u/PaleButterscotch9924

This is mostly a vent but any kind words or advice is welcome.

My extended family specifically have made getting married feel awful.

The latest is that my uncle has gotten into a fight with my mum and my grandma because his 2 adult sons aren’t invited. I was never really close with them when we were growing up, they never seemed interested in spending time with me, and as adults we do not see each other socially at all, even at family events. I saw one of them at my grandad’s 90th birthday, the other I have not seen in about 10 years. I have no idea why he thought they would be invited, but he has now accused me (and my mother) of “tearing the family apart”. I’m really upset that this has caused stress for my grandma and my mum when they’ve done nothing wrong. They both tried to persuade me to invite them but I stuck to my guns because I don’t like tip-toeing around people. I wish he would just be mad at me.

There have been other little things, one of my cousins has refused to go because I didn’t invite his mother (she has been really awful to me and my mum in the past, her 2 other kids get that and are coming).

Another cousin and her husband won’t eat any of the food on the menu and seem to think getting food at a wedding is like ordering food from a restaurant.

I’m just so sick of them all. I have been so relaxed with planning, I have made such a big effort to make our wedding a nice event for all our guests and all I’ve got at the moment is whiny entitled extended family members.

The above, basically.
I’ve not invited every single family member I have, because some of them I’m not close to and others have been unpleasant to me and I don’t like all of them.

Drama 1, I didn’t invite my aunt because she’s a nasty piece of work. When her youngest son found out he got really upset, kept asking why she isn’t invited (I told him why!) and said he couldn’t come to “any event she wasn’t welcome at”. He didn’t seem to have a problem coming to our engagement party and she wasn’t invited then either!!!
She has 2 other kids who are invited and coming and understand why their mum is not. She is really the worst.

Drama 2 was my cousin (different cousin) and her husband refusing to eat our food. They have made incessant fuss, they don’t want to eat anything with vegetables in it or any mushrooms.
We’re both vegetarian so having a vegetarian wedding, means their options are limited with those restrictions. They don’t seem to understand that getting food at a wedding isn’t like ordering from a restaurant because it’s made en mass. After much back and forth the conclusion has been they both want a kid’s meal. Ok, fine, since they have the palette of children they can have kid’s meals.

Drama 3, my uncle is invited but his kids aren’t invited because I have barely seen them in 10 years. One I haven’t seen at all in 10 years and he hasn’t even met my fiancé. They don’t show up to family events, and neither of them came to Christmas my parents hosted at their house in 2025. My uncle has used this as an excuse to send a series of manipulative messages to my mum and my grandma, talking about how upset he is his kids aren’t invited, how we think we are better than them and accusing them of playing mind games. My mum and my grandma are really upset, naturally. My grandma is 80 and dealing with health problems. As part of his shit fit, he has declared he is not coming (obviously, this is no great loss).

This is supposed to be a happy time in my life and I feel like my shitty, garbage extended family is creating so much drama and upset for everyone, or causing us extra stress with their stupid demands. Were it not for this bullshit, literally everything would be fine. We have had the most chill wedding planning experience, I’m not demanding my bridesmaids all wear hideous dresses, all of our friends and immediate family have been great and super supportive.