Is it normal to feel this way?
ok so I don’t have a diagnosis, I’m just gonna start with that. I also don’t know if this is the right place to post this but I had to ask.
I have these symptom: rumination, repetitive thinking, reassurance seeking and mental checking. I usually have a cycle where I start by doubting my own thoughts, feelings or what I say to people (e.g. am I really feeling sad or do I just want them to pity me? do I really practice smiling in the mirror or did I just want to trick the assessors into thinking I DO have autism?). Obviously because all this happens in my head it’s never ending; I think back on an example to use as evidence and then I counter it by saying “how do I know my thoughts are reliable? How do I know I’m not manipulating/tricking myself?” and on and on.
Anyways, I’m on holiday, I just told my parents that this happens to me and now I’m panicking over whether I’ve made myself think all these things this whole time so that I can tell my parents so that they think I’m sicker than I am (I have anorexia so “being sick enough“ has always been a problem for me). I can’t enjoy anything cause when I’m meant to be relaxing at the beach I’m overthinking and when I’m eating I’m panicking (anorexia) so I never get a break.
My next meeting with my psychologist is in like 3 weeks when we get back from holiday and I just feel like I really want a diagnosis for some reassurance that I‘m not fabricating this whole thing. I feel like that wouldn’t help for long though because I’d just go “what if i exaggerated and faked the assessment?” and on and on.
Any advice on how to feel better? Sorry if this was confusing I don’t really know if I got my thoughts across well. Thanks