u/GrapeNeatOnO

I (22f) work as a teacher in a pretty good school. Before I start anything I would like to say that my parents got a divorce when I was just 2 years old. They weren't compatible and that was the reason my mom filed for divorce. My dad tried to take us(me and my sister) so many times but every time he would find it hard caring for us alone so he would give us back to my mom. So he relied on just talking smack about her and her talking smack about him. He tried so many times to make us (7years old me and 10 years old sister) get them back together telling us to talk to her.

We were obedient children. We did everything we could to be good. We went to school, behaved perfectly and sat in a little corner, got the best grades, never complained, and never made them feel like they failed as parents even though they did.

Fast forward to me being 12 years old and moving to 4 different houses in the span of a year, I started to get mad and expressed it in little things like not getting high grades at school even though I studied hard but my mind wasn't in it. My mom started comparing me to my older sister and that made me internally angry. When i snapped at her she shouted at me, slapped me, kicked me to the ground, and pulled my hair. It was my first time getting hit and it stuck with me. Then the next day she told me that she booked to go to a therapist to "fix this behavior of mine". My father didn't say anything about it when I called him and cried. He didn't care because he didn't think that crying is real lol. My nickname from him was "teardrop" literally. I went to therapy as she wanted and time passed.

Fast forward again of me being an adult. I live in the same house because she finances my money and i am culturally not allowed to live alone as a single woman . I go out with my friends once a month and that is a lot to her. I get out of my 8 hours shift of school, do private tutoring minimum 4 hours a day and come back home to clean and cook. She still finds faults in me. Things like "you didn't put the dish soap in its place". When she shouts at me because of these little things I just stay silent and absorb whatever she throws at me. But if my face even conveys a sad or confused reaction that is enough to make her more mad.

She even decided for me the school that I am currently working in. In the summer she and dad tried to make me quit working at this school but I said no and that I am comfortable in it but they didn't listen. Dad even took my CV and put in another school to force my hand. But I signed with the same school again and told them that I am not leaving. They were furious and reacted accordingly. My private tutoring? they price them and decide the time and place.

Last month she signed me up in a gym because "my weight is too much and no one will ever be romantically interested in me" I am 80kgs. I have to go at least 5 times a week or else I will hear about it all day long. She decides what makeup i wear or i will hear about how horrible I look before going out which nice for my self esteem.

I don't think I need to say how little I feel in work because of that. When my manager tells me I am the best teacher in my section I don't believe her. When the students say it I don't believe them. I feel so so little and I feel so immature like my personality still hasn't developed. I don't know who I am.

I don't know who i am and that is what makes me the most angry. My favorite thing to do ? Idk. My favorite movie? Idk. My favorite song?idk. My ANYTHING? idk.

I don't know myself and it shows in me not having anything to express it. My room is empty of any decorations. My style is plain and normal. And my decisions are even mine. I feel like a sponge just laying there to absorb whatever they throw at me.

My issue here is not only how awful they are but how awful I have been to myself. I want to form my own identity and to stop being affected by what they say and do to me.

I dont want anyone to tell me to move out because that is not even a possibility. I am from a third world country where rentals or hotel book ins are not available for single women.

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I am a 22f and I have never been in a relationship, all of my talking stages left me feeling nothing, and I have never loved anyone or had a crush on anyone. I never looked at a man and thought oh I like him or I thought about a relationship. Maybe I liked how they looked but I never feel this deep connection everyone is talking about. Even my talking stages I haven't been passionate when it comes to them. I wouldn't care if they text me or not. Wouldn't care if they are into me or not since I am not into them. Even when I was in school which is THE time for romantic relationships I didn't like anyone and i didn't notice anyone romantically. It came to a point where i am really concerned by it. I want to feel love. I want to love someone with all of my being and I want to be loved. I don't like being loved as much as I would like to love someone. I don't know if it makes sense. I want to date someone and go on little cute outings together where i feel fulfilled. I want the little acts of love that comes with it. I want to feel jealous! But I have never felt those things and i really really hate it. I want to feel loved even if it will end up badly. I want to relate to songs, movies and shows.

I like to think that I am not an emotional person but I am! I cry when listening to love songs. I feel deeply for characters in shows and movies. I get envious when I see a good happy relationship because I want something just like that but I feel like i am incapable of it.

I am a 22f and I have never been in a relationship, all of my talking stages left me feeling nothing, and I have never loved anyone or had a crush on anyone. I never looked at a man and thought oh I like him or I thought about a relationship. Maybe I liked how they looked but I never feel this deep connection everyone is talking about. Even my talking stages I haven't been passionate when it comes to them. I wouldn't care if they text me or not. Wouldn't care if they are into me or not since I am not into them. Even when I was in school which is THE time for romantic relationships I didn't like anyone and i didn't notice anyone romantically. It came to a point where i am really concerned by it. I want to feel love. I want to love someone with all of my being and I want to be loved. I don't like being loved as much as I would like to love someone. I don't know if it makes sense. I want to date someone and go on little cute outings together where i feel fulfilled. I want the little acts of love that comes with it. I want to feel jealous! But I have never felt those things and i really really hate it. I want to feel loved even if it will end up badly. I want to relate to songs, movies and shows.

