r/wedding

I am the MOH for my sister’s upcoming wedding. I have not been happy with my sister as of lately. For context, she has been planning this wedding for 2+ years. My husband and I have been married for 4 years now. We just had our first baby a couple months ago. Baby will be 4 months at the time of her wedding. When we told my sister I was pregnant a while back, her only response was, ”Ohhhh… so a BABY will be at my wedding?” followed by a look of pure disgust and silence the rest of the day. I even had given her a gift with the announcement and she said she didn’t want it, and gave it back to me. She did send a quick apology text, but that was after long conversations with my parents about how that day went. She never checked in once on me during my pregnancy, and only once when I gave birth. She has never seen my baby, or asked how we’re doing. She is my only sibling and I’m honestly quite hurt by it all.

She also told me they did not want my baby at the wedding- I completely understand her not being invited to the ceremony in case she cries, but I’m breastfeeding and can‘t be away from her for an entire day. My parents were mad about this and threatened to not pay for the wedding if my baby wasn‘t allowed on the venue grounds. Needless to say, she is now allowed to come (to the venue, just not for the ceremony), but I know they also would prefer their niece not being there.

I’m trying to move on and let all of this go- I’m very busy as a first time mom. With that being said, I am wondering if I should step down as MOH. I am not in the season where I can help a ton with wedding planning. I also selfishly just feel angry that she hasnt been there for ME when I needed her. But she’s wanting me to be there for HER. She says I don’t have to do anything for the wedding, but still. I feel an obligation bc that’s what MOH’s do! She did want me to make a speech at the wedding, BUT I’m extremely nervous speaking in front of crowds. She knows this, but still wants me to do it. My own wedding had 10 people invited- that’s how much I don’t like being the center of attention. I’m also newly postpartum and I am not comfortable with my body yet and also am going to have a baby to attend to. I told her I probably wouldn’t be making that speech and I requested that one of the other bridesmaids say something in my place. What would you do in my situation? Would you step down?

One thing that’s surprised me most while planning is how random little questions somehow turn into full discussions without warning. We’ll start talking about something completely normal and suddenly we’re debating invitation timelines, whether people actually care about seating arrangements, or if Friday weddings secretly annoy guests. I think before this I imagined wedding planning as something structured where you sit down, make decisions, and move on. Instead it feels like planning just quietly follows you into everyday life.

Not complaining honestly, some of those conversations have been funny and weirdly sweet. I just didn’t expect engagement to feel so mentally present all the time. What’s the most unexpectedly specific thing you and your partner ended up discussing during planning?

So I (27F) am planning to marry my fiancée (27F) in February, I'm up in Buffalo, NY. We don't know what exactly to do for wedding planning, but we know we mostly just want an intimate wedding with a guest list probably not even breaking a dozen. It'll probably be at our home, it won't be a very big event.

We don't want to spend a ton of money on this since we're actually currently in the process of closing on a house as well, and we're both pretty frugal as it is; we just want something intimate and personal with the closest people to us. I've never seen a wedding go for less than 10k, and that makes me a little nervous, but I'm hopeful we can make this work.

Without breaking the bank, what kind of budget could we possibly go for?

For context, I (25F) have epilepsy, and my husband's family is all well aware of this. Well, they have been for a couple of years, but when the first of my sisters in law got married, it wasn't well-known, and so I spent almost the entire duration of the reception hanging out in the lobby because they had strobe lights. While my in-laws at the time were understanding, it was a complete bummer, and I felt like I was trapped there.

My other sister-in-law, "Savannah," is getting married this weekend. I'm very happy for her, and she seems to be her truest self around her fiancé. I found out a couple of months ago, however, that my in-laws still plan to have strobe lights for convenience, despite knowing about my condition. Neither my husband (27M) nor myself want to be relegated to hanging out outside in the rain until the exit. My husband has decided that we're going to leave when the strobe lights come out because it's not worth risking my health to stay around (and I've been having a flare up this month and have had more seizures than usual).

Since my in-laws are aware of the situation, do we say goodbye to them, including Savannah and her soon-to-be-husband, or do we just leave quietly and explain why later?

My friend is getting married, and I was roped into being a bridesmaid (ugh!). Happy for her, were just not really close; she just doesnt have a lot of friends, so im somehow near the top.

Anyway, i helped her plan the bachelorette party. She kept on insisting she needed to do her Bachelorette party the same weekend as her fiancé did his bachelor party. And I insisted you dont have to. She kept insisting she had to. Is this a requirement/ default / weird rule she made up?

