u/affordable_archive

Edit:
These replies are way more split than I thought they’d be haha. I truly thought everyone would call me the asshole.

I was thinking how awkward and out of place I’d feel as a guest in such an intimate setting where I barely knew anyway. But I failed to realize that not everyone is like me. I’ll be reaching out to my friend personally to see what she wants to do as I’d really like to keep her as a friend. Thank you!!

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Original post:
Question about how rude I’m being. My fiancé and I are having a wedding in 2 months with a guest count of about 15 people. The guest list includes only immediately family, grandparents, and a few very close friends. Aunts, uncles, and cousins didn’t get an invite due to our budget and venue constraints as inviting extended families would likely increase our guest list to 50 people.

The 3 friends we are inviting are close to both of us (the bride and groom) as well as each other. We’ve been a tight knit friend group for over 10 years since high school and have known all of them since middle school. None of our three friends are married but one is in a long term relationship, we have met her boyfriend twice.

We didn’t give our friends a plus one because it seemed rude to allow people we barely know/don’t know at our wedding while turning around and not inviting our aunts, uncles, and cousins. Also, they all live in state so none of them would have to travel far without a partner. And since the 5 of us are all friends, I was thinking they’d still be comfortable at the event since they’d have their other friends there.

Is this logical or am I being rude to not give our friends plus ones? Invitations have gone out but it’s not too late to reconcile if need be imo

Hi, I just would like to rant for a minute as I’m very upset. For context, my fiancé and I originally wanted to elope or just have a courthouse wedding. We were convinced by friends and family to have a ceremony and reception as they wanted to celebrate us. So we conceded and have planned an extremely intimate gathering with only 15 guests invited. We made the very difficult decision to not invite aunts and uncles as this would increase the guest count from 15 to nearly 50 and goes against everything we originally wanted.

Our wedding is in 2 months, invitations are already sent and the venue and catering are already booked. We invited only immediate family, grandparents, and a few very close friends that have been with us throughout our entire 10 year relationship. No friends were given a plus one.

Now, my fiancés mom, dad, and brother are being extremely cruel about their siblings not being invited. They’ve threatened to never speak to us again. They’ve compared him to his uncle who doesn’t speak to their family anymore, which really upset my fiancé for obvious reasons.

I’d like to note that my fiancés aunts and uncles all live across the country, literally as far away as you can get. They would most likely not be able to attend the wedding. However, I’ve never met them. They’ve never made an effort to visit us or reach out to me in all our 10 years together. And while we love and care for them, they’re frankly not important enough in our love story to invite them to such an intimate gathering.

My parents, while still disappointed, have been extremely supportive of our decision on our guest list and have been very helpful in taking the brunt of the criticism on their sides of the family. My fiancé is a known entity in my extended family, they all love and support him and us as a couple. Many are disappointed to not get an invite but are understanding and still very happy for us.

My fiancés parents and brother are completely overreacting in my opinion. I totally understand being disappointed in the guest list, but the nastiness they’ve sent my fiancé is getting extremely upsetting.

They’re repeatedly saying that inviting their extended family “is the right thing to do” totally missing the fact that inviting their extended family and not mine (the bride’s) is extremely disrespectful to me and my family. They’ve also criticized me for inviting my half sister, implying that their extended family is more important than my close family.

And not to be petty but they’re the grooms family, so they are not paying for anything. My fiancé and I are paying for 90% of it and my parents have gifted us the extra 10%. Of course they are not offering to pay for any of the extra expenses that go along with inviting more people and adding to the guest list.

I’ve already dropped around $5k on this wedding but I’m so close to just canceling it over their behavior.

The only outcomes I see for the situation are the following:

#1 We send invites to my fiancés aunts and uncles that have no rsvp instructions. (Basically they would act more like an announcement). If any of them respond to say they’re coming, it will be my in laws responsibility to tell them they’re not actually invited. I understand this is completely disrespectful but this seems like the only thing that would appease the in laws.

#2 My fiancés immediate family doesn’t come to the wedding. This would be pretty upsetting for the both of us.

#3 My fiancés immediate family does come to the wedding but are rude and pouty throughout. This would definitely ruin the vibe of what’s supposed to be a happy occasion for us. Since the wedding is already so intimate with only 15 guests, their energy would be felt by us and our other guests.

