u/Upstairs_Anxiety_99

I am 27 yrs old Male, got a mid-level data reporting job at a corporate company a year ago. They told me during the interview process that the job was super stressful and fast-paced, the previous employee left because he couldn't handle working 60 hrs per week doing manual labor on excel. When I came on board, I saw what they meant by that statement, everything revolved around manual processes, there were a lot of data entry, copy-pasting, and manual sql queries running on excel files, it was tedious but manageable. I know how to code, python specifically. So on my first weekend, I made a few algorithms that could access the database, do the necessary calculations, compile reports, and even format them into the appropriate pdf required by the managers. What used to take 50-60 hrs of hard work now takes my scripts about 8 minutes to run. Instead of going to my manager and telling him that I've automated the process, I made some scripts that would randomly send emails to managers regarding the status of the reports, this way, it would look as if I am always working on something. I do go to the mandatory weekly staff meetings and sometimes send a "status update" email regarding how hard it is to do the manual work, then I go back to my games, language learning apps, and afternoon walks. I've gotten two increments in my salary in the past year, the manager even told me in my last annual appraisal that he was a "lifesaver" and that the department would not have survived without my "hard work and dedication." The problem is, they are reorganizing the company structure, and my boss told me that I would be perfect for a "senior analyst" role in the new structure, the said role requires managing a team of lower analysts since the data volume is expected to increase. If I take up the offer, they would be giving me a bigger responsibility, and in return, I would have to work "harder. If I say no, then it would look super suspicious I don't feel bad about scamming corporate for the cash, but I am in a fix and don't know what to do please help.

This happened literally an hour ago and I'm currently sitting in my room in pure embarrassment Two years ago I moved in with a guy I barely knew. On the first day we were making a grocery list together and he asked me something as he opened the cabinets. I swear he asked me, "Are you cool with celery?" I hated celery when I was little for no reason at all, and I immediately replied with, "Oh no! I'm actually super allergic to it, even a little bit of it makes my throat itch!" He stopped and looked at me and said, "Wait, cilantro?" My brain short-circuited and I realized I misheard him completely. Instead of saying something like, "Oh my bad, I thought you said celery, no I'm super allergic to cilantro," I panicked and my social anxiety kicked in. I thought, "Oh no no no, he asked me about celery! Wait, but I thought he asked me about celery!" I thought I could just brush it off and change the subject but instead I panicked even more and said, "Yeah, cilantro! That's what I meant!" I thought, "Oh well, we're only living together for six months, it'll be fine." But then we renewed the lease. For two years this guy has been double checking every food label, buying special salsa, and adjusting how he cooks in our apartment so that he doesn't "kill" me. Meanwhile, I've been secretly eating street tacos in my car like a criminal and throwing away the bags in the outside dumpster in the parking lot and wiping my face clean before coming back inside. Today I thought I was home alone. I ordered some tacos and I was sitting in the kitchen, over the sink, and I was about to take a big bite out of a huge handful of raw cilantro I had my headphones on so I didn't realize he was already home when he walked in. I turned around and he was just standing there, staring silently at the big handful of cilantro in my hand. I couldn't think of a good enough lie to cover for the fact that I was eating tacos that I ordered for myself, in our kitchen, over the sink, with a big handful of cilantro in my hand, so I just sat down on the kitchen floor in front of him and told him the whole story. I told him about how I misheard him on the first day, how I panicked, and how I thought it was too late to tell him the truth after three months of living together. He just stared at me for about five seconds and I thought he was going to kick me out. Instead he started laughing at me and now he's making guacamole with a whole bunch of cilantro in the kitchen while roasting me on our group chat. I don't think I'll ever live this down.

TL;DR: Misheard my roommate on move-in day, accidentally lied about being severely allergic to cilantro, and got caught two years later eating a giant handful of it over the kitchen sink.