r/tifu

This girl sent me a follow request from a private account with like 400 followers and just regular posts. She was cute so i replied to her story about some coffee she was drinking and she replied back and we just started talking.

She was actually fun to talk to man,we were texting regularly. Three weeks of this and I was smiling at my phone like an idiot for THREE WEEKS

so i asked her to get coffee and this mf sent me a selfie of himself (a grown ah man btw) that "buoy relax m a dude 😭"

I literally sat there staring at my phone for a minute straight.

Apparently the whole account was his "experiment" ,why would someone do that i mean .Every photo was ai generated or face swapped, the videos were ai generated too . I dont know how he managed to send voice notes tho,if he didnt send me any vn i surely would have smelled something is wrong.

The worst part is i went back through all the posts knowing the truth and i can barely tell,maybe 2-3 photos where the lighting looks slightly off but yes you wont be able to tell if its fake.

I always thought people who fell for ai generated profiles were dumb, like how can you not tell man

And now i m the dumb one

i haven't told my friends, if by anychance i tell the boys about this they will bully me till my deathbed.

anyway the internet is fully cooked and i don't trust anything anymore

TL;DR:fell for an ai girl,which turned out to be a dude,AND I AM DUMB AF

Last night my boyfriend and I made a lovely meal of lemon caper fish, potatoes and asparagus. It was a delicious meal and my first time trying this variety of fish. I enjoyed it! Everything was wonderful and we had a great night.

Today I went about my day as normal, had my morning coffee and poop and went on my way to work. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Everything was okay up until I hopped in the shower around 10pm a little bit before my boyfriend and started to shower. We usually shower together so he was in the bathroom pretty close by.

Anyways, as I’m in the shower I go to wash my butt crack and I get in there ya know, like you should! While I’m washing my butthole I felt something stringy that felt like maybe some ass hairs stuck together or something. I dig a little bit deeper and decide to pull on the wad of hair because I thought it was a piece of toilet paper or something. NOPE I was wrong. Once I pulled on it, it felt like something moving around in my butthole. Similar to the sensation of taking a poop. I bring my hand back out and give it a sniff— poop smell. Oh no.

I freak out, step out of the shower and wrap myself in a towel and hop on the toilet. Embarrassed, I tell my boyfriend something really weird and scary is going on and I don’t think I want to tell him about it.

He understandably agrees to not ask about it and hops in the shower while I’m sitting on the toilet panicking that I have intestinal worms or something worse. I sprayed potpourri of course before sitting on the toilet so he knew it was poop related, but I didn’t want to say anything else.

I sit on the toilet for a little while trying to poop whatever it is out, and start to panic because there’s no movement or urge to poop. In a moment of fear I do what I know I don’t want to do, but I have to do. I reach down and touch around near my butthole.

I found a string like thing hanging out of my butthole and start to pull on it, it was the weirdest feeling thing ever. Do not recommend. Anyways, I pull on the stringy thing and it’s pretty long but it finally comes out. At this point I am fully convinced I have intestinal worms and I am freaking out.

I get up and look in the toilet and it looks like a piece of plastic wadded up or something not natural just came out of my body. It was freaky.

I wash my hands for a while and decide to hop back in the shower with my boyfriend. While in the shower I start to tell him that I’m worried that I have “something going on with my intestines” and he’s like “…..okay that doesn’t sound good” and scared out of my mind I continue to say that I might have intestinal worms or something from the fish we ate last night but he mentions that he didn’t have any weird gut issues today so it’s got to be something else. We both shower for a little bit and he hops out.

Then I am finally left alone to think about what just happened and I finally piece it all together. It was the fucking stringy ass asparagus we ate the night before that I didn’t digest properly STUCK IN MY BUTTHOLE. I can’t believe it. I had no idea vegetables could do me dirty like that.

