r/Schizotypal

I want people to make extremely weird movies and try to make them as weird as possible. The reason why I want people to do that is because I want to know how uncreative people are, because I keep hearing people react to some generic film like it's the most mind-bending thing ever created.

Nobody in the world gets this curse that I have. Everyone insists that they’re not mad but I know they’re all liars. They’re all waiting for the moment I do something bad enough that they finally have an excuse to get rid of me. They’re all waiting for someone brave and strong to come along and murder me and do the universe a favor. I don’t even know what I did anymore, I’ve probably done tons of things. But everyone is too fucking spineless to just come out and say it because I manage to look so pathetic and pitiable that even if I annoy them, they don’t want to admit it. If they genuinely don’t hate me then no, they still do, because I am on a fundamental level wrong and something instinctual in them can sense how I’m tainted. Nobody will ever feel right around me. I didn’t ask for this and I don’t know what to do.

23F btw. First of all I'm not diagnosed with schizotypal (as you can probably tell by the title), I'm sorry if that's a problem here, and I'm not interested in self-diagnosing either so I hope nobody's offended. I just thought people here might understand me on this. And I do think it's possible I have StPD.

I just don't trust pretty much anyone in psychiatry or therapists or anything, I think they're all out to profit or they work in that for selfish reasons or will overdiagnose people to justify billing or any other number of reasons. I used to think it was because I had bad experiences before but then I had a good therapist (I think) and I used to get so locked up talking to her because I didn't trust her, I would get so mad at myself and her, I told her ~5 weeks ago that I needed a break and haven't been back.

I just can't imagine that mental healthcare could ever help me, I hate them all and I'm always treated like I'm crazy or that my condition is severe even though I live a pretty normal life (graduated college recently despite difficulties and now work a job and live independently) and they can never articulate what's allegedly so wrong with me anyways.

The one time I was hospitalized I was treated as so crazy (and at the time I had never suspected I could be on the schizophrenia spectrum, I was only 18), and they lied about what they diagnosed me with, saying it was depression anxiety OCD, then when I looked at the paperwork years later (my fault) it said unspecified psychotic disorder (I think that's what it's called). And according to the Internet that means I should follow up on that and get evaluated for psychosis by someone else but tbh I think I was just basically diagnosed with female hysteria lol, because it was a male doctor and I was treated like I was not just crazy but extremely stupid. So I don't think that dx was legit at all.

Most days I really don't think there's anything wrong with me but sometimes I do, but it's not enough to stay in treatment long enough and DEFINITELY not enough to ever be medicated (literally my worst fear) even though my family urges me. I think my family overreacts too though because isolation is pretty normal and not dangerous for me but recently my mom said I'm playing some "sick game" by not talking to her which is just not true. I know isolation is rude to others but when I'm still telling them I'm fine I just don't get how it's THAT bad.

I know people need to be willing to get help to get help, and I don't want to get help so that makes me the problem, but idk how to make myself care about that. My therapist referred me to a psych eval (she literally wouldn't tell me the reason no matter how much I pushed so what am I even supposed to tell them when I make an appointment, how is there any such thing as a general psych eval? That makes no sense to me but I'm 10000% sure I'll come out of it with a diagnosis no matter how bullshit it is. getting misdiagnosed with autism is a real possibility for me since other therapists mentioned it before since it's trendy for them right now, it's just because I seem weird but autism doesn't match my internal experience at all.)

Anyway all this to say, I suspect that people with schizotypal or other non trusting people just never get diagnosed for this reason. Getting diagnosed and then believing it just seems counter to everything that's wrong with me if that makes sense lol.

Hey guys, I’ll go straight to the point. I think my brother is schizotypal or has some other disorder in this spectrum. He denies it, won’t see a doctor, and believes that he knows things others don’t know, being the “normal” or even “gifted” one, while all others are just “blind and dumb”.
Those who have this condition, how did you know? When did you realize? Did you do something about it? Is it possible that he really has no idea that he’s sick?
I wonder how could I help him, but I’m out of ideas and he keeps denying it, getting defensive and we always end up in loud arguments about some nonsense, for example conspiracy theories or the “the doomsday is coming” talk.
He can’t live a normal life, because what’s the point of even trying when the world will surely end soon (he’s predicting it every time we speak for about 8 years now…)

i don’t get how you guys know what beliefs you have that are considered odd. i see many posts on here about delusions or odd thinking but how do you know its not normal..? and if someone told you it isnt normal how do you believe them?