I like to think that I am not an emotional person but I am! I cry when listening to love songs. I feel deeply for characters in shows and movies. I get envious when I see a good happy relationship because I want something just like that but I feel like i am incapable of it.

I dont even know if this is the right subreddit to post to

Does men get bored of calm and reserved women or is it another problem?

I am a 22f and I have never had a serious relationship. As a 22 F a lot of people would describe me as boring, reserved and not interesting. I like being calm in general as I don't like noisy places nor people. I like activities that are calm such as drawing or reading. I don't like clubbing, I don't like outings with too many people and friends. I have humour but not a loud one that is noticeable from the get go, i have to get to know the person to open up first or feel calm and confident enough to actually voice what I am thinking.

Most times I notice that guys really like ,not particularly loud, women but outgoing ones with strong personalities. They don't like the calm and reserved ones and call them boring.

I had a talking stage with a guy 24M that I was not particularly really attracted to but I liked him. We talked on and off for roughly 7 years. In these seven years a lot of things happened from him portraying that he likes me and calling me everyday, which is mostly him talking about himself and me listening and then him getting irritated about me not talking even though he is talking solely about himself, and then him actually telling me that he likes me and then when I said that I don't have an answer to that because I didnt experience this before he started to tell me all the things he didn't like about me. He told me that I am too calm& reserved and listed a whole ass list of what I could change. When I told him that this way he doesn't like me or my personality since he has this much to criticise,he brushed it off as me getting offended. Now for the past 3 years he messages me on new years and holidays to see how i am doing then I he stops messaging me. He likes for us to chat for a bit then to stop and see if i continue the convo but since I dont want to come off as too gone I dont so we stop for a whole year. This is not healthy I know.

I am not delusional to think that he loves or likes me or that he comes back to yearn for me. I know that it is just a routine for him or that i was in his life for too long for him to just stop messaging me, idk.

Anyways, when I was talking to him I was always telling my mom how hard it is for me to talk to him and come up with responses and she told me that like this I am making him back off because no man wants a boring woman. And she always calls me that. Recently, she deliberately talks to people in front of me on how men like feisty women who are interesting and how i should "LEARN" how to be interesting.

Yeah I get male attention but this not what I want since it is solely based on looks. I want a deeper connection.

Do men really hate calm women and prefer interesting ones? Do I even have a chance in dating someone or are they all gonna be bored of me eventually and tell me how horrible of a time they had with me?

Note: I'd hope for the comments to be nice and not aggressive in anyway <:

I (22f), my sister (25f), and my mum are truly concerned about how my brother has been acting lately and we need advice. We need some background insights first tho. We three raised him to know and respect a lot of rules and things that are non negotiable. For example, being nice to his friends at school, lifting heavy stuff from the elderly, always saying thank you and please, doing his part of chore and stressing that this is HIS part and its not him "helping us out" , not raising his voice at us or at anyone at all, to control his anger, and many many more though leading by example. At first he was really really good with all of this and I felt hope that he is going to be one of the few who has no internal misogyny since he has three female figures in his life.

His father (my stepfather) has no role in his life. He doesn't guide him, he doesn't tell him what is right and what is wrong, and he doesn't give him insights of what it is to be a man while growing up. However, I am glad that he doesn't because he is the epitome of misogynistic men.

The past two years have been difficult for us raising him in this stage of his life. He has a limited access to a phone. He mostly watches funny videos and gaming videos so we thought that he is safe but sometimes we hear some not so nice things that insinuates misogynistic ideals so we immediately block these creators from his phone alongside explaining the reasoning to him so he doesnt feel that it is unjustly of us. We always explain every single thing for him so that he can do whatever we ask him to do out of conviction. But he started to say weird things all of a sudden. For example, we were talking about a femicide that happened and he just happened to hear even though we made sure that he is out of hearing, he straight up told us "why do you always talk about men being the bad guy? Do you like to be the victims that much?". It is an understatement to say that we were utterly surprised. Another things he started to say is that we are favored everywhere and that women has more of everything and men has less. We explained multiple times that this is not true and its not even a point of debate following with a historical video of women's rights. He didn't seem to care.

Then when it comes to house chores it also changed and he started to be so rude and defiant. Just last night I asked him if he could please take the trash outside before the garbage collector comes and he told me "well, you could go and take the trash outside yourself, I am not your garbage collector its embarrassing".

Most importantly, he came to me one night crying and saying that he did something that he shouldn't have done and when I asked him what he told me that he doesn't want to say it to anyone from embarrassment and that he started watching corn. I calmly told him that its okay and that its something that we should be cautious and moderate and we had a loooong convo about it and I showed him a simple illustration for kids about the disadvantages of corn. I dont know if I could have handled it better but I was taken aback by this convo.