I start to laugh a little bit and googled the scenario when I got out of the shower and I guess Reddit user u/sir_kunkalot had the exact same thing happen to them but they had to pull out multiple pieces of asparagus. Luckily I only had one, for now LOL. I never was that into the taste of asparagus but now I definitely don’t fuck with that vegetable.

Right now my boyfriend is in bed with me and I still haven’t told him and probably won’t tell him so I came to Reddit to tell you guys because this was a truly wild fucking rollercoaster. Thank god I don’t have intestinal worms coming out of my ass.

TL;DR I had to pull undigested asparagus out of my ass and I can’t tell my boyfriend about it because I’m too embarrassed.

So I had an interview this morning for a pretty serious office job, and last night I was trying to look more “professional” because my usual style is basically exhausted raccoon. I made a folder on my laptop with outfit ideas, hairstyles, screenshots of people who looked confident, all that stuff.

The problem is I also use my laptop for absolutely everything else.

This morning, right before the interview, the recruiter emailed me asking if I could send over “the file we discussed.” She meant my portfolio PDF.

I was nervous, half awake, and trying to reply quickly so I attached the folder from my desktop without checking it properly and sent it.

About five minutes later I opened the sent email to double check and realized I had not sent my portfolio.

I sent them a ZIP folder titled:
“HOW TO LOOK EMPLOYABLE”

Inside was:

• mirror selfies
• screenshots of attractive businessmen
• a folder literally named “fake confidence”
• a note to myself saying “sit up straight and stop looking scared”

I wanted to evaporate instantly.

The recruiter replied twenty minutes later with:
“Thanks for sending this over — and for the laugh. Looking forward to speaking with you.”

I got the job interview, but now they know everything.

TL;DR: Accidentally sent a recruiter my deeply embarrassing “how to become a functioning professional adult” folder instead of my actual portfolio.

so this happened about 8 months ago and i'm still not fully over it.

i had spent literally 4 years building my linkedin. 3,400 connections. people i went to college with, old coworkers, clients, prospects. it was basically my entire professional identity. i'm in B2B sales so linkedin is like 80% of my pipeline.

i kept seeing these youtube videos. "scale your outreach bro." "10x your linkedin in 30 days." everyone recommending this chrome extension that would automate connection requests and follow ups. the comments were full of people saying how great it was.

i installed it. it worked great for about 3 weeks. reply rates up, more conversations, i felt like a genius.

then one morning i tried to log in and got the "your account has been restricted" screen.

i appealed it. spent 3 days writing linkedin support messages explaining i was a real human person who really existed. they basically told me to go away. permanently restricted. no export of connections first. just gone.

the part that made it worse: i had a sales call that afternoon with someone i'd only connected with on linkedin. had to cold email them through their company website explaining why i disappeared. that was a fun conversation.

made a new account. figured the problem was just THAT extension so i found a different one. same thing happened 2 months later. second account restricted. i have genuinely questioned my own intelligence.

a guy in a sales slack group eventually told me about a cloud-based tool called kakiyo that doesn't use browser extensions at all so linkedin can't detect it the same way. been using it for 5 months. haven't had a single warning.

but those 2 accounts and probably 18 months of network building? gone forever because i could not stop clicking on youtube thumbnails with red arrows on them.

TL;DR: watched youtube tutorials, installed a chrome extension everyone recommended, got my linkedin with 3400 connections permanently banned, built a new account, immediately got THAT one banned too, finally learned my lesson on the third account

My story is basically that I was caught while I was masturbating under the bed sheet 🫠. As I defined the scene, I was watching some p*** in my room and I thought that I had locked my room door but I didn't. Now I was a stupid guy, doing this the whole night and when the morning came, my mother came to my room for the laundry and saw the bed sheet moving only on one side, she grabbed it and pulled away and to her surprise, her son was doing the deed. At that time she didn't say much except to get prepared for school. I was terrified, I didn't know how to react and was in fear that my mother would tell my father. But to my surprise, my mother didn't tell him. After some days my mother told him you are a grown-up man now so behave like one, i just nodded.

