u/Every_Philosophy_796

AITAH for not going to my friends son's birthday party.

I am 21 f and my friend is 33 f. We met when I was 18 and babysat for her kid (5 m) We will call her Lexi and her son Sunny. Lexi and I have been inseparable since we met and have spent lots of time together. She referred to me as her sister and called me sunnys aunt. We had frequent sleepovers before I got my new demanding job (12 hour shifts). I even had things that I left at her home.

This is relevant information.started dating my boyfriend (27m) about 4 months ago. I've been dividing my time between my friends and him equally and have had to find more time because of his class schedule.

This leads me to a couple weekends ago. The day before the party i came over to Lexis house to help her set up and get things prepared for sunnys party. We talked about my boyfriend (which she dismissed and interrupted) and she brought up her declining health. I asked questions and told her I hope she feels better soon.

I also asked when sunnys party was because I had forgotten. I have adhd and am working on using a calender to start tracking important events, appointments, and plans, but sometimes forget.

She told me his actual birthday and when the party was. When I had said he has the same birthday as my boyfriend she got mad and said it was bad that I remembered someone's birthday I had just met over sunnys. I reminded her that I remembered a few celebrities birthdays before I memorized my parents. Dates are something that I struggle with. (We lost my dog to illness 4 months ago and some days I forget the date she passed which is a very important and traumatic date for me.)

She then told me sunnys party was the next weekend. I forgot and had made plans to spend the day with my boyfriend the same day as with my demanding work schedule and his classes we hadn't seen each other in a week and that would be the only day that would work.

I then asked what time the party was. She told me it was 2pm. I offered to come help set up, drop off a gift, and stay for an hour or two and then head out. I tried to find a happy medium. Even if I wasn't seeing my boyfriend I wasn't planning on spending 4 plus hours at a children's party regardless.

Also relevent information. Anytime id mention anything about my boyfriend, she would ignore it. Before he asked me to be his girlfriend she was supportive. The minute I became his girlfriend, she found any reason to talk poorly about him. I know he is not a bad person as my parents and other friends tell me he is a great guy (along with my therapist) and are all very happy for me.

She would constantly tell me that because of out age gap he will not respect me and that there is something wrong with someone his age dating someone who is 21. My boyfriend and I are both going through similar stages of life and are both child free.

She also got jealous when I was 20 and made a new friend (f 17), lets call her alice, going as far as telling me that I was replacing her. She put doubts in my head about my friendship with Alice. This ruined my friendship with Alice and lead to an argument that lexi started and insulted her many times as well as repeatedly calling Alice's phone.

Back to the plot.

A few days later lexi texted me saying that her husband wouldn't be home until later so they wouldn't be setting up until the afternoon. I asked what time and gor no response. My message was left on open.

A few days passed and I got a message from her husband stating that lexi was deeply hurt that i was putting "some guy" over sunny who considered me his aunt. He stated that its best that i stay away until lexi can heal.

I did not go to the party and ended up going to my boyfriends house at 11am that day to stay the night and go to an out of state concert the next day.

A few days later I was met with a long message about how I was immature and she did not want to be friends anymore. That i didn't deserve to have sunny call me his aunt. She ended it with using things I told her about my life in confidence (something I was deeply embarrassed about and struggled with) and told me to stay away from her family.

Her husband contacted me to collect my things and when I received them there was a long page full of size 9 or 10 times new roman font. Most of the letter just called me a sl\\\^t, insecure, amd immature.

Am I the a hole for not going?

​

I am 21 f and my friend is 33 f. We met when I was 18 and babysat for her kid (5 m) We will call her Lexi and her son Sunny. Lexi and I have been inseparable since we met and have spent lots of time together. She referred to me as her sister and called me sunnys aunt. We had frequent sleepovers before I got my new demanding job (12 hour shifts). I even had things that I left at her home.

This is relevant information.started dating my boyfriend (27m) about 4 months ago. I've been dividing my time between my friends and him equally and have had to find more time because of his class schedule.

This leads me to a couple weekends ago. The day before the party i came over to Lexis house to help her set up and get things prepared for sunnys party. We talked about my boyfriend (which she dismissed and interrupted) and she brought up her declining health. I asked questions and told her I hope she feels better soon.

I also asked when sunnys party was because I had forgotten. I have adhd and am working on using a calender to start tracking important events, appointments, and plans, but sometimes forget.

She told me his actual birthday and when the party was. When I had said he has the same birthday as my boyfriend she got mad and said it was bad that I remembered someone's birthday I had just met over sunnys. I reminded her that I remembered a few celebrities birthdays before I memorized my parents. Dates are something that I struggle with. (We lost my dog to illness 4 months ago and some days I forget the date she passed which is a very important and traumatic date for me.)

She then told me sunnys party was the next weekend. I forgot and had made plans to spend the day with my boyfriend the same day as with my demanding work schedule and his classes we hadn't seen each other in a week and that would be the only day that would work.

I then asked what time the party was. She told me it was 2pm. I offered to come help set up, drop off a gift, and stay for an hour or two and then head out. I tried to find a happy medium. Even if I wasn't seeing my boyfriend I wasn't planning on spending 4 plus hours at a children's party regardless.

Also relevent information. Anytime id mention anything about my boyfriend, she would ignore it. Before he asked me to be his girlfriend she was supportive. The minute I became his girlfriend, she found any reason to talk poorly about him. I know he is not a bad person as my parents and other friends tell me he is a great guy (along with my therapist) and are all very happy for me.

She would constantly tell me that because of out age gap he will not respect me and that there is something wrong with someone his age dating someone who is 21. My boyfriend and I are both going through similar stages of life and are both child free.

She also got jealous when I was 20 and made a new friend (f 17), lets call her alice, going as far as telling me that I was replacing her. She put doubts in my head about my friendship with Alice. This ruined my friendship with Alice and lead to an argument that lexi started and insulted her many times as well as repeatedly calling Alice's phone.

Back to the plot.

A few days later lexi texted me saying that her husband wouldn't be home until later so they wouldn't be setting up until the afternoon. I asked what time and gor no response. My message was left on open.

A few days passed and I got a message from her husband stating that lexi was deeply hurt that i was putting "some guy" over sunny who considered me his aunt. He stated that its best that i stay away until lexi can heal.

I did not go to the party and ended up going to my boyfriends house at 11am that day to stay the night and go to an out of state concert the next day.

A few days later I was met with a long message about how I was immature and she did not want to be friends anymore. That i didn't deserve to have sunny call me his aunt. She ended it with using things I told her about my life in confidence (something I was deeply embarrassed about and struggled with) and told me to stay away from her family.

Her husband contacted me to collect my things and when I received them there was a long page full of size 9 or 10 times new roman font. Most of the letter just called me a sl\\\^t, insecure, amd immature.

Am I the a hole for not going?