I refuse to be there when my brother and sister-in-law get their wedding photos retaken and people are angry about it
I am not sure that I am wrong here and I feel like my (29M) brother and sister-in-law (31 M&F) are just being entitled. I'm getting heat from them and from some other people in my family but I'm not sure I care. Three years ago when they got married I was in my brother’s wedding party. For full disclosure it is possible that my frustration over how the wedding party was treated is colouring my feelings now.
We were asked to do a lot. Examples include designing, printing and cutting the wedding invitations and addressing all the envelopes ourselves, creating the bouquets for my sister-in-law and her bridesmaids using paper to make the flowers (instead of real flowers), doing all the setting up and decorating at the venue the night before, baking some of the desserts for their reception, driving my brother and sister-in-law everywhere when they had to meet with the different vendors, picking up things that they needed, creating their wedding website, making all their centerpieces by hand etc. etc. I could go on. But my point is that I (along with everyone else in the wedding parties) did a lot for them because they wanted to save money. I spent a lot of my own money, and took all kinds of vacation time and unpaid time off work to help them. I was fed up by the time the wedding rolled around because it felt like they asked way more of us than what is normal for a wedding party. I didn’t say anything in the interest of keeping the peace with my brother.
A year after the wedding my sister-in-law entered a treatment facility for her bulimia. It was a shock to me and most other people. I had no idea she had bulimia when she first went to the A&E to seek help before she got sent to the facility but she told everyone that all the stress from the wedding planning made what was already a problem worse. The reason I’m bringing this up is because my sister-in-law says she doesn’t like how she looks in her wedding photos. She talks about her appearance and says she has bulimia face in them. Personally I don’t see any difference in how she looked at her wedding vs. now but I would never say that because she’s obviously self-conscious about it. Her and my brother want to get their wedding photos retaken. But not just the two of them. They want parents, siblings and wedding parties to participate too. I said no and my brother is angry at me for it.
I refused for a few reasons. The venue is booked for weddings on weekends so we could only retake the photos on a weekday. I just started a new job and I don’t have any paid time off or sick days yet. I would have to take an unpaid day off work, drive three hours away to get to the venue, pay to rent a tuxedo for the second time on top of being asked to help pay for a photographer (after I already helped pay for the photographer when they got married).
I think asking everyone to take a day off work, drive three hours one way, pay for their tuxedos, or hair and makeup again and then also ask them to help pay for the photographer (again) is really entitled, especially after all the work and time we put into the wedding the first time. A lot of my family agree with me about how entitled my brother and sister-in-law are being but a lot of others say I’m being a terrible brother because this is important to my sister-in-law and I should be more understanding.