r/demiromantic

I never really put too much thought on me being demiromantic. I just found the label and saw the general description for it to fit how I am. But I’ve recently started to put more thought into what demiromanticism means to me. And for me, the best way I can explain on how it works is that I can easily detach myself in emotional spectrums because my romantic attraction doesn't really just stem from just myself? Like l've had people I liked in the past, and all being people l've formed a friendship with first, since I'm like incapable of having feelings for people I know barely anything about. But the moment I know they don't like me back, it's like I'm able to filter out the previous romantic attraction I had BECAUSE I know they don't like me back. It's like I need the additional affirmation that our relation is strong to the point of mutual attraction, and if I don't have that affirmation then the attraction goes away with it because I come to the conclusion of "oh it's not as deep as l expected", but I'm always ok with it. It's like my brain will immediately go back to "friends only" mode and any kind of romantic interest just disappears afterwards (granted not immediately, but it never lasts longer than a couple days for me). Idk if that's just being content, I'm very much content with myself and have moved on from things pretty easily (ex: friendship breakups/gradual distance) some instances longer to recover from than others. It's also kinda why I used to get so confused when people who have asked me out, and I reject them but state I can still be friends and not be bothered by the confession- end up ghosting me entirely. But it's because that's not normal for many people, most people can't just lose or shut off their attraction towards someone when they get rejected, and still be able to maintain a friendship without those previous romantic feelings getting in the way.
And I’ve only ever had a couple of crushes, and which they were not reciprocated back, and I’ve moved on from them pretty easily.

This is my first post in this subreddit, but I guess I came here to see if this is a common experience among the community? Because as I stated prior, I never really thought too hard on my demiromanticism, but I’ve started to think about it more and realizing that this type of thinking isn’t really the norm.

I was at an event recently where I meet a lot of new people and there was this one girl in particular I noticed cause she was really pretty and had a bubbly extroverted personality which I’m drawn to in general. When making friends there’s normally a thought in the back of my mind “what if I end up liking them?” cause I’ve been single forever and I’m dying to experience a romantic relationship, but it’s usually not something I think upon first impression yet I did this time. Maybe I was going into it thinking I might potentially meet a future partner, but I noticed her more than anyone else probably because of her looks and I know I get along with that personality type. It sounds like attraction on paper, but I don’t think I actually felt anything beyond curiosity which I have for anyone I’ve just met. Idk I’m confused what constitutes romantic attraction since it’s often equated with crushing and I do know it’s not a crush or I would have been at least been a little flustered. I know there’s obviously aesthetic attraction there, and no sexual attraction, but romantic? I don’t know…

Because i have saw soo many poeples saying that demiromantic is not valid because it's ''normal''?....what? ( and yes even by the queer community), and even if i explain that nowadays, we have more difficulty because well, in dating apps we don't find the match because well, no just photos and a short bio don't mean that i can develop fellings for the person. I don't understand why we must just fight for be seen as something and not just an ''useless microlabels''

So i'm a Demi²-mlm teen and ive been having a lot of drama in my fg cus of my demisexuality :(. So ive had this crush on this guy in my friend group (He's Omni) and we had a sleep over with 4 other people not including us and during this my best friend (only one that knows im mlm and my crush atp) pressures me into coming out and then i did. So at this point im not really mad at my best friend but THEN he pressures me into saying my crush to everyone and after like an hour i do and my crush lowkey did something (it wasnt saying yes but it wasnt no) me in the middle of the sleepover so for the rest of the hangout it was so fucking awkward and yeah idk how to feel, pls help!

NOTE: There is alot more that happened then just this, like my best friend tried to help me pull him.

EDIT: So all of my fg went to the local lake and just hanged out with eachother, it was quite awkward but oh well it got less awkward as time went on. So one thing I forgot to include is my bff and my crush kinda have a platonic relationship as a joke, or so I thought. Apparently they honestly had feeling for eachother and they are asking me to join them in a 'polyamorous relationship'. At the time and now im kinda disgusted by the idea (No offence) but I didnt say anything. So now one Issue has become another one.

Hi, so I found out today I was Demi romantic and Demi sexual after a long time of feeling alone and weird and unlike others and I felt so happy discovering that.

I’m so proud I want to tell it to everyone. But I’m afraid of how people at the office will react. The office is my only place romantic relationship can be created from, because I connect deeply with people there.

