bringing my girlfriend around or hanging out with her, my mom would treat her with passive-aggressive comments and would try to control everything I did and where I went with my gf. Eventually over time everything changed and she apologized to my gf and now loves her.

Fast forward to now, I have been stressed, anxious and guilty lately because my mom has been having health issues regarding her thyroid, to which she has gone to multiple doctors and they all tell her its the dosage of the medication she takes that they need to adjust. She has been feeling anxious, jittery, with taquicardia, palpitations, can’t sleep. I have gone to therapy before due to anxiety and boundary setting, so she usually calls me for advice on how to soothe her anxiety. This started happening around 2 months ago, but it has gotten worse the last 2 weeks because she has been calling literally everyday, and gets upset when I don’t pick up or tell her I’m busy. She makes comments like I don’t visit her enough, even though I visit her once a week, usually the weekend since my partner and I both have full time jobs. She also says I don’t call her enough, but I literally do not have the energy or time to do so, which is why I prefer to text her, but she wants to talk to me or see me everyday. I feel like I have no space for myself and that I owe my free time to her.

I know I don’t owe anything to no one, specially my free time. I just want to know how not to feel as guilty when setting those boundaries to her that I need space for myself. I just feel so guilty since I know that she doesn’t feel well.

For background, I’m 16f and I have a pretty conservative family. I wasn’t really allowed to wear shorts after the age of 11 and don’t even wear them in the house. My mom has always been the strict one when it comes to clothing but now I’m honestly getting tired of this. She gets all upset when I wear anything remotely tight, or wear shorts or tanks TO BEDDD even though I have my own room and don’t wear them out of my room.

Recently, she’s started to wear shorts around the house which she’s never really done before. And she wears them all the time. They aren’t short short but above the knee.

Anyways, I was talking about how I want to buy this specific tank top because it doesn’t require me to wear a bra underneath. I’ve been wanting to buy this top for a while just for me to wear under my clothes or to bed since again, no bra needed.

She absolutely explodes when she hears this. And this isn’t new. I obviously wear tight clothes around the house still (they are just well fitting clothes that are my size but tight to her standards) because I honestly don’t really care that much that she gets mad.

The only reason I even told her about wanting to buy this tank was because I didn’t want her making a scene in the store which she does a lot too. Another thing I should mention is that she thinks that embarrassing her kids is really funny. So she’ll yell at us in front of our friends, cousins, ir really anyone in general.

I just feel like she’s being really hypocritical since she can walk around the house with shorts on, tight clothes but when I want to it’s a big deal. Another example I want to mention is leggings. I’m not allowed to wear leggings with shirts that are too small because my butt will show. She on the other hand can walk around with leggings and a short tee that is tight and it’s fine.
I really don’t know how to explain these double standards she has without her exploding. Any help would be appreciated honestly atp.

so basically im currently 20f and my best friend wants to travel to punta cana for her 21st birthday. i will be 21 once its her bday since im a few months older than her. ive never left the USA, and ive been dying to travel and i feel like punta cana is a decent place for a first out of the country experience. i know my parents, and they will NOT let me travel to a different country with just one other person. i appreciate them so so much for caring about me and just wanting to protect me, but sometimes it gets to the point where its like i cant even live my life because they wont let me go places. they wouldnt even think twice about me going to visit my bsf who lives in the city, they wont even let me go to like six flags with my cousin, the idea of me being at a mall with just one other person gets them on edge like im just gonna get murdered anywhere i go. they also think im like dumb and cant do anything on my own no matter how many times i try to prove to them im responsible. if you guys could please just help me find ways to convince them to let me do this??? ive tried convincing them countless times to do small things and it just doesnt get me anywhere and we just end up fighting. im super excited at the idea of this trip and i really really want it to happen. i appreciate and feedback, thank you in advance 🤗

HELP: I’m (19F), premed at a pretty prestigious university, and I genuinely feel like helicopter parenting has emotionally destroyed me.

I’m a rising junior now. This summer I’m working 3 part-time jobs, doing research/clinical stuff, trying to build my med school application, etc. My school is only 20 minutes from home, so this past year I had to commute because my parents didn’t trust me enough to live independently after what happened during sophomore fall.

For context: sophomore fall I got mostly As but also two Cs, and around that same time my parents found out I had a white boyfriend and had slept with him. My parents are extremely religious and traditional Asian parents, and they completely lost it. They pulled me out of school that same day, took my phone/car/everything, threatened to withdraw me from school entirely, and basically treated me like I ruined my life.

