u/PatientConfusion6341

I just ended a short-lived situationship with one and the entire thing felt like emotional whiplash.

On one hand, he spoiled me BAD… fancy dinners, concerts, random adventures, flowers, teaching me chess + rock climbing, and we could genuinely nerd out together for hours. The chemistry was insane too and you could tell I was definitely his first unique baddie.

But over time I noticed he’d randomly go off on me over the smallest things, and anytime I tried explaining my perspective he’d get super defensive. The final straw was him blowing up at me at the beach this weekend over something tiny, then later calling me “avoidant” because I said I didn’t want to feel like I had to shrink parts of myself around him.

We ended things yesterday and the entire ride home he kept making sly little remarks at me after I’d genuinely been considerate of his feelings the whole time. I blocked him after that because it just felt exhausting.

Like… are Aries men always this intense with Aquarius women or did I just experience a uniquely chaotic one 😭

At least I got my fave Capricorn back lol… What is it with Aries?

Based off the Sag subreddit which was randomly recommended to me for some reason and the post someone made, i’m curious to hear everyone’s experiences with Sag’s and all.

No hate to them, but it’s funny to generalize an entire group of people based off a few bad experiences. I can definitely say i’ve experienced bad and good Sags, both men and women. Although my best friends are a Sag + Virgo woman who I always try to uplift to the heavens because I love to support those around me.

It’s hard for me to say any bad experiences with Sag women since we’ve always gotten along really well but I will say the men are a whole different type of breed who I get along with great initially but overtime it becomes more obvious that they just can not meet me at the emotional/mental depth that I need and then they end up becoming really mean and passive aggressive.

Great for conversations and good/fun times but I think most of the men prefer a woman/partner who’s a bit below them in order to feel superior (i’ve witnessed this on multiple occasions with Sag coworkers, friends, situationships, etc)… they tend to get intimidated when their partner isn’t a damsel in distress who has their ish together and they tend to like to feel needed.

Therapy has helped me step out of a pattern where I used to idealize people projecting potential, overlooking incompatibilities, and filling in gaps with what I hoped someone was rather than what they actually showed me.

What I didn’t expect is that, in doing that, I’ve also started noticing something on the other side: people often seem to idealize me early on.

I’ve started realizing that some of my past exes and situationships likely did this too projecting a version of me that wasn’t fully real. I used to think the resulting confusion or imbalance was a “me issue,” like I was the one over-attaching or misreading things, when in reality it may have been a mutual dynamic of projection and even codependency on both sides.

Now I notice it more clearly in current interactions. Because of how I’m initially perceived often through attraction or first impression I think people can move into idealization quickly, which then turns into subtle jealousy, early emotional intensity, or reactions to things I never actually framed as significant. And instead of feeling flattering, it usually makes me pull back because it feels like I’m being interacted with as an idea rather than a real person.

So I’m trying to understand:
How do you stay open without slipping back into either idealizing others, being idealized yourself, or falling into codependent dynamics? And how do you tell the difference between genuine early interest and projection?

I just really need to vent my frustrations because it’s tiring. I’m a 24 y/o woman.

Yanno, I’ve struggled with making friends forever and I do have two good friends at the moment but we don’t see each other as much due to life which is fine since i’m going through my own changes. So I took the advice of joining hobby groups and the whole nine yards and I haven’t had the best success/luck and it makes me wonder if i’m not trying hard enough?

I’m also doing a short, accelerated program while working full time and so I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to make friends and stuff. I befriended a girl who has a lot in common with me, we literally were yapping for like an hour while doing clinicals with each other and even mentioned how close we life together so we exchange numbers, I message her and of course she doesn’t respond/ghosted me… great, kinda saw it coming.

Same thing with other hobby groups i’m apart of or interests… I rollerskate, do random improv workshops, go to a planetarium here and there, do meetup groups, volunteering, school, work, etc and still… NOTHING! I reach out, try to plan a hangout, and then I get ghosted or the day of i’m told something came up.

I honestly am starting to give up. I understand why people are so much more focused on finding romance with someone and give all their energy into that because everyone is so flakey nowadays.

I’ve been trying to find/build my own community and you see and hear all the posts online abt people saying that in order to build community you have to basically give back the same energy which I try to do but it’s like nobody wants to make the effort to be friends.

I’m okay with my two good friends but considering that we don’t talk as much it would be nice to have other groups/circles of friends.