Maybe they judge me will mistake it for sexual orientation or Completely Asexual and maybe I find out they are a-phobic.

I want to hang a pin in my office but I know people will ask me questions about it and they probably wouldn’t understand (isn’t everyone like that?) Or maybe if I fall in love with men (which is my orientation) they wouldn’t want to date a woman like me now because they misunderstand and think I’m not attracted to them since I hung up a pride pin. My mom already misunderstands since she keeps pushing me to go out and party as if that would help me find a boyfriend.

What would you do in my place if you wanted people to see who you truly are but not hate you or judge you for that?
I’m struggling with self acceptable generally, so sorry if that came out rude towards anyone, it’s just what I feel about myself

I would love to hear stories about how it went for those of you who came out (or didn’t!) :)

I’ve been seeing this girl for a month now. Seeing each other 2-3 times a week but we have been talking for 3 months prior to this. Due to our commitments, we agreed on this being a short term casual but open to seeing where things go kind of arrangement. I guess this is a situationship. She also opened up about how she doesn’t want to fall in love and get hurt whereas I’m against us dating at the moment for logistic reasons but I do like her and am not against falling for someone.

We go on dates and talk deeply about things and feel attraction towards one another. I think talking to each other for 3 months has helped build the foundation of knowing we are both showing up authentically with one another and the getting to know you phase has for the most part passed.

Now I’m wondering well what’s next? How do people even get to the love stage and fall for someone if everything’s been consistent. Wouldn’t it have shown up already? I don’t feel love either at this point and I know she doesn’t either. Does love just grow from attachment, or is there something else needed? Because the way I see it, we both like each other and so we see each other, but what does it even meant to fall for someone?

Hi! This is my first post and first time using Reddit so I may a bit clumsy with this post. (also my grammar isn’t the best either..)

Update!! (At the bottom)

I’m a 18f and I’ve never been in a relationship and the only attraction(?) I’ve experienced we’re with past best friends. It’s unclear whether I was attached or I actually was attracted to these people. I identify as demisexual and demiromantic due to me never feeling romantic or sexual attraction. I’ve never longed for a relationship, honestly I can’t imagine myself in love or someone having feelings for me. I’ve had others express interest in me however I’ve never felt anything but discomfort.

Recently, for the past few months I met a developed a friendship with another 18f. Through our interactions, I played with the idea of us in a relationship. It was never serious consideration and I gave up on the idea. Throughout our friendship, she seemed to have a male preference. She would make comments about male actors and had a situation-ship with another boy at our school but it didn’t result in anything. Any comments she would make about girls were primarily fictional characters. I’m in a group chat with this person, and as of yesterday she admitted to being attracted to me when we first met. However she said that she stopped herself as it seemed that I was asexual or just wasn’t interested in people. I enjoy playing tennis and when we first met I introduced her to playing the sport. During this conversation, she admitted to not wanting to play tennis and she only tried it because she found me pretty and didn’t want to say no. She ended up enjoying the sport and we kept playing together. This interaction has led me to question whether I could start a relationship with her. I’m not against the idea of a relationship with her however I’m worried that I may lead her on since I’m not sure if I am attracted to her. Currently, when I interact with her I don’t feel anything and I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be feeling. We don’t interact much online and only send each other things on instagram not conversations. If we were to start something I think it’d be awkward to and I don’t think we would have much to talk about either. When we interact in person we’re fine and it’s always fun to! When I imagine myself in a relationship with her I think it would be nice but I’m worried that if I don’t end up feeling anything I’ll end up hurting her. At the same time, I’m not sure if she still harbors the same interest. If she doesn’t that’s perfectly fine of course, but I don’t want to regret anything if I don’t try.

Thank you for reading and I’m sorry if it was a bit long!

Update 1:

I feel like I’ve been a bit indecisive with my decision to pursue a relationship with this friend. Initially I decided to spend time with her and take my time. But after discussing it with mutual friends it turns out she still has feelings for me. I’ve decided to talk to her about how we each feel! However this doesn’t mean that we will rush into anything if we do ultimately decide to try things out. I’m still a bit confused about how I feel but I think it’s worth a shot to try things out. We planned a hangout for this Wednesday and I’m honestly nervous for it but I plan to talk to her after our hangout. I’ll update this post again once we talk to things out.

