u/Mishaishope

This is KIND of an update to my previous post.

TL;DR for the first post: I planned a trip with friends where I'd go to New York for a week for an event, stay at their house and simply hang out, I paid for the 3 hour flight and packed for it, yet when trying to tell and convince my mother, she became hostile and denied it over and over and even said she might die if I left, since she isn't in good health and a scare like that might kill her. She then proceeded to tell my father, which they both sat me down and had a sort of intervention with me, and ended up telling me I'm not going, otherwise I wouldn't be able to come back to their house.

Overall I felt like updating cuz I'm really upset overall at how the situation turned out.

Firstly, not going on the trip! Yay.

I really really wanted to, and I tried convincing her until the very last moment, but I couldn't, instead, she forced me to cancel the flight.

I had predicted she would and I REALLY didn't want to, therefore I (not proud of this, but it's the only thing I could think to do after she was so hostile to the entire situation and was only kind to me under the premonition I wouldn't be going) I ended up faking a a screenshot of the canceled flight and popped it in front of her while she actively watched me use my pc.

Since she doesn't understand computers or English she asked for a screenshot so I sent it to her, and then she went to sleep.

On the following day, the 18th, at 4:00 am all hell broke loose. She had woken up at 1 and saw me cleaning, she thought it was unusual but just went back to bed anyway, but she couldn't shake her fears so at 4:00 she woke up, I noticed her so I quickly tried going back into my bed, I had just finished packing everything.

She saw me and noticed I was wearing different clothes, and that I was covered in a blanket that wasn't my usual one, that my room was way cleaner, and that my fan which I usually sleep with wasn't with me.

She immediately thought it was strange and question me about it, to which I said I didnt shower or anything just changed clothes (which was true, I'd showered earlier so now I had just changed clothes) but she didn't buy it.

She easily figured everything out, she asked if I was still planning on going on that trip, to which I said yes, and she immediately turned hostile, walking back and forth saying that she thought I canceled it, to which I in turn (not proud of it once again) lied again and said I bought it again. To which I was lectured about since I wouldve lost about 400 or so dollars.

I begged her and told her I understood why she was upset but that I couldn't figure out any other way to convince her and to please let me go and that it would be fine that I would take care of myself and protect myself, but she didn't listen, and instead took away my credit cards (which I had already left on the table when I was planning to leave (along with my rings and a bracelet) since I wanted to show her that I didn't want to use any of her money on something she wasn't supportive of, and that I was only going to spend my own money, that being around almost 1k in cashapp.

In turn she continued browsing through my stuff and found my wallet, took my social security, state ID, passport, debit card (since it was an extension under her account since we made the account when I was 17.) As well anything else that she could, as well as telling me she'd transfer all of the money in my debit card savings and everything (around 5k) back into her own account because I didnt deserve that money due to the fact that I'm a traitor and spoiled and didn't sweat for any of that money. Although around 2k or so of that is originally from my cashapp from commissions, etc. And she added 3k from my taxes, etc. And overall it was money I never planned to touch because it's for an unforseen future, like my academics, etc.

She then proceeded to call my father and tell him everything, she told him how disappointed she was and how I was a traitor and how I betrayed her in the deepest of ways and how it's the last thing she expected, and that I was stupid. She said that she lost all trust in me and her heart was broken. She ended up staying in the living room until 6:10 am when my father got home.

They then both started lecturing me, quilting me over my plan and shaming how I went about it, as well as calling me mentally disabled and asking if I had down syndrome and what was wrong with my head. My father told me that I couldn't even imagine what would happen if my mother woke up for work and didn't see me in bed, that they would both not work, and they'd get in the car and drive 16 hours or so to New York to get me back. And that I would've been kicked out, because I didn't respect the rules of their house.

Throughout the entire conversation I remained mostly silent, as most of what they said made complete sense and I was coming more and more with the fact that I had fucked up tremendously and that I ruined our relationship for absolutely nothing. In the end they said as long as I lived under their roof I'd do what they wanted. Such as doing all chores and keeping my room tidy, as well as getting a job (up to this point my mother had been against me getting a job due to the assumption that my FAFSA grant would be less) to pay for my school and for anything else I needed, because their doors were closed.

She compared this day to the day her father died, saying she'd remember it, the day that the person she loved most in this world betrayed her in the worst way possible.

That was yesterday, today I woke up and made my room, cleaned it, did the dishes, cooked for them only, didn't feel like cooking for myself since there wasnt enough for all of us and I didn't feel I deserved to eat after all I did to them, so after making them food I went back to my room and continued applying for jobs and trying to complete my school application, my mother had accused me of purposefully missing my semester because the start clashed with my trip, I told her I didn't but she didn't believe me, I honestly don't care.

I'm still trying to fix it, so I spent the rest of the day emailing my college, fixing my holds, etc. Hopefully I can resolve that situation, hopefully I also get a job, maybe if I can get one I could rent somewhere closer to my school (around 40 minutes away from my current house) and just live by myself, or maybe ask if one of my friends want to split rent, not sure.

Honestly I've not been able to stop crying everytime I think about the situation, they called me a monster without feelings, the enemy who lived with them, how I hurt them without caring, how they've given nothing but their love and support to me and I crushed it all.

I genuinely don't know how to proceed, everything feels empty, I'm going through the motions of a day but I don't feel anything anymore, multiple of my friends said I could stay with them, but I don't want to leave, I don't want to be a bother to them.

My parents have convinced me I'm a dirty pig that can't socialize with others, that I'd make a fool of myself with other people, and that I'm disgusting and nobody would be able to stand me and would in turn stop being friends with me, or let me in their house.

