r/weddingdrama

My brother (32), Caleb and his girlfriend(30) Bea want to host his wedding the day before my wedding.

Let’s start at the top.
My husband (M34) and I(F27) eloped earlier this year. And we are hosting our reception/ celebration in December.

This Tuesday a close friend sends us a screenshot of Bea posting in a community group looking for a venue available the day before or after our date. Call me surprised as they never told us they are engaged.

Cue today, my mom calls me to ask if it is okay for them to host their wedding before us. I was very upset that she even asked that. I, very upset and firm, told her no. And continued by saying anyone who supports this crazy idea, will not be welcome at my wedding. (A bit harsh, but wait for background)
Later, my father called and asks me to be the bigger person. Because now it is my vault that they are stuck in the middle of this. And that I am the asshole for not supporting this.

Some background: my brother and I was close when we eloped, had a disagreement and now not on speaking terms. AND they haven’t even RSVP to our wedding!! My brother has a lot of resentment towards me from our childhood.

I mean, we are doing all the ground work to get the family here and now they just want to high-jack it?

Edit: not real names

My brother who is 30 didn’t invite our grandma who’s is very kind to his wedding today but invited my dad and his mom my ex step mom. At first he said they were getting married at city hall but today we learned it’s at a park and we don’t know if he invited others. I went to visit my grandma who’s cried a lot and watched a movie with her titled “Always” that she liked to try and help take her mind off it. I’m so angry at my brother. My dad tried on his suit and showed it to us we said he looked good. He lives with my grandma in her house. I needed someplace to express my hurt for my grandma. I’m not sure if I can do anything else for her.

My friend's sister, we'll call her Molly, invited my husband and I to her wedding. We all grew up together and used to hang out. My friend, Sam, has a small child like almost 1? She's still nursing.

Molly sends out invites, the wedding is on a Tuesday afternoon at a local park, cool. Sam and I plan to drive together with our spouses and the baby (so more of us can party hard on a Tuesday). A month before the wedding, Molly and her fiancé send everyone invited to the wedding a note saying they updated details on the wedding website and to check it out. I didn't immediately go read the website. But Sam tells me she thinks they added a paragraph about no kids under 8 being allowed at the wedding. I tell Sam not to worry about it because the baby is their neice and she's still nursing.

Sure enough two days later Molly texts Sam and asks if they saw that kids aren't allowed at the wedding and that they hope Sam and spouse will understand and leave the baby at home. At this point I go read the wedding website and see that yep it does say to please not bring kids under 8 and says something like "we don't want any screaming kids to interrupt the ceremony." Sam sends me the messages and says she doesn't know Molly's fiance's family very well, but is pretty sure her baby would be the only child under 8 who could possibly attend.

The day of the wedding Sam gets a babysitter and we all drive together as planned. Sam had gotten a text the day before asking if she and her husband could arrive at 2 p.m. for family pictures. So we all arrive early and start greeting Molly and Sam's family and the fiance's family. There are two kids there we don't know from the fiance's side of the family. One a young teenager and the other a younger kid. I glance at kid and glance at Sam who raises her eyebrows. I go over and tell him I like his bow tie and eventually ask how old he his. He says he is 8. We find out from chatting with family there are not other children in either family under the age of 8.

The bride and groom do not show up until 4 p.m. Sam has to pump in the car in the parking lot. But here's the kicker. When they do arrive, they walk us (and all of the guests who have arrived for the wedding) over to where the ceremony will be. The chairs and beautifully flowered wedding arch are set up directly in front of a public playground. At 4 p.m. On a Tuesday. Full of random people's screaming children.

CONTEXT!!

she has been great from the start but the more we started to get to know each other i realized that i have to pump the breaks with certain things if not she just gets too invested and controlling.

Recently we took a girls trip with all the women in my fiancés family and one of the girls on the trip was my fiancés 20 year old brothers GF who lives with the family.. (long story )

So the trip was great halfway ! Then the girlfriend caught an attitude with my future MIL and i had to quickly do damage control before the trip went to shit. I corrected her and gave her guidance and i thought that would be it. I WAS WRONG this girl ended up catching an attitude with me the following days and i don't play that shit. So i snapped back respectfully and checked her. My future MIL got involved and starting CONSOLING the GF and this girl was over here crying and truly deserved an award for her acting skills. I ended up confronting both of them and made it clear that i wont allow that behavior and both of them being not emotionally mature ended up ignoring me for the rest of the trip and it took us weeeeeeeks to get back to speaking terms.

They handled it very poorly and truly chose the worse time to have conflict because originally that trip was supposed to be the trip i would get proposed to. We are getting married within the year of our engagement and i feel like that incident really made a dent in the family dynamic. I really don't feel i hold on to grudges but i do have boundaries and i don't let anyone cross them.

Fast forward now to wedding planning 3 months after the incident. my future MIL and the GF want to be involved in t all the novelties of wedding planning and i do not want their company at all.. keep in mind the GF and i are no where near close or even on comfortable speaking terms. so to me its like why would i reward people who treated me poorly to partake in any festivities when they couldn't act right when it counted why would i risk another "incident"