The average person, or even the average non-schizotypal, has this thing that's just ingrained into them to absolutely make me miserable. Like I am a tool for their ego, and their own self-benefit. They will use everything against me, my own disorder, my past, everything.

Even other personality disorder havers, BPD, ASPD, they've harmed me severely for "wronging" them, then blame me, even though I messed up and then try to communicate how we can both flourish in a relationship. On how to fix things.

I've been called desperate, a creep, a strange person, a weirdo, emotionally incompetent, but all my friends that have been around for years find me extremely well, mature, able to function with them. They've told me.

Why are people so often vile? Rude and down right belittling if even just shoving false insults at you. I had a falling out and had my delusions used against me, that my delusions were self-projection, that I was stupid and ignorant, a desperate stalker, etc.

I'm stuck thinking I'm horrid. I know these people are wrong but what if they are secretly right and my effort is for nothing? What if my trauma ruined me? Made me into something awful?

Why am I schizotypal? My ideas and views are out there, and my apathy and negative symptoms make me filter out people very harshly.

I've been called a narcissist, a sociopath, an abuser, even worse, a pedophile for no reason, because I am very much aroace, but I broke their boundaries by adding them on an alt. I'm sorry. I wanted to apologize and make you less sad, I didn't want to come back and harm you.

Losing a friend is hard, especially at 17. I thought I was doing something good, I learned I wasn't, I wouldn't repeat it. And yet I'm unforgivable.

For me, that's a sign they are normal people. Tattoos are so fashionable these days; everyone has one or wants one.

The same goes when I see a man wearing an earring. Why would someone care about that? I don't care about anything to wear on my body.

Sorry, I know there must be people here who have tattoos or men with earrings, but... I just wanted to vent.

I posted this in the r/Autism subreddit ten months ago at the start of the semester and my year went on exactly how I suspected it would. By November I had already become convinced that everybody was watching me and talking about me behind my back and knew too much about me etc etc etc and pushed away every single person on purpose. I experience no symptoms of autism other than my difficulty forming close relationships and integrating into social groups, I also have a strong tendency towards magical thinking which pulls at me despite anything I might logically understand.

no pressure to read the whole post, but does anyone have advice for someone in my position? does it get better? does medication help with a problem like this? Friendship feels like my white whale and I don't think autism actually explains what I experience

post from sept. 2025 is as follows:

Hi everyone, I'm not sure if I'll post this, it may just stay in my drafts and be clarifying in the writing of it.

My name is Mia (not really) and I'm 18. I started my first year of university two weeks ago, I'm in a program which I absolutely love at a small liberal arts school known for its sense of community.

I was diagnosed with autism when I was fourteen through a psych-ed assessment, I was assessed as having social deficits and repetitive behaviour while lacking intellectual or language impairment. I haven't accessed academic accommodations for my disability, partly because I come from a family of educators and understand how much an IEP can prejudice teachers against you and partly because I don't feel like I deserve accommodations until my study habits are more consistent and I'm at least as hard a worker as most of my neurotypical peers, my largest diagnosed deficit has only been an issue when I haven't actually studied and it wouldn't be fair to ask for extra time to make up for that.

The most significant downside to my autism has been the social deficits. I would say that I mask quite strongly (though I'm sort of suspicious of the language of autistic "masking" versus the extent to which every person must put on an act in public) and the people who I have told, a few friends/classmates/partners throughout the years, have been surprised to find out I was autistic. This doesn't necessary mean that people can't tell. I often find myself on the outskirts of a friendship group, people will be so friendly and normal and nice to me but I'll still end up walking behind them on the sidewalk, or left out of the group chat. Even in the first few weeks of class I've found that I can always find people to chat to while waiting for class, always find people to sit with in the dining hall, often find people to go out to the larger parties or the campus bar with, but I haven't found anyone who I would really consider a friend and the group of people who I've been hanging out with have me paranoid that they're hanging out without me. (this isn't a them problem, it's a me problem, to be clear. I don't really think of social interaction as something other people should accommodate me in. I want to be included because I add to the group in an actual way and people find my presence enjoyable, not because of kindness or pity). I'm very much an extrovert, I love being around people, I love parties, I love concerts, I love going out, I love meeting new people, but I'm so "off" at social interaction that it's quite difficult for me to realise these things.

