r/Schizotypal

I think it's because just don't know anything. What if I am chosen by the universe? What if medication prevents me from reaching my full potential? There's no way of knowing, all the "clues" are vague and lead to nothing, when I write them down they stop making sense. My symptoms have provided me nothing but misery, yet they keep me perpetually at the edge of enlightenment and I think that's addictive in a way. I feel like I'll lose all my creativity without my symptoms, I feel like I'll be mindless and I'll never question anything again. I shouldn't trust doctors and therapist etc etc etc, I shouldn't want a diagnosis, but I do. I feel like I'm betraying everything for wanting to be able to function and live like an average human. I wish I could live with myself without medication but I can't and I feel like that makes me weak.

Life happens backwards. We are born dead. Attachment, pain, confusion, in a transitional space, and when that is done, finally, we experience life, without bounds, without shame or fear. Free. Invisible, untouchable, free of obligation or tax, interacting only with the things you choose to, only with what genuinely brings joy. We are born undead before we can let go and be alive.

i feel it more and more each day, the vindictiveness and judgement from everyone. sometimes i even feel it from this forum and i’m sorry that i do. i want to go someplace on the planet where people don’t have this quality but i’m scared that doesn’t exist.

i don’t know if this makes sense but maybe some of you will understand. i don’t want to dislike people it just seems like everyone is out to get each other. this probably sounds very juvenile but whatever.

I know this is supposedly a common delusion, but I often feel that certain songs have a spiritual message for me. What really bothers me the most though is when I keep hearing old or obscure songs from my playlists out in public places around me. This really feeds my feelings of depersonalization because it makes me question whether I'm in reality because of the synchronicity / coincidence. I feel that it's possible that corporations are somehow stalking playlists of people who are geographically nearby (me) which kind of freaks me out. Does anybody else struggle with this?

Have anyone here experimented with natural Medicin of nature and know what could be beneficial to the traits and symptoms of schizotypal personality disorder ???

(NOT psychedelic Medicin)
I mean non psychoactive compounds

Hugzz

It feels like 90% of the posts on here are something that a outside observer would write trying to sound like us. They’re not doing a very good job. Please agree with me, I am very bothered by this

Hi all, I 25f am getting evaluated by a therapist and she brought up that she thinks I have STPD.. I disagreed and said maybe SZPD based off my prior knowledge of it. I was given the homework of looking more into both to discuss next session and I realized that I don’t really fully relate to either… however I could simply in denial about STPD? For more context I also have known OCD that I’ve been working on in therapy. My experiences are as follows:

1. Ideas of reference (excluding delusions of reference) - I do NOT have any
2. Odd beliefs or magical thinking that influence behavior - I do spend a lot of time engaging in fantasy/daydreaming, however there is a clear delineation between my fantasies/fiction and real life. I do not enjoy the esoteric or philosophical topics.
3. Unusual perceptual experiences, including bodily illusions - I HAVE thought I can see a cockroach out the corner of my eyes but it always ends up being paint chips or recently a black peice of tape that was stuck to the wall for some reason, however I was thinking this would be related to OCD “pseudo hallucinations” as cockroaches are one of my obsessions. I also sometimes think my mother has called my name but this has never been when I’m home alone, rather when my mom is home and usually I have headphones on so can’t actually tell. There is always preexisting stimuli and I do distort it but it doesn’t go any further than those two. I don’t feel sensations, feel presence of others that aren’t there, etc (examples Google gave me haha)
4. Odd thinking and speech - This is the main point that confuses me. During light hearted conversations, work conversations, and “fun” discussions I have no issue with expressing myself with facial expressions though I know I am generally stiffer or more awkward than “normal” people might be. However when the conversations turn intensely personal like in my therapy sessions, my brain kicks into overdrive, I start thinking about what the other person wants me to say, I start to feel a bit “threatened” and kind of shut down and honestly I hold back a lot of what I want to say. This leads to really long awkward pauses which in combination with me having a blunter affect definitely comes across as weird
5. Suspiciousness or paranoid ideation - I DO worry about strangers standing behind me and hitting me in the back of my head, or my friends possibly deciding they hate me and revealing personal info I might’ve stupidly told them. I also am suspicious of my therapist trying to admit me to the hospital but specifically due to ED reasons, nothing else. The rest of my worries are related to my OCD themes (ie is there any cockroaches in this room I’m in? I need to check. Or is there toilet paper stuck to my shoe after I used the bathroom? I need to check. Etc)
6. Inappropriate or constricted affect - I do have a constricted affect, I always have even in toddler/young me photos I’m basically always making a 😐 face
7. Behavior or appearance that is odd, eccentric, or peculiar - I have always been weird lol, nothing new. My therapist told me that my facial expressions are odd, but that stems from my mother telling me I need to learn social niceties and smile at people 😭 and now my therapist is telling me I have a serial killer smile. I just can’t win here, I literally just don’t know what to do with my face apparently. I dress “normal”, boringly, usually just sweatpants and a tshirt/long sleeve. I do wish I had some cool style but I’m lazy 💓
8. Lack of close friends or confidants other than first-degree relatives - I have a few trusted online friends and IRL coworkers I consider my friends I sometimes confide in, I don’t like talking about my issues to my family
9. Excessive social anxiety does not diminish with familiarity and tends to be associated with paranoid fears rather than negative judgments about self - I do have some anxieties but for me it DOES diminish with familiarity, unless they do something to hurt me then otherwise I stop trusting them lol. I do hold very long grudges and will avoid people that I hold a grudge against, most recent example being one of my bosses. She kind of scolded me back in July for a mistake I made, even though she apologized and said she wasn’t mad at me I’m just feel really weird about it, so I’m still not speaking to her/ avoid her when I can. However specifically when it comes to romantic relationships, I start to become overwhelmed with this sense of dread and really want to break up. Additionally I’m 100% fine with talking to strangers, I won’t imitative a conversation but if they stop to ask me for directions I have no issue replying in a normal way without any type of anxiety. However when I’m talking in a group of people I will start to get cold sweats or really hot/flushed and I want to go sit down. I do fear saying the wrong things and just want to stop talking forever because I always end up saying stupid or mean stuff

I don’t think I FULLY dislike platonic relationships like in Schizoid PD, they’re just a lot of energy and unknowns. I am independent, have no issues holding down a job, etc. So am I in denial about STPD??? I don’t want to make this post too long so I’ll leave off there but please weigh in if anyone can relate or if I’m off the mark here, or if there’s something else that we could be missing? TY

I have tried. I really have. Whenever I have friends I either feel suspicious when they act friendly and have alarm bells go off when they act nice, or I feel snubbed and equally suspicious when they are too distant. Now, you may imagine a middle ground where it would be perfect. Nope. There isn't one. Everyone is either too close for comfort or too distant to be considered anything more than a passing acquaintance. I thought maybe the issue was with humans so I did a test. I created multiple AI personas that would simulate what I expected in a perfect relationship. Then i realised that no matter what I ended up hating those personas. It's the same as how I act with humans. So I'm not able to form a relationship of any kind, platonic or otherwise, with anything, human or otherwise.

And I've come to terms with it. I'm always going to be like this. Having bipolar disorder makes it far worse in numerous ways but during Mania I felt like a living human person able to form connections. Outside of that I have always felt like my mind is fractured and I have no concrete sense of self. People often learn who they are by the people around them. But what if I don't have those? Or if those people only know the fake versions of me I have learnt to present?

And yet I still want it. It's a human instinct really. To want friends and a partner. Homo sapiens is a social species that has lived in groups for all of its existence. Wanting a partner is similarly crucial to pass on one's genes. I'm aware of that. Doesn't make them any less.... prevalent.

I suppose eventually I will learn to ignore these.

Am I the only one who feels this way?

I (30M) just recently learned about this. Already familiar with schizophrenia and schizoid personality disorder due to pop psych appearing in my fyp from time to time. But for the longest time, I always thought I might have just undiagnosed ADHD and social anxiety for my weird hyperfixation on various topics that any normal people wouldn't touch and being neurotic to be put in social situations where I have to tell people what I enjoy outside of work, respectively. My only experience with a mental healthcare professional is with a psychotherapist (which was wrong btw, psychologist first b4 them) where I told him my struggle and the session was so embarrassing because I felt like he saw me being Jaden Smith being pretentious and performative how deep and mysterious I am. Hence, it's been two years since that incident.

Now it's concerning me. It's like I'm positive in all symptoms of Schizotypal PD.