For context, why i was insistent it doesnt have to be the same - he did a guy's weekend to Miami in april. We live in the Midwest. A good time to escape the cold and see Miami when its hot but not too hot (their weekend was 80s and sunny). However, my friend wanted to do Mississippi River (iowa/ Wisconsin/ Minnesota area) lake house. In april, its like 40, rainy, and miserable. I tried to push, dont you want it to be summer, warm, and fun? Many of the other girls there seemed (or told me) it was such a meh time of year to do this and that it couldve been more fun if we waited a few months to do Mississippi River, hiking, hot tub, brewery weekend.

Wedding isnt until fall, so plenty of summer to early fall months that could've been used.

Am I crazy or is she? Lol.

Hi everyone! I’m trying to finalize our wedding timeline and would love opinions on whether this sounds too late from a guest perspective.

We’re having a church ceremony from 1:00–2:00 PM in a town about 45 minutes away from our reception venue, which is downtown in the city. Because of the distance, traffic, and the fact that we’re not doing a first look, the timeline has been a bit tricky to plan.

After the ceremony, we’ll be heading to the reception venue for photos. Our photographer said that 3:30–5:30 PM should work well for couple portraits, wedding party photos, family photos, room detail shots, and room reveal, with a bit of buffer.

Right now, we’re considering this timeline:

1:00–2:00 PM — Church ceremony
2:00–3:30 PM — Travel / buffer / arrive at venue
3:30–5:30 PM — Photos at reception venue
6:00–7:00 PM — Cocktail hour
7:00–7:30 PM — Entrances / guests seated
7:45 PM — Dinner service begins

There will be passed canapés during cocktail hour, so guests won’t be completely without food, but I’m still worried that starting dinner service at 7:45 PM might feel too late.

The alternative would be starting cocktail hour at 5:45 PM or shortening cocktail hour to 45 minutes, but I also don’t want the afternoon to feel rushed, especially with photos and wanting a few minutes to touch up before guests arrive.

Does this timeline sound reasonable, or would you find dinner at 7:45 PM too late as a guest?

Edit: Apologies for the "isle"! I am aware it is in fact "aisle", I was too tired to English properly last night 😄

I'm getting married very soon to my wonderful fiance. We are getting married in my Scandinavian home country (he is from the Netherlands) in the garden of a farm type of property in a rural area. The "aisle" walk will be a little bit unusual, I'll have to come out from behind a small building and then walk 50 meters across grass to get to where people are seated, and then walk in between the chairs in the "aisle". There will be fewer than 50 guests attending.

I'm wondering, should the song I've chosen play as soon as I'm visible 50 meters away, or should we wait until I'm actually at the start of the "aisle" bit?

Also, in my culture there are 3 ways to walk down the aisle that are all considered normal. Which option sounds best in my scenario?

1. Walk with father or grandfather of the bride
2. Walk with groom
3. Walk alone

I have no idea what I want!
I am a bit iffy about the "father giving away his daughter" bit, it doesn't quite sit right with me, I am not property.
For added context, my father and I have a mostly good relationship, though never been emotionally close. He tries his best to make up for my awful childhood (mother was cruel) and is generally very supportive of me. My two most recently married friends both walked with their dads, so it's a totally common thing to do.

I also don't actually know if it's something he would want to do, he told me as soon as I gave him our wedding invitation that he would absolutely not be doing a speech. I don't want to ask him unless I'm certain I want to do it though.

I could possibly walk with my fiance, though I'm not sure he's super keen on doing that, I think he would prefer to stand at the front and wait. But we haven't discussed this particular thing much so I'm not 100% sure. I am slightly leaning this way, we have lived together for almost 5 years now and it's a continuation of our relationship, not a brand new one/not a case of moving in together after the wedding. My cousin did this when they got married and I quite liked it.

I could also walk alone, but that feels a bit scary to me, even though I know all the guests and there's not many of them either. I worry I might trip or something, and it's also scary to have all that attention on me alone, I'm very shy.

I’ve been going back and forth on this for so long and I’d appreciate outside perspective since everyone is telling me that I *have* to have a bachelorette party and I’ll regret not having one.

For some background, I have five bridesmaids: my two best friends are my MOHs and my three sisters (sisters A, B, and C). Truthfully, I didn’t want sisters A and B to be apart of my bridal party because I’ve never been on good terms with both of them simultaneously, I am always not talking to one of them, but sister C (I adore, we’re always on good terms) said she wouldn’t be a bridesmaid without the other two.

