u/Ill_Reaction_7945

I (15f) have been bullied since I started 5th grade (when I was around 10 years old, I'm starting 10th as of now), I don't know why I was bullied in the first place, because I am not unattractive, and I think I hide my autism really well, but every single time I get bullied no matter what I do. I tried switching schools, beating them, talking to a teacher, but yet again I always get bullied. I am sick and tired, because other people my age describe school years as something nostalgic but I don't have any good memory of school as I am always bullied for literally everything.

My mom says they are jealous that I get good grades and because I'm smart, but then, most of them get similar to an F in american grades and don't care. And other people say it's because of social media and how kids are becoming more ruthless. Some people also say it's because I dress minimally alternative, so there's the reason why I am asking if it's my fault, because is it my fault for wanting to dress the way I want? Is it my fault for reading books? (they also make fun of that) Should I stop being happy to be free in school? because I'm starting to think that if I was boring and normal, I'd be able to go to school.

Title says it all, I've recently acquired a hearing aid after suffering from hearing loss in my left ear my entire life (I had a benign tumor which somewhat damaged my ear bones), the only thing that sucks is that I can't hear when there's too much background noise, but other than that it works really well and I've grown a liking to it.

I love feeling robotic and I kind of feel like a character in cyberpunk 2077! Also I am a lover of every type of technology and therefore I love having any type of technology help me in any way. I don't mind showing my aid either, but since my hair is dark and so is my aid, nobody really notices it, which does make me feel a little sad sometimes

I have seen other posts here of people reviewing aids and using "discrete" as a benefit of the product, which feels foreign for me, as I already said, I like using my aid. I also feel foreign for liking my disabilities instead of hating them (even though they make me feel lower sometimes), so am I the only one?