I am a 22f and I have never been in a relationship, all of my talking stages left me feeling nothing, and I have never loved anyone or had a crush on anyone. I never looked at a man and thought oh I like him or I thought about a relationship. Maybe I liked how they looked but I never feel this deep connection everyone is talking about. Even my talking stages I haven't been passionate when it comes to them. I wouldn't care if they text me or not. Wouldn't care if they are into me or not since I am not into them. Even when I was in school which is THE time for romantic relationships I didn't like anyone and i didn't notice anyone romantically. It came to a point where i am really concerned by it. I want to feel love. I want to love someone with all of my being and I want to be loved. I don't like being loved as much as I would like to love someone. I don't know if it makes sense. I want to date someone and go on little cute outings together where i feel fulfilled. I want the little acts of love that comes with it. I want to feel jealous! But I have never felt those things and i really really hate it. I want to feel loved even if it will end up badly. I want to relate to songs, movies and shows.

I like to think that I am not an emotional person but I am! I cry when listening to love songs. I feel deeply for characters in shows and movies. I get envious when I see a good happy relationship because I want something just like that but I feel like i am incapable of it.

I dont even know if this is the right subreddit to post to

hii! i want to apologize in advance as this post is gonna be all over the place because it’s my first time posting anything like this, and i would just like some guidance about the feelings i’ve experienced and am experiencing (and maybe help labeling them). thanks for being understanding in advance haha. 

four years ago, i had a summer where i thought a lot about my sexuality and my romantic identity and i came to the conclusion that i was aromantic (at the time i referred to myself as cupioromantic, because it was something i wanted but had never experienced). i had never experienced any kind of romantic attraction, or had any kind of romantic interactions before, so that was the conclusion i came to. every “crush” i had when i was younger all seemed to me like a label for having really loving platonic feelings for my extremely close friends or wanting to be closer friends with people (squishes??). 

after i came to this conclusion (of being aromantic), a few months later i started to develop a close friendship with a new person in my life and we became really close over shared interests and would talk and text all the time. we had a different functioning friendship than all my other very close friendships (that i felt platonic love towards), as we would pretend to date, and planned a fake wedding, and would often jokingly do stereotypical “dating things” around our other friends to have fun and confuse them a little. 

unbeknownst to me at the time, i had a crush on this friend and had absolutely no idea, except all the signs made sense when i put them into romantic context. example: im normally a very touchy and clingy person with all my friends, but i would go out of my way to hold hands with this friend, and not just hug them. it also felt different than holding hands with any of my other close friends. i got butterflies, i think?

we had discussed before how we both were aromantic and i don’t remember exactly how it happened but one day we were texting and just talking about anything and everything for hours and the fact that i liked them just came out naturally, as if i was discovering it while simultaneously confessing to them. they then told me that they thought they had confessed to me a few weeks prior with a very personal gift they had given me for my birthday. and just like that we started dating.

over the next year, i was in this relationship and i experienced what i would classify or know to classify as typical romantic attraction for my partner. we said i love you (and it felt different than me saying it to my parents or close friends), and we were dating but still acted as if we were very close friends, because in a way we were. 

we eventually broke up but i don’t doubt that what i experienced for this person was romantic attraction (or my version of it). 

timeskip to now, i haven’t been in another romantic relationship since, nor have i liked or developed those feelings for anyone else since. my ex was the only person ive ever experienced that specific feeling for, which leads me in to me questioning my identity within aromanticism. especially because after we started dating, i didn’t think i was or could’ve been aromantic anymore because i was experiencing something akin to what i think is love?

i’ve reevaluated since, and labeled myself as demiromantic, which i know is often described as having to create a deep and emotional connection/bond with someone before romantic feelings could start to form, compared to just initial romantic attraction. which i think is what happened with me and my ex? 

the thing that makes me unsure about if i’m demiromantic or not is that i have many close friends who i have very strong emotional bonds with and in my head i’ve tried to figure out if i like them romantically in any way, and i come to the conclusion that i really don’t think i do. because nothing i feel feels like the way i felt about my ex, which is the only person ive felt that feeling for (whatever it may be).

i guess my question is would that still make me demiromantic or am i more aromantic with a fluke experience? i’m not ever sure if that’s a thing, but any help or clarity/advice that could be given would be greatly appreciated!