Now a month later my father told me I know what you did, your mother told me and I was perplexed i said, " Sorry, " but my father said it was natural that everyone had their needs but you were doing it under the sheets and you don't even clean those sheets just think about your mother okay!!!

TLDR: I got the lesson of life 🤣

Edit: I don't know why you guys think that I am a bot, but yeah I am new to Reddit so I don't properly know what a bot really means here, please if anyone can enlighten me so that I can fix it for the future, thank you 🙂

My girlfriend and I have the exact same kind of "shitpost" sense of humor. We are constantly sending each other dumb memes over text, quoting them in real life and replying to even mundane messages with them. From the outside it definitely is cringy and it probably doesn't sound like we take the relationship seriously but we've been doing great for four years now, living together for one and I'm planning to propose to her on our fifth anniversary.

But fast forward to last evening and I think acting like normal may have seriously offended her. I've been out of town for almost a week helping my brother move across the country and also celebrating our parents anniversary in his new city while we're at it. GF and I have obviously been texting back and forth when I have time and the conversations are as casual as they always are.

The conversation even got a little bit spicy as we've been apart for a week and we're getting a little lonely, needless to say I'm excited to eventually get back home. Even more so when she surprised me late in the evening with about a dozen images of a "gift" she got for me, a very nice set of lingerie. It wasn't a quick mirror selfie either she had full makeup on, her hair done up and even mood appropriate lighting. I was hella excited but out of habit I grabbed a GIF from my reaction folder and sent it without thinking.

Few minutes later and she replies with: "Can you take something fucking seriously for once?"

24 hours later and she won't respond to my attempts at apology and even ignored two calls.

I feel like an asshole and I'm worried I damaged our relationship or made her feel like I'm not seriously invested in us. I want to do something really romantic for her when I get back but I'm scared that it's already too late.

TLDR: My girlfriend and I joke constantly so I responded to her high effort sexy photos with a meme GIF and now she's completely ignoring me and I'm scared that I damaged our relationship.

Okay so I'm an idiot. Two years ago I had this little twinge in my back molar. You know the kind. Comes and goes. I was like nah it's fine probably just sensitive.

Fast forward to last week. The tooth literally cracked while I was eating popcorn. Not even hard popcorn. A soft one. Went to a dentist finally and yeah. The infection had been eating the bone under that tooth for two years. Nothing left to save. Need an implant + bone graft + crown. Total quote? $15k. My insurance covers like $1500 of that. Cool cool cool.

The worst part? If I went two years ago it would've been a $300 filling. Maybe a root canal and crown for $2000. But no. I had to be brave and tough and avoidant.

Anyway now I'm looking at flying to Mexico or checking out to see some networks if they can do it cheaper. Someone told me they can work with lower cost options. At this point I'll try anything.

Don't be me. Go to the dentist when it hurts.

TL;DR: Ignored a mild toothache for two years until my tooth cracked, and now I need a $15k implant instead of a $300 filling because I’m an avoidant idiot.

A few months ago I woke up to my right Index finger being frozen in it’s position, I had to physically move it with my other hand to release it I’ve never experienced anything like it(I’m 40yrs old), it felt like my knuckle was a warped hinge that was would have to work it past to open the finger all the way and it would also completely freeze up if I closed my finger completely it would just stay that way, well for weeks it would stiffen up especially after waking up, shortly after I was celebrating at my brothers wedding and overheard one of his buddies literally mentioning the same symptom in his finger before he had surgery, in my case for me anyways I narrowed it down to when I started sleeping on my stomach with my right arm underneath me, in such a way I was practically dislocating my shoulder out of its socket and causing it to go to sleep(I swear it helped me sleep better) but it was cutting off the circulation causing my whole arm to “go to sleep” which I think led to my finger issue, its what I figure, I’ve started sleeping differently and after a few weeks my finger is back to normal.

TL;DR: after sleeping for a year in a position that starved my limb of blood it nearly led to permanent nerve damage.