I tend to focus on the things I can control about myself. I've found in the past that looking more conventionally attractive makes me more approachable. I do my hair and my nails and go to the gym and dress well, and while I have a hard time figuring out how I look, I do very well on dating apps and I have most of the conventional signifiers of beauty (thinness, long hair etc), so I don't think my appearance is the factor stopping me from making friends at this point. Also, as a counterpoint to this frame of mind - ugly people do have friends, so even if I was delusional about my appearance the "problem" would likely be something else. I also have hobbies, goals and interests; I play guitar and bass and I do vocals sometimes, I go to local shows, I've cultivated an alright taste in old movies, I skate, I'm quite well-read for my age, I write, I can read tarot cards (even if I can only get myself to half-believe in them), I've listened to an insane amount of music, I'm well informed on current events. I'm, by my own measure, fairly interesting - but even "boring" or "basic" (not that I believe anyone is truly, in their heart, boring) people have friends, so my skills and hobbies are likely not the issue. I've also been trained fairly extensively in social skills. I went to occupational therapy weekly for two years when I was 7-9 and along with motor skills and practice trying new things in general I worked on specific social skills, things like standing in one place and looking people in the eye when in a conversation. I've had "how to win friends and influence people" summarised to me about ten million times by my mother, who is likely also neurodivergent and describes experiencing similar social difficulties in her youth, overcoming them by joining lots of activities and using strategies, things like remembering the name of everyone in her high school, giving people little gifts or (especially this one) asking people lots of questions about themselves. I've embarked on programmes of setting up anonymous social media accounts just to learn how to text so I can be less of a dry texter, or going on dates despite not really looking for a partner as a way of training myself to be a better conversationalist.

I feel like I've tried everything to make myself more approachable, more interesting, easier to talk to etc. I can't even tell if everyone else has me pinned down as autistic or if they just think I'm shy. In a lot of ways I wish I had never been diagnosed and I'm very glad that I wasn't diagnosed earlier, as it's been devastating to my confidence and I feel like having given an "out" earlier would have stopped me from making the progress that I have in being able to interface with the world. Part of me thinks that if I had never been diagnosed I would have grown into my personality and just realised how cool I was instead of coming to understand it as a problem and dealing with a massive inferiority complex. I really do try to think of neurodiversity as a difference instead of a deficit, but the fact that I have to try so so so hard to enjoy the one part of life that actually makes it worth living, that being relationships with other people, makes it difficult to appreciate the upsides. I'm by far the happiest when I feel like I actually belong, but I can think of maybe three instances in my life where this has been the case, and I really don't think it should come this difficult. I remember being newly diagnosed and likening the "different strengths and weaknesses" approach which was taken with me to experiencing liver failure and everyone around me complimenting my perfect tan and pretty yellow eyes. No matter how hard I try at social interaction and building relationships with people I like, I seem to fall short. I fail over and over and over and over again and it's exhausting. I feel like I'm missing some essential part of myself that makes me worth interacting with or being around, I feel like I not a full "person" in the same way that other people are.

The "call to action" part of this post is twofold:

1. any others out there with a similar experience of the world? has it improved at all, how do you manage it?
2. what other options might I haven't considered? I've modulated my appearance, developed "taste" and skills, tried analysing and strategising social interaction. what else might work? do you think it's an issue of mindset, of poor social skills, or something more inherent? are there any resources or techniques to address an issue like this?

If you've made it this far, thank you so much for just reading and seeing and considering my thoughts and experiences. Any strategies or anecdotes or reading recs or words of wisdom or really anything at all would be so completely appreciated, have an amazing day.

I am kind of missing my Lamictal, which I took 100mg of alongside Paxil and Zyprexa. Now, I only take the two meds with the occasional Ritalin.

I do miss how it made me feel, kinda free of worry. Flowing much easier through life. But I didn't like being on so many meds and it made me feel stupid because I'd always forget things.

So what's your experience with Lamictal? Is it a good med for Schizotypal?

I don't know if this is a schizotypal thing but I might as well post it here because I never really see this talked about, maybe someone can relate. Or maybe a lot of people can and I'm just not aware, I don't know.

