u/EverDreamer991

I knew it was going to happen, she was old... She died peacefully in front of my eyes, after cuddling with me, after I scratched behind her ears as she loved it. She was just a tiny mouse, but a part of me died with her. I raised her since she was just a baby, every single day spent with her. I want to believe she had a good life, she knew I loved her.

I can't show how much this affected me to anybody. It's like I have to protect this memory of her, to hide it deep inside my heart, so no one has access to it, but me. I can't trust other people to see how much she meant to me, because it would make me too vulnerable.

I feel so empty inside now.

I 35F was diagnosed with a mental disorder, I'm on disability and can't work. I share an apartment with my mom, we live in a third world country and the money I get because of my disability aren't enough to survive, let alone afford therapy. We struggle financially and can only buy the cheapest food and things. I don't have great relationship with my mother, I blame her for my nightmarish childhood and neglect from which I developed cptsd (I believe my mental illness was caused by chronic stress too), but I have no other choice but to live with her. I'm constantly depressed and struggle with basic things, I can barely leave my home, because I have very bad anxiety. I hate myself and other people. Only my dog stops me from ending it all. I don't want to leave her alone, she's the only one I truly love.

I sometimes referred to myself as neurodivergent, because in my understanding, this condition is innate (or appears at a young age) and lifelong. But is it right since many of us need medical treatment (myself included) to function in the society? I do think that my way of being is "broken", that is I require medication to "fix" my brain, does it mean I'm ill and not just neurologically different?

Are the terms "mentally ill" and "neurodivergent" mutually exclusive? Can we use both to refer to this condition, just in different context (medical vs. cultural)?