A week or so ago, I, curiously, offered my cat french bread from wally world. I do this often to give a chace to smell stuff as I love food, and i chose to think he might too.

Shocking. He took it!...then another....and another...

"Ok enought bread!"

But...then he stopped being near me.

Ive been so upset. Worried for a week ish now he just lays in the livivng room not even in the ac. I had no idea why.... until just now. The bread molded so i threw it out and went and sat and saw him...eating the carpet? So i got up to stop him and...Its dried bread he hadent eaten-

Hes been laying in the living room...where the bread loafs were....because he wanted bread.

So next month he will get his bread. Hes not sick I dont think.... he just wants fucking french bread!

Tldr: this mf cat wasent sick he just wants freaking french bread!!!

Let me preface this by saying this was infact a year ago not today.

My brother had a destination wedding and he and my SIL got married on May the 4th for a starwars themed wedding. Adorable I love them and they are perfect together.

We were fortunate enough that my parents rented a air bnb for the week that my parents, me, my husband, daughter, other brother, other SIL and nephews were able to share so we only had to worry about plane tickets. First night in we dropped out kid off to get some sleep as it was so far past her bedtime and we went out to party with the soon to be Wed couple.

The wedding ended up being during the middle of a music fest so the streets were insane. At one point there was a woman smoking a cigarette talking on the phone, paused to vomit on the sidewalk right in front of us and then continued to smoke and resume her conversation like nothing happened.

Needless to say I had a head ache the next morning. No one came prepared with pain killers so I sought-after my pops who is identical to Jerry Garcia to ask for some THC free CBD to help with the pounding in my head. He told me to help myself and I raised the bag I assumed to be the self medication and without looking up from his book he said "yeah that's it!"

I should preface this by saying I can't handle weed. I become a full on anxious head case.

30 minutes later the whole family is going to lunch and I start feeling weird. Suddenly I need to change into a full sweatsuit in 90 degree weather and my skin feels suffocating but we go to walk to lunch anyway.

At this point I have realized something is up. Im trying my best to listen to my SIL and respond like a normal person while keeping a low profile and trying not to freak out when I run into a telephone pole because I was constrating too hard on eye contact and not hard enough on where I was going. Mortifying. My brother and husband are ruthless and I still hear about it a year later.

The restaurant was not better. I started full on panicking and I had a hard time reading the menu and I was trying to rehearse my drink order. I whisper to my husband "I think I'm high" and he laughs. Profoundly unhelpful.

Finally we leave. I ask my dad "i thought you said the cbd candy didn't have and THC I feel high"

He says "the CBD has no... wait you ate the candy?"

These candies were .5mg weed candies so the rest of the walk back is full of.

"You overdosed on a microdose" thanks dad

My brother touching me with a feather plant and saying he saw a spider

And cackling from a 10 person group for a mile walk back to the air bnb.

Anyway I finally rallied because my brother doesn't live in my state and we planned on drinking. So I made myself sick on buttery nipples at a dive bar and we went full circle.

TL;DR: gave myself a hangover, took cbd to help the headache, it was weed, Jerry Garcia laughed at me, gave myself a hangover

Pictures in the comments. Best caption wins.

I’ll keep this brief because the memory is still kinda painful but yeah, I’m 29M and was visiting my hometown. My old high school is getting demolished so some friends and I thought it would be fun to get drunk and break back in for old times sake. Yeahhhhhh well when we got there we were fairly drunk, and the places was absolutely locked up like a prison.

I saw these metallic squares in the window and my drunk brain thought I would have absolutely no problem fitting. I managed to get my shoulders through but my birthing hips got stuck, couldn’t get my ribs back out. I was so stuck. Nothing could get me out, so after an hour my friends called the fire department, who arrived with the police. All in all I end up with a fine and a bill for the window. And new nicknames from my friends for the rest of my life. Truly embarrassing. Has anyone else ever gotten stuck???
TLDR I got wedged in a window and got cut out

Context: I was out in my city, and I was taking a walk around with my roommate.

