AITAH for going no contact with my 28F sister 30F after she cheated on her bf 30M
My28F sister 30F cheated on her bf 30M 2 years ago. I don’t know the details and my mom refused to tell me because she asked her to keep it a secret. My sister is working in another state which is 3hours away by flight. One day my sister called and was crying on the phone asking my mom to get a flight to her asap, when my mom came back after a week, she was having insomnia and headache every night, refused to tell me what happened and keep saying just give my sister some time. So I guessed that my sister cheated and my mom said yes, she broke down crying and said she’s been so stressed to keep this a secret alone, she had no support and no one to discuss this matter to. She haven’t told my dad by this point.
My sister and her bf are working and living together. He did not found out that she cheated, she confessed to him. He becomes depressed and had multiple suicide attempts so my sister wanted to wait for him to heal/recover. They decided to move on together as a couple, spent a lot of money on private couple counselling, trying to be as open to each other as possible including him having all the access to her phone and WhatsApp messages (she had deactivated and deleted all her social media after the incident) and things are not going well, he will brings up the cheating every now and then which makes her uncomfortable.
When my mom was there, she advised my sister that she should consider breaking up if he keeps on bringing the cheating up. It is not healthy for the relationship if he still hold grudges and keep reminding her that she did him wrong everyday. It was 100% her fault that the relationship ended up this way but she has to let him go. My sister agreed at first, promised my mom that she will reconsider in a year. My mom also apologised to her bf saying that she will support his decision.
My mom wants to call my sister in private every week for life updates, since her bf has all the access to all her WhatsApp messages. She did that for 2 weeks and slowly cutting us off. Every time we asked if she is free to talk, she kept giving excuses that she is working or exercising, would not reply any messages and emails. Since we lived so far away from her, we have no idea how is she doing. My parents were so worried, they decided to fly over and meet her up. Even when my parents were right in front of her, she was still reluctant to talk. They had a big fight that night.
From what my mom told me, my sister blamed basically everything on my parents;
My dad “forced” her to be a doctor
It is her wish to be a doctor ever since i have memories, she was highly motivated in school, she had very good grades, she joined first aid team as her extracurricular activity and became a president for the club. She always wanted to be a doctor. My family was not rich, my dad is bankrupt and my mom was blacklisted for being my dad’s guarantor. We used to struggle financially. She thought of getting scholarships to be a nurse in Singapore instead. But my dad refinanced another house so that we can get student loan without interest for her to study medicine.She doesn’t know how to love someone because she didn’t learn that from my parents
That was the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard. My parents are not physically affectionate or say “i love you” all the time, they are the typical middle age chinese couple. They have some banters sometimes but never actually fought and argued in front of us. How do you blame your own cheating using this reason?She was not as well taken care of as a kid compared to how her bf taking care of her
She used to have seasonal allergies where she sneezes a lot, not everyday but once every few months, she blamed my mom for this, how embarrassed for her to keep on rubbing her nose all the time etc. Her bf bought her air purifier machine and allergy medicine. I think you can’t compare that with what we had 20 years ago, our room is the only room with air conditioner in the whole house, information are not easily available, we also drove 8 hours to another town which cure her lip allergies. Her bf is single with doctor salary and knowledge.My parents are not considerate of her bf’s feeling and forcing her to make a decision
Again, my mom can’t get in touch with her because she has been refusing to pick up the phone for months. Every time we asked, she said she’s busy, my mom has not bring up the break up ever since her first last minute flight to meet her.She has no money as she spent it all on couple therapy, she wants to buy a car
When she first confessed to my mom, she said she wants to buy a car, in case if they really break up, she could still drive to work. My mom said okay, let me know what type of car you want, we can pay for the down payment etc. Fast forward to the fight, my parents asked her, hey have you decided what car do you want and how much do you need for the down payment, she scolded them saying she has no money.
My parents were absolutely heart broken. My father cried for the first time in front of my mother. They withdraw 40k from their pension funds (which is the amount of student loan she paid for the past 5 years since she started working) and gave her back all her long term high interest savings since young, about 30k. They will take over her student loan and she doesn’t need to pay anything. When the money was transferred, she did not said anything to my parents, no thanks, no i got the money, nothing. She totally cut us off from her life and pretends we never existed.
When it was her birthday, my mom texted her happy birthday and wished her happiness. Here’s what she replied : “thank you, it’s okay, happiness is not something I deserve, i will keep on trying my best to be a better self”
It’s been 2 years since this happened and the situation has not improved, she asked us to give her time and space, and we did. She wouldn’t even reply my call when i texted her saying its urgent, when my youngest uncle passed away unexpectedly in May. The funeral was on a Tuesday but you can start paying last respect over the weekends, she refused to come, saying that she is busy. The funeral service is only 1 hour away from her place. When she did came when everything was over, she started crying and said my parents were not respecting her bf and her bf is suffering too. We were absolutely dumbfounded because we never even mentioned his name?!
So AITA if i go no contact with her?