I ended up running away to my boyfriend’s parents’ house for a bit because I genuinely felt trapped. Eventually things calmed down enough for me to move back home and “make up” with them, but honestly nothing feels normal anymore.

Today things blew up again. My boyfriend had gotten frustrated at how controlling they were and said some angry things about them over text. Somehow my parents screamed at me long enough that I unlocked my phone, and they went through all of our messages. They saw conversations about us being intimate and started telling me I was “characterless,” that I had sinned, that having a boyfriend at my age meant I had no morals, etc.

They told me he was only using me because I “gave myself” to him, that I’d get pregnant and ruin my life, and that I was destroying their reputation. My mom literally said that even if I live on campus again, any time after class before I come home would just be used to “have intimate time” with my boyfriend. So now I’m terrified they’re going to force me to commute again, which honestly makes no sense.

I don’t even know how to drive because my parents never really let me become independent, which somehow makes me feel even more trapped during all of this.

At one point during an argument my mom threw a skillet pan at me. My parents also have really intense mood swings where things can feel normal for a while and then suddenly explode again out of nowhere. My mom is the only one who works and there’s a lot of tension in my house because of it, which I think makes everything worse.

The thing is, I DO want to go to med school. I care about school a lot. I worked insanely hard this semester and got all As and one B-. I’m working multiple jobs this summer and trying to build a future for myself. But I also want to be a normal 19-year-old. I want to study hard and still be able to spend time with my friends and boyfriend without feeling like I’m evil or ruining my life.

What hurts the most is that my boyfriend literally goes to the same university as me — a T20 school with an acceptance rate under 5% — and somehow my parents now talk about getting into this school like it ruined my life instead of being one of my biggest accomplishments.

There are honestly so many other things that have happened that I’m not even mentioning here, but this is what’s going on right now. I know immigrant/Asian parents sacrifice a lot for their kids, and I know they think they’re protecting me. But I constantly feel like my worth is conditional. Like I’m only lovable if I’m academically perfect and culturally “pure.”

I feel exhausted all the time. Has anyone else dealt with parents who love you but also make you feel trapped? And how do you even start becoming independent when you’ve been made to feel guilty for wanting a normal life?

I (20F) am a third year college student at a university only an hour and a half away from home. As soon as my family got life360 all he does is stalk me. I usually know when he checks my location bc he will accidentally hit one of the notification buttons like “Love ya” and stuff like that. About a year ago he told me it was because of his anxiety and he just wants to make sure I’m ok. I understand his point of view, but I am a full grown adult and would appreciate not having him constantly watching my every move. It increases my anxiety and I feel like there are places I can’t go or stay too long at. I need help figuring out a way to tell him that I need him to stop stalking me

I feel like I’m being forced to choose between my parents and the life I built at college.

I’m 19 and currently attending a university (FIU) about 4 hours away from home. My parents pay for my tuition, so financially I depend on them. Recently they’ve been getting really upset with my school and are threatening to pull me out because they think the school is “out to get me” and doesn’t have my best interests in mind.

The main issue is that during my freshman year, my advisors didn’t strongly push me to take Writing & Rhetoric 1 and 2 right away. They told me it’s recommended to take them freshman year, but not absolutely necessary. Also to mention I didn’t pass college algebra. Now I’m going into sophomore year and when I tried to register for the classes, they were full.

My parents wanted me to do a transient application at another college to take the courses over the summer and transfer them back. But my advisors told me it wasn’t necessary and that I could just take them in the fall instead. I personally don’t mind taking them later because I’m still on track overall.

What’s making things worse is that my parents are angry that I’m listening to my advisors and professors instead of them. They keep implying that I don’t respect their opinions or don’t want to listen to them, even though I’m just trying to follow the advice of the people at the university. They also keep saying they know better because they went to college too.

My mom was yelling at me over the phone about it, and now my parents are threatening to take me out of the school entirely. I’m honestly really upset because I’ve built friendships and a life here, and if they pull me out I’d basically lose all of that and have to restart somewhere else with applications and everything.

I feel stuck because technically they’re paying, so I don’t feel like I have much control over the situation. Has anyone dealt with parents trying to control college decisions because they’re funding school? How do you handle this without destroying your relationship with your parents or losing your place at school?