While passing through the main square of the city, we both witnessed a movie-like chase where three police officers managed to corner a guy who was probably dealing nearby.

I had never seen anything like that involving law enforcement before, so I decided to tell my girlfriend about it live by sending her a WhatsApp voice message.

So I raised my phone to record the voice message, but then something happened.

On the other side of the street, exactly where they had cornered the guy, a young policeman noticed I had my phone in my hand and shouted at me: “HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

I froze, confused. I didn’t process it. I just stood there, looking at him, thinking he couldn’t possibly be talking to me. After three seconds, I saw him running toward me, still shouting: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

I got seriously scared, so I stretched my arms out toward him, without touching him, and went: “Whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down!”

From that moment on, the conversation went more or less like this. The police officer starts, I’m the second person. The dialogue alternates.

“What are you doing? Did you make a video?”

“I didn’t make any video. I was sending a voice message to my girlfriend.”

“Go to your gallery immediately and delete the video. In front of me.”

At that moment, I got embarrassed. “Why?” you may ask. Well, I remembered perfectly well that the last photo I had taken was a photo of my di*k that I had sent to my girlfriend.

I wasn’t afraid. I don’t mince words. If there’s something embarrassing to say, I say it. The damage was already done.

“Look, I’m not joking, but the last photo is a photo of my d**k.”

“I don’t care! Delete that video immediately!”

He didn’t hesitate. For him, in that gallery, there was THAT video. Except THAT video didn’t exist. A non-video.

So I humored him. I opened the Gallery. I showed him the latest media. I opened it. He saw it. He stood there for about two or three seconds, maybe to process what he was seeing. Then he closed his eyes and looked away from the phone.

“Get out of here!”

So we left.

I was crying with laughter. My roommate was too.

All in all, it was a pretty great evening.

TL;DR: A cop thought I was filming an arrest and demanded to see/delete the video. I told him the last thing in my gallery was a dick pic, he didn’t believe me, so I opened it in front of him. He saw it, processed it for two seconds, then told me to leave.

My mom and I have been talking about going to Amsterdam since I was 19 (early 2000s for context)- basically when I fell in love with weed amd she found out I was smoking it.

We were supposed to leave last saturday and I didn't look for my passport until then. Tore my place apart for four hours...... My girlfriend was sooo not impressed with me, understandably. My mom was crying.

I'm pretty sure my mom and I quit smoking for good this time because a few months ago we would have both been like "fuck this, I need a smoke".

Trip was cancelled. I fucked up, but were doing a redo in August.

Had a lot of laugh/cry moments and my mom ended up meeting most of my friend crew after an impromptu one night camping trip was planned post travel disaster.

Many lessons to learn - be more responsible (for fuck sakes), it wasn't meant to be, it'll make the trip in August much more special.

At the end my mom wasn't surprised I fucked up lol..... we had some good laughs..

TL;DR: Thank god for loving moms when their sons lose their passport the day of travelling for a once in a lifetime trip.

it was 72 and sunny this morning, I'm 42, I made the decision to wear my white linen pants like a man who has it all figured out. somebody in the office said I looked like I was on vacation. somebody from accounting actually whistled. I walked to the park at lunch, sat on a bench for 25 minutes eating a salad and watching a dog try to fight a leaf. my boss called. I stood up, paced around being professional, walked back to the office, and caught my reflection in the lobby window. reader. there is a large dark brown stain across the entire back of my pants. I do not know what it is. it is not the shape of chocolate. it is not the shape of mud. it is not the shape of any specific thing, which is somehow worse, because now my brain has to consider every option, including the ones I have spent my entire adult life not considering. I went to the bathroom, tried to look at it with my back to the mirror, which made me look like I was being arrested. I tried to scrub it. it got bigger. now I look like I attempted a cover up of whatever this is. I cannot smell anything but that's not how smelling yourself works, that's everyone else's job, and they have been on the clock for an hour. I have a Q2 review with three VPs in 22 minutes. the woman in the cubicle next to me just asked if I'm okay and I said "yeah, just tired" while possibly wearing feces. tomorrow these people will still work here. they all saw me leave for lunch white. they will all see me come back tomorrow.