I’ve been engaged for 2.5 years, getting married in September, and sisters A and B have made the process so much more difficult. It has been 2.5 years of them telling me everything I’m doing regarding my wedding or related activities is wrong. I’m paying for the girls to get their hair done the morning of and apparently I’m not supposed to do that. Half of the bridesmaids aren’t currently working (injuries, grad school, etc) and so originally I wanted to pay for the Airbnb for the potential bachelorette party but sister A lost it as if I suggested I was about to kill a puppy. Hell, sister B has spent several months trying to convince me that I need to dye my hair for the wedding and that my natural hair is too plain (my hair is brown, she’s trying to convince me to add red even though I’ve said multiple times that I don’t want to).

It’s been months and months of every idea I have not being good enough or just outright wrong that I genuinely don’t think I can manage another event where everything I want is wrong. I’ve cried just thinking about the bachelorette party so many times but most people around me are making me feel crazy for not wanting one. I didn’t have a bridal shower, the only reason we had an engagement party is because my fiancé’s aunt insisted on hosting one, so there’s already an overall opinion that I’m missing out of a bunch of bridal/wedding events and I’ll regret not having one.

Has anyone decided not to have a bachelorette party and regretted it? Or not regretted it? Anyone have any perspectives, suggestions, thoughts? I’m really trying to determine if I’m overreacting, being unreasonable, or if it truly is a mistake if I don’t have a bachelorette party. Any insight or suggestions is greatly appreciated 🫶🏻

I am a bridesmaid for my close friend’s wedding coming up this summer. She has a slew of events that have already happened in relation to the wedding or are scheduled to happen, including:

- an engagement party
- an out-of-country, 5-day bachelorette party
- a bridal shower
- a 4 hour rehearsal the day before the wedding followed by a lunch with the entire wedding party
- a welcome dinner the night before
- the ceremony/wedding
- a sendoff brunch the day after the wedding

I have a baby who is under a year old, so I’ve been realistic about the events I can attend (I did not join for the bachelorette party that was out of the country). But, the other events are being framed as an expectation, so I’m trying my best to be there.

I just got an invitation for her bridal shower, and it falls on my one year wedding anniversary. It’s also less than 2 weeks away, so I was not anticipating this event happening. My husband and I were planning on staying in town but spending the day together with our baby. Being in the bridal party, is my anniversary an appropriate excuse for missing the bridal shower, especially when I’ve already missed out on some other celebrations due to having a baby?

Just for context, when I agreed to being in the wedding party, it was specifically framed as low commitment so I agreed, but over time, more commitments have piled on unexpectedly.

my husband and i got married just over a year ago and it did not end up going the way we had originally planned. nothing was working and with the way our lives, jobs, and secondary residency statuses happened, we ended up having a courthouse elopement with our parents and siblings in a bit of a rush. it was rather stressful and we had a “reception” last winter. it was a family gathering that was very casual. around 40 people, no big cake, no dressing up, just spending time together at my parents’ house since we had just graduated with our master’s and many people had not seen us in a few years. some people gave us small monetary gifts. (which i was so grateful for! i just mean to say there weren’t large financial burdens on this gathering)

it’s now wedding season again and i can’t help but feel incredibly sad we did not do something more formal with photos, more planned celebration, i didn’t even wear a wedding dress.

i had planned to get some bridal photos done of us later this year hopefully with a wedding dress and all of that, but seeing everyone having so much fun with their bridesmaids and groomsmen and everyone dressing up and all of the planning and day of just makes me so incredibly sad. i have good friends i wish could have been at the reception/gathering but the timing was horrible for them as they were also still in school at the time. only one of my best friends was able to make it.

i don’t want to place any kind of burden on my family or friends to feel like they have to do something *again* or like we’re being silly.

the only thing i can think is in a few years we do a 5 year party, but it’s so far away. i would love to do some sort of getaway in someplace like estes park where we rent cabins and renew our vows, it just seems so BIG for an anniversary. would it be weird to plan for something like that? what would you do? what advice can you offer? anything is accepted, i’m just feeling extra sad today and am unsure of what to do.

I haven’t been to a wedding in many years but we have 3 of them this summer. Each of them will be a high society event. Think: black tie, sit down dinner at a Country Club/The Four Seasons/The Ritz. I just attended the first of the three and brought a wedding card with money in it. There was no box for envelopes or table for gifts. So I discreetly asked someone (who appeared to be ‘in charge’) where I could put my envelope and she discreetly told me that people usually don’t bring gifts/cards to the actually wedding but that she would take it from me and make sure that the bride/groom received it. (I checked later, and yes, they got the envelope). Did I do a major faux-pas for such a grand event? What should I have done? Does everyone just contribute online to the honeymoon fund these days?