#4 We cancel the wedding, tank the money already spent, and elope.

Anyways that’s just my rant. I feel like we’re approaching things very logically from a guest standpoint and already conceding past what we originally wanted to appease our close families. I’m open to being told I’m in the wrong, although nothing will make me believe that his family saying they’ll never speak to him again isn’t the most hurtful overreaction imaginable lol

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Edit: I’m looking back on our whole engagement and realizing that my fiancés mom (and possibly brother) are exhibiting narcissistic behaviors. She’s never, ever congratulated or expressed happiness for us. Even the few times she’s offered to help with wedding stuff, her reasoning for doing so is self centered (ie, “I’ll never have another son who will get married”, etc)

As for his brother, he said some mean things over text like comparing him to his aforementioned uncle. When my fiancé expressed that that hurt him, his bothers response was “frankly [fiancé] I don’t give a shit how you feel.”

His wedding is literally one of the only times in his life that he’s allowed to make things about himself and they’re making it about his mom and her feelings.

I’m so so sad for my fiancé.

Hi, I just would like to rant for a minute as I’m very upset. For context, my fiancé and I originally wanted to elope or just have a courthouse wedding. We were convinced by friends and family to have a ceremony and reception as they wanted to celebrate us. So we conceded and have planned an extremely intimate gathering with only 15 guests invited. We made the very difficult decision to not invite aunts and uncles as this would increase the guest count from 15 to nearly 50 and goes against everything we originally wanted.

Our wedding is in 2 months, invitations are already sent and the venue and catering are already booked. We invited only immediate family, grandparents, and a few very close friends that have been with us throughout our entire 10 year relationship. No friends were given a plus one.

Now, my fiancés mom, dad, and brother are being extremely cruel about their siblings not being invited. They’ve threatened to never speak to us again. They’ve compared him to his uncle who doesn’t speak to their family anymore, which really upset my fiancé for obvious reasons.

I’d like to note that my fiancés aunts and uncles all live across the country, literally as far away as you can get. They would most likely not be able to attend the wedding. However, I’ve never met them. They’ve never made an effort to visit us or reach out to me in all our 10 years together. And while we love and care for them, they’re frankly not important in our love stories.

My parents, while still disappointed, have been extremely supportive of our decision on our guest list and have been very helpful in taking the brunt of the criticism on their sides of the family. My fiancé is a known entity in my extended family, they all love and support him and us as a couple. Many are disappointed to not get an invite but are understanding and still very happy for us.

My fiancés parents and brother are completely overreacting in my opinion. I totally understand being disappointed in the guest list, but the nastiness they’ve sent my fiancé is getting extremely upsetting.

They’re repeatedly saying that inviting their extended family “is the right thing to do” totally missing the fact that inviting their extended family and not mine (the bride’s) is extremely disrespectful to me and my family. They’ve also criticized me for inviting my half sister, implying that their extended family is more important than my close family.

And not to be petty but they’re the grooms family, so they are not paying for anything. My fiancé and I are paying for 90% of it and my parents have gifted us the extra 10%. Of course they are not offering to pay for anything extra expenses that go along with inviting more people and adding to the guest list.

I’ve already dropped around $5k on this wedding but I’m so close to just canceling it over their behavior.

The only outcomes I see for the situation are the following:

1. We send invites to my fiancés aunts and uncles. If any of them respond yes, it will be my in laws responsibility to tell them they’re not actually invited. I understand uninviting someone to a wedding is completely disrespectful but this seems like the only thing that would appease them.

2. My fiancés immediate family doesn’t come to the wedding. This would be devastating for the both of us.

3. My fiancés immediate family does come to the wedding but are rude and pouty throughout. This would definitely ruin the vibe of what’s supposed to be a happy occasion for us since the wedding is already so intimate with only 15 guests.

4. Cancel the wedding, tank the money we’ve already spent on it, and elope like our original plan.

Anyways that’s just my rant. I feel like we’re approaching things very logically from a guest standpoint and already conceding past what we originally wanted to appease our close families. I’m open to being told I’m in the wrong, although nothing will make me believe that his family saying they’ll never speak to him again isn’t the most hurtful overreaction imaginable lol