TL;DR: wore white pants today, sat on something at lunch, just discovered a mystery brown stain across my entire ass, have a meeting in 22 minutes, tried to clean it and made it look like a cover up, the entire office has been quietly observing, please advise.

Obligatory this happened last week

So my coworker Jan and I have kind of a silly, joking relationship at work. We talk casually and talk like we are friends and not just colleagues (talking about personal lives, swearing, talking smack about the boss, etc). She is moving out of state and and her last day was supposed to be Wednesday, but she did not show up Monday or Tuesday. Also, Jan is a very emotional person, and has been crying at work about moving away and missing everyone.

Anyways on Wednesday I see her come in and I'm like bro! there you are! Aww you're leaving us! and she looks very sad as expected. I said I was worried she wasn't coming back at all but wouldn't blame her haha. I asked if everything was ok and she looked at me tearfully and said her mother had had a heart attack (but was well and back at home) and that's why she was out of work. I said "She had a heart attack? Oh my god, when?" THEN she says "She had a heart attack on Mother's Day." ....... I immediately broke into a smile but tried to suppress it. The irony of a mother having a heart attack on the one day dedicated to mother's somehow turned out to be funny in my mind.

I slapped my hand over my mouth and quickly said "I am so sorry I don't mean to laugh. It's not funny and I'm glad she's back at home. It's just so ironic." I look over at Jan and to my surprise she is cry laughing. She's like "That's so messed up" but laughing about it between breaths. We ended up laughing for a while about it and yes then really talked about her mom's health.

TL;DR - laughed at my coworker's mother having a heart attack on mother's day

Not really a bad TIFU, but today I gave my 14 week old husky puppies (6 of them) ice cubes in their water dish for the first time, since it is going to be super hot today and I wanted the water to stay cold for longer. They were scared of the giant chunk of ice cubes at first, but now they realized ice cubes are amazing and quite the fun toy to chomp on and throw around. Now my entire kitchen floor is wet, as well as part of my dining room floor and living room floor and I have wet puppies. Also the water did not last long in there once they realized the joy of the ice cubes. I just know I am bound to bust my butt in there now, mopping will be a frivolous effort until the ice is gone. But being honest, once it’s gone there is a high likeliness I’ll give them more and it’ll start all over again.

TL;DR puppies plus ice cubes is an adorable mess, and I hope this post brought laughs to someone who needed it today.

For context I [26M] created a Pornhub account almost 9 years ago, using a throwaway email and name. As a senior highschooler, I was 17 going on 18 and was a few months before being "legal" so I put my Birthday for 10 years prior, over the past years I have added things to playlists, watch later, and basically curated the "for you" page. About 2-3 years ago I changed the birthday to reflect my true birthday and all was good. This past week, the site only pulls up a notice saying "You have to be over 18 to enter" and things like that have been popping up ever since MANY states started passing ID and Facial Recognition for a lot of sites. But this one wasn't even signed in and just restricted access. Going incognito allowed me to go to the sign in page only to find I have "invalid credentials" because it's weird since I have the password written in my notes, saved to my Google passkey, and it worked a couple weeks ago. Only to find out that because of my birthday and when they account was created had the discrepancy, they decided to delete the account and ban the email. I'm 26 now but they care.

