u/Thorfinnnssss

Everytime i try to do something "bad" karma or you could say 'lesson' always hit back before i even started it? Like for example

I really wanted a smoke even tho I've stopped (ik it's bad but what can i say) i went to three different store

Two of them didn't sell it and the one who 24/7 OPEN decide to close that day,mind you i was walking like probably a few km just to go to that store (i even lied just so i could go out) but everything didn't went according to my plan

And when i already spen my last few money away i walk into a store (this one super far) to buy an ice and guess what? THE CIGARETTES IVE BEEN LOOKING IS HANDED TO THE CUSTOMER RIGHT INFRONT OF ME (it's a different store but STIL)

one time i also saw a very big and juicy fruit at someone yard,and i thought "it wouldnt be that bad to take one" just as i jump to take it my hips hit the fucking fence i legit feel that pain for a WEEK,

One time i decide to sneak out of the house and didn't even went far i got chased by a dog

WTF

When i decide not to help some kid who can't reach their ball under a car my feet fell into a pit

And for the first time i talked back to my grandfather (he was a manipulative,abusive one yk)

The next fucking day he passed away

When i blocked a guy that time my stomach hurt sb afterwards i legit vomit 3 times

It's like,the world hates me sb let alone good things happen even the bad decision decide to avoid me too

GENUINELY HOW TF YOU ESCAPE AND MAKE YOUR PARENTS ACTUALLY FUCKING TRUST YOU

i have a FUCKING strict parents,im 18 now and i cant even go out alone or have an actual fucking job

I grew up anxious talking to boys

I dotn have any friends and i dont even know much about the store around my neighborfuckinghood

I genuinely cant stand it anymore

Im also homeschooled,wtf

Even this phone sometimes gets taken away, i keep telling lies lies and lies

I've tried everything to be a good daughter but still not good enough

I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO ORDER FOOD AT THE RESTAURANT

MAN I HAVE NO SURVIVAL SKILL I AM FULL DEPENDENT ON THEM AND I HATE IT

i wanna stand up for my own sometimes but all i got is a "no"

Today I mustered up the courage to ask if i could go to eat alone,BY. MY. SELF.

Nothing less and NO (ofc)

when they say im dumb and useless when i cant even FUCKING buy something for them

It's all my fault

Anybody? Please tell me what else should i FUCKING DO

GENUINELY HOW TF YOU ESCAPE AND MALE YOUR PARENTS ACTUALLY FUCKING TRUST YOU

i have a FUCKING strict parents,im 18 now and i cant even go out alone or have an actual fucking job

I grew up anxious talking to boys

I dotn have any friends and i dont even know.much about the store around my neighborfuckinghood

I genuinely cant stand it anymore

Im also homeschooled,wtf

Even this phone sometimes gets taken away, i keep telling lies lies and lies

I've tried everything to be a good daughter but still not good enough

I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO ORDER FOOD AT THE RESTAURANT

MAN I HAVE NO SURVIVAL SKILL I AM FULL DEPENDENT ON THEM AND I HATE IT

i wanna stand up for my own sometimes but all i got is a "no"

Today I mustered up the courage to ask if i could go to eat alone,BY. MY. SELF.

Nothing less and NO (ofc)

when they say im dumb and useless when i cant even FUCKING buy something for them

It's all my fault

Anybody? Please tell me what else should i FUCKING DO

Im a teenage girl(eng is not my first language),

i often feel deja vu or you could say reminiscing when i saw a "certain type of guy"

I feel very scared when something about them reminds me of \*someone\* that i dont even know

It could be anyone that gives me a vision like that but what all ik is, it's from a guy

I've been carrying this \*phobia\* or \*trauma\*

Ever since i could remember

\*He's\* like someone i shouldn't forget

\*His\* smile is weirdly organized but you know there's something weird behind it

And i found that 'some' guys have that kind of smile

And it scares me

When it happens (i saw him in a guy),my blood runs cold

My stomach flipped upside down, I couldn't stop trembling

And all in my mind was "i know this guy" but when i try to push myself to remember who he was

I ended up just getting a headache

All i could remember is

Disheveled hair

Perfect teeth

And skinny

Look im not scared whenever i see someoen who got exactly all that description but sometimes the smile or their eyes give it away

It's like screaming to me "remember, remember, remember,how could you forgot?"

Im writing this alone in my room and could tell you all im feeling right now is fear and nausea

I dont know who that guy is but he's been haunting me all these years

Im a teenage girl(eng is not my first language),

i often feel deja vu or you could say reminiscing when i saw a "certain type of guy"

I feel very scared when something about them reminds me of *someone* that i dont even know

It could be anyone that gives me a vision like that but what all ik is, it's from a guy

I've been carrying this *phobia* or *trauma*

Ever since i could remember

*He's* like someone i shouldn't forget

*His* smile is weirdly organized but you know there's something weird behind it

And i found that 'some' guys have that kind of smile

And it scares me

When it happens (i saw him in a guy),my blood runs cold

My stomach flipped upside down, I couldn't stop trembling

And all in my mind was "i know this guy" but when i try to push myself to remember who he was

I ended up just getting a headache

All i could remember is

Disheveled hair

Perfect teeth

And skinny

Look im not scared whenever i see someoen who got exactly all that description but sometimes the smile or their eyes give it away

It's like screaming to me "remember, remember, remember,how could you forgot?"

Im writing this alone in my room and could tell you all im feeling right now is fear and nausea

I dont know who that guy is but he's been haunting me all these years