The last incident is what really shook me and its when we were sitting and we saw a certain footballer and he told me that he loves this footballer so much and I told him "well you should reconsider this adoration for this guy" and I listed the number of crimes against women that this player did. He didnt even hear me and told me that he doesnt believe me, got aggressive, and told me that even if he did all of these things he doesnt even care about it the slightest.

I really really need advice because he has always been a really smart kid. From his early years he would have deep conversation out of the blue, he would be really empathetic, and also caring, but all of this seems to be gone now.

He also began to verbalise how unfair it is for him to be a kid and that the limited time on his phone is making him hate us. Saying that he wants to be more free and to be treated like the man of the house (a concept that we literally never ever discuss in the house).

I am sorry if my writing is all over the place my native language is not English. But I some insights and advice if I or anyone did anything wrong to lead him to be like this. Is it our fault, like did we approach all of this the wrong way?

Notes:

1-no, these conversations are not happening at the same time it is happening throughout 2 years.

2-the conversations are held with one individual and not a group so he doesnt feel overwhelmed

3-we have these conversations with calmness and that is why he is able to come to confide in me when he has a secretl otherwise he wont.

4-he goes to tutoring, swimming, and art. We celebrate every little thing he does and no we dont dismiss how he feels.

5- we go on outings every single time i take him to practice for us to have a brother and sister bonding time away from the house

6-his "chores" is just him doing his room after waking up and sometimes I do it for him. I said this part to point out that we try to make him feel that he is part of the house therefore ofcourse he would have a part in its chores and that it is not just him helping out.

7-We taught him from a young age how be a good kid, which is the first thing I said, not how not to be a bad man. We started to have these conversations with him when he started to spout things that needed those conversations

8-A lot of people said I was out of pocket for telling him about his favourite footballer. I do agree that I could have handled it better but at the same time we were just chatting in the living room while eating snacks so its not like you imagined him being disciplined. No we were just having a chat but his reaction was too strong.

9- we dont "Nag" him all of the day because we and him dont have time to since we work then take him to his practice and art classes. These conversations as I said happens when something is said or done only

10- I didnt talk to him or make him feel bad about watching porn as some people say. The complete opposite the first thing I told him was that it was okay and that we need to be cautious and moderate. I havent mentioned it, insinuated to it, or made him uncomfortable from it since then.

11- i tried for us to go to therapy together but it didnt work due to his father and financial reasons.

12-I am coming here for help on how to deal with this and to tell me where i did something wrong not for some to just be mean and hurtful without providing any advice.

13-its not an excuse but at the end of the day I am a 22 years old who had to take this role even though i didnt want it because his father is a dipshit and our mother gets angry fast so we have these conversations away from her. Half of these things she doesnt know so he doesnt get scolded. I dont have my shit together and this is why I am asking for advice. Thanks

This next year I will be a second year teacher. This first year of teaching wasn't easy on me mentally at all. My anxiety isn't caused by teaching but it was always really high. However, it wasn't THAT high before. My classes were really really difficult with multiple if not mostly behavioral students due to lack of discipline on the admins part, students who are autistic and not receiving the needed guidance or treatment because the school just likes to say that they are inclusive, and lastly no one was willing to help. Also, the admin was providing service for these students but in the second seater they said that no teacher should send them any students who are behaving in a bad way. All of these aspects reallyade my anxiety skyrocket to the point where I couldn't even sleep because I am always thinking about what I will do the next day, how I could've handled a situation better, how can I improve in communicating with my special needs students even though I lack the training, how they must think I am a bad teacher or me constantly replaying my day. It's so severe that even all my family communicated with me about how they think that my job is just eating me alive and how I just care TOO MUCH. And yes, I absolutely care too much because I want to provide the students with the best experience ever academically and personally. Idk what to do because the year has ended and I am still just in this loop of anxiety and it's not going away!!! I thought it will end once the year ends but no its still there!

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Therapy is not an option because its too expensive for me! The thing is, I clock out of work the minute my co tract time is up, I never take work home, and I never reply to any emails in my me time. But this still doesn't work. I have tried colouring, painting, bedazzling, drawing, and journaling, nothing works.

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I just cant live like this since I LOVE teaching and I wanna stay longer in the profession!

So I am a first year teacher who taught grade 4. I faced SO many hurdles from behavior students up to unsupportive admins and environment in general. I taught 3 classes in one year all together so it was super hard on my mental health but at the end of the school year I looked back and I found that I really do love and admire all of these 3 classes with all of their flaws! I got really attached to the students even the behavioral ones.

Now for the next year I need to figure out if I am going to stay in the same grade year or go up a level with my students whom I am attached to! Idk what to decide because I received so many opinions from my friends and parents saying that you shouldn't go with the safest option but the way I see it is that I am not going with the safest option because I WILL face those same hurdles AGAIN due to the listed reasons above.

So shall I experience another patch of kids in the same grade or go up with my kids ?

Plus I am going to apply for a masters degree therefore I would like to have students the I already understand and have a rapport with.

I would really like to hear different opinions and inputs !