u/Defiant_Growth5620

Context: I am 21F living with my parents and am financially dependent on them. My parents are religious, I am not (they don't like this). They are very conservative, I am not (they don't know this, but the hints they do have, they don't like). I have tried compromising, I have agreed to study what they want me to study. They have never left me wanting for any necessity, we are well off, not rich rich, but well off. There is no probability of me becoming independent of them, especially financially, in the near future, though it has always been a dream of mine.

Issue: They micromanage me, try controlling everything, and NOTHING I do is ever enough. They don't approve of anything I do, and I amount to nothing to them. This is not to say I am anywhere near perfect, I am far from that. But, it is very stifling to live with them. Everything I do is scrutinized and judged, majority of the time without listening to my side. They think they know everything about me, in and out, they don't, they really don't. Every single thing I do is either ridiculed, taken apart and diminished or something similar. This also leads to daily and I do mean DAILY fights and screaming matches between us. I have a young sister (she's 8, we have 13 years between us) and she tries to calm us down and I have seen the toll that takes on her, she's a child! I agree, there is a lot of improvement I need and they really do care about me. But their way of caring and of showing their criticism and of them always pressuring me and everything really doesn't help. Almost everyday, I am at home now (since college is over) and there is never a single moment where all of us are happy with each other. Any jokes I make are put against me as if I had malicious intent. My mother especially is always on my head for every single thing and she also keeps talking about it all to my dad and his mental image of me also grows negative. They both have their flaws, so do I, but I just CANNOT. Every discussion with them feels like a warzone and the day I have a normal non fighting conversation I have with them, I feel like it's something out of the norm.

I really hate the person I become when I am with them and the amount of anger they incite within me, I become my ugliest self with them and it affects my mental health and theirs as well. This has also led to suicidal thoughts in the past and still does some times. They are not bad people, just not great parents, atleast not with me. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to improve this situation.

Any suggestions?

TL;DR: 21F living with conservative, religious parents. I’ve compromised on my studies to please them, but I’m still micromanaged, and criticized daily. The constant warzone atmosphere leads to screaming matches that are not good for my 8yo sister and is destroying my mental health. I can't move out, how do I survive this environment without losing myself to anger?

Context: I am 21F living with my parents and am financially dependent on them. My parents are religious, I am not (they don't like this). They are very conservative, I am not (they don't know this, but the hints they do have, they don't like). I have tried compromising, I have agreed to study what they want me to study. They have never left me wanting for any necessity, we are well off, not rich rich, but well off. There is no probability of me becoming independent of them, especially financially, in the near future, though it has always been a dream of mine.

Issue: They micromanage me, try controlling everything, and NOTHING I do is ever enough. They don't approve of anything I do, and I amount to nothing to them. This is not to say I am anywhere near perfect, I am far from that. But, it is very stifling to live with them. Everything I do is scrutinized and judged, majority of the time without listening to my side. They think they know everything about me, in and out, they don't, they really don't. Every single thing I do is either ridiculed, taken apart and diminished or something similar. This also leads to daily and I do mean DAILY fights and screaming matches between us. I have a young sister (she's 8, we have 13 years between us) and she tries to calm us down and I have seen the toll that takes on her, she's a child! I agree, there is a lot of improvement I need and they really do care about me. But their way of caring and of showing their criticism and of them always pressuring me and everything really doesn't help. Almost everyday, I am at home now (since college is over) and there is never a single moment where all of us are happy with each other. Any jokes I make are put against me as if I had malicious intent. My mother especially is always on my head for every single thing and she also keeps talking about it all to my dad and his mental image of me also grows negative. They both have their flaws, so do I, but I just CANNOT. Every discussion with them feels like a warzone and the day I have a normal non fighting conversation I have with them, I feel like it's something out of the norm.

I really hate the person I become when I am with them and the amount of anger they incite within me, I become my ugliest self with them and it affects my mental health and theirs as well. This has also led to suicidal thoughts in the past and still does some times. They are not bad people, just not great parents, atleast not with me. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to improve this situation.

Any suggestions?

TL;DR: 21F living with conservative, religious parents. I’ve compromised on my studies to please them, but I’m still micromanaged, and criticized daily. The constant warzone atmosphere leads to screaming matches that are not good for my 8yo sister and is destroying my mental health. I can't move out, how do I survive this environment without losing myself to anger?