I very frequently see people saying they wanna be comforted by others, vent to others or want a shoulder to cry on but that always seemed very alien to me. When I talk about my problems, especially irl I suddenly feel an intense fear and discomfort. Seeing a psychologist was one of the worst experiences of my life because I constantly had to do that. I don't even think it's about judgement but it might be, I don't know. But even if I knew I was gonna be accepted it feels completely useless and does not help me. I also hate when people talk to me or see me when i'm feeling horrible and I want them to leave me alone and not mention it. Most people assume it's because I worry about burdening others but I honestly don't care about that. Closest thing I experience to enjoying venting is posting my problems online and people telling me they relate. I also hate when people get involved in my problems or pity me so even when I was going through the worst parts of my life I never told anyone because it would just make things worse, they don't understand me and what I need and never will. I don't really have any trauma related to this, I'm just like this and have only ever been able to help myself. It's been like this since I was pretty young. Hope this makes sense, I'm writing this at 5 am and haven't been able to sleep

I’m a born-to-die artefact of the unsound mind of god. What keeps me on this earth is what keeps me from truly living in it. I’m a wayward sailor on the ever-turning seas of entropy, I’ll never dock to starve on the bitter winter blue of land but by god, I’ll never enjoy its fruits and berries either. Life is in limbo, a two-way mirror with no-one on the other side.

I'm tired of being open about my issues and mistakes and being then preyed on by either horrendous staff who will make stuff up, use my delusions against me, call me immature for being unwell, or even more.

The best part is that it isn't just discord. This has happened in my real world and in other spaces. I'm treated as lesser or a boost to someone's ego because they see me as "weak" and "pathetic" because I was traumatized my entire childhood and have a hard time with delusions, friendships, boundaries. It gives them some kind of sick twisted idea to use my issues against me to harm me and constantly batter me for their own egos. They feel so entitled and "right" because I accidentally harmed someone, and even when I try to explain everything, I'm coming off as a "desperate creep" and a "strange weirdo" because they refuse to listen.

They said I was a stalker because I decided to try to apologize on an alt, which I now know was wrong, but I vented that I always felt stalked before, and they claimed I was self-projecting my delusions. I wasn't. I'm constantly anxious and glancing at my door and window.

There was so much about just me "being immature" and "emotionally incompetent and ignorant" said to me because I messed up and added someone. I don't know how to begin to recover and cope when every small mistake takes away years and years of progress for them.

My issues don't matter, they only do when people want to boost themselves and put someone down.

I know everyone has some part of them that craves abusing someone.

It hurts.

I hate being weird, strange, disgusting, incapable.

And I hate everyone else for never having my side and making me out to be nothing but a person to harm.

I hate when I harm someone on accident. I want to be better. I don't want to be told "you're not a victim, you're immature, you're stupid" I just want an even half decent discussion with someone without them throwing me under the bus so I can then work on things.

But it never works and I'm stuck drowning because I can't know how to make it up to them and myself. It's never me and them, it's never us, it's always "simon is a desperate creep and too desperate for connection. he needs to be insulted and battered."

I hate myself, if I wasn't schizotypal maybe I could be more sane. What am I going to do anymore? I can't be liked.

i want to do it so badly i struggle to cope. It feels like a need, not even a want.

Idk what to do with it

i can't go back to the psych ward over it, i was there like two months ago for the same reason

idk why the meds don't help

I really don't listen to the advice to make sure I'm sleeping regularly. I used to try so hard to achieve Lucid dreaming. Was only successful once or twice. But mostly I experienced Sleep paralysis. Not even normal sleep Paralysis. I have the most extreme sleep Paralysis I've ever heard of. Mostly I'm tossed and thrown and crumpled, twisted and contorted while I scream for help. My partner can never hear me and when I finally awake I'm so exhausted by the experience I fall back asleep straight back into the horror. I've had aliens digging around in my head. And once where I kept flipping between my room my childhood home before I was born and an 8 yr old kid getting brain surgery. Stopping dream journals and lucid dreaming never stopped the sleep Paralysis. Now I regularly sleep every other day just about. Every time I try to go back to a normal sleep schedule it happens. I got prescribed something that they give veterans to disable remembering their dreams but it only made it impossible to wake up from sleep Paralysis. I only experience the first example anymore. I'm just wondering if sleep paralysis might be part of the STPD or if it's something else.

I'm wondering if there is any hope of making friends in the future. The last time I had friends was in middle school, and since moving away at 12, I've had no one I'm friendly with or hang out with. I'm now almost 23 and I'm at my fourth college in an attempt to make friends. I feel like at every college, I make a bad impression on everyone despite not even knowing anyone. This causes me to constantly become embarrassed, move and switch colleges to try and "start fresh."

I know being unable to have close relationships is a symptom, but I'm wondering if any of you have had any luck with making friends. I'd be fine with just one. I'd just like to know if it's even possible. It's kind of unnerving knowing I don't know anyone, and no one knows me.Thanks in advance, guys

My only goal, until I left, was to leave. It was a weird little evangelical mining town in the middle of nowhere. I was accommodated for, people knew what to expect because they'd known me for my entire life.