Hello!
I am in need of some desperate advice on how to handle NOT having kids at our wedding.
Our intention was to have 21 and older guests at our wedding. Reason why we don’t want to have children there is due to the fact that we are not close with any kids in our families, the disruption they may cause, we don’t have any of our own, and we want everyone to be able and drink and have a good time without worrying about their kids.
The problem is that my parents are already paying for the wedding. Which is not a problem, obviously, rather it’s very very generous and I’m highly thankful. BUT, I have cousins on my side that range from 3-18. My parents are especially close to these said cousins and I just never have been. I would see them maybe 2-3 times a year. Now, I wouldn’t mind maybe the older kids joining. However, the issue is the picking and choosing. I don’t want to hear about how we invited a 16 year old on my side and not the 16 year old on my fiancés side. And let me just add that his side of the family is very large and there are several children of all ages that are chaotic and spoiled. We can’t pick and choose. That wouldn’t make sense to me. And I want to fight people about their kids.
And when I stand my ground to my parents, I’ve had it thrown in my face that they are paying for the wedding and that they should have more of a say. I need advice on how to go forth with this. Do I bite the bullet and lower the age restriction? How can I verbalize what we want without pissing off my parents? Should they have such a large say so?
Previously, they said they had no issue with not having kids there. But I don’t know if they thought the age number was lower or what. It’s just hard to say no or explain yourself to my parents when they are investing so much money and feel that they have a large say so… what do I do?

Has anyone here used a service or person to help them write their speech as a MOH/BM/any member of the wedding party?

Looking for someone help me write a kick ass MOH speech. I personally have never given one at a wedding before, but I have listened to plenty.

Please please please no AI suggestions. I am looking for a real human! And I’m willing to pay for their service! Thank you!

We are working on the headcount for the reception. Are we supposed to count the event staff (photographer, videographer, DJ) towards the food count? Or do people usually provide “staff meals” that are on-the-go.

My thought process is since they are working and will be on their feet, they shouldn’t even have the time to eat the actual food.

This is mostly a vent but any kind words or advice is welcome.

My extended family specifically have made getting married feel awful.

The latest is that my uncle has gotten into a fight with my mum and my grandma because his 2 adult sons aren’t invited. I was never really close with them when we were growing up, they never seemed interested in spending time with me, and as adults we do not see each other socially at all, even at family events. I saw one of them at my grandad’s 90th birthday, the other I have not seen in about 10 years. I have no idea why he thought they would be invited, but he has now accused me (and my mother) of “tearing the family apart”. I’m really upset that this has caused stress for my grandma and my mum when they’ve done nothing wrong. They both tried to persuade me to invite them but I stuck to my guns because I don’t like tip-toeing around people. I wish he would just be mad at me.

There have been other little things, one of my cousins has refused to go because I didn’t invite his mother (she has been really awful to me and my mum in the past, her 2 other kids get that and are coming).

Another cousin and her husband won’t eat any of the food on the menu and seem to think getting food at a wedding is like ordering food from a restaurant.

I’m just so sick of them all. I have been so relaxed with planning, I have made such a big effort to make our wedding a nice event for all our guests and all I’ve got at the moment is whiny entitled extended family members.

We're working on a preliminary seating plan that obviously won't be finalized before rsvps are collected. But curious how to seat people when there are overflows of family and friend groups that don't fit evenly at tables for 10. Some family tables would be 4 or 6 people while separate friend groups would be 2- 6 that don't necessarily fit with others as "seat fillers" but they may have something in common. How do you go about this without being awkward for guests? At the same time, we don't want extra tables where 2 people sit by themselves which is uncomfortable and unwelcoming.

We are also planning a large table to be able to sit with attendants and their partners we don't get to see often rather than on display at a sweetheart table.

Edit to add: there are a few friend groups of 2-6ish people mixed in that won't know anyone other than us but are important to invite. We don't know how to fit them in to other tables without putting them at their own table which spotlights them instead of mixing in.

Did anyone else feel like their wedding day was chaotic and rushed? The ceremony and first touch before the ceremony felt like the only perfect parts for me. I’ve been crying after realizing that I missed some important photos with some of my immediate family, and I got frustrated and sad so many times during our day. Our wedding planner really made some poor decisions and wasn’t on her game it seems. I feel so sad because everyone has told me their day felt perfect and mine didn’t. I’m so grateful for everything, but I feel like the perfect day I had was the next day when I got to relax with my husband. Is it okay to feel this way???