u/Sunflowers0917

I am a bridesmaid for my close friend’s wedding coming up this summer. She has a slew of events that have already happened in relation to the wedding or are scheduled to happen, including:

- an engagement party
- an out-of-country, 5-day bachelorette party
- a bridal shower
- a 4 hour rehearsal the day before the wedding followed by a lunch with the entire wedding party
- a welcome dinner the night before
- the ceremony/wedding
- a sendoff brunch the day after the wedding

I have a baby who is under a year old, so I’ve been realistic about the events I can attend (I did not join for the bachelorette party that was out of the country). But, the other events are being framed as an expectation, so I’m trying my best to be there.

I just got an invitation for her bridal shower, and it falls on my one year wedding anniversary. It’s also less than 2 weeks away, so I was not anticipating this event happening. My husband and I were planning on staying in town but spending the day together with our baby. Being in the bridal party, is my anniversary an appropriate excuse for missing the bridal shower, especially when I’ve already missed out on some other celebrations due to having a baby?

Just for context, when I agreed to being in the wedding party, it was specifically framed as low commitment so I agreed, but over time, more commitments have piled on unexpectedly.

One of my best friends is having her bachelorette party in Mexico this week, and I’m feeling a lot of guilt for not going. Ultimately I decided not to go because I have a 9 month old baby. The trip is 5 days, and I’ve never even been away from my baby for a night. Also, I’m still breastfeeding/pumping, and I struggled with figuring out the logistics of managing that over the span of the trip. She was understanding, but there are other women on the trip with toddlers who made it work. Am I wrong for thinking this was not realistic for me? I am still trying to make an effort to be present and contribute. I’ve sent money for drinks, and I am FaceTiming with my friend as well (I offered and she wanted to!)

My 9 month old currently has a wonderful daycare, but we recently were offered a spot at another daycare in town (we didn’t realize that we never took our name off the waitlist). We were not planning on leaving, but the other daycare has lower tuition ($1750, which is $350 less per month than what we currently pay) and offers lunches/snacks, which have felt like major benefits for us. But, I’m starting to regret our decision and am feeling very hesitant to switch. My daughter loves her teachers and has been so happy; she smiles every time we drop her off. Both centers are equidistant to our home and have the same teacher:student ratio. Is lower tuition and food provided enough motivation to switch, or are we better off staying where we are currently, knowing our daughter has been doing great there?

We currently have an amazing daycare for our 9 month old and didn’t plan on leaving, but we have been offered a position at another daycare that we toured a year ago before our daughter was even born (totally unexpected). There are some benefits to her new daycare, but I’m having a very difficult time leaving and am having reservations.

**Option 1 - current daycare**
5 mins away
Tuition: $2,085
Smaller, very homey feeling
The teachers are absolutely amazing. We love them so much
Our daughter smiles every time she sees her teachers at dropoff and has never struggled with the transition
The director is incredible as well and very communicative
Daily updates of schedule/photos on an app that we can check throughout the day at work
1:3 ratio currently (this can go up to 1:4)
Does not provide snacks/lunches (something to consider for the future)

**Option 2 - new daycare**
5 mins away
Tuition: $1,750
Larger, very exclusive daycare in town (we do not care about this aspect) and is very embedded and historical in the community
I’m sure the teachers are amazing, we just haven’t met them yet and that uncertainty is difficult
My daughter is a chill baby, but I’m concerned she will struggle with new teachers/environments (at least for some period of time)
The director is kind but she has not been great with communication
Daily updates are on a sheet that we get at pickup
1:4 ratio
Does provide snacks/lunches

We have decided to move to the new daycare specifically due to cost and the fact that the new center provides meals and snacks, but I’m having reservations with how much we love her current teachers and daycare director and am contemplating staying where we are.

We currently have an amazing daycare for our 9 month old and didn’t plan on leaving, but we have been offered a position at another daycare that we toured a year ago before our daughter was even born (totally unexpected). I’m having a very difficult time leaving and am having reservations. Which option would you choose?

Option 1 - current daycare
5 mins away
Tuition: $2,085
Smaller, very homey feeling
The teachers are absolutely amazing. We love them so much
Our daughter smiles every time she sees her teachers at dropoff and has never struggled with the transition
The director is incredible as well and very communicative
Daily updates of schedule/photos on an app that we can check throughout the day at work
1:3 ratio currently (this can go up to 1:4)
Does not provide snacks/lunches (something to consider for the future)

Option 2 - new daycare
5 mins away
Tuition: $1,750
Larger, very exclusive daycare in town (an insane amount of interest and huge waitlist) and is very embedded and historical in the community
I’m sure the teachers are amazing, we just haven’t met them yet and that uncertainty is difficult
My daughter is a chill baby, but I’m concerned she will struggle with new teachers/environments (at least for some period of time)
The director is kind but she has not been great with communication
Daily updates are on a sheet that we get at pickup
1:4 ratio
Does provide snacks/lunches

We have decided to move to the new daycare, but I’m having reservations with how much we love her current teachers and daycare Director and am contemplating staying where we are. I’d love some insight into what option you would choose!

My 9 month old has only been at her current daycare for 4 months, but we have been so happy with the care she’s received. She smiles every time we drop her off, she gas never struggled with the transition, and her teachers LOVE her and she (and we) love them.

We recently got an offer for an opening at another daycare in town that we toured before our daughter was even born. There are some benefits (community reputation, cheaper tuition, snacks/meals provided), but I’ve been having this terrible gut feeling we’ve made the wrong choice. We gave her notice to her current teachers today and I got so emotional, and when we got home I was even more emotional. They also expressed being upset she’s leaving because they all love her so much which made it even harder. We love the people who have been caring for her at her current daycare; they’ve truly become our village and we live in an area where we haven’t built one yet (only have been here a year and no family around). I’m genuinely starting to second guessing our choice to leave and keep reconsidering staying.

My daughter started daycare at 5 months and it was a difficult transition for me. We were so fortunate to find an opening at a daycare center close to our house, but the cost is quite steep. Yet, we have been able to make it work and have loved her teachers.

We recently heard from another daycare center (one we toured before our daughter was even born) that they have an opening for us. This center is also very close to us, and it is $400 less a month with meals and snacks provided (our daughter is 9 months now but this will be so helpful once she’s older as our current daycare doesn’t provide meals/snacks). We are equally happy with the quality of care at both daycares, but ultimately decided to switch her.

This decision has made me incredibly emotional. Although we have only been at our daughter’s current daycare for 4 months, we love her teachers and she does as well. She smiles every time we drop her off and has never struggled with the adjustment. The thought of taking her away from caretakers that she is comfortable with and loves is causing a wave of anxiety. What if she doesn’t adjust to her new daycare teachers easily? What if she is uncomfortable with a new environment and has increased separation anxiety? I’ve teared up every time I’ve thought about our daughter not seeing her wonderful teachers anymore (I’m an educator myself so this hits especially hard).

I know objectively that this switch is right for our family and budget, but the anticipation of the unknown, when the known has already been amazing, has been very uncomfortable for me.