I left, I was utterly bereft, the structure of society is different. Like damn the rest of the world really lives like this. It's a globalist society frrrrrrrr.....

My only goal was to escape. I escaped. Now I have no goal. There is no point to do anything because no one loves me. I almost had love. But then I scared him off. He is still friends with me but I am too sick to talk to him. I hate this. He understood me. He understood me for about two months, how pathetic.

I have a wonderful close friend who I stayed with when I was homeless. She doesn't understand me even remotely but the nature of living in the middle of nowhere is that you are forced to make do as friends with people very different than you. She is awesome and a lot more competent and talented than me in every regard.

I hate this. I will never be loved. Or I guess, I'll never be understood, and physically to consummate that understanding.

He was the most gorgeous person I'd ever seen in my entire life. Then I acted retarded and insane and he started fucking other guys and telling me about it. Fml #Khhv4lyfe

I'm very sick right now and no one can love a sick person like me. I want to get better but I don't see a point when I know I can never regain his affections because he's seen me at my worst.

I will never understand subculture.

I will never understand a globalist society.

I will never belong anywhere or be normal even among other freaks. Nobody on this Earth is like me even remotely except for him and even he's not like me

I wish someone would cling to me

I wish someone would sleep with me

I wish I didn't hate myself for not adhering to standards nobody else in the world has that don't even make logical sense

I wish I was like my awesome friend who is an EMT and is very tough and saves lives daily

I wish I didn't spend all day on Reddit and 4chan while listening to Model/Actriz and the Manics

I wish I was athletic and had a command of myself in the physical world

I wish the aforementioned guy would stop fucking randos and telling me about it

I wish I was enough of a man for him

I wish I was raised by normal people, or if not that, at least raised in a normal area where there was public transport and people didn't assume that I was going to go to MIT or be an electrician (two separate counselors at two different schools career impressions of me)

I wish I didn't hate myself

Im only alive out of filial piety for a family that is actively poisoning me. They don't call it "Nuclear" for nothing.

Sometimes I can be cool but if anyone I perceive as "above" me has a positive opinion of me I make sure to dash it immediately because I DON'T DESERVE IT

I wish I could remember my own fucking life. Without memory one is essentially a non-person

I wish he was here so I could cling to him but not see me as pathetic and submissive

I wish I wasn't an insane desperate coward doormat

*because I'm privileged enough to have parents that understand my issues and let me live at home without paying rent so I can use the money from my part time job to pay my student loans. I get driven where I need to go (no public transportation). I'm totally dependent in my mid-20s. I'm single, and thats not changing anytime soon bc 1. how am I supposed to trust someone like that and 2. who in the world would want to get involved with an overgrown child? Its humiliating to interact with people my age and younger who are so far ahead of me in every possible way.

My positive symptoms used to be so much worse. Now that I'm in an okay place, I can't bear to think about going back to that state of mind. But im scared that trying to get independent will take me there. I'm already exhausted from this part time job, and you cant live off of one. Full time will kill me. It did when I had one (there was also some ptsd issues contributing to that tho, so it might be better, who knows?).

I really shouldnt be whining over this. People have actual problems, and its just insulting to go "my life is so hard bc of how good it is". You can tell me to shut the fuck up, I'd get it. I'll even delete this post. I probably will, tbh. I know the solution is to just get over it and make it work, but holy shit I do not want to. I'll do it eventually. Maybe. Maybe I'll just. Idk. I literally can't think about it.

And I don't mean to offend/hurt [see: venting tag]. If any of this is relatable to you, none of it makes you any lesser of a person, or your struggles less real. Just me and mine 😜

If I didn't tolerate abusive relationships I would never have any sort of relationships at all.

This goes for platonic and familial too.

Hey I know this is gonna sound dumb but I really need to know lately I’ve been gaining this thought that Im mentally different then other people
My first reason i can’t pay attention to ANYTHING
I mean I do have a.d.d and because of that I get in trouble at school almost everyday
2nd reason I talk to myself 24/7 every time Im alone I act like as if I was streaming to a million people. But Im not Im completely alone
And btw Im 13
3rd reason I can’t control anything I say for more then 30 seconds
4th reason I don’t really feel remorse for things I say. I can say almost anything to anybody and not feel guilty. And I don’t mean no disrespect to anyone. I Js really don’t know what I’m saying when I say it.
5th reason I am obsessed with music I am constantly Makeing beats with my hands mouth feet mouth and feet and hands at the same time
I feel as if I live in a consciousness of music if you have any questions to help answer just ask