u/Foreign_Sleep6348

I feel like i m the wrong dimension,i feel so detached from reality and others,the environment doesn't feel real,my self in the mirror dont feels like me and my mind feels like there is somthing deeply wrong with it.why am I so different and normal at the same time,its like the is a greater power wich is disrupting my life,i wish I was normal,i feel special and greater powers are communicating with me but all of the cost of being a happy human being.i dont know what i should do with this life,it cant be the goal to live like that,an nonfunctional outsider with no joy of goals.i hope when i die some day,that i get after that answers,like why these higher entitys are communicating with me or why I can feel the souls of other people.idk its so confusing and overwhelming.i know my fade and its not really promising but peacefull,I feel it. Maybe I m just a dude who cant really differentiate between fantasy and reality but idk this all feels real and if its not than I dont know who I am.

So i read dysthymia is a mild form and most of the time also more functional form of depression.i m diagnosed with dysthymia and im not at all functional,i dont really suffer from it but i dont want to live a life like that,its just boring,i feel just empty and life is too stressful and there is no reward for dealing with the stress its only more stress.it feels mild in that sense that I dont have most depression symptoms and dont really suffer but the consequences it has are very hard for me.anyone else?

I have trouble to keep my eyes open and i feel dizzy,its very hard to stand up,thats also when I notice that iam dreaming and then the lucidity starts but I cant really do much because half of the dream is me trying to stand up and try to open my eyes,has anyone else this?

So i told my friend that I somthing is talking to me but not a voice more like it inject his thoughts in my head and manipulates my feelings,its like a force that knows my fate and blurres my understanding between life and death.he says that sounds crazy and I know it does but for me its real,I think i just have somthing that other people are missing like I see the world like it truly is and others are just blind.i dont think i have psychosis because i behave normal enough,yeah I dont look people in the eyes and my affect is a bit flat but other than that I behave normal.i also have ideas that sound crazy to him like I saw a man who was really beautiful and I felt that he was God that is talking to me or an evil spirit or somthing like that.he said I should visit a therapist but I dont see the need so we agreed that I post here and get other people opinions

I m so confused my whole life long by these two things,it started in my childhood and maybe it sounds a bit psychopathic but I killed little animals and cut them open,my parents where concerned and i didnt know why because I thought that when animals are dead they dont exist anymore and thats not a bad thing,its neutral.i still think so but I dont kill animals anymore but it still confuses me,my parents send me also to an psychologist who said too me "u want to live,right?" As an argument that I should let other things not harm,but I didnt think that I would want to live,it didnt matter for me.and now I m here an adult with the same thinking and life is getting too stressful so I want to kill myself but my and I tell my mom it,she calls ambulance and says that they will help me.why do i want help i just want to Die,why are people so weird about it,am I too detached to understand it? And the other thing is love,I like to be alone but I want a relationship but I can't get it working because people make it so complicated,in my head a relationship should be that I do everything my partner wants and so they do what I want,its very pragmatic but It should be useful for both because when not then i dont understand it and thats why my relationships endet because I was for them to distant and pragmatic or I felt they where using me because I did what they wanted but when i say that i wanted somthing they set boundaries wich I should be okay with because people dont like doing stuff they dont want but I thought a relationship was there to get the boundaries a bit away.my therapist says I m just too detached,maybe thats what it is.anyone similar experience or can give me interesting perspectives?

We often assume that other people do experience life like we do,but idk i have the feeling that this is an illusion,that we think this because they say relatable stuff but there more I talk to them and see them move they feel surreal,they feel more like aliens,they move like me but how can I really be sure that they dont just mimic me,i feel they want something from me but i can't see what maybe they study me or something.idk I feel also an entity that is trying to communicate with me,it wants that I see how unreal the world is and that i m trapped here in this strange place.idk just wanted to talk about it here under fellow schizotypals because I feel so uncomfortable to speak about it with people in real life idk idk.do you have similar experiences?

I do often underestimate the impact it has on my life,i can't work,my friendships arent stable and I have little to none friends,everything is boring and life seems meaningless because its feels like im on the wrong planet,man its so stressing,i wish I get reborn as a normal human being so that everything just works,a psychologist once said to me that I dont suffer because the disorder i have is ego syntonic,such a bullshit sentence,yeah on the surface I dont feel like i suffer but deep down life is just way to much and nothing works. I have also other disorders like schizoid personality disorder and dysthymia they also play a role in it but yeah it just sucks

I m on meds and now most of my symptoms are gone,i feel now like mr normal guy.i have now stable friendship because I dont get so much paranoid and I go on dates because my social anxiety is gone,but I feel so empty know.i have a diagnosis but deep down I ask myself if I was just paranoid and anxious around humans because when I let them close I feel how empty I am,that i dont have a stable sense of self to feel a real connection.i feel my symptoms gave me a direction for who I m or I would even say they where a big part of me,to feel thinks other cant feel and to be just different,but now I dont have the protection I have to feel how it is without direction and identity.i dont know how to live with that,everything feel hollow and the world doesn't makes sense to me,I am my symptoms,without symptoms I m just sombody that I have no idea how to navigate through life.i dont want to live that life,not because i m suffer but because i dont know what to do with it,i feel like i understand life and its not for me,I m not the type of guy who likes living.i should get off meds but idk maybe I rembemer it to good,there must be a reason I took them ig but yeah idk idk idk have a great day