TL;DR: I signed up for PornHub at 17, told them my true B-Day at 24, they deleted my years ofcurated lists at 26. 🥀

I 25F was in the middle of working while my brother’s wife Facebook messages me to call her, it is urgent. For background, my brother is in his late 30s and we are not close. We haven’t seen each other in years but occasionally text. From what I hear from my dad, he is an alcoholic and hasn’t worked in years. My dad gives him money so that him and his wife do not get evicted from their apartment, but that’s all I know. My dad recently cut him off, hence me being reached out to over my dad. My brother has been with his wife for a few years but they just got married at courthouse a few weeks ago. I’ve only met her once and it was brief. They allegedly have a toxic relationship where they get drunk and fight 24/7.

I call the wife since she requested and she says my brother was arrested Monday evening. He was drunk, they fought, he pulled her hair so she called the cops. She says they are both broke and his bail is $600 but that she has been talking to an officer who says the bail can be decreased to $280 if my brother does a mandatory 6 week anger management program + wears an ankle monitor. She asks me for the money. I ask to speak to the officer and call him. We go back and forth a bit. We specifically spoke about my brothers charges, the 6 week program and I confirmed all the wife needs to do is bail him out and pick him up. I send her the money and 2 hours later she calls me crying saying that officer was a scammer. I asked how is it a scam if she brought the money to a bail bondsman and she said “I didn’t bring it there. The officer told me to go to a Walgreens and put it on a Walgreens card.” WHAT? She thought a Walgreens card would bail my brother out of jail? When I spoke to the “officer” a Walgreens card was never mentioned, I would have blocked him immediately.

I am embarrassed and feel stupid for giving my money out so easily but I was in the middle of working, exhausted, and wanted to get my brother out of jail. Now he is still sitting there and $280 is down the drain. I am laughing about this now because it’s just insane. It might be for the best that he stays in there a little longer to sober up.

So yeah, TIFU tremendously!!!

TL;DR Gave bail money too quickly

My friend visited me in NYC and we did all the tourist things. Statue of Liberty, the Brooklyn bridge etc. After he got back home he texted me a photo of a pigeon he took and said that was by far the best pic he took during his entire trip. I joked that it looked like an album cover. So he sends me a new pic of the pigeon parodying the NWA straight outta Compton album cover.

I thought it was funny but had no idea that NWA was a real rap group and what it stood for. So fast forward to work where I show the image to a bunch of coworkers thinking people would find it funny and within the hour I get emails saying people complained that it was offensive and made them uncomfortable.

Now I'm waiting to hear from our executive director about this to know what will happen next. We're a small group so trust and strong working relationships are important and I'm afraid I lost a lot of trust. Now I have to wait to see if there's a formal reprimand.

TL;DR: I showed a bunch of coworkers a parody of a NWA album cover, offended everyone, and now have to wait for a formal reprimand.

When I was at uni there was this wee sign outside my flat pointing to a “farmers market.” Every single day on the walk to class I’d pass it and think “aw I really need to check that out sometime.” Lived there for years. Fully convinced there was this hidden artisanal farmers market tucked away beside campus.

I was even telling folk about it like I was some local food blogger. “Aye there’s this amazing wee farmers market near uni.” Told one of my pals who loves cooking that we should go get fresh produce and make dinner one night.

Eventually we both have a free day and she’s already suspicious. She’s like:
“Mate… are ye sure there’s a farmers market in the middle of a random residential street in Glasgow? Just permanently there?”

And I’m like “Aye obviously, the sign’s been there for years. Must be a permanent wee farm shop.”

So we follow the sign. End up outside this tiny shop on a dead quiet street. Walk inside and immediately I’m thinking this is a strange setup for a farmers market because there’s just… frames everywhere. Picture frames. Hundreds of them.

Finally ask the wee guy behind the counter:
“Sorry, where’s the farmers market?”

And he just looks at me deadpan and goes:
“Am a frame maker doll, no a farmers market. There’s nae eggs here.”

Turns out I’d been misreading “FRAME MAKER” for about 3 years.

Possibly one of my most amusing dyslexic reading fails over the years but honestly we still laugh about it every time we pass an actual farmers market now.

TL;DR: Spent 3 years thinking a Glasgow frame shop was a permanent farmers market because I can’t read.