To end it all, I don't know what to do, I'll focus on getting a job and my studies, and maybe if I can save enough I can maybeee go rent an apartment or something, and maybe, just maybe. In the future I'll take a proper trip, without being under the supervision of anyone, and this time not lose 343 dollars due to cancelation along with any amicable relationship I could have with my parents.

TL;DR: I ended up following you guys', as well as all of my friends' advice, and going on the trip anyway. Ended up getting caught, stripped of all my rights and documents, and lost my parents' trust, help, and affection.

I (m18) have been trying for weeks to tell my mother about this trip I'm planning, because I don't like hiding things from her. And because I know she's a mother and gets worried, not only that but I fully understand her concerns, as I'd think the same if I was in her shoes.

The trip is in less than 2 weeks, it's in 12 days and I've already paid for the tickets and started packing my luggage etc, it's an event in New York (Anime NYC) that lasts 4 days, the rest of the time (it's an 8 day trip) will be spent either planning for the event, or going out and having fun around new York.

I'll be staying at a friend's(m20) house, and for the last 2 days, we plan on visiting a friend(nb18) in Pennsylvania since it isn't too far, and one of my friends(nb 21) (the one with the car) who is also staying with us at my friend's house, after driving all the way to New York, is willing to take us, even having suggested it, and has driven to that friend's house before from New York on their way back to their own home in Virginia.

I've never traveled by myself before, however I travel yearly with my parents to visit family in another country, I know airport rules and what to do, where to go, etc. I also have told my mother she can track me, that I'll send the photos, videos, explain to her where I am and what i am doing, and that I'll video call her, along with ANYTHING she needs to be okay with this.

She has threatened me with straight up dying if I leave, saying she isn't in good health, and if one day I leave without telling her, to not bother coming back for her, because she might not be here. Same with if anything bad happens to me during the trip, to not bother coming back

She has also been on edge for the past few weeks, whenever i do anything that might elude to the trip she'll be hostile or cruel. Saying things such as "oh yeah I can pay for this with the money from your refunded ticket" or "I know why you're searching for clothes. It's for that trip you're NOT going on." And "This trip, and you buying the ticket behind me back will change our relationship, I've been trying to be your friend but I'm your mother, I'm going to start saying things badly." Etc.

I've tried telling her I understand her fears and that even though I do, I still want to go.

She refuses to video call or even call with my friends, she doesn't want to accept anything although i'm trying anything in my power to make her be okay with it, even asking my friend if they could drive here to Florida to visit just to talk to my mother face to face so that she knew it was a real person.

But it's just too late in the game, as my friend works a job and has already called off work for the meetup, and driving her, or taking a plane would be an unnecessary expense and they just can't do it, although they would've been able to had I asked months in advance, we just never considered that option until too late.

My mother doesn't even care to video call or call with the parents' of my friends. She thinks everything is ai, that everyone is a pedophile or a kidnapper trying to get me. She says the only way she'd consider it is if I invited one of my friends that live near me to go on the trip with me. I think this is stupid and unfair due to the fact that both of my friends are either working or starting classes during that time, and not only that, but they don't have the money to spend on this trip, as they're both saving for their own expenses, ex: a car.

And even if they could go, there'd be no point, they don't have a ticket for the event, they can't stay with me and my friend because it'll be 3 of us already in one small apartment, and someone else there is overkill.

They also won't go with us to Pennsylvania to meet our other friend since we'll wake up early etc and we're all planning to hang out. It just isn't the time, and these are people I could hang out with any OTHER time. I don't want to mix this trip I've been thinking about for about a year and planning to meet these people I love and have known for 5 years since we were all teenagers (around 13 or so) I don't want to mix that with people I love yes, but I also could see whenever I wanted to.

Along with all of this, the thing that initially made me even BUY my ticket behind my mother's back, was that the first time I tried telling her about this topic, she still said no, but at the very end of the conversation she said "At the end of the day, it doesn't matter. I'll still love you, no matter what you do I'll be right here home waiting for you, nothing will make me stop loving you.

So go try your hand if you want, I'm right here" after which I cried post getting to my own room, and it influenced my decision to go ahead with all of this.

I don't want this trip to impact our relationship, for us to stop trusting each other or stop talking. Or even her kicking me out or something. We've always been close, and she's always been the first person I tell about anything.

When we last discussed this properly, she ended the conversation with "tell this to ANYONE that has a child. And see what they tell you. Because anyone that is normal will see this as insane. Tell your cousin."

So I did, and my cousin turned out to me on my side, and even told me she'd try to talk to my mother and for me to keep trying nicely as well, which I did, but she is so stubborn she simply won't change her mind, she hasn't budged even a bit.

And when I told her my cousin was on my side, she said "she must be crazy".

She's told me how she cannot sleep and is always thinking about what I told her and that it disturbs her deeply. She even called one of my friends who live near me, to tell her about all of this, and said friend called me sort of lecturing me for doing it because it made her worried.

I understand I should've chosen a better time, I wish I would've, but the world doesn't stop spinning for anyone.

We've had a lot of difficult things happen lately and our entire family is not at our best, but this is something I've been planning regardless, and there was no better time to say all of this.

She even gets on edge whenever I get a call, and keeps saying "this conversation isn't over, but when I want to continue it, she says she's tired, or just repeats the same points over and over again. I don't know what to do, all I do know, is it costs money to cancel the flight, and I've already made an itinerary and have plans.

Most anyone my age I've told about this says i should go and keep trying to convince her.

Edit: To clear up a few things.

I bought the ticket with my own money.

I don't have a job because my mother refuses to let me work one in fear I'll lose financial AID, however I do art commissions and projects on the side for income, specifically I do thumbnails for a niche Youtuber. I've been saving up money since around middle school, and rarely spend money on anything.

Also I'm a full-time college student (I purposefully planned this trip for a time I'd be off school)