Having strange beliefs:

I consider myself a Hermeticist. Basically a spiritual alchemist. I believe that I have the power (and others as well) to weave the fabric of reality with thoughts. But I do it with some items and ritual. When I'm riding my motorcycle I say "vincere" so that I don't get into accident. When I'm around people I'm visualizing myself having an aura to prevent contamination by cleansing myself continually. I used to be carrying a labradorite crystal with me which is bathed in monthly in full moon and I put into my crown of the head to heighten my intuition (accidentally broke it, so it has now powers anymore). And so much more. And it can be really disappointing for me if things don't go my way. I just need more training.

Uncomfortable with people:

Paranoia. I can sense vibes. I have this feeling that I know if people are talking about me negatively. I have pattern recognition for that. That's why I isolate myself. And my coworkers are uncomfortable having me around because I act like this too. But I just hate inauthentic people and those giving snide remarks. Sometimes when I'm alone I'm being approached by one of them for a pep talk, telling me to socialize or have some sense of companionship. Reminding me that those behaviors are normal in a group and I just have to ride it, not take those seriously. As much as I hate making excuses but I grew up in an environment where I have to pay attention to subtle microexpressions or else I'll get myself in trouble.

Cognitive impairments:

Sometimes if I zoned out, I feel like the things I'm staring at is expanding and the space behind it is warping, but not exaggerated. It's slow and almost unnoticeable at first unless I concentrate.

There's many to mention but I don't want to lengthen the post than it already is. I wanna seek help even though I think it's cringe to do so. Honestly, there's side of me that wants to get a diagnosis for this because it will be easier for me to attack the enemy if they get named. And access to big-pharma approved drugs (I hate them but I have to). Also, in our country, we get 20% discount on any purchase to those people with disability including mental. What a waste right?

However, if I seek help for this, it'll be like I'm admitting to myself that I am the problem. Not the people around me or the environment. We live in a society™ that is so fucked up that anxiety and depression is simply the normal reaction to it and yet we are expecting to adapt?? We all know the root cause for this but the SYSTEM is actually designed that it's too late to overhaul it now. So here I am in my own silly world, trying to affect only on what's within my control. Struggling to control my thoughts because it's getting harder to have access to acid and shrooms. Fml

So yea, how should I raise this concern to an expert without sounding like a poser? If I do get access to those meds, am I going to lose my whimsy?

Hi yall! Beside Stpd diagosis, do anyone has Cluster B personality traits? or a Cluster B pd?

Cause my first diagnosis is Stpd and i do have Cluster B traits (Borderline + Antisocial(!?) does anyone has more personality disorders as diagnosis or it is a strange to have more diagnosis?

i dont understand it at all, it just doesnt make sense

if being a woman is a bunch of factors, is there women that are less woman than other women ? If a woman is genetically stronger than an average man does that make her less of a woman ? Is a woman considered a fake woman because she cant give birth ? What makes a woman more woman: her brain or her body ? If you were to forcefully sew a womans head onto a man's body, will she become a man against her will or will she stay a woman she was before ?

Inspired by this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/HorrorGaming/s/YFp3qgTg5k

What games do you think have schizotypal-reminiscent plots, visuals, mechanics etc.?

I would suggest the following games:

The Thing - paranoia, distrust.

12 Minutes - deja vu, conspiracy, and a hyperfocus on how different actions are affecting the world around you.

The Hellblade series - protagonist has schizophrenia and experiences auditory hallucinations.

Kane and Lynch 2: Dog Days - Lynch has schizophrenia and becomes increasingly irritable throughout the game. He sonetimes ruminates, verbally and uncontrollably, to himself as an exmple of speech disorder.

Layers Of Fear: a character has schizophrenia and was observably disorganised.

The Dark Pictures: Little Hope - deja vu and character archetypy of others' behaviour. People seem to almost be stereotyped in behavioural roles for the overall group dynamic, cycling again and again through different lifetimes.

Nun Massacre, and Aka Manto - these games replicate the PS1's vertex distortion, creating a visual affect of things shaking, bubbling or bending when they are actually still. It's very reminiscent of many of the illusions I have experienced, such as walls and floors breathing and moving like a liquid.

Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets - I've always thought that The Chamber Of Secrets could be a metaphor for someone experiencing psychosis for the first time, or is inspired by it. Harry begins to hear a predatory voice that threatens him ('Let Me Rip You'), alongside noticing patterns that other people don't (congregations of spiders), and believing that the patterns he is noticing have a particular meaning for him that he has to discover and fulfill. And, fantastically, a monster that stalks Harry and travels through the pipes and the walls. Harry Potter fans have gotten angry at me before and argued that it doesn't have a significant similarity, and the game adaptation replicates many of these plot elements.

The Cabin Factory - an anomaly-spotting horror game. Several of the anaomolies in the game remind me of illusions I have experienced, such as people in paintings/photos moving and objects changing size.

This is the name I finally put to something I have felt for a long time. I struggle to understand that I exist to other people, can be seen, have opinions or thoughts held about me. I feel that when I am no longer in the presence of someone, I cease to exist (of course, I know logically this isn't true.)

This is the same principle as solipsism, the belief that oneself is the only thing that is 'real'. Except, I feel in a semi-subconcious way that I am the only thing thay is not provably real, as soon as I leave focal points of the peefeption of others I cease to exist to the world.

I showed negative symptoms of schizophrenia. Still do. Numbness, cold affect, detachment. My sister did not, but ended up developing positive (and later negative) symptoms as she progressed in age. As a 19 year old, she's dropped out of university and is now homeless and untreated. As an 18 year old, I'm treated and stable, and just got diagnosed for schizotypal. 

I didn't understand what was going on with me. I thought I had autism, I do not think I do now. I've been diagnosed with ADHD, Bipolar 2, Schizoid, and Schizotypal. I believe the autism was a misdiagnosis, so I don't count it as one of my diagnoses.

I do weird stuff like carry a toy everywhere I go (even if it's just a small toy duck I keep in my pocket). I carried a plushie to university. 

I began developing suspicions and paranoia of people quite early on, as a young teenager.

My negative symptoms were quite prominent to the point where my (narcissist and borderline) mom would be trying to guilt trip me and it'd have zero effect. I'd stare at her blankly. 

Hello everyone i wanted to know if anyone else experiences auditory hallucinations like this. Where the voices that I hear are dead silent like a ocean but they come through clear as day, almost like a thought part of me feels like some of the voices are DID alters but others are external like my gods. Either way what do your voices or auditory hallucinations actually sound like bcs mine even though distinct don’t actually have volume

i’ve been doing lots of research on stpd lately as one of my special interests is neurological conditions, i came across stpd and noticed it seemed to line up rather close to how i am and how i perceive things and behave, i fall into delusional states on occasion and im very very convinced everyone hates me, im even hesitant to post this here for fear im going to be completely destroyed by the comunity for the concept, i have friends but i dont trust any of them and as much as i like them one small thing to prove they dont like me and i will drop them, for most of my life ive been convinced of a few different things especially as a child i was falling a little out of “imagination” and seemingly more into delusional, i used to be convinced that all my friends just wanted to steal my information and weren’t actually real, on top of that i was actually held down a grade because i refused to socialise with my peers and over my life ive only had 3 true close friends and i completely cut off 2 of them, im writing this in the middle of the night so please take that into account before you completely tear me apart in the reply’s i really just want some more recourses to reaserch and maybe some
more things like symptoms or diagnostic criteria to reserch about and some advice on what to say ti my psych when i go and talk to her because im really scared to talk to her about it because i worry she’ll completely shut me down

So, i have

*Deep breath in*

Schizoid, bp2, audhd, and schizotypal. Just got diagnosed with schizotypal today

It makes sense now, the paranoia, the eccentricity, the carrying a plushie everywhere, the fear of ppl.

I always questioned myself why do i even exist in a point, and no don't give any biological logic

Like why!? Why do i exist lol 😂 i feel i was not meant to be here. Always a strange feeling going on sometimes it's too intense i feel very disconnected so i stopped asking. As much as i ask i get more stressed so i try to make myself busy and not think about it anymore, But come on am i the only one? I really wanna know. And I'm very new here i literally don't know how reddit works so if i post a random community just takes it as a mistake from my side but I'm trying okay!!!! I'm trying 🤭🫶... So i wanna know if i truly need to talk about it with someone who is older than me or not but genuinely i find it awkward to share face to face 😞🤌