So I have stpd diagnosed but my thoughts are getting weirder,so i feel like the goverment is watching me and all the people are in this conspiracy,I feel like they watch my behavior and then talk about me,like they observe me because I m not human or something,its really strange,I try to behave as normal as I can because I feel like that when they see that I know something than would try to harm me or something like that.idk if this is psychosis,I dont think so because I know its strange but it feels very real.is this in the Spektrum of stpd or should I speak to a doctor about it.

So I wondered if anyone has this too,so sometimes out of nowhere my thoughts start racing and I get really weird thoughts and ideas,and I dont know if I can control it or not,as an example its somthing like this: "I should go outside in the woods there is somthing waiting,the moon streets seem so dark it might be the presens from the thing thats waiting,maybe a demon is following me,somebody is eventually trying to break into my house" this goes really fast and I get a bit of panic feeling,sometimes I do then weird things to like go in the woods or make a ring out of salt around me to protect me from demons and stuff like that.i know a little bit that there is the possibility that it isn't true but it feels so real.sometimes I hear voice while this happens,like something whisper or a loud breathing.its a bit cool because it feels so intense like I m on drugs and I dont feel much most of the time,so its not bad necessarily but its weird and I wonder if anyone has this because I m a bit worried that this develop into a schizophrenia

Everything is so boring and I dont feel much,when i feel somthing than its very uninteresting.i just wait every day till the hours are gone,sometimes I do things but only to get the time passing,I like to sleep so thats the only activity that make my day/night.i dont know how some have no problems with this disorder,its hell to me,I dont suffer really but there is nothing to feel everything is hollow.scince my childhood i didnt understand the word,why my parents forced me into school,so I didnt write in school out of protest and now I m here can't work and I dont understand why to work,I never grew out.i dont hate my self or something but there is also nothing inside me,I dont have strength but also I see very few weaknesses,I m just nobody and thats okay but I feel no value to me,no goal because I dont know me,I dont know what i like or what I m good at.all theses things just want to make me non exist,sleeping forever.its just exhausting to hold my body alive out of no reasons,I also dont understand why suicide is so taboo,I mean yeah it shouldn't be a death pill available at the supermarket but I wish I could speak to a doctor and he sees that I have a clear mind and would respect my wish. Yeah and I wonder how other people with this personality disorder see this.

I feel like when I have friends that its messy,its too much and that I need to cut them off,because they feel like chaos.its like cleaning a room to feel well,friends or other people who get to close feel like they disrupt the feeling of order insight me,maybe its because they let me feel myself but i dont like that,I want keep the picture of my self that i formed alone from me and not the picture that others let me feel when i spend time with them,if thats not to abstract,i feel like my sense of self is to weak for any kind of connection and it only can hold itself alone,i just wonder sometimes if its really the solution to stay alone,it feels right and safe but at the same time I ask myself if i miss out,i wonder if other schizoid ask and feel the same.

So I feel that there is something trying to communicate with me,like when I look people in the eyes i feel that there is something watching and trying to communicate through the eyes of the person,also i feel its waiting at night outside on special places,sometimes i feel it in the same room where i am.sometimes i wonder if this is my real self from the future watching me or an angel or somthing like that,i heard it breathing once and one time it said something but i couldnt understand it,i know it might be a hallucination but idk it feel really real.i also feel that its consuming me or something like that because i dont fully feel human,my bodyparts can be looking unnatural or feel smaller or longer.do any of you have similar experiences?

I got recently diagnosed,so I wanted to inform myself about this disorder because the Infos i got where very vague,so I looked it up and read that schizoids dont feel lonely and are content with isolation,but for my part i feel bored most of the time and sometimes wish for human contact because it makes me feel less bored but i cant stand the contact so isolate myself again.i want to know if someone can relate or if this is a common phenomenon with this disorder that I just didnt read or something

So I got diagnosed two weeks ago with this disorder and I want to know if anyone else experience it like that,so as example,I feel like that my ideas of reference arent chonic or my odd behavior,its more like an mental state i can go in and out,like I know what is real and what's not but I can believe in the thinks that I know are not real and then they can feel pretty real and also I behave sometimes odd because I feel empty and to behave odd gives me sometimes a better sense of self,so its not primarily because of odd beliefs or perceptions.another thing is that other people dont see me as odd as I see myself and i wonder if this is common with this disorder,like when I have a freindship I feel so different and weird so I want to end it but the other person says that I m not that weird,but i feel so different and I dont know why.i also have sometimes a weird feeling that persons are evil and I dont even know why,like my somebody tells me that he is gonna meet someone from work and I feel like he shouldn't trust the person and that the person wants to harm him.

I just wanted to know if someone can relate,If not its also okay, I hope this post is okay.have a great day